trevjim Posted April 11, 2016 Share Posted April 11, 2016 So about 3 years ago I had a really bad break up, since then ive managed to move on and put the past behind me, ive been dating for the last 18 months or so, and whilst Ive had some success, ive never met anyone who made me 'fall in love' (for want of a better way to describe it) however 3 weeks ago I met a girl through a friend, she was everything I looked for in a girlfriend, we started dating and we were inseparable , we got on so well, and I was falling for her big time, She was too, or at least it seemed she was, although it had only been a few weeks, we talked about the future, she was excited for me to meet her mum and things like that. I let my heart go, after 3 years I was finally feeling truly happy again. until saturday, she text me in the morning a usual text I got from her, something along the lines of 'good morning, i miss you, cant wait to see you' and then out of the blue a few hours later she sent the dreaded 'we need to talk' text. We arranged to meet up that evening as we has planed to anyway. She ended up ignoring me for the whole evening, i tried to call and she just ignored that too, so I wasted a whole evening, stressing about the dreaded talk and my mind racing about why she is ending it and who she is with etc, she sent a couple of vague texts the next day about how everything was great between us but she has some 'stuff on her mind'. In my last break up I made the mistake of trying to win the girl back, when it was clear she wasnt interested, you know the usual soppy texts and things like that, Ive since learnt my lesson and retained some dignity and said basically 'im gutted you dont want to continue seeing me but i respect how you feel' I dont know why she changed overnight, my first thought is an ex BF came back into the picture or something, the trouble is, even though it was only 3 weeks the break up has sent me back to a really dark place, I genuinely thought after 3 years I had found someone, i had let my heart go, only to find it broken again. my biggest issue is being back at square one, the search for love starts again, im absolutely gutted about this false dawn and its sent me into a bit of depression 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TimmyC Posted April 12, 2016 Share Posted April 12, 2016 That's a tough one buddy I'm sorry. Unfortunately you have experienced what we call in this day in age "Ghosting." It's a really shoddy thing for people to do but they do it. First thing is first, when we fall in love we tend to have our brights on. Start to break the relationship down step by step TRUST me it works. Take a look at this. Facts: It was only 3 weeks You've been on dates before, chances are you'll date again You gave her all you could You were honest and sincere You don't deserve to be put on the side burner. Read this list over and over, and make one of your own and eventually you will start to see things for what they are. IT honestly sounds to me like you need a little time to heal from your relationship. My advice would be to date without expectation. When your ready to go out on a date, try not to put so much out there until you KNOW she is the one. From what I have read you mention "she was everything you wanted in a girlfriend" this is why it feels so difficult because you held her to a set of standards. Try something new, try it my way stress free, fun and most importantly sincere. It will take you more than 3 weeks to find out if she is the one trust me. You'll be okay, stay busy and hop back on the saddle my friend! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted April 12, 2016 Share Posted April 12, 2016 The fact that you thought she was everything you wanted in a girlfriend in 3 weeks means that you did not know her very well and a lot of that 'everything-you-wanted....' was more fantasy than reality on your part. You built her up in your mind to a degree that no real person can live up to. To put it simply, you got in over your head and emotionally invested too much of yourself too soon. That may or may not have had a thing why she flaked on you, but it is totally why you are in so much pain now. There's good news and bad news here. The bad news is self evident, it didn't work out and she wasn't who and what you thought she was. The good news is you can pull chicks that you like. Now just brush yourself off, end your little pity party, lick your wounds and get back on the horse and try to keep your head on your shoulders and your feet on the ground next time. My other advice is stop putting so much emphasis on finding "the one" and instead just go out with people that catch your eye and have fun. Go out and do fun stuff with your guy buddies and your social circle and ask girls that catch your eye out on dates. Accept that many of those dates will not be your true love but will just be fun outings to get to know some nice ladies and to have an enjoyable time. Appreciate everyone's unigue charms and characteristics even if you don't ride off into the sunset together. Chill out a bit. ..... as in A LOT. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SoThatHappened Posted April 12, 2016 Share Posted April 12, 2016 my first thought is an ex BF came back into the picture or something, I echo TimmyC and would bet money on an ex or a new "interest." Nothing you did wrong, man. Get used to the female psyche... (sorry ladies). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted April 12, 2016 Share Posted April 12, 2016 If it was me and she couldn't use good manners and at least answer your texts then I would leave it alone and move on. If she texted you and said that we need to talk, then first thing is, talk. That means face to face. anything else is a no go and if she can't do that then she isn't worth it. It's too easy to blow someone off in a text. She wants to end it then either call or meet. Move on. Don't go begging for an explanation because most of the time it wont be good enough anyhow. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted April 12, 2016 Share Posted April 12, 2016 If it was me and she couldn't use good manners and at least answer your texts then I would leave it alone and move on. If she texted you and said that we need to talk, then first thing is, talk. That means face to face. anything else is a no go and if she can't do that then she isn't worth it. It's too easy to blow someone off in a text. She wants to end it then either call or meet. Move on. Don't go begging for an explanation because most of the time it wont be good enough anyhow. Yes this ^^^ Don't make your same mistakes of the past and beg and plead for explanations and second chances etc. Trust that she's a flake. Link to post Share on other sites
Poppyolive Posted April 12, 2016 Share Posted April 12, 2016 Here's a different perspective; at least it was only three weeks and you find out this. This saves you alot of time having it been a couple of years. Don't beat yourself up. It's better you find someone completely committed to you than someone that's wishy washy and unsure. Next time don't put all your eggs in one basket. Go on dates with a few girls, when you're ready. I commend you on keeping your dignity and not pleading. I'm sure it was/is hard. This gives you the opportunity to meet the right person for you. You want someone who is fully into you. So let her go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author trevjim Posted April 12, 2016 Author Share Posted April 12, 2016 Thanks everyone for the replys, I guess she wasnt right for me, if she treated me with this much disregard and disrespect so early, then it would surely only get worse. As to why she didnt want to continue i can only guess, and I know I shouldnt think about why, because its happened and I need to try and move on. The biggest issue for me is that after years of searching and many many failed dates, i thought i had finally found someone that did it for me emotionally, and now thats over, im back to square one, and scared and saddened that i have to start seaching again 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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