What is your most painful/brutal break up experience

[confusedstill96]

Hey everyone.

 

I'm new here, I signed up because I really need some advice and experiences.

 

I'm 20 years old - I only turned 20 a week ago. My ex of 4 years dumped me suddenly and very out of the blue a month and a half ago.

 

The break up really was brutal and cruel. We had been fine that entire day - he hadn't seemed sad, or angry, we were both pretty happy. He had slept over at my place and then we went out and got breakfast before he started work. I dropped him off at work and went home, it was a normal day.

 

8 hours later when he finished work I got a text from him saying he wasn't happy anymore. He told me he was leaving me. I tried calling him, frantically texting, he wouldn't answer. He turned his phone off so I couldn't contact him. The next day his phone was switched back on so I called him, again he ignored the call. I texted him begging him to tell me what was happening. He told me he wasn't happy anymore and didn't want to be with me. I told him I'd go over to his place to discuss things, he agreed to this but told me I could only stay 'for an hour' How disrespectful and cruel is that?

 

Anyway, he broke up with my officially to my face and within a day he had removed me from all forms of social networking, he told me to 'do him a favour and never contact him again' I was so confused and hurt, this happened completely out of the blue and he couldn't even tell me WHY, he just kept saying he was unhappy in the relationship - news to me as he'd never told me this before.

 

2 weeks after he left me I found out through a friend he had been obsessing over a female coworker. I always suspected he had feelings for this particular girl but I brushed it off as he told me I was just being paranoid. I will never know the truth about the situation - I know that this girl has a long term boyfriend who she is very happy with, she also isn't the sort that would go for my ex but still, I don't know what his game was with all of this or even if she had anything to do with why he broke it off with me. It could've purely been a coincidence that he was now obsessing over her, or it could've been the reason as to why he left me.

 

I saw him last week in a night club. My heart stopped completely, I think I half expected him to speak to me but he didn't. I was horrified and shocked by this, how could he behave as though he hated me when I've done nothing wrong? He looked me dead in the eyes and then turned away as though I was a stranger.

 

Just 2 months before this he was so sweet with me and seemed so genuine. He would tell me every single day he loved me and that he saw himself spending the rest of his life with me, clearly not.

 

I have never felt a pain that compares to this - to be treated like a stranger by someone that was cuddled up in bed with me just weeks before. I feel as though I don't even know him anymore, the truth is I don't. I'll never have answers as to why he did this, or why he became the person he has become. Maybe he doesn't even know himself.

 

So I was wondering, what is your most painful break up experience? I really need some input right now as I'm still feeling quite low.

[Cooper04]

The latest break up is always the most painful isn't it?

I think as the pain disappears with time, so does the memory of the pain. So you always feel like the latest is worse than ever.

 

But ignoring my current ex, my worst experience was a few years ago. She started working at my company and we became really close friends. She had a boyfriend, so in the beginning we were just friends.

Eventually we started sleeping together. On the one hand I was convinced I had met my soulmate, on the other I was very aware she was cheating on her boyfriend and I could never really trust her.

A completely messed up relationship from day one, it ended when he proposed to her and she accepted. When I said I was not ok with that, she got mad as I was "pressuring" her.

I ended it on the spot.

Now for the fun part, me and her shared an office. Just the two of us.

She handed in her notice, but we still had to spend a month together without speaking, sitting 6 feet apart.

When the month was up, she packed her belongings and walked out without saying so much as a goodbye, didn't even look at me. Never seen her since.

 

I can laugh at it now, but trust me, that was hell when I was going through it.

Was told recently she and her husband and their kids are moving to a different country. First I'd heard of her in 3 years, couldn't have cared less.

 

Hang in there, time heals all wounds.

[keiji]

In my case it was definitely not the latest, not the previous one either. I was in a 9-year relationship, two years of marriage, which ended five years ago. We decided to have children, as both had always wanted, but it turned out that she had some fertility problems. She started receiving medication but I sensed there was something wrong with her. Her character suddenly changed, and I could only put it down to hormonal changes and stress about potential difficulties for pregnancy. She was more and more distant as weeks went by.

 

One day, I arrived at the bar where she had met some friends to plan a little trip to London and she barely looked at me or talk to me. I knew there was something bad in store for me. When we got home, I asked her what was going on and she said she felt like running away. She didn't know what happened to her, but she wasn't doing OK. I said I'd give her all the time she needed and asked her if she wanted to move to her parents', a friend's or whatever. She said no. The day after, she got up crying. I called her parents and her mum told her to move in with them a few days. She said yes.

