???Should I bring him some food???

[Gaeta]

Okay you win.

 

Dis, go on over there and surprise him with some home-baked cookies.

 

Let us know how it turns out!

 

If it turns out he only wanted the booty, then at least you found out.....sooner rather than later.

 

Fingers crossed it all goes well... and I mean that.

 

It's not about winning silly girl. You were on a roll there for a moment the guy was wrong just for breathing.

 

Lets see how that date goes.

 

First I want to know what time she is suppose to show up there.

[angel.eyes]

When people show you who they are, believe them. He's telling you what to expect moving forward! OP's choice to show up on his doorstep late at night for "wherever the vibe goes"...and worse yet, excitedly reward that non-plan () with home-baked ziti. Just don't be surprised in a month when this is all that happens!

 

You seem quite happy with zero effort now when he is supposedly putting his best foot forward. In a month once he's relaxed into whatever this turns into, don't get upset that you're still getting zero effort...and only erratically see him whenever it suits him. Like it or not, you're telling him how to treat you and what you consider acceptable.

 

Dinner date at a reasonable hour... terrific!.

 

A late night date with NO PLAN.

 

I think not.

[Shining One]

You seem quite happy with zero effort now when he is supposedly putting his best foot forward.

I don't know what kind of math you're using. He initiated and paid for the first two dates. If a woman initiates and pays for two dates with me, should I consider that zero effort on her part?

[katiegrl]

It's not about winning silly girl. You were on a roll there for a moment the guy was wrong just for breathing.

Lets see how that date goes.

 

First I want to know what time she is suppose to show up there.

 

LOL, not really although I realize it probably came off that way.

 

I just got fired up at some of these responses because I am so against these late night (10:00 pm or after) invites at his so early on... with no plan in place.

 

There is no reason for that (this early on) when it's just as easy to set up a date at a reasonable hour on a night he is free.

 

Unless of course he has sex on his mind. If she doesn't want that, then IMO best to avoid altogether.

 

Personally I don't trust it. I need to get to know a guy first and develop some trust before I traipse over to his at such a late hour. JUST ME.

 

Yes, my ex and I had sex the first night we met AT A BAR no less. lol

 

There was a lot of love and passion but again in retrospect sex was the main component.

 

As I said I will not be making that same mistake again and will be more cautious going in next time.

 

Lesson learned!

Edited April 13, 2016 by katiegrl

[Shining One]

I just got fired up at some of these responses because I am so against these late night (10:00 pm or after) invites at his so early on... with no plan in place.

 

There is no reason for that (this early on) when it's just as easy to set up a date at a reasonable hour on a night he is free.

Unfortunately, not everyone's life runs at the same schedule. I've dated quite a few women who worked retail. Most of our early dates were after 9:00 PM. This included in-home dates.

[AMJ]

Maybe it's just because I'm getting old...but the only reason I don't like dates that start after 10pm is because I'm more likely to fall asleep than do anything else...lol.

 

Is there some rule that says people only want to have casual sex at certain times of the day?

No, I don't live under a rock, I know what booty calls are. I'm just saying, if I'm going to wind up having sex with someone I'm dating on date #3, it is just as likely to happen at 2pm as 10pm.

 

She said "late" at his house, but maybe "late" for her is 8pm. He wants her to come over after work, he works late. This doesn't necessarily mean he's only interested in sex and is a bad terrible guy. Now if this were their first date, that's a whole other story

[katiegrl]

Unfortunately, not everyone's life runs at the same schedule. I've dated quite a few women who worked retail. Most of our early dates were after 9:00 PM. This included in-home dates.

 

Fair enough!

 

I just worry for Dis because she is such a nurturing and giving person and has had guys take advantage of this in the past.

 

And has had guys come on strong at first, have sex early on and screw her over.

 

I'm probably being a little over-protective though.... if it turns out to be a mistake, so be it.

 

Maybe it won't be though!

 

Again fingers crossed.

[katiegrl]

No, I don't live under a rock, I know what booty calls are. I'm just saying, if I'm going to wind up having sex with someone I'm dating on date #3, it is just as likely to happen at 2pm as 10pm.

 

She said "late" at his house, but maybe "late" for her is 8pm. He wants her to come over after work, he works late. This doesn't necessarily mean he's only interested in sex and is a bad terrible guy. Now if this were their first date, that's a whole other story

 

I actually think sex is much more likely to happen on a date scheduled at 10:00 pm than a daytime date at 2:00 pm. JMO on that though.

