I dont want my girl buddy in my new car

[Easyguy14]

I'm calling her a girl buddy because we've only been intimate twice and going through the slower part of the dating stages (all her decision). It started about February or so when I was driving my older vehicle (2006 Taurus) and she had loved coming with me for rides to the movies, hole-in-the-wall restaurants and just any interesting spots we could find.

 

Now, I'm in the process of selling my old car since I've purchased a new brand (2015 Civic) and she's making a nuisance of herself to get inside and I don't want her in it just yet. Honestly, I'm not sure if I ever want her to be in there, and this goes for some of my work colleagues, who've also been badgering me for lifts to various places other than home. I turned all of them down and got a bit of backlash for it, but I'm no one's chauffeur, nor do I want to be. Besides, these people I work with (though I'm a freelancer) are a little on the reckless side and some have annoyed me in the past when I did give them lifts in my Taurus.

 

Now, back to the matter on hand. My girl buddy is upset because of this and wont return my phone calls or answer messages because of this issue. When I last spoke with her over a week ago, she's stated that I'm not as nice as she thought I was simply because I don't want anyone inside my new car.

 

I told her it wasn't personal because I rejected everyone who wanted a ride and that's when she had asked me if I would help someone out in the event there's an emergency, and that's when I told her that would be the only time I make an exception. But according to her that isn't good enough and now she claims to need time to think.

 

Have I messed up on a possible relationship because of my decision? Is it so bad to want my car for my sole enjoyment? Or is it better for me to yield a bit and allow occasional lifts to important sites just so people don't take things so personally? Has anyone dealt with something similar?

Edited April 10, 2016 by Easyguy14
mistake

[loveisanaction]

Is it so bad to want my car for my sole enjoyment?

 

Nope!

 

Or is it better for me to yield a bit and allow occasional lifts to important sites just so people don't take things so personally?

 

Although your girl buddy has no rights to your car, she might see your reluctant attitude towards giving her rides as a sign that you possibly do not like her that much.

 

If you want to have friends, sometimes you have to compromise; it’s what friendship is all about.

[BlametheIrish]

Why don't you want her in your car? Is she really messy or something? I don't get why it's such a big deal.

[AndOrchid]

I'm not understanding the issue either. Why don't you want her in your car? Why is it different now that you have a new car when it was fine for the old one?

 

You also said you're not sure you ever want her in it. So if she became your girlfriend and you were to go out on a date, you'd drive yourself there and she'd come on her own? I can understand her confusion.

[WaitingForBardot]

Personally I find it rather off-putting, the whole valuing things over relationships with people.

[RecentChange]

Strikes me as very very strange.

 

I could understand if you didn't want them to DRIVE your new car - but you oppse to people SITTING in it?

 

Strange. And it's not like everyone is clamoring to get a ride in your new Bugatti or something. No offense, but it's a Civic.

 

I do agree with you not wanting to give rides everywhere, I don't like being a choffer either - but I doubt people are trying to "be seen" in your car or anything.

 

When I have new cars - I have some rules, no eating, no smoking, no dogs - but humans are more than welcome! And I like taking people for mountain drives in my sportier car.

[jen1447]

I can't imagine sth like this ever happening but it'd be too much odd for me. I'd wish you a happy future w/your new car and run for the exit.

[smackie9]

I suspect reality is setting that she's been using you (0r you feel that she is using you) because nothing has progressed to a real relationship. Nothing wrong with ditching her and invest in someone else who is willing to be your GF. I don't think you will be sacrificing anything here, or will be losing an opportunity. You owe her nothing.

 

As for the others, if they are just being freeloaders, then who cares if they put up a fuss, no loss to you IMO.

 

It seems to me this new car represents you starting a new chapter in your life, and a need to find a different class of friends. I don't blame you for being done with everyone's bull &*%$.

[elaine567]

How can a girl keep dating with a guy who will not even let her inside his car, when their relationship up till now has been centred around "rides to the movies, hole-in-the-wall restaurants and just any interesting spots we could find."

If you cannot even share your car, how are you going to share your life with anyone?

You have bought a "family hatchback", not a vintage Maserati - get over yourself.

[Methodical]

It's your car. You can do whatever you like. Some might see your actions as off-putting. Sounds like you are giving off a "you are beneath me/or not worthy" type vibe now that you have purchased a new car.

 

Personally, I wouldn't alienate or change my normal MO because I was able to improve a point (a car in your case) in my life. The ppl who stood by me when I had a crappy ride are the same ppl I'd want as friends now bc you know they aren't gold diggers. That said, I see nothing wrong with setting boundaries like a "no smoking in my ride" rule. You don't have to become a taxi...everything in moderation, ya know?

 

However, if the ppl in your life are 'dope heads' and you are looking to get out of that scene, by all means, you have to move on.

[kendahke]

I'm calling her a girl buddy because we've only been intimate twice and going through the slower part of the dating stages (all her decision). It started about February or so when I was driving my older vehicle (2006 Taurus) and she had loved coming with me for rides to the movies, hole-in-the-wall restaurants and just any interesting spots we could find.

 

So before, you had no problem extending invites to her to come ride with you and do stuff together. What has she done to warrant not wanting her to do as you were allowing her to do when you had a beater? If you're dating her, even if it's slower, then I can't see how you're going to gain any traction in that area by telling her to keep her behind out of your car. That's one area guaranteed that would totally be shut down forever if you'd said that to me.

