dragonwalker Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 Met this girl through okc. Went on first date at the farmer's market. Talked and spent a few hours together. She seems to be more of a quiet girl and nothing else happened. Just got through with a 2nd date which was a dinner. More talking, a little more open and engaging. Mostly very innocent stuff. A few things though, she returned a book that I gave her the first date saying that she wanted to watch the tv series before reading any of the books. I guess this makes sense but surprised she actually returned it back to me. I did suggest before meeting a slightly earlier time which she declined and then I mentioned going to a comedy club afterwards which she also declined but said maybe another time. Still went to dinner at original time. Dinner was about 1.5 hours. When we were wrapping up I was planning on asking if she wanted to walk around for a bit but the timing just didn't feel right as I kind of got the sense she was ready to head back. She also walked to the restaurant and had previously said she only lets close friends know where she lives. She did mention some type of show at a comedy club she may be interested in going. I told her to let me know when she wanted to go. She has been studying for a very important exam so I guess that is consuming much of her time in addition to work. I would like to continue seeing her and both times I've asked she's met with me. I'm just not the best at ready how these dates went and I know I'm bad at taking initiative to escalate things. I'm thinking of leaving it up to her to ask about our next outing. If after a week or so she doesn't perhaps ask directly if she wants to meet again. How does this sound or is there another suggestion people have?
PogoStick Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 If you are interested you should go for it, not wait. But by the way you described the 2nd date, she doesn't seem very interested in you.
SwordofFlame Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 From what you describe, it doesn't sound like she has much interest in you.
basil67 Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 Either she's not into you or she's very nervous and shy. Has she said anything in the past about being shy or not a good conversationalist?
Author dragonwalker Posted April 11, 2016 Author Posted April 11, 2016 Either she's not into you or she's very nervous and shy. Has she said anything in the past about being shy or not a good conversationalist? She has not said anything to that effect however I do get that feeling from the information in her profile, just her overall behavior, interests, personality. Like I said she did seem to open up more today being more vocal and involved in the conversation. I'm on the fence on this one but I believe that I will continue to pursue this as I can. Just trying to figure out the best way how.
smudge21 Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 Sounds like she's got a lot on and is very shy. She could be wanting to take her time too. However, there's that thinking that if the guy doesn't make his intentions clear, the woman loses interest early on. Basically it's a call between thinking she wants to go slow, and thinking she's expecting you to step it up and if you don't, she will walk away. Sadly there's no sure fire way to know for certain, you just have to take a chance. I've heard a lot about going for a kiss by the third date and that at least confirms your intentions of where you want this to go, how she responds will then tell you whether this is worth pursuing.
scooby-philly Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 I agree with the previous posters - looks like the current situation is one or more of three things: 1. She's not that into you. 2. She's shy and/or wants to take things slow 3. She's busy with studying YOU have nothing to lose by asking her. As long as you can handle the rejection if it's #1. If she's says maybe - then say "here's what I would like to do and here's some times - feel free to pick". That way you give her options but still give her some wiggle room. (If I get into one of these situations I always avoid stuff that comes with a definite time of day - i.e. comedy club. I'll say - coffee or food and give her a weeknight, a weekend night (Fri/Sat) and a weekend daytime thing - like 2pm. That way even if she's busy she can adjust her schedule if she's interested. if she hems or haws it's time to move on.
Author dragonwalker Posted April 13, 2016 Author Posted April 13, 2016 Alright, so we went on Sunday. No contact since then. I definitely agree there are good signs that maybe she's not that enthusiastic about me. I agree that I should contact her. For something like this should I call or text? We've never spoken on the phone before just met twice in person. If texting after some greeting I'd like to say the following: "I was thinking of the dinner we had on Sunday. Ienjoyed your company and think you're a pretty cool person to get to know. I'm just not so sure what you think of me. I'd like to think that you are shy like me and maybe I'm notreading you that well but tell me how do you feel about continuing to go out?" Does that sound alright? I'm planning to take it from there? Should I wait another day to contact her or contact her now? Part of me wants to wait for her to initiate contact and hold off on finding out bad news till tomorrow but maybe sooner the better?
joseb Posted April 13, 2016 Posted April 13, 2016 I would leave out all the "I don't know how you feel about me" stuff. Sounds a bit insecure. Ask her out. If she says no, you know she's not interested. If she says yes then you need to progress this on the next date. If I had to guess, I'd say she's either not too interested or not sure yet, but you never know.
Miss Peach Posted April 13, 2016 Posted April 13, 2016 (edited) I would leave out all the "I don't know how you feel about me" stuff. Sounds a bit insecure. Ask her out. If she says no, you know she's not interested. If she says yes then you need to progress this on the next date. I agree with this. Women are attracted to confidence. No need to have that talk yet. Just ask her out again for a date/time and if she wants to go she'll say yes. If she can't make it she'll ask for a different time and set it there. Otherwise she's probably not interested. FWIW I won't ask a man out so if you like her waiting a week for her to chase you might not happen. I agree with the previous posters - looks like the current situation is one or more of three things: 1. She's not that into you. 2. She's shy and/or wants to take things slow 3. She's busy with studying This is pretty likely. I know for me, when I'm busy I plan my time. I hate it when men try to monopolize my time as a sign of whether I like them. The first few dates should be short IMO. I hate it when men think I don't like them because I don't want to do a marathon date with a man I hardly know and drop all the things I had planned. I wouldn't read too much into her wanting to keep it short. Edited April 13, 2016 by Miss Peach
Author dragonwalker Posted April 16, 2016 Author Posted April 16, 2016 Alright, so I ended up asking her out and suggested a fun activity this weekend. Her exact response, "I'm not really sure if I will feel the need for a break to stay sane or will feel more stressed if I'm not studying." I just acknowledged that and asked that she give me a heads up when she wants to do something. By next week is there any point holding off and asking her directly if she is interested?
dumbass2 Posted April 16, 2016 Posted April 16, 2016 You never need to ask someone if they are interested. Their actions will tell you everything you need to know. If she was really interested, she would have offered up to do something with you another time. Doesn't sound like that happened. The ball is in her court. She knows you want to go out with her. Don't wait around for her.
Lois_Griffin Posted April 16, 2016 Posted April 16, 2016 Alright, so I ended up asking her out and suggested a fun activity this weekend. Her exact response, "I'm not really sure if I will feel the need for a break to stay sane or will feel more stressed if I'm not studying." I just acknowledged that and asked that she give me a heads up when she wants to do something. Good lord. If this girl were any LESS interested in you, she'd be in a coma. Stop texting her. Stop asking her out. Seriously. Just stop.
Recommended Posts