 

When she left home that afternoon, I kind of knew it was over. I remember I went out in the terrace to smoke a cigarette and try to start digesting that a relationship of almost a decade was about to end when something suddenly went "click" in my head. I'm not proud of this, but I checked into her gmail account and bam, there it was. She was chatting at that very moment with this guy from our hometown. Something had happened two nights before. I called her immediately and told her it was over.

 

I then met a friend to tell her the whole episode. We had a few drinks and she said: "She'll be at home when you're back. Call me if things get ugly". I didn't really expect to find her home, but there she was. She was lying on the couch. She had taken some tranquilizers in what was obviously emotional blackmail. I called an ambulance and five minutes later, two police officers were in my living room interrogating me about the whole episode. I was in complete shock. The friend that had supported me a few hours ago and her sister showed up immediately and we went to hospital. There they told me they had to take her to a mental institution for a check. I said I'd take responsibility for her (that's how much of an idiot I am). They said it was not an option: law said so. So they checked her and released her 20 minutes later. I guess they realised straight away that she was putting on a show.

 

I offered to help her in every possible way to get through her problems even if we were not together anymore. She left home two days later and never came back.

 

A week later she withdrew the money from the account we shared and started asking me to leave the home we owned on a 50/50 basis. I obviously said it wasn't fair and we needed to find a more beneficial solution for me. From then on, things got even worse. A couple of weeks later she'd taken away my laptop, two TVs, suitcases, etc, etc, etc. I was still in shock and I couldn't even begin to understand how she could have become so insensitive overnight. One day, she sent an e-mail with a word attachment. It was a goodbye letter for my parents. She asked me to print it and give it to them. How insulting is that? It was two years like that until we finally reached an agreement on our house and we got divorced.

 

But there's more: four or five months after she left, a friend of hers broke down when she saw me lost and aching for answers and told me the whole truth. My wife had left me for a coworker she'd been flirting with for months. He wasn't even the same guy she was chatting to the night of the "fake suicide".

 

So yeah, five years, two more failed relationships and three therapists later, here I am, being as optimistic as I can. I know I'll finally find someone who's really worth it.

Edited April 12, 2016 by keiji

[ashley1992]

hi guys! wow strong people and yes hang in there!

 

just about a month ago, i split up with my partner of 6 years.. we have lived together for 3 years with a view to marriage! i found out he had been sleeping with multiple prostitutes and coming back home to me and on most occasion being intimate with me also. it hit me to the core. he was so caring, loving, understanding and kind man ever and guess wat he changed overnight.. he continued to have sex with more hookers...

 

he wasnt even genuinely sorry.. he turned cold.. and distant! i still cant believe all this! i am going through counselling to help understand the situation.. it felt brutal and heart breaking.. and im assuming hes happy and feels freeee! alot of sleepless nights and break downs.. but im positive il get through all this.. his a friken psychopathic clown who needs a reality check !

[Arman1987]

I wish you guys power and hope, to keep up and get well!

 

My story is pretty fresh, after 2 years with a girl who was cheated all of her previous partners, and had like only 2 friends, bad family background ect. only safe point in her life was me. Cried weekly to never lost each other, i am the only for her, dont want to live without me.

now its been 6 weeks i found out she cheated on me, by travelling throu the whole country, to one of her old "love and soul partner" (she already did this 1,5years ago but we continued)

 

So here i am, i believed that i am the best thing in her life, i did everything i could to make her happy and feel safe, told her million times to not worry, cared of her... and she did this to me.

 

My heart and hope is in like million pieces. Cant think of anything else.

I went NC 4 weeks ago, but its hard as ****. I still miss her, want to know her toughts, is she ok, answers ect...

 

Read like a million stories about cheating, psychology of the damage, the same she had from the past, now i got mine...

[d0nnivain]

confusedstill

 

 

The small silver lining is he broke up with but didn't cheat so you pick men with integrity. I'm sorry he did this to you.

 

 

My story is similar although I was a few years older then you, 24 to be exact. I thought my BF of 2 years was coming over to propose. Instead he dumped me. Whoops. Didn't see that coming.

 

 

It happens. You will survive. Hang in there.