how to stop being obsessed with someone

[chumly]

What a mess this all turned into today!! I actually I am now convinced that he must be a scammer of some kind now.

 

As you know i simply said "hi" to him this morning and like I said, he got back to me and said he is still interested in meeting when I get back.. So i just sent a quick message back to be polite and said that I did not realize he still wanted to meet since I did not hear back from him...anyway, the next thing I know he sent me a very sexually explicit message back out of nowhere. He then asked that I send him a naked pic of myself. I told him that I would feel uncomfortable doing that at this point. He seemed to get angry and just said, "lets meet if and when you get back from your trip."

 

I sent him a message asking if he was angry and he completely ignored me. I then got into a very obsessed mode ( i have OCD) and I sent him a bunch of messages asking him to talk to me and why is he ignoring me and that I wont be able to sleep unless he gets back to me, like I said, my emotions started getting the better of me:sick:. He never got back. I am now convinced that he was after me to scam me for naked pics to maybe post online or maybe to do something to me if we met in person. I dont think he had any pure intentions with me at all. I have never experienced such a cold hearted person before in my life!! I feel like I had a run in with satan himself now:sick:

 

What a mistake it was to simply say "hi" to him today. What a headtrip he put me through!!

 

Anyway, I did report him to Match and I am hoping they will take down his profile and I noticed he is back on there all throughout the day today while he was ignoring me..I guess looking for new victims. I honestly dont know who to trust on that site now.I am now wondering about everyone else I am chatting with on there too. How do I know they are not scammer too??? I know that I will NEVER give out even a cell phone # again after that without first chatting for a while and at this point I am thinking that if Match does not take down his profile that would indicate to me that Match condones scammers and I will demand my money back. Dont forget this man was the one who got me to join Match by sending me mysterious messages everyday over and over and then once i joined he suddenly told me that he needs to communicate offline with me because his membership was coming to an end. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and gave him my cell # because he wanted to meet so much and i took that as a sign that he was legitimate but now I am convinced that that did not mean anything.

 

Well, I guess he really is a weirdo in flowery underwear, like the other responder said..lol=) I just cant believe how evil people in this world can be!! I really hope that karma comes back to him in 2 fold for doing this to people. I am sure I am not his only victim...at least I never met him. I just hope that Match will delete him or I am not going to be a happy camper.

 

Anyway, thanks for the responses. I will get over him soon enough..I am sure, especially now that I know the fraud he truly is.

[chumly]

by the way, I was just thinking...does anybody know if there might be another agency that I can report this vile person to?? I really think he needs to be stopped ...God only knows what this person is truly capable of and what he truly wanted to do to me. I am thinking that I really should see that something is done about this.

 

I wonder if i can report him to the FBI or something??

 

Anyway, thanks again for all the help. It has been so great to have people to discuss this with and has helped more than you can imagine.

 

Like I said, I know I will get over this but i will never get over someone being that cold hearted. For all he knew i could have been suicidal today but he could have not cared less. Well, I guess this kind of thing happens to the best of us.

[mortensorchid]

I am wary about a man whose first contact with me is sexual language / content. This tells me a lot about him and what will/won't happen with this person. One time, years ago, some guy called me from a dating website and proceeded to ask me sex question after question until after the third time I said "I don't like this" and I hung up on him. This guy is not that serious about you, and you are living in a fantasy about him and what he can/will do for you, which is not much.

 

Move on.

[mortensorchid]

As to how to get over him? Get busy and find other things to do with your time. Easier said than done, yes, but you have to force yourself to do so. I'm still obsessed mildly with the hot math teacher from last year, I spy on him on Facebook. Not that I do anything about it like show up at his house or call him, I erased his number.

[truth_seeker]

I just cant believe how evil people in this world can be!! I really hope that karma comes back to him in 2 fold for doing this to people. I am sure I am not his only victim...at least I never met him.

(

 

Believe that there are many evil people in this world... and also believe Karma is very real.

 

One day he will suffer for his actions and you will be in a relationship with the right man.

[truth_seeker]

I'm still obsessed mildly with the hot math teacher from last year, I spy on him on Facebook. Not that I do anything about it like show up at his house or call him, I erased his number.

 

You're still friends with the guy on FB? You should delete him so you don't look.

[chumly]

mortensorchid...thanks so much for the response.=) you are so right. I need to just force myself to do other things. At this point I think the thing that stings most is the rejection and completely ignoring me for really no good reason. I have such difficulty accepting that anybody can be that heartless so it is always such a complete shock when I run into someone that is. I really did not do anything to cause him to get this way..other than not sending the naked pics to him. I really have such a bad feeling for online dating now. I think at this point i will just not check that email address that he has for me anymore.

