???Should I bring him some food???

April 13, 2016

This will be the 3rd date with this new guy I'm seeing. He took me out for drinks the first date, a pretty expensive meal the 2nd date.

I really like this guy. He really likes me. He's the first "good guy" Ive ever been interested in. He seeks me out, I like that. He always initiates contact first, always asked me out on dates right after the last one. Always asking how my day was and giving me encouragement in school. He's very sweet (not the fake type of sweet) hes a genuinely good guy. Theres something very gentle and kind about him, yet hes masculine at the same time. He gives me compliments (not the love bombing kind). We have great convo, we're alot alike, we have alot in common. He held my hand at dinner on the last date. I could tell it took him all the courage he had to do that. He kissed me on the last date, a good passionate long kiss. He texts me everyday...not hour long convos but he lets me know that he thinks about me and wants to talk to me. He even offered to fix the bumper on my car on the 2nd date because I had gotten into a minor car accident.

So I'm meeting him at his condo tomorrow night (Wed night).

****I made it very clear that i dont have sex unless I'm in a serious relationship, so I set the ground rules. He was respectful about that.****

He is a corrections officer and works alot. Hes always so cute, telling me about the food he makes for himself, like balsamic chicken. Its in my nature to be giving and to help people out. He works alot and I feel like I want to bring him some baked ziti or something when I go to his place because it seems like hes really busy with work and doesnt eat alot.

I have learned from the people on this site to not give too much of myself. I tend to end up taking care of poeple (the wrong guys that dont deserve that from me) But seeing as he is actually a good natured guy, I feel like I want to bring him some food. Hes actually cleaning him condo right now so it looks nice when I come over.

****Should I bring him some food or no????

April 13, 2016

Yes. I think that would be a nice gesture on your part. Thoughtful and considerate.

April 13, 2016

Yes. I think that would be a nice gesture on your part. Thoughtful and considerate.

Thanks for the reply. If you dont mind me asking are you a woman or a man? Just trying to get the gender perspective

April 13, 2016

Food is definitely one of the ways to a guy's heart. I guess we're kind of like dogs in the sense that if you pet us and feed us regularly, we're loyal.

But in all seriousness though, definitely a thoughtful/sweet gesture. Something like that makes you seem like good girlfriend material. Not saying it'll get serious instantly because of the food. Just things like that make a guy feel appreciated. Especially since you say he initiates a lot, etc.. Doing something for him is a nice change of pace.

April 13, 2016

Thanks for the reply. If you dont mind me asking are you a woman or a man? Just trying to get the gender perspective

Man.

I've had women cook for me and I've always appreciated it. Especially when I was busy.

What I like about the relationship you're building with this guy is that you both seem to genuinely care about each other. Cooking for him would just be another step in that direction.

In my opinion, that's what a relationship should be about. Two people sharing and caring - making each others lives better.

Cook the man a meal. You're both doing great as far as I can tell.

April 13, 2016

Man here. I agree that bringing some food would be a good gesture. I would just make sure he doesn't already have something planned for dinner. It isn't clear from your post, but how do you know he isn't making you dinner?

April 13, 2016

Man here. I agree that bringing some food would be a good gesture. I would just make sure he doesn't already have something planned for dinner. It isn't clear from your post, but how do you know he isn't making you dinner?

We're getting together right when he gets out of work which is very late so he's def not making dinner.

April 13, 2016

Man.

I've had women cook for me and I've always appreciated it. Especially when I was busy.

What I like about the relationship you're building with this guy is that you both seem to genuinely care about each other. Cooking for him would just be another step in that direction.

In my opinion, that's what a relationship should be about. Two people sharing and caring - making each others lives better.

Cook the man a meal. You're both doing great as far as I can tell.