 

I too would like to know what time he wants her to come over.

 

She said he is a corrections officer.

 

I work in legal and from what I know, their shifts end at 11:00 pm.

 

I could be wrong though.

[Cinnamonstix]

OP, setting aside the fact that I wouldn't go to a man's house late at night on the third date, I think you are giving enough just by going to his house rather than having him meet you out. You're effectively saving him effort, travel time and possibly money (if he were to pay).

[AMJ]

I can't help but feel a little bad for her at this point. If I had posted this thread, thinking "how much harm can stem from baked ziti?" and read all of this, I'd be completely stressed out. We're all stressing her out before her date

 

One baked pasta dish will not destroy her potential relationship with this guy.

[Shining One]

OP, setting aside the fact that I wouldn't go to a man's house late at night on the third date, I think you are giving enough just by going to his house rather than having him meet you out. You're effectively saving him effort, travel time and possibly money (if he were to pay).

In what world is not costing someone effort, time, and money considered "giving"?

[xxoo]

Split the difference: make a pan of ziti for yourself, bring him a serving in a disposable "to go" box.

 

It's sweet, but it's not offering the whole casserole to him, if you know what I mean.

[katiegrl]

In what world is not costing someone effort, time, and money considered "giving"?

 

SO, just my experience (with my recent ex)....but our "dance" together mostly entailed him giving (he actually LOVED giving)...and my enthusiastically and passionately responding to that giving.

 

Oh I bought him little gifts too and cooked him dinner and did all those nice things .... but mostly what he wanted and needed from me was to know how much I appreciated him, and how giving he was.

 

Like when he came home with a cute pair of earrings he saw that he thought I would like, I would jump in his arms and bombard him with love and kisses (at his thoughtfulness).

 

Or when I came home from a hard day's work and he was cooking us steaks on the grill, and had the table set all nice, with wine and flowers (he loved doing stuff like that) I would again give him lots of hugs tell him how he was THE BEST and how much I loved him. And of course crazy wild sex afterwards....

 

He responded more positively to these things that I did....rather than when I cooked, bought him gifts, planned a date, etc.

 

It's all about what we each NEED in the RL.

 

Now I realize from reading your posts, that what you need is a woman who DOES plan dates, pays, etc. That is fine FOR YOU. And for any other man who needs that.

 

And if my ex had needed those things from me, then I too would have given them more often. But again, he did not need those things from me.

 

He just needed my love and appreciation for the most part....that is what motivating him to keep giving.

 

He couldn't give a hill of beans if I planned and paid for a date.

[Cinnamonstix]

In what world is not costing someone effort, time, and money considered "giving"?

 

In what world is it not? She is giving by putting the effort in to go over there. It's the third date for goodness sakes.

[Larryville]

I just got fired up at some of these responses because I am so against these late night (10:00 pm or after) invites at his so early on... with no plan in place.

 

There is no reason for that (this early on) when it's just as easy to set up a date at a reasonable hour on a night he is free. Unless of course he has sex on his mind. If she doesn't want that, then IMO best to avoid altogether.

 

OP, setting aside the fact that I wouldn't go to a man's house late at night on the third date, I think you are giving enough just by going to his house rather than having him meet you out. You're effectively saving him effort, travel time and possibly money (if he were to pay).

 

I can't help but feel a little bad for her at this point. If I had posted this thread, thinking "how much harm can stem from baked ziti?" and read all of this, I'd be completely stressed out. We're all stressing her out before her date.

 

I know you ladies are going back and forth on this but I just gotta say (maybe my man card might get revoked) Dudes are more likely than NOT to screw you over, intentions not sincere.

 

I personally have NEVER, invited a woman over at some late time.

 

I personally think the skepticism is great although AMJ thinks we are stressing her out.

 

As a father who raised two daughters and now have 8 granddaughters, I’m just like err on the side of caution. Dudes are exceedingly jacked up these days, I work at a university and I hear how some of these meatheads talk. If it is just about sex in these situations then ok as someone said go for it, but damn too many posts from ladies here hooking up early and then dudes fade and ladies wonder why.

 

If this dude is the real deal then schedule dates at appropriate times, take your time, be patient. A truly good guy is not going anywhere.

