Hopingwishing Posted April 13, 2016 Posted April 13, 2016 Hello! Thanks for reading this! Would appreciate your thoughts! Short background: met this guy sometime ago who was on a work trip in my city. He liked me immediately. The next day we met for dinner which was all kinds of awesome. Sparks, great conversation, physical attraction. Might I add he's been texting since that morning and has kept the same volume of messages, even upped it, as time passed and even as he returned to his city (lives 4 hours away though). When I met him, just FYI, wasn't looking for anything at all. He was just a nice surprise. Anyway, we kept communication with him initiating it for maybe 70% of the time. Random texts in the morning, random stories, funny stuff. Photos. Him just saying he's thinking of me, he misses me. Daily. After a week and a half, maybe two weeks, plans to come visit him formed. He went as far as to tell me to let him know when I was free and he'd fly me to where he was. He helped me plan and sent emails of carefully drafted options of where we should go in the city. Another two weeks of constant communication (daily) passed with the same fire. Last week though, felt a little change and texts didn't come as often or excited as it used to. Still daily though. But also don't know if I analyzed it too much. I told him, friendly and casually, just so he knew, that at anytime he feels uneasy about hosting me for my visit, to just tell me so I can make arrangements. And that I wanted him to feel secure that he has options regarding that. To which he replied he doesn't feel that way at all. And that he'd say something if he did but also thanked me for putting that on the table. Anyway, the last 4 days, communication was sparse. Wasn't able to text him on the first day, then the next night (day 2) I sent him a voice message saying sorry for not getting in touch and that I was thinking of him. (those two days he didn't message) He replies day after (day 3) saying he had a good weekend, asked me a few details from mine and that he missed me too. That was that. That night I sent him a short voice message just about how busy I've been and how work was getting me down. He replies next day (4th day) early morning to say he was sorry to hear that and that he's been having troubles of his own that's why he's been so quiet lately. He made a phone date to talk this weekend about it all (with a joke to sit down with tea even) . I replied appreciatively but casually and said I missed him. To which he didn't reply. That was that. Hearing from him multiple times daily to not getting a text for two days and then just once yesterday just puzzled me. I get the feeling interest has waned or even died. I guess that's fine. It was just sudden which was confusing and a little hurtful. My question is the trip, it's coming up in two weeks. 8 days with him hosting and us going on an adventure he planned. Should I still Take up his offer? I've bought tickets but I can always make it a trip of my own. My thing is if this guy is losing interest, I don't want to get there and "force" my being there on him. I'm disappointed that it turned out this way but I can still have a blast without him around. Should I still do the trip with him? Thanks so much for reading and your thoughts. 1
smackie9 Posted April 13, 2016 Posted April 13, 2016 IMO when people do a 180 it's because they are seeing someone else. This guy probably is multi dating. 1
Author Hopingwishing Posted April 13, 2016 Author Posted April 13, 2016 I still kind of want to go on the trip. Just a little heartbroken that the change has been so sudden. But if it's wiser to just drop the trip and go alone, then that's what I'll do. I still can have a blast. Can i ask him what his reasons are. Or would that be stupid? So shocked he could go from 100% to barely there so quick. 1
smackie9 Posted April 13, 2016 Posted April 13, 2016 I can't tell you to go or not......how you desire to handle this is up to you. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted April 13, 2016 Posted April 13, 2016 How much time had you spent together in person before he left your city? It sounds like he's just lost interest. Unfortunately, guys that come on very strong when you don't know them very well...also tend to burn out quickly too. Depending on how far away he lives, he might have simply realized it's not sustainable to keep this up over the distance. If you still want to take this trip, I would make other arrangements without him. Funny enough, something similar happened to me a few years back. A guy I knew was visiting family in my country for a little while, and had offered to host me when I visited his country (on a pre-planned trip) He was eager and communicating a lot when he first left to go home, then messages waned to the point where I barely heard from him at all. I finally sent him a rather firm message asking whether I should go ahead and book my own hotel (which I already had planned, anyway) He finally responded that he'd been busy with university and was sooo sorry, he was no longer able to offer me a place to stay, but that we'd meet when I arrived in his city. We ended up meeting up when I arrived, and had a couple days together but that's where it ended. I toured his country on my own after that and had a great time. He knew I wasn't happy about his sudden 180 either, but I chalked it up to a vacation fling and had my fun. I think that's all you should expect from this too.
