abbie2014 Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 This probably sounds like a silly question but I'm going to ask it anyway - the guy who I'm crazy about and text with about 3 or 4 times a week, said he likes talking sh@# with me. I asked him if that was a good or bad thing. He said it was very good. No one has ever said that to me. What did he mean by it? He wouldn't explain...just changed the subject when I asked.
coolheadal Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 Can you shed some more about this about you two. Have you met or dated yet. Text is one thing. But he sounds like he likes you and not afraid to tell you so in his text to you.
Author abbie2014 Posted April 11, 2016 Author Posted April 11, 2016 He works at a bingo hall I go to. I see him once a week. We haven't gone out yet - just a lot of texting for now. We started texting about 5 months ago after we both got out of previous relationships. We're taking it slow - too slow in my opinion. I told him I'm crazy about him but he hasn't told me how he feels about me yet. Not sure what to do with him. Not sure what he meant by the comment he made and don't know why he won't say how he feels about me yet.
Buddhist Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 He works at a bingo hall I go to. I see him once a week. We haven't gone out yet - just a lot of texting for now. We started texting about 5 months ago after we both got out of previous relationships. We're taking it slow - too slow in my opinion. I told him I'm crazy about him but he hasn't told me how he feels about me yet. Not sure what to do with him. Not sure what he meant by the comment he made and don't know why he won't say how he feels about me yet. Okay given this context I would not read anything particularly hopeful into that comment. Because it sounds like he just likes chatting to you but isn't interested in anything else. I mean texting for 5 months and you've already put it out there you're up for more? He won't make a move but will enjoy stringing you along until you eventually give up.
jen1447 Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 "Talking sh**" can have a negative connotation - like gossiping or being out of line some other way, but in the context of your situ I think he just means "playing around." IOW, "I like having silly/carefree text conversations w/you." 1
Versacehottie Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 This probably sounds like a silly question but I'm going to ask it anyway - the guy who I'm crazy about and text with about 3 or 4 times a week, said he likes talking sh@# with me. I asked him if that was a good or bad thing. He said it was very good. No one has ever said that to me. What did he mean by it? He wouldn't explain...just changed the subject when I asked. hmmmm, to a lot of guys it's a good thing. That's more as an expression of themselves (as a person who give sh*t) and if you can take it and laugh,or give it right back then of course they are going to like it. I think he said it was very good because that's important to him. I don't think you can generalize this to all guys because everyone is different. I think you can take him at his word. He probably can't explain it because it is hard to explain AND also he would be opening the door to explain his feelings about you which he clearly is not ready to do. I don't know if you should read too much into the comment. It could mean that he is comfortable with you in a good way; it could mean he is comfortable with you in a bad way (like buddies). I think the comment and his overall feelings for you are not 100% related, as in a signal from which you can garner his real feelings for you. 5 months though? Well you should do something different from what you are doing perhaps. Don't always be right there, like a friend. Make him wonder if you are dating others especially if you have told him you like him and he's got you in limbo. It's simple enough. Be vague about certain things, mention activities you've done last night or past weekend without going into details, start to tell him a story and then say oh did I already tell you this? don't outright tell him or fake another guy. Good luck
Larryville Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 “said he likes talking sh@# with me.” Ok might be a generational thing… but when did a dude saying this to a woman become ok? Why I have always said that respect is the most important aspect of a relationship. O those might say “lighten up” but in no way do I think a dude “even playfully” talking to a women disrespectfully is ever ok.
SwordofFlame Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 Ok might be a generational thing… but when did a dude saying this to a woman become ok? Why I have always said that respect is the most important aspect of a relationship. O those might say “lighten up” but in no way do I think a dude “even playfully” talking to a women disrespectfully is ever ok. I have to agree here, that's not something I would ever say to a woman. And I'm in my late 20s. That's something a dude talks about with his fellow dudes.
Methodical Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 He sees you as one of the 'guys', a person he can be himself around w/o having to censor his words or put on false pretenses. 2
kendahke Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 What are your conversations like? Are they bantering conversations where he's jokingly trying to get the "one up" on you, or are they just meandering discussion about nothing too important or urgent? I think that him telling you this in reply to you telling him you're crazy about him might be a defense mechanism for him in that he doesn't know how to respond to that because he's not quite there yet. He sees you, right now, as more of a buddy than a girlfriend.
Author abbie2014 Posted April 11, 2016 Author Posted April 11, 2016 What are your conversations like? Are they bantering conversations where he's jokingly trying to get the "one up" on you, or are they just meandering discussion about nothing too important or urgent? I think that him telling you this in reply to you telling him you're crazy about him might be a defense mechanism for him in that he doesn't know how to respond to that because he's not quite there yet. He sees you, right now, as more of a buddy than a girlfriend. We don't have bantering conversations - so I was really surprised he said that to me. We just have what you mentioned above - meandering discussions about nothing too important or urgent. But when he said that I felt more like a guy friend than anything.
