Lovestinks12 Posted April 10, 2016 Posted April 10, 2016 I've realized that I'm over my previous relationship, but jealous that my ex moved on and found someone better than me. Obviously this comment shows I have 0 confidence lol. My ex's new bf sounds like he has accomplished so much more than me. Its very discouraging to know that my ex is better off without me. 3
SammySammy Posted April 10, 2016 Posted April 10, 2016 Rather than being discouraged, maybe it can be motivation to improve yourself. Not that I compare myself to other people. I'm here to be the very best that I can be. Nothing more. Nothing less. 1
TaraMaiden2 Posted April 10, 2016 Posted April 10, 2016 I've realized that I'm over my previous relationship, but jealous that my ex moved on and found someone better than me. Obviously this comment shows I have 0 confidence lol. ...And that therefore, you are NOT 'over it'.... My ex's new bf sounds like he has accomplished so much more than me. 'Sounds' is different to 'has'. Gandhi accomplished so much more than I. Am I jealous? Er....no. He was Gandhi. I am me. Apples and oranges.... Its very discouraging to know that my ex is better off without me.Different people bring different problems. Don't sweat it. Rest assured, their life will not always be the bed of roses you imagine it to be.... 3
Zapbasket Posted April 10, 2016 Posted April 10, 2016 You know that saying, "Never compare your inside to another person's outside"? It applies here. You have no way of knowing whether your ex's new boyfriend is "better" than you. What looks good on a resume doesn't necessarily indicate a person's character, integrity, emotional maturity, self-confidence, humility, or other, less-easily-measured attributes necessary for a healthy relationship. Plus, you don't date a person's accomplishments; you date the whole messy amalgam of all that they are--their history, their emotional development or lack thereof, their personality. And beyond that, all those things have to mesh well with the messy amalgam of what your ex is. What's happening is that your breakup has temporarily (I hope) lessened your self-esteem. And in that frame of mind, you'll use anything to "prove" to yourself that you were somehow inadequate. Who know but that your ex's ex before you looked at you and thought, "He must be better than me." Maybe you were, and are, but there's no objective way to measure that, so you have to let all comparisons go as manifestations of your current skewed thinking and nothing more. I know that's hard to do. Just try to remember: at one point, your ex chose YOU. So obviously you have attractive traits, just like her new guy does. 2
Satu Posted April 10, 2016 Posted April 10, 2016 Nobody is any better or worse than you. "Human beings are like flies on a hot griddle: Those that fall down must jump up, and those that jump up must fall down." Your time will come. 3
Arieswoman Posted April 10, 2016 Posted April 10, 2016 Lovestinks12, jealous that my ex moved on and found someone better than me. No - not "better than you" - better for them, in their opinion All this does is show their choice - it doesn't devalue you as a person. ^^^^ Now keep repeating that until you believe it. Good luck x 4
Rachel39 Posted April 10, 2016 Posted April 10, 2016 No relationship is without problems so do not think that it's better and than you. We are all beautiful and unique in our own way and bring different things to a relationship. Know your worth!! 4
ExtraSpice Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 Comparing yourself to others very rarely ends well. Knowing that fact doesn't help deter the thought though. It could be that the new guy is more successful than you are but that doesn't always mean better. Plus for someone you could be better than him. It is all so subjective. That being said, I do understand how you feel. I have a tendency to compare myself to others too much. The best thing to do with this feeling is to fuel your motivation to improve. It is easy to say in a sentence but very difficult to implement in real life. But then again that defines the people that are successful. 2
Arieswoman Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 Lovestinks12, The best thing to do with this feeling is to fuel your motivation to improve. I'd go along with this in part. I'm not keep on the word "improve" because it infers that you're a failure, which you're not. However, it doesn't hurt to learn some new skills and take up some new hobbies. It sounds trite I know, but this is one way too keep occupied, so you don't brood, and you'll make new friends along the way. But do it for you, not because you feel the need to impress your ex. After I was divorced my self confidence was at an all-time low. So low I could have crawled under a snake's belly with a top hat on. So I set about learning some new skills and doing some of the things I always wanted to do, (such as travelling) but couldn't because I'd been busy looking after a needy man-child. At first it was hard because my heart wasn't in it. But as time went by and I completed various courses and had new experiences I became more confident. It also gave me more to talk about when on dates, so I was a more interesting person to be with. You can do it too - good luck x 1
Heatemyheart89 Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 (edited) Hey, I asked a similar question to this, saying that my ex had moved on to dating/fancying gorgeous blondes . I asked love shack and my friend. My friend said: 'well if you are that bothered, work on yourself. If you want to be blonde , be blonde. If you want to be slimmer, work out' . You can use it as motivation to improve YOU. To be honest, I wouldn't worry about the ex's new partner, everyone has flaws. Forget it, think about finding someone who suits you better :)/someone who is better for you. Take care Edited April 11, 2016 by Heatemyheart89 1
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