Awww thank you MidKnightDreams! I think we're off to a good start too! The healthest start I've ever gotten off to dating wise I agree with you in your view point of what a relationship should be. I think he feels that way too...which is great because all the guys I been with were pretty self-centered

April 13, 2016

Food is definitely one of the ways to a guy's heart. I guess we're kind of like dogs in the sense that if you pet us and feed us regularly, we're loyal.

But in all seriousness though, definitely a thoughtful/sweet gesture. Something like that makes you seem like good girlfriend material. Not saying it'll get serious instantly because of the food. Just things like that make a guy feel appreciated. Especially since you say he initiates a lot, etc.. Doing something for him is a nice change of pace.

Haha yes, men are pretty simple in that way. I def know that food goes a long way lol. I dont expect it to just jump into a gf/bf type of thing, I wouldnt want that anyways because I think taking things slowly is smart. I'm def gf material so I think bringing him food will is a good step in the right direction. Thanks for your reply!

April 13, 2016

We're getting together right when he gets out of work which is very late so he's def not making dinner.

This makes your gesture even better. I often cook meals for my girlfriend when she works late nights and she always appreciates it. She would be eating fast food or leftovers otherwise.

April 13, 2016

This makes your gesture even better. I often cook meals for my girlfriend when she works late nights and she always appreciates it. She would be eating fast food or leftovers otherwise.

Hmmm great point! He'll probably be hungry...perfect! Thanks!

April 13, 2016

I personally think it's too soon to be bringing him food for him to heat up for his lunch/dinner. (The way I'm understanding your post, you aren't going to his place for dinner and would just bringing this for him to eat later because he doesn't eat a lot.). That's girlfriend stuff, wife stuff. Heck, that's grandma stuff! You've had two dates with this guy!

It's different if you invite him over to your place for dinner or he invites you over for dinner and you bring a dish, but that's not how I'm understanding your intentions.

April 13, 2016

HOLD ON! Not just yet.

Why don't you ASK him if you can bring food over.

I say that as a man because if I had a girl round..............I ll have food for her.

Sod, all the above......................bring on the bevy!

April 13, 2016

HOLD ON! Not just yet.

Why don't you ASK him if you can bring food over.

I say that as a man because if I had a girl round..............I ll have food for her.

Sod, all the above......................bring on the bevy!

Agreed ^^^

Cuz, IMO, the person inviting you over - especially doing it around a time of day when food is expected (dinner, breakfast, lunch) should have a plan for food ready.

If you're not sure, then ask him...but be cute about it. Say something like "I enjoyed our first few dates and wanted to bring something over for us to eat"...

And, this may sound like something from a Rules or Why Men Love Bs book, but if you do bring food, keep it simple. Why? Cuz I know he seems cool and spent money on you and all that, but too much too soon is gonna make people take you for granted. They gotta "earn" their way into you splurging and/or putting effort into cooking for them.

BTW, not to be a Debbie Downer, but proceed with caution about going to his place and him splurging on you already. Some guys do this to woooo you into getting laid. And, I find it odd that he invited you over on 3rd date and whether or not you two will be having dinner has not been discussed I mean, yeah you did say you don't want sex, but who knows, maybe he thinks after a glass of wine and a nibble to your ear, that you'd be seduced.

I was watching the news about that divorced mom in Washington that got murdered on her first like date with this seemingly perfect guy. Sorta opened up my eyes on how dating can be dangerous. It's still under investigation, but I wonder if it was the dude she went on this date on. Poor thing, she was trying to do like my fav podcaster says and hold off on dating to properly raise her kids and on her first attempt to just go out and have a nice time and look what happened.

April 13, 2016

This will be the 3rd date with this new guy I'm seeing. He took me out for drinks the first date, a pretty expensive meal the 2nd date.

