DC77 Posted April 12, 2016 Posted April 12, 2016 The joys of Facebook!... If you found out someone that was trying to date you was cheating on a girlfriend, would you tell?? I've been chatting with a guy for a little over a week. He has been very eager to meet me, but I haven't had the time to meet. We live in a small place and he has a somewhat unusual name for the area. Besides a pic and his name, and perhaps a few hobbies, this is all I knew. I was on Facebook. There was absolutely no searching involved. No snooping. Just browsing my newsfeed. There was a post from one of the groups I'm in. I clicked on it to see the latest haps. And right there front and center, in the comments, there was the unusual name and his pic. Hmmm. So I clicked! Not out of maliciousness, I thought I would just see pics of his hobbies. Maybe friends and family. If anything at all. Sometimes I think I may be too presumptuous, maybe naïve, in believing men on dating sites are actually single, so I did NOT expect this! Nothing was hidden or private. It was right out there. Pics of him and his girlfriend, comments about the lovely couple, looking happy, and as recently as a week ago. And going back to at least October... I called him out on the dating site. I nicely asked if he had a girlfriend. He has since deleted or at least hidden his profile. Oh! And he had his profile up anonymously to begin with. So no public pics (but they have to attach a pic to contact me). I should have been suspect...I feel sorry for her though. I've been cheated on and it sucks. And they look so happy together. It actually makes me a little sad. I could say something to her, but I probably will just mind my own business. I have plenty of my own crap to worry about. But damn! What's wrong with men?? And just for discussion fun, what would you do??
Zippy2000 Posted April 12, 2016 Posted April 12, 2016 Id leave it well alone. Technically he hasnt really cheated. He was on the way to "cheatdom". Anything you do may have a negative effect. I ll give you an example of this. I had a friend, lets call her Mary who was on a dating site and dated a giy who she later found out was a in a relationship. She went on Facebook and told his significant other he was cheating and guess what? The couple stuck together and hurled a whole lot of abuse on Facebook and told her what they thought of my friend. She vowed never to get involved again. Some things you just have to leave well alone. 2
hippychick3 Posted April 12, 2016 Posted April 12, 2016 Let it go. It's never a good idea to get involved in someone else's relationship. Maybe she knows, maybe they broke up a week ago, maybe she cheated on him, maybe he really is a cheating jerk... Not your place to bring un excesses pain to that girl. 1
PegNosePete Posted April 12, 2016 Posted April 12, 2016 I would not "chat" with someone on facebook who is not already a real life friend. 2
Jejangles Posted April 12, 2016 Posted April 12, 2016 I would not "chat" with someone on facebook who is not already a real life friend. I think she was chatting to him on an online dating site, then came across him on Facebook.
jen1447 Posted April 12, 2016 Posted April 12, 2016 I'd leave it. If you're outside this person's friend circle, most likely she'd just reject your info and choose to see you as a stalker or sth. 1
kendahke Posted April 12, 2016 Posted April 12, 2016 Leave it be. The only thing that happened was talk, so there wasn't any cheating. Would be different if you and he had been going strong for 6 months and you just now found out about her. It won't go the way you think it will go. Chances are she won't believe you--hell, she might be on the dating site, too for all you know.
lilmissjava Posted April 12, 2016 Posted April 12, 2016 Things happen for a reason, and you scanning through your news feed and seeing a post from him was meant to happen to spare you the grief of never knowing what kind of person he turned out to be until it would have been too late. Be satisfied with your finding and leave it at that. 1
Maxtor Posted April 12, 2016 Posted April 12, 2016 I would anonymously send something to show her. There are already too many people watching bad things and doing nothing. 3
dreamingoftigers Posted April 12, 2016 Posted April 12, 2016 I would anonymously send something to show her. There are already too many people watching bad things and doing nothing. I would tell. I think it's actually weird when people don't. I hate being treated as a fool and would be grateful to anyone who told me the truth. Attach proof. 1
jen1447 Posted April 12, 2016 Posted April 12, 2016 ^ Ppl who are determined not to believe sth can get up to some amazing mental gymnastics tho. Sometimes even incontrovertible proof isn't proof enough.