[Easyguy14]

Why don't you want her in your car? Is she really messy or something? I don't get why it's such a big deal.

 

Not exactly messy but she always wants to talk, hates silence, and I enjoy turning up the radio, and thinking out loud. I cant do that with her since said girl hates loud music. As for work colleagues, not really friends, I don't trust them to keep things clean, and some of the guys want to be taken to places that aren't serious. As I noted earlier, I will make exceptions for emergencies. I just don't want things to get strained or if I was to give lifts, it becomes a habit or always expected, so I'm trying to stop things before they get started, especially since these looked for lifts in my old car. The difference here is that my new car is so clean and smells so fresh it feels special to me. My Taurus was anything but.

[elaine567]

I can see the logic behind not giving lifts to every Tom, Dick and Harry especially if you cannot trust them to respect your new car, and you feel they are using you, I would agree there.

But someone you are dating????

A nice car is often a magnet for women and you have decided to make it out of bounds??

[katiegrl]

I didn't read where OP had been giving her rides. Or that SHE even needed him to give he rides. Others yes, but....

 

... he said in his initial post, they would takes drives together in his old car, to hole in the wall restaurants, movies and other funky places they could find. And that she loved that. So would I! So would most women...it's fun!

 

So now what EG? All that fun stops because you don't want her in your precious new 2015 Honda Civic?

 

How bizarre.

 

Do you expect her to drive herself to your dates now?

 

What am I missing?

Edited April 10, 2016 by katiegrl

[LostOnes05]

Dude, what if you wrecked your car or it was stolen tomorrow?? What would you do? You've got to realize it's just a car. Sure, it's your right to have or not have people in your car. But it is rather selfish to deny your girlfriend (i'm calling her that..yep), if she is kind to you and does things for you too. If someone rode around with me in my old car, they'd get shotgun when it came to the new ride (as long as the relationship wasn't parasitic). You will lose a lot of people in your life if you are that selfish about inanimate objects. Other than that congrats on the new ride and enjoy it until that first maintenance check makes you reach deep in your pockets haha.

[katiegrl]

 

Not exactly messy but she always wants to talk, hates silence, and I enjoy turning up the radio, and thinking out loud. I cant do that with her since said girl hates loud music.

 

 

As for work colleagues, not really friends, I don't trust them to keep things clean, and some of the guys want to be taken to places that aren't serious. As I noted earlier, I will make exceptions for emergencies. I just don't want things to get strained or if I was to give lifts, it becomes a habit or always expected, so I'm trying to stop things before they get started, especially since these looked for lifts in my old car. The difference here is that my new car is so clean and smells so fresh it feels special to me. My Taurus was anything but.

 

Your first paragraph, do you even like her?

 

You sure this isn't you just wanting to create distance because you are just not all that into her?

 

Since you said you are taking it slow, surely you have plenty of *space* to do your own thing like cranking up music, thinking out loud, etc.

 

As for your colleagues, and their wanting rides, just say you can't you have to be somewhere.

 

I agree, you should not be expected to be their chauffeur.

 

But with respect to this girl, again very bizarre.

[Easyguy14]

I can see the logic behind not giving lifts to every Tom, Dick and Harry especially if you cannot trust them to respect your new car, and you feel they are using you, I would agree there.

But someone you are dating????

A nice car is often a magnet for women and you have decided to make it out of bounds??

 

What it is that I feel unsure about her. I like her, she's fun, but the things I mentioned and the fact that she's been ignoring my messages hasn't helped. If maybe said girl stopped doing it I would put her in there but just not yet. I only wanted her to understand that there's no hurry.

[TaraMaiden2]

Other than the true vintage collectables in museums and private Collections, what happens to the vast majority of cars on the road today, owned by Mr/Mrs General Joe Public?

They end up in a scrapyard for spares/crushing.

That's what will happen to your old Taurus, and that is precisely what will happen to this one.

One day, maybe through no fault of your own, the bumper will get scraped, the paint chipped, the bodywork a little rusty... and guess what?

You'll want a brand-spanking new car, because you'll feel about this one, exactly as you now feel about your old Taurus.

 

Everything has a beginning, a middle and an end.

There are absolutely no exceptions whatsoever.

 

Decide whether the beginning/middle/end of this inanimate pile of motor is really more important to you - whenever - than the people whose friendships you could cultivate and whose company you might one day need.

A whole lot more than you need some shiny new eventual scrap metal.

[katiegrl]

What it is that I feel unsure about her. I like her, she's fun, but the things I mentioned and the fact that she's been ignoring my messages hasn't helped. If maybe said girl stopped doing it I would put her in there but just not yet. I only wanted her to understand that there's no hurry.

 

She is ignoring your messages because you said you don't want her in your new car.

 

The covert message being you don't want to date/do fun things with her anymore.

 

Like going for drives, exploring new places, movies etc. Like you did before in your old car.

 

Are you getting that?

 

I don't blame her for being hurt and ignoring your messages.

 

Now SHE is sending you a covert message.

 

She's moving on. Hopefully to another guy who can't wait to take her for a long fun drive in his new wheels!