 

Thanks for relating with the situation with the hot math teacher. I really wish I could go back to last summer before he contacted me on POF and just deleted his message to me. He has been in the back of my mind since all that time and to find out what a creep he turned out to be is really dissapointing to say the least.

 

Anyway, thanks again for the message back and advice. I really appreciate it.

[chumly]

Believe that there are many evil people in this world... and also believe Karma is very real.

 

One day he will suffer for his actions and you will be in a relationship with the right man.

 

actually...this really helped to hear this. I am sort of crying right now. Thanks so much. I think i am going to go and have a good cry now..thanks again for saying just what i needed to hear.

[truth_seeker]

OP, I don't think you were rejected but instead being played. You need to change your thinking. Stop thinking you were rejected. Start knowing that this jerk was just out to mess with you. Be angry about that. Get it out of your system and be grateful you don't need to know him anymore.

[truth_seeker]

actually...this really helped to hear this. I am sort of crying right now. Thanks so much. I think i am going to go and have a good cry now..thanks again for saying just what i needed to hear.

 

I got played on match by a girl. She was dating multiple guys, sleeping with some, using others for dinners, free this and that... I confronted her in IRL and put her in her place. After that she stalked me. lol. I ignored her and eventually she disappeared.

 

All of us encounter jerks. Use this experience to weed out future jerks and not let them get to you.

[chumly]

I got played on match by a girl. She was dating multiple guys, sleeping with some, using others for dinners, free this and that... I confronted her in IRL and put her in her place. After that she stalked me. lol. I ignored her and eventually she disappeared.

 

All of us encounter jerks. Use this experience to weed out future jerks and not let them get to you.

 

yes, thanks so much Truthseeker. That is so true..you are so right, he was just playing with me..no rejection but just a game all along. Not exactly sure what he was after but I have a few thoughts in my head of what it might have been. I guess it probably does not really matter as long as I am not dealing with the sick person anymore and you are so right..it is such a learning experience too.

 

Thanks so much for the very helpful post. I really appreciate it.

[chumly]

just thought I would update this situation...

 

First of all I am feeling so much better this week and it seems everyday my thoughts on him dwindle down even more and all the advice from people on here has been extremely helpful.. In fact, at this point I dont even find him sexually attractive anymore...I now just see him as a miserable person who is playing games with people and I just happened to be one of his victims but of course it could have been so much worse..thankfully I never met him.

 

As I had mentioned, I did report him to Match but they have not deleted his profile so far so I am guessing that he really is the person in the pic or else I guess they would have deleted it. Not that this really matters, but my guess is that he wanted to get pics of me naked with my face in it so that he can blackmail me with it and this would explain why he seemed to get so angry that I was unwilling to send nude pics of myself to him and then ignored me. I am guessing that this would also be his plan if he met me too...he was probably hoping to seduce me and get me to take off my clothes and take pics of me at that point. He did mention at one point to me how he could take really great pics of me if I we met.

 

However, I did get my little chance at revenge on him myself. Just for the slight chance that he was legitimately interested in me, last week after I left him a bunch of obsessive messages asking him to please message me and him ignoring me I finally left a final message for him and said that I realize he might be ignoring me because he is fed up thinking that I am not willing to meet him but I assured him that I was. I told him that when I get back from my trip I was willing to meet him. I told him that most people tell me I look alot better in real life than I do in my pics and that I am alot of fun to meet and I said if I dont hear back that I wish him the best of luck and that it was nice getting to know him..I like the idea of showing him that I was a bigger and better person than him.

 

The next morning he left a message apologizing for ignoring me and said he was busy all day at work and that is why he did not get back to me (however, I know that is BS because I was able to see that he was on Match at the times he was ignoring my messages) Anyway, he also tried to message me on Match and even tried to call me the next day but I picked up the phone and told him I would call him back later...I never did:D..then the following morning I got another message from him with a link to an article about how woman should feel good about themselves and have self esteem. He said he was thinking about me and thought he would send it..(I have to admit..him doing that kind of threw me for a loop and seemed very out of character with his usual superficial, mostly sexual messages to me)..so maybe there is some humanity in him afterall but I somehow doubt it:confused:. He also said.."I guess you found something better to do since I did not hear back from you". Since I am not as heartless as he seems to be I did cave in and messaged him back. I apologized for not getting back to him and just explained that there is no reason to not be "good" with each other. He sent me another sexually suggestive message and told me that I would better be willing to meet him when I get back. We sent another message back and forth to each other wishing each other a nice weekend and I even tried to get a conversation going with him just a little to see if it was possible at this point but it went nowhere. I guess he really is just a loser.

 

Anyway, the bottom line is I kind of feel I got a bit of revenge on him by saying that people tell me I look alot better in real life:laugh:..It seemed kind of coincidental that he started messaging me so much after that. What a superficial SOB!! let him wonder the rest of his life!! For all he knows I look like Pamela Anderson in real life but just take bad pics. ( I dont but I love the idea of making him wonder like that).