I really like this guy. He really likes me. He's the first "good guy" Ive ever been interested in. He seeks me out, I like that. He always initiates contact first, always asked me out on dates right after the last one. Always asking how my day was and giving me encouragement in school. He's very sweet (not the fake type of sweet) hes a genuinely good guy. Theres something very gentle and kind about him, yet hes masculine at the same time. He gives me compliments (not the love bombing kind). We have great convo, we're alot alike, we have alot in common. He held my hand at dinner on the last date. I could tell it took him all the courage he had to do that. He kissed me on the last date, a good passionate long kiss. He texts me everyday...not hour long convos but he lets me know that he thinks about me and wants to talk to me. He even offered to fix the bumper on my car on the 2nd date because I had gotten into a minor car accident.

So I'm meeting him at his condo tomorrow night (Wed night).
****I made it very clear that i dont have sex unless I'm in a serious relationship, so I set the ground rules. He was respectful about that.****
He is a corrections officer and works alot. Hes always so cute, telling me about the food he makes for himself, like balsamic chicken. Its in my nature to be giving and to help people out. He works alot and I feel like I want to bring him some baked ziti or something when I go to his place because it seems like hes really busy with work and doesnt eat alot.

I have learned from the people on this site to not give too much of myself. I tend to end up taking care of poeple (the wrong guys that dont deserve that from me) But seeing as he is actually a good natured guy, I feel like I want to bring him some food. Hes actually cleaning him condo right now so it looks nice when I come over.

****Should I bring him some food or no????

Yes. Tell him you'd like to bring something-- I think it would be a really nice gesture. If he's got food covered, he'll tell you. Chances are, he'll say "bring it".

April 13, 2016

Food is definitely one of the ways to a guy's heart.

Agreed. It does something weird to a man doesn't it? Sort of like a turn on, but not sexual.

I think it's too soon to be turning up at his workplace though. Invite him over to your place for dinner instead.

This is definitely girlfriend material behaviour. I still remember when my ex would cook Polish food

Do not underestimate the power food has over men

April 13, 2016

I personally think it's too soon to be bringing him food for him to heat up for his lunch/dinner. (The way I'm understanding your post, you aren't going to his place for dinner and would just bringing this for him to eat later because he doesn't eat a lot.). That's girlfriend stuff, wife stuff. Heck, that's grandma stuff! You've had two dates with this guy!

It's different if you invite him over to your place for dinner or he invites you over for dinner and you bring a dish, but that's not how I'm understanding your intentions.

clia, you and I have had our moments for sure, but I 100% agree with you here.

Dis, you have had two dates. Slow down.

Don't make the same mistake you made with the last guy.

If you want to invite him for dinner, please do that!! By all means.

But it is way too soon for you to be worrying about him not eating right and bringing over food .....like a long-standing girlfriend or wife would do.

You are not his gf, you have only had two dates.

April 13, 2016

Yes. Tell him you'd like to bring something-- I think it would be a really nice gesture. If he's got food covered, he'll tell you. Chances are, he'll say "bring it".

Dont tell him. Gees......I mean ignore my previous post. I specifically mentioned to "ask".

Ask him. If you tell him it changes the game/ date plans.

April 13, 2016

Hey girl, because you and I have similar habits and patterns from what I see, I would say that it is too soon to bring him food.

Remember, it's date #3. You want to show him you are girlfriend material but you also don't want to be too giving, now or even later in the relationship. Always have the guy give more than you. This guy is nice but remember, you still want to get to know him before investing more than just time.

Because you are seeing him straight after work, I would suggest asking him if he's hungry and then ask him if he would like for you to bring something to eat. IF he says yes he's hungry.

Glad to hear things are going well.

April 13, 2016

Agreed. It does something weird to a man doesn't it? Sort of like a turn on, but not sexual.

I would agree with this, IF she had been there already, MANY TIMES But I’m thinking more like Gloria:

Cuz, IMO, the person inviting you over - especially doing it around a time of day when food is expected (dinner, breakfast, lunch) should have a plan for food ready.

If he is a “quality” dude he should be making all the plans on what to eat and drink, and as a side bar when a dude “needs to get his place ready…” I hear women think it is cute that a man is cleaning his place for her, that is window dressing and women should be more discerning.