Author abbie2014 Posted April 11, 2016 Author Posted April 11, 2016 He sees you as one of the 'guys', a person he can be himself around w/o having to censor his words or put on false pretenses. I felt like one of the 'guys' when he said it. That's not a good thing though, is it? He did tell me he considers me a very special friend. Hmm...maybe it won't get any further than that.
Author abbie2014 Posted April 11, 2016 Author Posted April 11, 2016 I have to agree here, that's not something I would ever say to a woman. And I'm in my late 20s. That's something a dude talks about with his fellow dudes. My thoughts exactly..It's not a thing a guy should say to a woman. Maybe he said it without really thinking. Maybe the next time he texts, I'll ask him if he's back to talk some more "sh*t" with me and see what he says to that.
Author abbie2014 Posted April 11, 2016 Author Posted April 11, 2016 Ok might be a generational thing… but when did a dude saying this to a woman become ok? Why I have always said that respect is the most important aspect of a relationship. O those might say “lighten up” but in no way do I think a dude “even playfully” talking to a women disrespectfully is ever ok. This is the only disrespectful thing he's said to me so far. I should've told him I didn't like it. But I forgave him after he told me it was a good thing. I still didn't like it though.
Author abbie2014 Posted April 11, 2016 Author Posted April 11, 2016 hmmmm, to a lot of guys it's a good thing. That's more as an expression of themselves (as a person who give sh*t) and if you can take it and laugh,or give it right back then of course they are going to like it. I think he said it was very good because that's important to him. I don't think you can generalize this to all guys because everyone is different. I think you can take him at his word. He probably can't explain it because it is hard to explain AND also he would be opening the door to explain his feelings about you which he clearly is not ready to do. I don't know if you should read too much into the comment. It could mean that he is comfortable with you in a good way; it could mean he is comfortable with you in a bad way (like buddies). I think the comment and his overall feelings for you are not 100% related, as in a signal from which you can garner his real feelings for you. 5 months though? Well you should do something different from what you are doing perhaps. Don't always be right there, like a friend. Make him wonder if you are dating others especially if you have told him you like him and he's got you in limbo. It's simple enough. Be vague about certain things, mention activities you've done last night or past weekend without going into details, start to tell him a story and then say oh did I already tell you this? don't outright tell him or fake another guy. Good luck I appreciate everyone's comments! I'm still not sure what to think though. But he did tell me he considers me a very good friend. He actually said I'm his very special best friend - and that it can grow to be an awesome friendship. But that just sounds like a friend is all he'll ever consider me to be? He flirts with me all the time - compliments me constantly. If it weren't for the fact that he keeps calling me his friend, I'd think there was more to it. Because it really feels that way to me. But I will start doing things differently. I'll do some of the things you suggested.
Author abbie2014 Posted April 11, 2016 Author Posted April 11, 2016 "Talking sh**" can have a negative connotation - like gossiping or being out of line some other way, but in the context of your situ I think he just means "playing around." IOW, "I like having silly/carefree text conversations w/you." We do have a lot of silly/carefree conversations - and I agree with your comment!
Author abbie2014 Posted April 11, 2016 Author Posted April 11, 2016 Okay given this context I would not read anything particularly hopeful into that comment. Because it sounds like he just likes chatting to you but isn't interested in anything else. I mean texting for 5 months and you've already put it out there you're up for more? He won't make a move but will enjoy stringing you along until you eventually give up. This is what I'm afraid of. Maybe I should just remind him that I'm interested in more and if he isn't, he needs to stop texting me. He initiates about 95% of it. I wonder why he would string me along? What would be the purpose in that? There has to be others he can text who he'd be romantically interested in. He texts me 3-4 times a week now. That's up from 1-2 times and sometimes not that often. Plus we text 2-4 hours at a time. This is so confusing....
Buddhist Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 This is what I'm afraid of. Maybe I should just remind him that I'm interested in more and if he isn't, he needs to stop texting me. He initiates about 95% of it. I wonder why he would string me along? What would be the purpose in that? There has to be others he can text who he'd be romantically interested in. He texts me 3-4 times a week now. That's up from 1-2 times and sometimes not that often. Plus we text 2-4 hours at a time. This is so confusing.... I should clarify here, people string each along all the time without being consciously aware that's what they are doing. Some people are just so self-absorbed that they think as long as you keep responding to them it's okay for them to let you think there's romantic potential when there isn't. They know you're into them but they never extend the courtesy to take you off their hook because they enjoy the attention and your availability. It's unfortunate but many times in your life you will have to take yourself off someone's hook when it becomes apparent that nothing will come of this. I've had this happen to me, a guy I liked gave me just enough to keep me contacting him and conversing with him but wouldn't never allow any kind of friendship even to develop. It took me a while to realise that all he was really after was my attention to fuel his own sense of excitement in life. After all it is really nice to have other people's attention isn't it? The day I walked away he actually followed me around the workplace with puppy dog eyes wondering where his attention had gone. That's when the penny really dropped for me, he wasn't interested in anything more than having me shower him with my energy. He only reciprocated once the attention was gone. It's sad but true that many people are just 7yrs old on the inside.
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