MarcoInaros Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 Hi, This is something that is bothering me. I have been going on a few dates here and there, mostly through online dating websites like Match and Tinder. One thing that I have noticed, and this must be a universal truth, is that women do not initiate anything. I have never once met a woman who initiates asking for a date, or the second date, or the third date. I have never met a women who initiated where to go or what to do on any date. I haven't met a women who initiated any physical contact (unless they were completely sloshed). It seems to be entirely the man's responsibility to initiate everything, and when I do, I run the risk of rejection or cancellations (which happens often). Sometimes I just get tired of this. I don't feel like initiating everything. It's exhausting and nerve wracking. Sometimes I've just given up on setting up the next date out of frustration, and of course the woman doesn't do anything to keep the relationship, whatever that relationship is, going. So it goes nowhere. Women make dating exponentially difficult. Sometimes I wonder if they are indifferent about relationships, or intimacy. I wonder if they are asexual. Or if they say they want a relationship but subconsciously do not. Anyways, that is my rant. Thanks for listening. 1
hippychick3 Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 I believe most women are taught or have learned to let the men do the initiating. I know that is how I have always been. If the man did not initiate, I assumed lack of interest, the relationship did not progress, and I moved on. However, at any point if the man had said to me, "Hey, I really like you and it would mean a lot to me if you were to ask ME out or initiate a date here and there." I would have done exactly that. Try communicating that with the women you are interested in and see how they respond.
SwordofFlame Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 (edited) [] Unfortunately, if you're meeting these women through online dating, why should they put forth any effort when they get plenty of messages and date offers from many men? Edited April 11, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1
JuanDelToro Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 You`re a man, that`s what you`re supposed to do. Women (well, at least most) value and want an assertive man that takes the lead, even if they don`t show it. Having said that though and after you create enough attraction, they will start initiating; contact, dates, sex, you name it. Things eventually balance out. Rejections are great because you learn, they make you stronger and more confident and cancellations (without legit reason) are also great because you filter out untrustworthy women that are not that into you. 2
Author MarcoInaros Posted April 11, 2016 Author Posted April 11, 2016 [] Unfortunately, if you're meeting these women through online dating, why should they put forth any effort when they get plenty of messages and date offers from many men? Because I'm a catch. I'm better than most men on those websites, or in real life.
ltjg45 Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 Because I'm a catch. I'm better than most men on those websites, or in real life. You may think that you are a catch but the women clearly disagree because if that was true, the women would be chasing you just like any other desirable man out there. 2
mike_89 Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 Women do initiate but it's fairly rare. Every so often on Tinder I get a message saying "hey" (such original, meni engaging). It happens quite a lot when going out though, to my friends and to me, you just have to look at the signs. They won't usually come up to say high but they'll "accidentally" bump into you, look at you suggestively or even be as bold as squeezing your butt. Sure they may not speak words but those things are definitely initiations. I do agree though that some women really don't put any effort in and some do this consciously to "test" if you're really interested (and obviously they don't stop to think that if the man has options, he's just going to go to another girl who does act interested). I asked a girl I was dating about this, who admitted to deliberately playing hard to get by not planning a first date for the first couple of weeks of messaging and whatever. She said she really wanted men to put in the effort before dating them. I think there are quite a lot of women out there who do this. The best way to deal with this though is to just date other women because why would you invest so much time in someone who doesn't return anything?
blackcat777 Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 With OLD, I did use male initiation as a means of vetting who I'd continue to see. I would expect a man to initiate the first date. -> but if I enjoyed it, I would emphatically let him know at the end. This was the big cue to see if he'd ask for a second date and I wanted one. If a girl isn't enthusiastic or appreciative, move on! Just like it's in a woman's best interest to have a man who likes to initiate, it's in the best interest for a man to have a lady who appreciates him. 1
central Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 Initiating rarely got me dates. I wrote a good profile with good pictures, and let the women initiate most of the time. My best dates, short relationships, and wife all initiated contact on OLD, and were active participants in everything else. Some women do, you know! And they are more likely to know what they want and seek it, compared to the rest who just hope a good man will contact them (and most wouldn't recognize one if he did!), and complain that they can't find someone. Another plus is that once you are in a relationship with them, they may continue to initiate half the time, so may be better sex partners and life partners. 1
losangelena Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 One thing that I have noticed, and this must be a universal truth Just want to point out that just because this is something you've experienced, does not make it universal. I know it doesn't ease your frustration (and yes, dating is a frustrating process), but speaking as a woman who will initiate, I'll tell you that it does happen. It's not like a 50/50 split, mind you, but there are women who will. My advice would be to not blame women as a gender. 1
jasmineb Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 You may want to consider moving to one of the many places I have lived so that you can meet one of the many women I know who DO initiate. Perhaps you live in a statistically unusual area.
normal person Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 A women messaging or liking/winking at you is pretty much the modern day interpretation of her initiating, even if the message is bare. Only a few times in my OLD experience has a girl ever just messaged "let's go here and do this." But if she messages you the standard stuff, that's an indication that she wants to go out with you, the condition being that she wants you to ask her and then plan it. So be it. Yeah, it's not ideal, but that's just the way it's done. You should always have a few go-to spots you can rely on so you don't have to Yelp for an hour trying to find a good place. If after 3 dates or so she's not throwing ideas out about what would be fun, or asking what kind of thinks you want to do, that's probably a little too indifferent.
The_Dork_Lard Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 My experiences are much different. I've only really known women to initiate, and I've mainly been a passive recipient of their advances. Some of them have been really quite forward and aggressive. I tried online dating twice. I used Match.com 9 and 7 years ago. I met a total of 4 women and my frustration lay in them only really looking for sex. None of them were shy about initiating it (although I said no to 2 of them and they got really angry lol).
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted April 12, 2016 Posted April 12, 2016 Hi, This is something that is bothering me. I have been going on a few dates here and there, mostly through online dating websites like Match and Tinder. One thing that I have noticed, and this must be a universal truth, is that women do not initiate anything. I have never once met a woman who initiates asking for a date, or the second date, or the third date. I have never met a women who initiated where to go or what to do on any date. I haven't met a women who initiated any physical contact (unless they were completely sloshed). It seems to be entirely the man's responsibility to initiate everything, and when I do, I run the risk of rejection or cancellations (which happens often). Sometimes I just get tired of this. I don't feel like initiating everything. It's exhausting and nerve wracking. Sometimes I've just given up on setting up the next date out of frustration, and of course the woman doesn't do anything to keep the relationship, whatever that relationship is, going. So it goes nowhere. Women make dating exponentially difficult. Sometimes I wonder if they are indifferent about relationships, or intimacy. I wonder if they are asexual. Or if they say they want a relationship but subconsciously do not. Anyways, that is my rant. Thanks for listening. glad there is another guy that shares my frustration and resentment, detesting the gender role that guys are always or almost always expected to be the initiator and take the lead, and yes throughout the years it has not been uncommon for me to sometimes have anger and bitterness, resentment towards the female gender for expecting guys to be the confident assertive ones and taking the lead, and what adds fuel to fire, is that us guys are expected to enjoy and embrace taking initiative, taking the lead, we are not supposed to hate or detest it.
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