I'm sixty and was duped...sociopath ?

[jen1447]

Jen maybe I'm niave and bought into something that I shouldnt have

 

I just cant equate it with a crack dealer...just seemed to real If it was a a month or 2 or 3 but a year?

 

Wouldn't matter if it was a year or 10 years ....if she was in it for business/perks/whatever and not 'love,' the minute the arrangement ceased to be attractive or lucrative she'd be gone. You keep applying a sense of feelings here that I doubt ever existed on her part.

[BlueIris]

You know, in a way, this was a more honest relationship than you might have experienced. There are people who take and use without disclosing that it’s a transaction for them- and sometimes without even realizing themselves that they do that to others. The SD/SB relationship is more honest than that. JMO

[Satu]

One thing you can't buy is 'forever.'

 

Forever is scarce.

 

Sadly.

[jen1447]

You know, in a way, this was a more honest relationship than you might have experienced. There are people who take and use without disclosing that it’s a transaction for them- and sometimes without even realizing themselves that they do that to others. The SD/SB relationship is more honest than that. JMO

 

Unfortunately it's also an area that's ripe for self-delusion, and understandably so. The vendor is selling 'love' and affection after all, things that ppl typically bond over.

[couldgetlucky]

This brings me back to my original post

What kind of person does this ?

[SammySammy]

A businessperson.

[couldgetlucky]

Really that simple

 

there wasn't that much business involved

 

I was obviously filling some need that's where the sociopath idea comes from

[jen1447]

This brings me back to my original post

What kind of person does this ?

 

A professional.

[salparadise]

This brings me back to my original post

What kind of person does this ?

 

She was disingenuous and likely had some personality issues. Not really news because you saw that all along. First of all you knew that she was a pay-to-play kind of girl, then you figured out she was a liar.

 

But you had a fantasy you wanted to indulge––that she would fall madly in love with you and you'd make a virtuous woman out of her... she's be eternally grateful and the two of you would live happily ever after. She skillfully indulged you and eventually you convinced yourself that it was real. Then it ended like all good (and bad) movies eventually do.

 

When you go to the therapist, tell him/her that you're ready to get real with yourself and quit indulging fantasies. The first one you need to give up is the one where she did you wrong. You sought it out and saw it through. Just own it and realize that she was just doing what she does- no more no less.

 

If she left without cleaning out your bank account consider yourself lucky.

[BlueIris]

Really that simple

 

there wasn't that much business involved

 

I was obviously filling some need that's where the sociopath idea comes from

 

But there is no business unless there is a market and you supplied the market.

 

I’m against shaking fingers at prostitutes or sugar babies- male or female- or assigning greater fault to them because the johns or sugar daddies are at least equally culpable- if culpability is in dispute.

 

There’s at least one lengthy sugar baby/sugar daddy thread here on LS that covers many perspectives on it.

[couldgetlucky]

All makes sense just getting my head around now

No the bank account wasn't touch but I do think there was that hope and she knew I was questioning her erraticness

 

I would love to get her credit reporters see what lurks there

[Methodical]

I'm a sixty year old man who found himself in a relationship with a 41 year old woman for almost a year...

 

I will also say that we met on a web site for SD/SB and I guess I believed in the " Pretty Woman" movie scenario! Yes there were signs and and I saw them and choose to ignore them...

 

She even lost her job early last year and lied about having a new job, I saw through it and confronted her and she owned up..but it was part of her personality, easier to lie than tell the truth...

 

I want to tell her mother!!

 

I want to tell her she is a sociopath...Maybe its the father in me to try to straighten her out but probably not wise...

 

I understand where you are coming from with the hurt and anger, but you continue to place blame on her and take no responsibility for your actions.

 

The facts:

 

1. You met on a sugar daddy/baby website, which is a dead giveaway as to the "type" of relationship that's going to take place.

 

2. There were signs you chose to ignore and then continued on with your head in the sand bc you didn't want to see reality for what is was.

 

3. You caught her in a lie so you knew she wasn't exactly trustworthy.

 

**Now, bc she has cut ties, you want to hurt her. You want her to feel pain because reality and the fantasy you created aren't one and the same. I'm still baffled that you want to narc on YOUR sugar baby of ~ a year to her mother.

