shyguy3543 Posted April 12, 2016 Posted April 12, 2016 Hey guys, I've been seeing a girl for a couple of months now. Things have been progressing really, really slowly, but I think they're going okay. For quite some time I was stressing about whether or not she was actually into me, but I've just been trying to keep cool about it and accept that we're both just pretty busy lately. Her conversation via text, which was virtually non-existant, has picked up a bit and some of the things she's been saying are encouraging. But my question to you guys is: Is it a bad idea to ask "how do you feel about us?" What I want to find out is whether we're just dating or if she's on the same page as me as far as wanting something more serious out of it. Is there a better way to ask? I don't want to make things awkward haha. There's still some early-dating nervousness I think and stuff, so I'm also kind of thinking that maybe I should wait some more time before I bring it up, but on the other hand, time has been going by haha. Thanks! 1
losangelena Posted April 12, 2016 Posted April 12, 2016 Well, my therapist is always urging me, in situations like this, to, instead of ask the other person how they feel, TELL them how YOU feel. Asking her "how do you feel about us," is coming from a passive place. I think it's much more assertive to say, yourself, "hey, I've really enjoyed getting to know you, and I want you to know that I'd like something more serious," and then see how she responds. That way too, you're not directly putting her on the spot. I think that's a better way of going about it. 9
kendahke Posted April 12, 2016 Posted April 12, 2016 Instead of appearing wishy-washy, you should state to her what your feelings are and where you see the relationship going. If she hesitates or says that's not where she is, then you can choose to either stay in a holding pattern or scale back your interest in her and shift your focus to someone else. No sense in wasting time on someone who isn't where you are. 3
Author shyguy3543 Posted April 12, 2016 Author Posted April 12, 2016 Well, my therapist is always urging me, in situations like this, to, instead of ask the other person how they feel, TELL them how YOU feel. Asking her "how do you feel about us," is coming from a passive place. I think it's much more assertive to say, yourself, "hey, I've really enjoyed getting to know you, and I want you to know that I'd like something more serious," and then see how she responds. That way too, you're not directly putting her on the spot. I think that's a better way of going about it. Ah, I like that idea! haha. The last time I was thinking about bringing it up, I wound up just saying "I've been having a lot of fun when we're together. I hope you have too" and she said she has and it was fine, but it didn't get me an answer to what I've been thinking about. But yes! I'll be keeping that in mind. I think that's pretty much exactly what I'll do. Now if this semester would just end so I can actually spend a day with her instead of just doing dinner, that'd be great lol. There's still a lot for us to learn about eachother, which is another reason I worry it may be too early to say that, but so far it's really been pretty good. I think we're a good match, but our recent schedules are keeping us from like getting a smooth flow going. Keeping my fingers crossed that things keep progressing nicely! Thanks again! 1
losangelena Posted April 12, 2016 Posted April 12, 2016 Ah, I like that idea! haha. The last time I was thinking about bringing it up, I wound up just saying "I've been having a lot of fun when we're together. I hope you have too" and she said she has and it was fine, but it didn't get me an answer to what I've been thinking about. But yes! I'll be keeping that in mind. I think that's pretty much exactly what I'll do. Now if this semester would just end so I can actually spend a day with her instead of just doing dinner, that'd be great lol. There's still a lot for us to learn about eachother, which is another reason I worry it may be too early to say that, but so far it's really been pretty good. I think we're a good match, but our recent schedules are keeping us from like getting a smooth flow going. Keeping my fingers crossed that things keep progressing nicely! Thanks again! Great, good luck! Hopefully she'll respond the way you'd like her to! 1
unbe Posted April 12, 2016 Posted April 12, 2016 my question is, at what point in the R is it right to have this conversation?
kendahke Posted April 12, 2016 Posted April 12, 2016 my question is, at what point in the R is it right to have this conversation? When you've spent enough time in their company to ascertain that you like them enough to want to go further.
Author shyguy3543 Posted April 13, 2016 Author Posted April 13, 2016 When you've spent enough time in their company to ascertain that you like them enough to want to go further. I'd agree with this. Ugh, we're on a kickball team together and I don't think anyone knows that we've been seeing eachother so we've been acting like we're just friends in front of them. Last night we were parked furthest away from eachother so we were alone and got to kiss eachother good night. Tonight we didn't hug or kiss at all when we were all walking to our cars. I shot her a text saying "Hey! You owe me a kiss! ;P " She responded "sorry! ;)" Maybe I'll tie that into the convo when this is brought up... like if it's okay to put my arm around her or something hahaha. I've never had such an awkward dating scenario, but I've got such a good feeling about her! Idk!
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