Lost Irishman Posted April 12, 2016 Posted April 12, 2016 Hey, I've posted my full story previously, but heres a recent update: My ex fiancé told me she got into a " serious relationship" 3 months after we split. I have recently found out, he is a Widower with 3 children. His wife passed away 2 years just gone and they were childhood sweethearts. I know all this, because my ex and this guy mix in the same circles. My ex has 2 children from a previous marriage and whom I loved dearly and was excited about being their step dad. When we split my ex gave me an example of how she felt pressured, she said we were all in the car one day (i.e my daughter, her 2 daughters, her and I) and it dawned on her that she went from just her and her girls to a husband and 3 kids. So I really cant understand how she has made this massive emotional jump to take on 3 other children. All 5 children range from 8 to 16. They have been seing each other 3 months now. Im really confused.
T27 Posted April 12, 2016 Posted April 12, 2016 I'm just a stupid kid (22) and recently got broken up with and it's apparent to the people that responded that I'm the only one that doesn't understand why, so sorry if I can't be of much assistance to you, but maybe her saying a husband and 3 kids was too much, wasn't what she really thought deep down. Maybe she was giving you an excuse because she didn't know why she did that. Again, I'm not great at this but I think POSSIBLY, she wasn't telling you what she was really thinking.
brokendreams82 Posted April 12, 2016 Posted April 12, 2016 I'm just a stupid kid (22) and recently got broken up with and it's apparent to the people that responded that I'm the only one that doesn't understand why, so sorry if I can't be of much assistance to you, but maybe her saying a husband and 3 kids was too much, wasn't what she really thought deep down. Maybe she was giving you an excuse because she didn't know why she did that. Again, I'm not great at this but I think POSSIBLY, she wasn't telling you what she was really thinking. I agree with this. Were there other problems in your relationship that she felt that she didn't want to be with you anymore regardless? Seems clear it was maybe bit of an excuse?? or maybe she wanted someone who understood what it was like to already be a parent. Don't dwell on the reasons anyway.. they don't matter. Carve a new life. You will have children of your own one day for sure if that's what you want.. with someone who truly wants them with you.. and it may be a better situation if the children are your own as a couple (maybe!.. I know that sounds bad.. but maybe more of a bond between you both.. a proper family.. just trying to find the positives!). All the best x
Author Lost Irishman Posted April 12, 2016 Author Posted April 12, 2016 Thanks for your comments. I have a little girl already and she is my world. I honestly thought I knew my ex, we were engaged to be married, days before we split she was texting me telling me she missed me and loved me etc.. Then emailed me to break it off saying she needed to concentrate on her daughters and not me!!! I'm trying to move on but this has just shook me!
basil67 Posted April 12, 2016 Posted April 12, 2016 Sometimes the reasons we give when ending a relationship are just the best we can figure out at the time. Like you know something is wrong and you just try to label what the problem is. But hindsight can give us different perspective and we realise that the reason we thought isn't actually the right one. For example, when I left my ex-h, one of the reasons I gave was that he wasn't romantic. I moved on fairly quickly and with the most unromantic guy you'd ever meet. That was over 20 years ago and we're still together. Turns out that romance wasn't actually the issue - it was more about feeling valued and important. But it took more life experience to figure it out.
LostOnes05 Posted April 13, 2016 Posted April 13, 2016 I agree with the other posters. Her excuse was complete hogwash. She felt pressured by impending events but jumped right into a "serious" relationship 3 months after breaking off the engagement...and with a childhood sweetheart??! I'd bet they were already talking before she broke things off with you. I know everyone is different but moving on within 3 months of a relationship that was supposed to culminate in marriage is a bit suspicious to me. I don't know how long you guys were together but 3 months is no time to mourn the ending of a relationship that serious. I got the same excuse twice about "focusing on myself"/"finding myself" with a similar result as you...they were seeing someone "new" within weeks. This is a harsh lesson in taking what people say with a grain of salt and focusing on their actions. If she felt pressured by the addition of two people in her life, what will she do with four? Sad thing is when she gets stressed out with the new relationship and being responsible for 5 children, she'll probably call you to "see how you're doing". Do not answer if she does (again experience). It's more so to see if she can still get back with you as things deteriorate in the current relationship. I wish you the best of luck in your healing. I suggest cutting contact with her unless it is about bills and other (absolute) necessities... Scenario (assuming she reaches out and you answer): She calls you in a panic [ just say no] You: Hello? Her: Hey, Lost Irishman. I was just calling to see how you were doing. You: Ok, I'm fine. Her: Well, that's not the only reason I called. Im in a bit of a bind. New guy is out of town and I'm having car trouble. Would you mind picking up my daughter from school and picking me up from the autoshop? I have to leave my car overnight. I'd really appreciate it. You: I can't, I'm running on a tight schedule. I hope everything works out. Take care. Best option is just not to answer though.
mightycpa Posted April 13, 2016 Posted April 13, 2016 That "childhood bond" can be really strong, like relationship-destroying strong. If they were between the ages of 16 and 22 or so, they fell in love and they were pulled apart by circumstance (e.g., families moved away, school, etc.) rather than by one person becoming disinterested, then once they reconnect, watch out. They will pick up right where they left off. All those intense teenage feelings come back with an intensity that would shock you, and they will do what they have to in order to get back together. 5 years, 10 years, 30 years, it doesn't matter. That could be exactly what happened to you.
Author Lost Irishman Posted April 13, 2016 Author Posted April 13, 2016 Apologies, my post was prob a bit misleading! My ex and her new guy are not childhood sweethearts. This guy and his late wife were and as far as I'm aware his late wife was the only relationship he ever had. Apart from now of course!!
mightycpa Posted April 13, 2016 Posted April 13, 2016 OK, well, then, that's not it. Clearly she saw something in him that she did not see in you. That's pretty much the way it goes, every time. So, because you're a good Irish lad that's down in the dumps, here's something that will cheer you up for a moment. What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scotsman? Mick says "Hey You, Get off of my cloud!" and the Scotsman says "Hey MacCloud, get off of my ewe!"
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