Zapbasket Posted April 10, 2016 Posted April 10, 2016 I'm considering moving from the remote-ish mountain town where I live. One reason is because I feel like I'm not meeting enough new people, and enough of a range of people, and that therefore it will take forever for me to meet someone I'd like to date, if I ever meet him at all. At the same time, I do love living in the mountains and it suits a lot of my interests. So before I take any drastic steps, I figure some solid research is in order, and it occurred to me today that I could set up a profile on Match.com or the like in order to connect with interesting prospects from the areas to which I'm considering moving. I'd be up front when I reach out to the guys, saying something along the lines of, "Your profile caught my interest. I'm considering moving to [the city where they live] and wanted to get a sense of the kinds of people I might meet there. I understand if you're not interested in chatting if it won't lead to anything, since I live so far away, but if you'd be willing to help me with my "research," that'd be great." What do you think? Have any of you ever tried this? I just thought actually dipping my toe into the pools where I'm thinking of relocating, in order to get a taste of what I might expect to find there, would be much better than going to the trouble of moving based on a bunch of generalizations and assumptions. Especially given that one reason I'm considering moving is because I feel lonely here--in general, not just in terms of dating. And, yes, I have looked on dating sites at what the local dating scene has to offer. It's dismal, probably in large part because the population here is much smaller than in a city. There is not one local guy on one dating site I've checked out that I feel is worth meeting.
Shanex Posted April 10, 2016 Posted April 10, 2016 Find your people - Meetup could be a good start. Guys may not like that you use a dating site to develop friendships. Some will be fine with it. You're free to do so, even if it's not the purpose of OLD sites.
Author Zapbasket Posted April 10, 2016 Author Posted April 10, 2016 That's the thing, though: I won't be using the dating sites to develop friendships or even future romantic relationships. I'll be using it to collect...samples. I know what it's like to go around where I live and strike up conversations with men and women, just because I'm social and like conversation. Each person with whom I strike up a conversation is an individual, but generally the conversations follow a certain plane and certain responses become very predictable. It's the cultural vibe threading through our interaction, as it will inevitably do. Basically, I want to use dating sites as equivalent to striking up conversation with folks where I live. So, just as here I might strike up a conversation with a guy who has the cool new Blizzard racing skis, and ask how he likes them...online I might strike up a conversation with a guy from San Francisco (one place I'm considering as a place I might like to live) who says on his profile that he loves backpacking, as I do. And in both instances, I care less about their responses to the actual questions I ask; I'm more tuned in to the overall vibe I get from the conversation. I'd want to strike up conversations with 10, 20, 30, ++ guys from OLD who live in San Francisco, and see what difference there is, if any, from the vibe I get when I strike up conversations with guys where I live. I don't care if I never meet them IRL. They're just "samples," from which I'm hoping to get a sense of what it'd be like for me to live in _____ city. Is there a way to make that intention clear? (Without saying, "Hello, I'm collecting Samples...." ) I was thinking dating sites over Meetup as people tend to have more detailed profiles on OLD.
PegNosePete Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 "Your profile caught my interest. I'm considering moving to [the city where they live] and wanted to get a sense of the kinds of people I might meet there. I understand if you're not interested in chatting if it won't lead to anything, since I live so far away, but if you'd be willing to help me with my "research," that'd be great." If I had received such a message I would not have replied. I was on a dating site to get dates, not to be part of someone's research. Is there a way to make that intention clear? (Without saying, "Hello, I'm collecting Samples...." ) I think if you make your intention clear, you won't get much response. The only way I can think to achieve your objective, is to lie and deceive people. Pretend to be living there already, and chat to people, but when it comes to the meeting stage, avoid/evade or just block them and move on to the next. Whether you want to use people like that, is a matter between you and your conscience... but I don't see any other way you can make it work on a dating site. 1
d0nnivain Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 It's a bad idea to use a dating site for that purpose. There are travel & relocation sites that have message boards. Use those instead. Try www.tripadvisor.com then drill down to the town you want. Find local websites in that area with message boards. Take a week's vacation to the area & scope it out for yourself 1
Author Zapbasket Posted April 12, 2016 Author Posted April 12, 2016 If I had received such a message I would not have replied. I was on a dating site to get dates, not to be part of someone's research. I think if you make your intention clear, you won't get much response. The only way I can think to achieve your objective, is to lie and deceive people. Pretend to be living there already, and chat to people, but when it comes to the meeting stage, avoid/evade or just block them and move on to the next. Whether you want to use people like that, is a matter between you and your conscience... but I don't see any other way you can make it work on a dating site. I don't want to be deceitful. And I hear you about being on a site to get dates, not indulge other purposes. I think for these reasons I'm going to take your and Donnivain's advice and use a different method for interpersonal research. Thanks for weighing in on this thread because it made me realize that perhaps my intentions weren't entirely honest: I think I wanted to play, "what if" by going on the dating sites and seeing what I found. 1
d0nnivain Posted April 12, 2016 Posted April 12, 2016 There is nothing wrong with taking a gander at who is on the dating sites in the area where you are thinking about relocating. Seeing who is there may make you change your mind. Just don't start something -- even a conversation -- if you aren't candid about your reasons. Also don't relocate for a "relationship" you don't actually have.
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