 

But again, why it is NOT just about this situation but the specific person (OP) in the scenario..

 

As someone stated earlier.

 

Disillusionment, you seem to have a history of rapidly turning into Ms. Domestic and a combination mother/cook/maid very early on in dating...based on sweet nothings and a couple nice dates. It's a pattern of behavior that you need to examine and IMO break.

 

THIS is the issue, not about bringing food or what date it is...

[Shining One]

In what world is it not? She is giving by putting the effort in to go over there. It's the third date for goodness sakes.

If a man put in the effort to go over to you for a date and did nothing else (such as buy you dinner), you would consider that giving?

[AMJ]

Split the difference: make a pan of ziti for yourself, bring him a serving in a disposable "to go" box.

 

It's sweet, but it's not offering the whole casserole to him, if you know what I mean.

 

I have to laugh a little, because every time I cook something for anyone I always make extra for myself. There's no way I'd let go of all the ziti...lol.

 

This conversation is drifting way into left field. I mean for some people cooking is a huge deal, for others it is not.

 

I really hope she doesn't even read this at this point, and just makes her own decision. It's not a big deal if you don't decide to cook for him, either...let's put it that way. I'm sure he's not expecting you to.

[katiegrl]

If a man put in the effort to go over to you for a date and did nothing else (such as buy you dinner), you would consider that giving?

 

SO, see my post above, but for the most part, men and women NEED different things from each other.

 

There are always exceptions (like you and SwordofFlame among others) but from what I know about men, through experience, reading posts on LS and other articles, and just having a good grasp of human nature, men and women are different and therefore again need different things from each other.

 

As I said in my post, my ex couldn't give a hill of beans if I ever planned or paid for a date.

 

I, on the other hand, really appreciated when HE did, it made me feel special, and loved when he did things like that.

 

As for him, when I enthusiastically jumped into his arms telling him how awesome he was and how much I loved him for all he did, THAT made HIM feel loved and special!

Edited April 13, 2016 by katiegrl

[MidwestUSA]

Well, I can't say anything that hasn't already been said; I've learned a lot.

 

This thread has covered it, A to Ziti.

[Cinnamonstix]

If a man put in the effort to go over to you for a date and did nothing else (such as buy you dinner), you would consider that giving?

 

Given the circumstances, yes, him showing up on time with a smile on his face would be enough if I invited him over to my place late at night. Which I would not do on the third date.

 

On the other hand, if I had invited him over for a nice meal at a reasonable time (which I also would not do on the third date) and he brought a bottle of wine or dessert, that would be thoughtful.

 

Seriously, context is very important. And expectations for men and women in dating are different. They just are. We are wired differently. I do think men give a bit more in the beginning when they are pursuing, which is their natural position. The problem arises when the relationship remains lopsided after the pursing stages.

 

What OP is doing, given the circumstances, is setting things off on the wrong foot of giving too much, too soon.

[GorillaTheater]

If anyone on this thread brought me unsolicited ziti, I'd probably be willing to kill people for you.

[katiegrl]

Well, I can't say anything that hasn't already been said; I've learned a lot.

 

This thread has covered it, A to Ziti.

 

LOL, thanks for the chuckle... I needed that!

[AMJ]

Maybe banana bread is a less suggestive thing to bring? I've never heard anyone get seduced by banana bread.

 

Seriously though it sounds like people are more stirred up about the late at night thing, and we don't even know what time is considered late.

 

And if she goes over and finds out he just wants to disrespect her need to wait for sex, then she can just leave. That is, unless, he's hannibal lector and plans to chain her to his basement. But if this is the level of fear women are really faced with, then...I give up.

[fitnessfan365]

I can't help but feel a little bad for her at this point. If I had posted this thread, thinking "how much harm can stem from baked ziti?" and read all of this, I'd be completely stressed out. We're all stressing her out before her date

 

One baked pasta dish will not destroy her potential relationship with this guy.

 

Yep. Many simple topics like this tend to drift, turn cynical, and go back and forth on experiences that have nothing to do with the topic at hand.

 

To me, it seemed like a nice simple gesture to help the guy out and that he's been on the level with her so far.

[Shining One]

Maybe banana bread is a less suggestive thing to bring? I've never heard anyone get seduced by banana bread.

I've been seduced by banana bread. I would easily weigh over 200 lbs. if that relationship had lasted.