 

Well, anyway, just wanted to update anyone that might be interested and thank everyone on here once again;)

 

I guess one good thing that has come out of all of this....I have discovered this wonderful and helpful forum!!! It might be worth it just for that alone.

 

Anyway, thanks again for all the advice. I cant tell you enough how I appreciate all of it. I dont think it is going to be much longer for me to completely forget about him at this point. I have been communicating with so much nicer people and have been keeping busy. I just feel sorry for any lady that crosses his path. I am just glad it wont be me anymore.

 

Thanks everyone again;)

[BlissfulIgnorance]

hi, iwas the one you adviced a while ago.

We both were played by for sex and I congratulate you for using your brain first cuz i gave in too easily. He got the sexting that he wanted from the very beggining. I saw it coming and i shouldve ran really fast but I got distracted by his looks and sweetness. He was everything i have been dreaming of being with for the rest of my life but he seemed too good to be true too. I could really relate to you. From having a decent conversation when all they wanted was to go sexting and have sex to being lied to.

I wonder how many empathetic girls they have been doing this to. Someday we'll find someone who's not gonna treat us this way. They'll be sorry one day.

[chumly]

just wanted to post an update on this situation...

 

I was doing good and not thinking about this jerk for a while but then started thinking about him once again. I think I was ok because our last conversation was left in good terms with each other. He actually almost seemed somewhat humane to me by providing an article relating to low self esteem in women. He said it made him think of me and wanted to share it. I decided to attempt a normal conversation with him but it went nowhere. I think it is really bothering me because i normally like to be friends with everyone i encounter. i think it helps me deal with things and feel less rejected but this does not seem like it is possible with him. I think one of the reasons that this is affecting me so much is because even though i only talked to him for a few weeks I dreamed about him since last summer when he first contacted me on the other dating site. I always felt so complimented that he showed an interest in me and did not seem to do so with some other friends of mine on the site that showed an interest in him. it was such a boost to my already low self esteem but now i wonder if he was only interested in me because he thought i seemed more desperate then my friends and maybe less attractive so therefore a better person to mess with.

 

right now he thinks I am back from my trip but as far as i know he has not tried to contact me about getting together. Even though i dont intend to get together with him ( he kind of left an open invitation for me..saying that he will ALWAYS be willing to meet me) i guess I want him to pursue me about that directly . even though i know that logically what Truth seeker has said is true and it is not that he is rejecting me but just playing with me I still somehow feel rejected. In fact, I am at the point that I can not stand the fact that he is now back on Match doing whatever he is trying to do with these women after what he has done to me and not even bothering to say "hi" to me. I cant even go on their anymore even though I did make some other contacts that are probably wondering what happened to me..it is just too troubling to me at this point. In fact, I set up another email acct to get my Match messages because i dont want them going to my direct email..because i just wind up anticipating getting a message from him and getting disappointed when I dont and like I said, I have not been on there now in days and meanwhile I paid good money for the membership but i just cant stomach it at this point.

 

I honestly can not believe this whole thing affected me so much. I keep feeling like I will never meet someone that I am that physically attracted to again. I really wish so badly that he never contacted me now to begin with.

anyway, I know in the back of my mind I will get over this but i wish i could snap my fingers and just forget about him. i am doing as suggested on here and trying to keep myself busy with other things but unfortunately my life is not very exciting. I work at home doing a mindless job and dont have too many friends to turn too but yet I still push myself to get out and go to Meetups and things like that. I really am trying..I just wish this pain and empty feeling would just go away.

 

Anyway, once again, it was very helpful to just type this out. Thanks for all that have been so helpful and reading all of this.

[chumly]

hi, iwas the one you adviced a while ago.

We both were played by for sex and I congratulate you for using your brain first cuz i gave in too easily. He got the sexting that he wanted from the very beggining. I saw it coming and i shouldve ran really fast but I got distracted by his looks and sweetness. He was everything i have been dreaming of being with for the rest of my life but he seemed too good to be true too. I could really relate to you. From having a decent conversation when all they wanted was to go sexting and have sex to being lied to.

I wonder how many empathetic girls they have been doing this to. Someday we'll find someone who's not gonna treat us this way. They'll be sorry one day.

 

yes, that is so true!! but dont beat yourself up for doing the sexting thing. I actually did a bit of it myself.

 

and yes, you are so right..they will get theirs for playing with people like this! I guess they are professionals at it so they know all the right things to say and do to get people to obsess over them but Karma is a nasty b****.

 

Thanks so much for your response and relating.

[Zippy2000]

Why you are focussing on someone you have never met?This isnt productive.Let this go and focus your energy elsewhere.

[Popsicle]

Marry him and let familiarity set in.

