Taurus1358 Posted June 17, 2005 Posted June 17, 2005 I want to thank everyone that responded to my first posting 2 days ago. I can't seem to find peace, it's been 1 1/2 years since I last saw my ex, one day she decided to establish NC and we have never talked again. 17 years in a relationship are difficult to forget, I am dating at the moment but I can't put my feelings to rest, if anyone who reads my response to Lyndia will know the real reasons for my failure, we never cheated on each other, never abused each other in any way, at some point in time we lost the communication line without realizing it. We went to counselling prior to the separation but I was too messed up and couldn't comply with my part of the agreement, too confused to value what I was about to lose. Having no family to help was a problem, all my friends were married and I was not in the position to bother them with my problem so I went out and made new friends, kept on going to the gym, went to a psychologist, read a lot of books on the matter and on self improvement, travelled, and still I can't find peace. She blocked my e mails, I don't want to impose by going to her job ( very near to mine ), or to her home ( 3 blocks away from mine ). I suspect that my letters ( I have sent her 2 ) were thrown away without being read. Can anyone give me an idea of what to do next? I just need to hear from anyone who can help
zack121 Posted June 17, 2005 Posted June 17, 2005 Dude, that sounds very tough (17 years)? I am not sure what to offer, is she going on with anybody? as you say your dating? sometimes I feel men (although are mostly oblivious to how women think), actually get the raw end of the deal on many occasions. thats not to say guys don't f**k up girls badly. I had a theory once ago, that a female is scarred in her teenage years, as most guys of that age (don't wish to sterotype) don't care about feelings, emotions they just wanna get laid, whereas from what I have discussed with females this is a time when females put faith and trust into males, and once they have been bitten, then they stay messed up. Males seem to get messed up later in life. (very very generalized - don't flame me). How do you feel about your ex? The fact that you have had NC, do you feel that she wants contact? what signs have you felt or observed to make you wanna contact her? She did not answer your 2 letters right? have you seen her, and does she appear happy? from my own limited experince, if she is not with somebody thats a good thing
ConfusedInOC Posted June 17, 2005 Posted June 17, 2005 Originally posted by Taurus1358 I want to thank everyone that responded to my first posting 2 days ago. I can't seem to find peace, it's been 1 1/2 years since I last saw my ex, one day she decided to establish NC and we have never talked again. 17 years in a relationship are difficult to forget, I am dating at the moment but I can't put my feelings to rest, if anyone who reads my response to Lyndia will know the real reasons for my failure, we never cheated on each other, never abused each other in any way, at some point in time we lost the communication line without realizing it. We went to counselling prior to the separation but I was too messed up and couldn't comply with my part of the agreement, too confused to value what I was about to lose. Having no family to help was a problem, all my friends were married and I was not in the position to bother them with my problem so I went out and made new friends, kept on going to the gym, went to a psychologist, read a lot of books on the matter and on self improvement, travelled, and still I can't find peace. 17 years is a long time. Some people take on average one month for every year together but it varies. It could be longer. You've gone the correct route, just give it some more time and do your best to forget about her. She's forgetting about you. She blocked my e mails, I don't want to impose by going to her job ( very near to mine ), or to her home ( 3 blocks away from mine ). I suspect that my letters ( I have sent her 2 ) were thrown away without being read. Mmm, that's borderline stalker behavior. She's basically trying to tell you to move on. You obviously aren't ready but unfortunately you have to accept the reality that she is moving on without you and doesn't want to hear from you. You will never start healing until you accept that fact. Can anyone give me an idea of what to do next? I just need to hear from anyone who can help You need to face the reality that she's moving on without you. The healing will start when you stop trying to contact her or otherwise reach her. I understand it's hard but that is a cold hard fact you need to accept in order to stop thinking about her and have a healthy relationship. Use what you have learned through counseling and reading to have a good relationship NOW. You can't fix the past.
