cell2k15 Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 (edited) Hey, So this is going to come across as a pretty insane story, but hear me out. I have been in an on-off long distance relationship with a girl in the US (I'm in the UK) over the last 12 months (she's 19, and I'm 22). I'm in a lucky situation due to work where I get to see her every 1-2 months for 2-3 weeks at a time. We've been dating for 9 months and I went out to see her for 10 days in March, but we had a pretty big misunderstanding and we're currently on a mutually agreed/temporary break for the time being. It's somewhat due to my fault - I got pretty uncomfortable about her friendship with another guy she was hanging out with a lot before my visit, and she thought I overreacted way too much. After about 3 or so weeks of it being brought up + on the visit in March, she got fed up of the topic and said I needed to 'sort my jealousy and insecurity issues out' - and we went on a break. I guess you could say I was pushing her away with no evidence to back myself up. We still had an amazing time together and nothing really changed, and we still love each other like before. Here's where it gets tricky. We have a month long trip around Europe planned (and paid for, to the amount of almost $10k due to various things we have planned) which takes place in 5 weeks from now. She is INCREDIBLY excited to be going and she's always talking about it. We both agreed that whilst we were on this 'break' to cool off and until Europe, we wouldn't see anyone else, or essentially do anything with anyone else, and we'd pick up where we left off during the month trip and likely get back on track/back together, or beforehand as we talk things over (we talk on the phone everyday). So back to this guy she's been hanging out with, well they've been hanging out a whole lot more since I left at the end of March. I've brought it up with her on numerous occasions since, but it normally ends up in us arguing and she flat out denies anything is happening other than 'just friends' who 'lives nearby'. She still tells me how much she is in love with me, sends me hearts and calls me just as much as usual. Sadly, I've found out something is going on (long story) and that they've started making out several times a week over the last 3 or so weeks ever since I left in March. She doesn't know I've found out yet, and I'm yet to bring it up with her. I'm now stuck and in a really hard place, and not sure what decision to make. Should I confront her about it since she's been lying to me the whole time? Should I let it go since we're not dating and just accept, go on the trip as friends and hopefully get things back to normal during the Europe trip? Should I cancel the Europe trip and try and salvage whatever money I can? (expensive option with little return). Go on this final Europe trip as friends together and then call it a day? I know she's young at 19, and she's also incredibly pretty and gets a lot of male attention, but I've never had a reason to doubt her until recently. Edited April 11, 2016 by cell2k15
PegNosePete Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 I would go with option 3. Cancel the trip and try to salvage what money you can, and then never speak to her again. 3
clia Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 Who is paying for the trip? Both of you or just you? 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 I would go by myself if that's feasible.
Maxtor Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 Take someone else. Let her know that you found out what type of person she is. 2
PogoStick Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 I'd meet a new girl and take her instead. Or go on the trip alone and buddy up with a cute backpacking lady during my travels. Rewarding her with a trip because she's "pretty" while she's been lying and cheating is disgusting to me. Don't feed her ego and teach her to feel entitled. Grow a pair, young sir. Are you a good man? Are you a prize? Act like it and demand better of your relationships. And don't be so naive in the future. A teenager on the other side of the world, who you see occasionally, is not likely to be fully committed. That was your real mistake. 4
Author cell2k15 Posted April 11, 2016 Author Posted April 11, 2016 I'm not paying for the trip - she's paid for half of it (well, her and her parents) so it's even more of a tricky situation. Much of the trip was planned by myself with some big extras like broadway tickets for shows as a surprise when we go by New York at the start. I feel pretty betrayed so I'm trying to work out the best course of action right now.
clia Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 I would not go in a trip with her. I can't see how this will be a fun trip for you after what she's done. All of your romantic gestures and plans have been ruined by her behavior. (And obviously you were right in to question her relationship with that guy.). It just seems like it would end up being a miserable trip. By cancelling you are going to lose some money -- there is no way around that. But maybe it won't be as bad as you think given that you are still 5 weeks out. Cancel whatever you can that you have personally booked. You should still be able to cancel hotels, and might be able to either cancel or get a voucher for your flight to use for a future, different trip. You might be able to sell show tickets and the like through Stubhub or some other online ticket exchange. 1
PogoStick Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 No kidding. He'll just pester her about the other guy and they'll fight the entire trip.
joseb Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 Just had a look at your other thread - is this the same guy you broke up with her back in August??? Or another guy? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/544239-we-re-break-but-still-talking-just-much-where-do-i-go
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