*I want to tattle is elementary behavior.

 

You ask "who does that?" concerning her actions. My question to you is why was it okay to participate in that lifestyle and enjoy it, but then when the rubber met the road, all of a sudden you want to play Mr. Virtuous and "straighten her out"? Your actions fed her desire...until they didn't. Now you have a superiority complex bc you became invested and she remained detached.

[bathtub-row]

This brings me back to my original post

What kind of person does this ?

 

A really crappy and heartless person does this, that's who. I get what you're saying that there is a certain amount of accountability on people who put on this fake relationship stuff and say things they totally don't mean. And, yeah, it's hard to believe but there are a lot of people out there like that.

 

The best thing you can do is write her off completely. If she ever comes back begging you for anything, tell her to get lost.

[BikerAccnt]

Come on now, you're an older man, you know how the world works. I understand it hurts but saying you can't understand how a sugar baby could betray you is like saying you can't believe your crack dealer cut your powder with flour.

 

 

They do that!?!?!

[amaysngrace]

getting soft in my old age !!

 

I'm sorry to hear that

[xxoo]

This brings me back to my original post

What kind of person does this ?

 

A skilled actress. Sounds like she gave one heck of a performance, which was basically the agreement from the outset.

 

I am sorry that you got hurt. If you're looking for genuine, best to stay away from the SD/SB market.

[mightycpa]

41, beautiful, not married, no children, a keeper?

 

Think about that for a second.

 

Not likely, is it?

[couldgetlucky]

good morning all

 

from what some of you are saying...the how and way we met makes it automatic that, disingenuous, deceit, lies etc. should be expected?

 

I don't believe that should be the case. Now maybe people who operate from those sites are more inclined that way

 

The other side of the coin is I met her that same way and was none of those things. I also understand I should have protected myself/emotions etc but I bought in and that's my fault.

 

This still goes back to my original post of what type of person does this so coldly....

 

She didn't have all the power in this relationship because she was younger than me...I'm actually a good catch But she obviously was in need of something else

 

The idea of revenge is juvenile and I understand that... should people be allowed to operate that way with some sort of social accountability ..which sound better than revenge !!

[Methodical]

41, beautiful, not married, no children, a keeper?

 

Think about that for a second.

 

Not likely, is it?

 

I understand your logic of reasoning and that may have been the case many years ago. However, times have changed, most women work and contribute to the family's financial well being. In some cases, she is the bread winner and may be the family's sole provider. I know several attractive women that have never married and have no children. Their choices have nothing to do with an inability to find a man and more to do with being active, career driven women who have no inclination to bear children and that is a deal breaker for many men.

 

A few months ago I commented on a friend in a FWB's relationship that seemed to be fading. It was due to a lack of communication and more recently there have been a few red flags for her. Basically, their arrangement has evolved to random, infrequent booty calls.

 

She is very attractive, the CFO of her company, never married and has inclination to ever do so, no children, and intellectually stimulating. We've gotten closer over the past year and she's a hoot to hang out with. This is one example of many.

 

So yes, most ppl, (not limited to women) have a desire to procreate, and finding an attractive, middle aged person without children may be rare where you live but not so much in a progressive metropolis.

[Methodical]

...the how and way we met makes it automatic that, disingenuous, deceit, lies etc. should be expected? ...more inclined to operate that way...[/Quote]

 

When you meet a person from websites geared toward SD/SB or FWB/FB relationships, yes, there is an implied understanding that a long term relationship that eventually evolve into marriage, house with the white picket fence, and 2.5 kids is not going to happen. In your case, the SD, you presented yourself as a man who was willing to provide materialistic gifts in exchange for "a loving partner who put out," not a life partner.

 

I don't believe that should be the case. Now maybe people who operate from those sites are more inclined that way.The other side of the coin is I met her that same way and was none of those things. I also understand I should have protected myself/emotions etc but I bought in and that's my fault.[/Quote]

 

Now you are getting the picture. I'm gonna try to phrase this in a way that won't get my hand slapped due to forum rules so you will have to read between the lines. You don't go into a "Brothel-house" and expect to find a virtuous woman. You may find an attractive woman, one who rocks your world, but not virtuous.