Author Taurus1358 Posted June 17, 2005 Author Posted June 17, 2005 Confused; It is very hard to hear the truth but it makes sense to me. I sent her just a few e mails and just saying things like " I miss you" or " Thinking of you", that is all. She blocked me when I found out she had place a personal profile in Yahoo ( I did the same thing ), I found out about it because Yahoo sent me an e mail with the women more compatible to me according to what I presented and the very first one was her. One night I was browsing the personals and noticed that she was online so I tried to establish contact that way, this was around 6 months ago, needless to say that she did not respond at all. A couple of weeks ago I saw her profile again, she changed her hair color and re-invented herself in such a way that impressed me tremendously, I took the most beautiful pic and set it up as my desktop theme. I know that, at least for now, she is not dating anybody, we live close because the place I found when I left is 3 blocks from her home ( by chance ). As far as stalking let me say that I don't show up at any place where she could be, her gym, her job, her friends, I don't call or ask about her. Her mom and I keep in contact but I never mention her in our conversations ( neither does she ). I have been seing this new lady for almost a year, she seems to be very much into me but I can't say what she wants me to say because I don't feel it, my heart and my soul are still with my ex
ConfusedInOC Posted June 17, 2005 Posted June 17, 2005 Originally posted by Taurus1358 Confused; It is very hard to hear the truth but it makes sense to me. I sent her just a few e mails and just saying things like " I miss you" or " Thinking of you", that is all. She blocked me when I found out she had place a personal profile in Yahoo ( I did the same thing ), I found out about it because Yahoo sent me an e mail with the women more compatible to me according to what I presented and the very first one was her. One night I was browsing the personals and noticed that she was online so I tried to establish contact that way, this was around 6 months ago, needless to say that she did not respond at all. Ok but that's not a good way to "move on..." A couple of weeks ago I saw her profile again, she changed her hair color and re-invented herself in such a way that impressed me tremendously, I took the most beautiful pic and set it up as my desktop theme. This is DEFINITELY not healthy and in no way helps you move on. In order to move on you have to accept that the past is OVER and DONE WITH. That means getting rid of all of her pictures and anything that reminds you of her. When you email her and tell her you miss her all you are telling her is that you haven't moved on. She is telling you in many ways to "move on!" and you aren't listening to her. I know that, at least for now, she is not dating anybody, It shouldn't be a concern of yours. Worry about yourself, do not worry about what she is doing. we live close because the place I found when I left is 3 blocks from her home ( by chance ). As far as stalking let me say that I don't show up at any place where she could be, her gym, her job, her friends, I don't call or ask about her. Her mom and I keep in contact but I never mention her in our conversations ( neither does she ). I have been seing this new lady for almost a year, she seems to be very much into me but I can't say what she wants me to say because I don't feel it, my heart and my soul are still with my ex You are not being very good to your current flame. Here's my $0.02 Go COMPLETE NO CONTACT with your ex. Get rid of all her pictures and any reminders of her. Remove her from all your messenger programs and delete all her emails. Resist the urge to CONTACT or otherwise "snoop" into what she is doing. By blocking you from email she is telling you that she DOES NOT want to hear from you. The more you "dig" into what she is doing the more you push her away. Not only that but you are not allowing yourself to heal. She is the root cause of your pain, not your happiness. You can live without her and you need to show YOURSELF that. You're torturing yourself by continuing to hang on to hope. I know, 17 years is a long time, but your behavior is not healthy. I would suggest counseling because IMHO you need to talk to a professional. This is NOT healthy behavior.
Author Taurus1358 Posted June 17, 2005 Author Posted June 17, 2005 Confused; Thank you very, very much for your advise. You are so right in everything you have said that I am putting it into practice right now. I know it will be difficult, I know it will take an incredible amount of strength on my part, but I need to do it. I have been blessed with a new beginning, I have a new career very well paid, my girl is really sweet and caring and it is time for me to let go!!! I will go back to counseling starting next week and everytime that I feel like giving in to this feeling I will read your words. God doesn't gives us a bigger cross than we can carry so I trust that He will put me in the right path. Once again, thank you
ConfusedInOC Posted June 17, 2005 Posted June 17, 2005 Originally posted by Taurus1358 Confused; Thank you very, very much for your advise. You are so right in everything you have said that I am putting it into practice right now. I know it will be difficult, I know it will take an incredible amount of strength on my part, but I need to do it. You HAVE to do it. It's a disservice to your new girl to be hung up on your old one. Your old flame wants to move on and your new one deserves to be on level ground, not fighting for your attention from your Ex. I have been blessed with a new beginning, I have a new career very well paid, my girl is really sweet and caring and it is time for me to let go!!! I will go back to counseling starting next week and everytime that I feel like giving in to this feeling I will read your words. God doesn't gives us a bigger cross than we can carry so I trust that He will put me in the right path. Once again, thank you Exactly. Pray over this and seek God out when you feel like you need to talk to her. If God wanted her in your life, he would have changed her heart. But what you have in front of you, a new career and a neat new girl, that's all the indication you need that God has something better in mind for you. Don't fight His will. Accept it! Best of luck to you.
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