louxor Posted April 12, 2016 Posted April 12, 2016 (edited) I’ve been seeing this girl for a few months now - she is a really cool person and I’ve never been so comfortable around someone given the reasonably short period of time we’ve been seeing each other. It’s effortless when it comes to hanging out and chatting, we have several similar interests and hobbies and the sex & intimacy is the best I’ve ever had. But with all that in mind, she has painfully strict parents. We are both still young (she’s 20 and I’m 22), so she still lives at home with her parents. Whenever I’m over there, even if it is to just study with her, we aren’t allowed to be in her room together, we can’t have our arms around each other or cuddle on the couch and watch a movie and there’s no way in hell they’d let me stay the night (unless I sleep on the couch or something LOL)… ...Literally everything has to be like we are just friends when I’m at her place, so I honestly don’t like going there and having to fake everything… and she can’t even spend the night at my place because they won’t let her. Because of this, I feel like the relationship is lacking that part that comes from those individual intimate activities of an evening, mainly not being able to sleep and wake up next to each other, and 9.5 times out of 10 we are restricted to doing the coupley, intimate stuff during the day, which is a strain because we are both full-time students with part-time jobs. I almost feel like I'm dating a 15 year old when it comes to her parents rules and I can’t stand it. It’s messing with me so bad because on one hand it's starting to get to me, but on the other I know it has nothing to do with her specifically and I don't come across women I feel such a strong connection with too often. So basically I’m wondering if anyone has been in a situation similar to this before, or if you have any suggestions/tips on how to deal with it/where I should take it from here? Thanks! Edited April 12, 2016 by louxor
smudge21 Posted April 12, 2016 Posted April 12, 2016 Why not invite her back to yours? Failing that, I don't know what else you can do. Although you're both adults, she is still living under her parents roof and it's their rules. Obviously eventually she will move out, maybe with you, but until then you may have to just accept the way things are. You could try talking to the parents... but... erm... no.
scooby-philly Posted April 12, 2016 Posted April 12, 2016 Hey OP, That's definitely a tough position. Goes to show you that a lot of people still have some sort of value system. lol. Listen - the situation isn't going to change. You have to respect that. And you have to respect her and her family. If she isn't openly at war with her parents about it then it's obvious on some levels that she agrees with her parents view. Now, get her out of the environment and see what happens. Not everyone lives the same life - so you have to either accept the situation and wait for things to change - her to move out (not necessarily with you) or you need to part ways before things sour. I know when I become a father those rules would work up until she was 14/16. Then i'd ease off about the snuggling and the holding. But you wouldn't spend the night till she was at least 20 either. And even then....ugh. So you either continue to play around during the day when you can - waiting for her to move out or you move on. Perhaps other people could give you advice if they've faced the same situation - like how to con her parents or how to play stealth - like could you climb up a tree into her bedroom window..... but that wouldn't change their view.
Author louxor Posted April 12, 2016 Author Posted April 12, 2016 Why not invite her back to yours? Yeh we're pretty much always over at my place when we can, but going back to us being really busy throughout the day and then her parents having her on like a curfew of an evening it just makes things so unnecessarily difficult. You could try talking to the parents... but... erm... no. hahahah yeah chances of that are next to none Although you're both adults, she is still living under her parents roof and it's their rules. Obviously eventually she will move out, maybe with you, but until then you may have to just accept the way things are. It's seeming that way unfortunately. Thanks a lot for your response!
Author louxor Posted April 12, 2016 Author Posted April 12, 2016 (edited) Hey OP, That's definitely a tough position. Goes to show you that a lot of people still have some sort of value system. lol. Listen - the situation isn't going to change. You have to respect that. And you have to respect her and her family. If she isn't openly at war with her parents about it then it's obvious on some levels that she agrees with her parents view. Now, get her out of the environment and see what happens. Not everyone lives the same life - so you have to either accept the situation and wait for things to change - her to move out (not necessarily with you) or you need to part ways before things sour. I know when I become a father those rules would work up until she was 14/16. Then i'd ease off about the snuggling and the holding. But you wouldn't spend the night till she was at least 20 either. And even then....ugh. So you either continue to play around during the day when you can - waiting for her to move out or you move on. Perhaps other people could give you advice if they've faced the same situation - like how to con her parents or how to play stealth - like could you climb up a tree into her bedroom window..... but that wouldn't change their view. Yeah I think you're spot on when you say it's not going to change, and tbh that's what sucks the most, because we get along so well, and in any other situation this kind of over-the-top strictness would send me packing. Thanks for this though, I definitely need to be addressing this before I become too invested and proper deeper feelings are at stake. Edited April 12, 2016 by louxor
clia Posted April 12, 2016 Posted April 12, 2016 My parents had similar rules when I was that age and there is no way in heck my boyfriend would have been allowed to sleep over. Luckily, my boyfriend was understanding and patient. We both realized that it wouldn't be that way forever. My view is that if you are in love with her this should be a non-issue. After all, you know the situation is temporary, since she will eventually move out on her own.
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