Author Hopingwishing Posted April 13, 2016 Author Posted April 13, 2016 Thanks expat, You're right, it was pretty quick, just about two nights together before he left to go back home. He then kept up a month and a half of heavy comms. Ill book a backup airbnb for sure. I never brought up the fact that he was fading to his face the and never asked why he was quiet, but he still planned a call and to catch up this weekend. He says he had a lot of drama and stuff he went through these past couple of days. I don't know what to make of that. But if he doesn't call, I'll be telling him I'm going off on my own. No hard feelings tho. Couldn't see this going anywhere as it was long distance anyway. It would have been nice to just stay excited up until the trip at least lol. Sigh. Seemed like a really wonderful possibility tho. Oh well. Still gonna have a blast. How much time had you spent together in person before he left your city? It sounds like he's just lost interest. Unfortunately, guys that come on very strong when you don't know them very well...also tend to burn out quickly too. Depending on how far away he lives, he might have simply realized it's not sustainable to keep this up over the distance. If you still want to take this trip, I would make other arrangements without him. Funny enough, something similar happened to me a few years back. A guy I knew was visiting family in my country for a little while, and had offered to host me when I visited his country (on a pre-planned trip) He was eager and communicating a lot when he first left to go home, then messages waned to the point where I barely heard from him at all. I finally sent him a rather firm message asking whether I should go ahead and book my own hotel (which I already had planned, anyway) He finally responded that he'd been busy with university and was sooo sorry, he was no longer able to offer me a place to stay, but that we'd meet when I arrived in his city. We ended up meeting up when I arrived, and had a couple days together but that's where it ended. I toured his country on my own after that and had a great time. He knew I wasn't happy about his sudden 180 either, but I chalked it up to a vacation fling and had my fun. I think that's all you should expect from this too.
fred123 Posted April 13, 2016 Posted April 13, 2016 How much time had you spent together in person before he left your city? It sounds like he's just lost interest. Unfortunately, guys that come on very strong when you don't know them very well...also tend to burn out quickly too. Depending on how far away he lives, he might have simply realized it's not sustainable to keep this up over the distance. If you still want to take this trip, I would make other arrangements without him. Funny enough, something similar happened to me a few years back. A guy I knew was visiting family in my country for a little while, and had offered to host me when I visited his country (on a pre-planned trip) He was eager and communicating a lot when he first left to go home, then messages waned to the point where I barely heard from him at all. I finally sent him a rather firm message asking whether I should go ahead and book my own hotel (which I already had planned, anyway) He finally responded that he'd been busy with university and was sooo sorry, he was no longer able to offer me a place to stay, but that we'd meet when I arrived in his city. We ended up meeting up when I arrived, and had a couple days together but that's where it ended. I toured his country on my own after that and had a great time. He knew I wasn't happy about his sudden 180 either, but I chalked it up to a vacation fling and had my fun. I think that's all you should expect from this too. LOL at least u had a fling. i met up with the girl i liked and she ignored me and got with someone else
fred123 Posted April 13, 2016 Posted April 13, 2016 Thanks expat, You're right, it was pretty quick, just about two nights together before he left to go back home. He then kept up a month and a half of heavy comms. Ill book a backup airbnb for sure. I never brought up the fact that he was fading to his face the and never asked why he was quiet, but he still planned a call and to catch up this weekend. He says he had a lot of drama and stuff he went through these past couple of days. I don't know what to make of that. But if he doesn't call, I'll be telling him I'm going off on my own. No hard feelings tho. Couldn't see this going anywhere as it was long distance anyway. It would have been nice to just stay excited up until the trip at least lol. Sigh. Seemed like a really wonderful possibility tho. Oh well. Still gonna have a blast. i had a similar situation and dilemma to you. will pm you
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