[chumly]

thankfully I am going to seek professional help tomorrow. I have been going through some major depressions lately and I think this whole situation has kind of been playing into the whole thing.

 

I just can not believe that I am still thinking about this horrible person!! You would think that I had some major love affair with him but all it was was some conversations (mostly sex related) and lots of dreaming about him for months. Why cant I forget about him?? I wish there was a pill I can take that would make me just forget about him. I am tempted sometimes to message him again because I miss his morning "hellos" to me but I wont allow myself too because there is really no point to it...meeting him would be a MAJOR mistake and I know that is what he will want to do if I contact him again..and he truly is NOT a good person...so there really is no point in contacting him at this point. I have also decided not to go on the dating site anymore (even though I paid for it) because I cant stand the fact that he is on there again doing whatever it is that he is doing. I reported him to Match but they never deleted his account.

 

I am better than I was a week ago but I am still very much obsessing. Part of this is probably due to the fact that I have OCD. It helps to type this out on here though.

 

Has anybody on here ever beaten an obsession? and if so, how long did it take? God I hate this!!!

 

Thanks again for all the advice and listening.

[BlissfulIgnorance]

thankfully I am going to seek professional help tomorrow. I have been going through some major depressions lately and I think this whole situation has kind of been playing into the whole thing.

 

I just can not believe that I am still thinking about this horrible person!! You would think that I had some major love affair with him but all it was was some conversations (mostly sex related) and lots of dreaming about him for months. Why cant I forget about him?? I wish there was a pill I can take that would make me just forget about him. I am tempted sometimes to message him again because I miss his morning "hellos" to me but I wont allow myself too because there is really no point to it...meeting him would be a MAJOR mistake and I know that is what he will want to do if I contact him again..and he truly is NOT a good person...so there really is no point in contacting him at this point. I have also decided not to go on the dating site anymore (even though I paid for it) because I cant stand the fact that he is on there again doing whatever it is that he is doing. I reported him to Match but they never deleted his account.

 

I am better than I was a week ago but I am still very much obsessing. Part of this is probably due to the fact that I have OCD. It helps to type this out on here though.

 

Has anybody on here ever beaten an obsession? and if so, how long did it take? God I hate this!!!

 

Thanks again for all the advice and listening.

 

Good luck on your treatment,p, I hope you feel better soon. I wish I knew how to beat an obsession but I think you should try your best to think about him less. Maybe he made you happy but it's over. We can't change it anymore and even if we could, I don't think we should. He doesn't deserve you at all.

My heart goes out to you cuz it has been a really long time since you got infatuated and obsessed with this man.

I couldn't even imagine you started last summer, and now it's almost summer again.

 

As for the question on why you couldn't forget about him, I think it's because you got too attached to him. I know that exact feeling. Maybe we have to learn lessons the hard way and when we do, one day, we'll come back stronger than we've ever been and we would know how to respond to these kind of situations.

I hope it happens soon before we lose our sanity over guys who doesn't even give a s*** about us anymore.

[chumly]

Good luck on your treatment,p, I hope you feel better soon. I wish I knew how to beat an obsession but I think you should try your best to think about him less. Maybe he made you happy but it's over. We can't change it anymore and even if we could, I don't think we should. He doesn't deserve you at all.

My heart goes out to you cuz it has been a really long time since you got infatuated and obsessed with this man.

I couldn't even imagine you started last summer, and now it's almost summer again.

 

As for the question on why you couldn't forget about him, I think it's because you got too attached to him. I know that exact feeling. Maybe we have to learn lessons the hard way and when we do, one day, we'll come back stronger than we've ever been and we would know how to respond to these kind of situations.

I hope it happens soon before we lose our sanity over guys who doesn't even give a s*** about us anymore.

 

Thanks so much for your very helpful response back and well wishes. The therapy went well and I really appreciate you asking Like I think I mentioned, I do feel a bit better this week. I still think of him but it is now less and less. I have been talking to other, much nicer men now and this is certainly helping. I am purposely avoiding the dating line that he goes on even though I am a paid member. it would just be too upsetting for me to go on there now and find out that he has not messaged me so I am better off not even knowing for now.

 

You are right..he and your man are so much not worthy of our energies like this. Like you, I think of all the nice conversations, the compliments he gave me and the laughs we had but I have to remember that those for me at least, were the minority..mainly he wanted to just talk about sex with me. The reality is he never complimented the important things..like my profile, or who I was as a person or even showed any interest in anything I liked to do. It was really all about sex for him and nothing more. He was also more than likely trying to scam me for something too. I really have to remember these things when I think of him. However, i tend to remember only the good..even when there was not much of it.

 

Anyway, thanks once again for the nice response. it really helps to know that someone can really relate to what I am going through. Thanks so much once again.