Maxtor Posted April 12, 2016 Posted April 12, 2016 ^ Ppl who are determined not to believe sth can get up to some amazing mental gymnastics tho. Sometimes even incontrovertible proof isn't proof enough. Thats up to them to decide.
amaysngrace Posted April 12, 2016 Posted April 12, 2016 Gather your proof and see if you can get some money out of him not to tell. 2
MightyPen Posted April 12, 2016 Posted April 12, 2016 Gather your proof and see if you can get some money out of him not to tell. I think that's called extortion. 2
jen1447 Posted April 12, 2016 Posted April 12, 2016 Thats up to them to decide. And it's also up to these same potential loose canons to decide if they want to go after you in 'retaliation.' 2
Maxtor Posted April 12, 2016 Posted April 12, 2016 And it's also up to these same potential loose canons to decide if they want to go after you in 'retaliation.' Everything has consequences. I would anonymously tell with solid proof.
Methodical Posted April 12, 2016 Posted April 12, 2016 Unless he is a serial cheater or wannabe Casanova, this perceived anonymity will fly out the window given the timetable involved :/.
jen1447 Posted April 12, 2016 Posted April 12, 2016 Everything has consequences. I would anonymously tell with solid proof. Anonymity is even easier to dismiss - the reporter doesn't even have the courage of their own convictions. :-/ 1
Maxtor Posted April 12, 2016 Posted April 12, 2016 Anonymity is even easier to dismiss - the reporter doesn't even have the courage of their own convictions. :-/ I know people tend to refuse even with solid proof. I am just saying I would do it anyways.
Eighty_nine Posted April 12, 2016 Posted April 12, 2016 The loveshack consensus is usually no, but I have outed a cheating boyfriend and I would again. I really liked and was seeing this guy and figured out he had a gf. I messaged her, sent a photo of our conversation to her. She dumped him immediately, and now is happily married to someone else. I felt good about preventing this girl from wasting anymore time with this guy (they were serious at the time of his cheating, it wasn't causal or early on or anything). And it absolutely had nothing to do with me wanting to be with him, because I definitely didn't. 1
carhill Posted April 12, 2016 Posted April 12, 2016 I could say something to her, but I probably will just mind my own business Since you apparently never met the guy personally, I would agree with that. Two of billions, neither of which have any material impact on your life. I have plenty of my own crap to worry about. Ha, ha, yeah, don't we all. Another good reason to move on to the next, hopefully single, profile. But damn! What's wrong with men?? They vary, as do all humans. The next guy could be single and honest as the day is long. However, run into a string of them and one begins to wonder. And just for discussion fun, what would you do?? Move on. That perspective was born of a period, oh a decade or so back some 30-40 years ago, when I had the misfortune to actually date a few women who turned out to be married. Good lesson! Nowadays, things are much easier to suss out. You did. No attachment, next. Good luck in your dating pursuits!
Author DC77 Posted April 12, 2016 Author Posted April 12, 2016 I like reading everyone's comments and seeing how different everyone is in situations. Makes discussions interesting. For the record, I don't have any attachment to this guy. I will not be meddling. I already called him out on the dating site, at the risk of looking like a stalker. Probably freaked him the hell out already. I don't need to take it any further. Karma will take care of the rest... It's a small world living on an island though. Niche sports make for an even smaller world! We may even still cross paths one day! You have to laugh at the crazy coincidence of him popping up on my Facebook though. So completely random! Gotta love that! It's sad he's cheating on her. And doesn't make it easy to trust men here. There are so many married and taken men on the online dating sites out here. He's definitely not a first. But made weeding him out easy!
kendahke Posted April 12, 2016 Posted April 12, 2016 Everything has consequences. I would anonymously tell with solid proof. IF right is so on your side, you shouldn't fear anything or anyone. Why not say "yeah, I said it" instead of taking the coward's way out?
TheBathWater Posted April 12, 2016 Posted April 12, 2016 Id leave it well alone. Technically he hasnt really cheated. He was on the way to "cheatdom". I know not everyone will agree with me on this, but I would define this as cheating. To me, cheating is not limited to physical touch with another person. To me, cheating is any intentional act of dishonesty where a person goes outside of a relationship and moves toward someone else in a way that would make their partner question the relationship if they knew. This dude was not innocently catching feelings for other people and then still choosing to commit to his relationship - he was intentionally advertising himself for new connections without the knowledge of his partner. 1
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