 

This still goes back to my original post of what type of person does this so coldly....[/Quote]

 

A materialistic person who wants lavish gifts without a commitment.

 

She didn't have all the power in this relationship because she was younger than me...I'm actually a good catch But she obviously was in need of something else[/Quote]

 

I'm not saying that you aren't a good catch, but age isn't the defining factor. She held a lot of power; otherwise, you wouldn't be so hurt by her decision. It has been said on this forum many times that the person least invested hold all the power bc they really don't care if the relationship grows and prospers, whereas the emotionally invested person stands to lose a great deal.

 

The idea of revenge is juvenile and I understand that... should people be allowed to operate that way with(out?) some sort of social accountability ..which sound better than revenge !!

 

Yes, revenge is juvenile. Nobody wants to get tossed to the curb like garbage. I get it. I understand your pain and frustration. Bottomline, you should not have went looking for a life partner in a place where "a good romp while it lasts" situation is implied. "Pretty woman" was a movie, not reality. You are NOT going to find a virtuous woman who is looking for a savior in a brothel house. For sake of example only bc I don't know your religious preference and don't need to, but perhaps a "Christians Mingle" type dating sight would suite your long term goal better.

[elaine567]

Yes, she was a sb, but what she did was hardly uncommon, any quick scan of the dating/break up forums and you will find people, men and women, who have been dumped by partners who were madly in love one day and walking out the door the next, leaving the poor dumped person devastated.

Truth is, many people are pretty cowardly, so do not feel brave enough to tell people their true feelings, they keep up the pretence of being "in love", even when they stopped feeling it.

One day they decide to come clean and that is they day they break up, walk out, ghost - leaving the poor dumpee, blind-sided.

 

You BOUGHT a sb, but if what you say is true and it did become a real relationship then surely she is allowed to end it when she wants to?

Once you stopped paying her, you lost the right to her as a paid companion. She became a woman in her own right and as a woman in her own right, decided it wasn't working for her, so left...

"Love" is not guaranteed to last forever.

[Methodical]

She is very attractive, the CFO of her company, never married and has inclination to ever do so, no children, and intellectually stimulating. We've gotten closer over the past year and she's a hoot to hang out with. This is one example of many.

 

That should have said NO inclination to ever do so.

[couldgetlucky]

I am no doubt more angry at myself for being emotionally entrapped than anything else...trying to lash out

 

I thought I had more sense and I am trying to not become cynical

 

I've become a stereotype for a life time movie!! Not my goal And I'm laughing as I write this

[Methodical]

I am no doubt more angry at myself for being emotionally entrapped than anything else...trying to lash out

 

I thought I had more sense and I am trying to not become cynical

 

I've become a stereotype for a life time movie!! Not my goal And I'm laughing as I write this

 

You are wrapping your mind around reality and can't believe you couldn't see the forest for the trees. This is the thing - you have learned a painful lesson. There are disingenuous ppl who are masters at their craft.

 

FWIW, I think you are beginning to see the light, which will enable you to pick up the piece and move forward much less naive than you were before.

[mightycpa]

I know several attractive women that have never married and have no children. Their choices have nothing to do with an inability to find a man...

<sigh>...OK, so think about THAT, and eventually you'll see that the rest

...and more to do with being active, career driven women who have no inclination to bear children and that is a deal breaker for many men.

is a huge leap of faith. You've filled in the blanks with what you wanted to believe, and what's more, I think you somehow didn't pay HEED to this:

 

She is very attractive, the CFO of her company, never married and has inclination to ever do so, no children, and intellectually stimulating.

 

To review:

 

 

• 41
  
• Attractive
  
• Interesting
  
• Successful
  
• Lies because it's easier than telling the truth
  
• Meets men on SB/SD websites
  
• Never married, no desire
  
• No kids, no desire
  

 

All of that taken together spells T E M P O R A R Y, in neon letters. You sound more and more like a guy who got caught up in wishful thinking. As a result, I really don't know if you should be judging her with this whole "what kind of person does that" nonsense. She appears to be pretty transparent if you ignore the words and look at the track record. Perhaps a little more reflection is in order.