I’m not saying a dudes place needs to be spotless but if a woman went to a dudes place and it “looked” clean I mean like surface stuff that is just something you should be mindful of… just a tip from an older dudes perspective.

I was watching the news about that divorced mom in Washington that got murdered on her first like date with this seemingly perfect guy.

Exactly, I read about this too, too many screwed up people out there and why people should be VERY careful... is he too perfect? Keep your guard up.

Bottom line yes SLOW DOWN!

April 13, 2016

I agree with the posters that say it is too soon to bring him food. Way too relationship like. If you have a history of giving too much, this sounds like it will set you on that path again. Try letting someone else give to you for a while. Sure, all the guys on this thread might be like, "Yes! We love food!" but they probably don't even realize that they would like you even more if you waited to do a gesture like that.

In the meantime, read this article about how giving less and taking more actually makes people invest more in you.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201105/make-them-love-you-taking-not-giving

April 13, 2016

We're getting together right when he gets out of work which is very late so he's def not making dinner.

Hold on. You're getting together late at night at his, and he's definitely not making dinner? Is this a date or something else? What does he have planned exactly? If you're looking to have this turn into a relationship, rather than the prelude to being his FWB, I wouldn't head over to his late at night with no plans or effort on his part just because he took you out twice.

Are you guys even on the same page?

April 13, 2016

I If he is a “quality” dude he should be making all the plans on what to eat and drink, and as a side bar when a dude “needs to get his place ready…” I hear women think it is cute that a man is cleaning his place for her, that is window dressing and women should be more discerning.
I’m not saying a dudes place needs to be spotless but if a woman went to a dudes place and it “looked” clean I mean like surface stuff that is just something you should be mindful of… just a tip from an older dudes perspective.

Bottom line yes SLOW DOWN!

A thousand likes to this!

These were my thoughts exactly.

If a guy taking you somewhere nice on a date or two has you thinking he's Mr. Perfect, then you may want to reconsider your standards and how you evaluate guys. At least in this case, you're making decisions way too quickly on almost no information, while ignoring potential signs that he might be putting up a facade.

April 13, 2016

I agree with the posters that say it is too soon to bring him food. Way too relationship like. If you have a history of giving too much, this sounds like it will set you on that path again. Try letting someone else give to you for a while. Sure, all the guys on this thread might be like, "Yes! We love food!" but they probably don't even realize that they would like you even more if you waited to do a gesture like that.

In the meantime, read this article about how giving less and taking more actually makes people invest more in you.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201105/make-them-love-you-taking-not-giving

See, this is what I don't like about "dating".

I'm not a fan of a woman playing these games with me in an attempt to build attraction or "make" me love them. I can see she's playing games and it's a turn-off for me.

Be sincere. Be real. If a woman wants to do something for me, she should do it. She doesn't have to wait a certain time period in order for it to "work" properly on me.

Kindness and consideration works without all of the manipulative pretension and game playing.

April 13, 2016

See, this is what I don't like about "dating".

I'm not a fan of a woman playing these games with me in an attempt to build attraction or "make" me love them. I can see she's playing games and it's a turn-off for me.

Be sincere. Be real. If a woman wants to do something for me, she should do it. She doesn't have to wait a certain time period in order for it to "work" properly on me.

Kindness and consideration works without all of the manipulative pretension and game playing.

I'm not suggesting she play games. That article is about valuing yourself enough to let others give to you. It's simply the psychology behind why giving too much is a turn off. Sometimes people need to know the WHY behind their behaviour in order to motivate change.

For me, personally, I do not actually think: "This is the ratio at which I will give and take." I naturally give a lot once I am in a relationship to a man who has shown me he is consistent and giving as well. I also will stop giving to someone who does not give any more. The bottom line is that this is natural for me, but not natural to the OP.

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