GF of 4 years just dumped me, but giving me the chance to win her back in 3months?

[theunknown96]

So I'm 21 and ex GF is 22. We started dating right when university started and now that we're graduating, things seem to have come to an end.

 

Like many other couples, things started great and the excitement eventually declined. But we were always comfortable and enjoyed each other's company. Although things weren't as exciting as before, we were for sure still happy being together. Even a month ago I thought we were good as we seemed happy going out together and living together on some days.

 

But things turned sour very quickly in the past 3 weeks because:

 

1) I missed her birthday due to work and didn't give her a present on that day. (I admit I'm very bad at giving present as every year I was late) At 2AM after her birthday she called me crying about why I didn't show up or give her anything and after she hung up on me.(I didnt return the call cus I don't know how to comfort her and only texted her in the following afternoon) She now says I don't care about her well-being as she was alone at 2AM.

 

2) We went to different school and I'm only with her 3 days a week. So for 2 weeks I didn't see her and her realized she was indifferent and didn't need me. I kinda felt the same but I just thought it was normal in a long term relationship.

 

Yesterday she met with me and told me that the relationship is not what she wants. She feels we just don't communicate enough and she no long sees me as the person to talk to first for things. She said she realized things were going downhill in the past year (I transferred to another school) and she no long has feelings for me. But I really thought nothing was wrong except for we don't really talk about alot of things, but still had fun when we're together. She kind of implied that she wanted to have a more fun relationship and we just don't put in effort to date and doing fun things together (our usual activities became going out for food, movies or just chilling at home).

 

It just seems like I took her for granted and didn't put in enough effort leading to this. Also I'm the kind of person who likes to keep negative/annoying things to myself so alot of stuff in my life I just don't tell her.

 

When we had the talk yesterday, she was very emotional talking about the past and memories (good ones) but no longer wants to be with me (very firm saying she doesnt have feelings for me anymore). But this relationship was the first serious one for both of us and I just don't believe we can end it when things seemed normal just a month ago.

 

I tried to convince her to give me another shot and she declined, but eventually she agreed that if I could lose weight and become physically like when we first met (more attractive), and start driving (she always didn't like that I didn't drive) then in 3 months she would give me an opportunity to chase her again, but saying it's not guaranteed at all and perhaps she could be seeing someone else by then.

 

 

I'm not sure what to make to this but is this a sign that I could get her back? I know she's still fond about the good memories and she loved the "old" me but she already said she doesn't have feeling anymore.

 

What should I do?

[PLT]

Well whatever you do don't spend the next 3 months thinking about getting her back.

 

You have your whole life ahead of you, and so does she. She said she didn't have feelings for you. That is very unlikely to change with 3 months of no contact.

 

I think she is hoping that in 3 months time, you'll be over her and won't want to chase her.

 

She's trying to let you down as gently as possible, while also being honest.

[TaraMaiden2]

Move on.

She was trying to cushion the blow.

You're too young for a steady commitment.

Go No Contact - improve yourself FOR yourself, not in an effort to please someone else.

That kind of 'change' always backfires.

 

If you think you would be a better moral, social and psychological person for those improvements, by all means go ahead.

But never implement changes to yourself to placate anyone else.

 

Nobody has the right to demand that of you.

 

If she's laying conditions like that - it won't work.

Trust me on that one.

 

Go NC, stay NC, move on and live again.

[LD1990]

This is doomed man. The only reason she gave you those conditions was because you wouldn't accept the breakup, she's not gonna get back together with you. And I guarantee the second you accepted this 3 months plan she lost all respect for you.

 

Some advice for the future...

If someone wants to give you an "opportunity to chase them," tell them to take a hike. Come on, what makes anyone else better than you? Why should you have to chase someone?

 

Remember people's damn birthdays. There's no excuse for being bad at it. Every phone has a calendar, it's not hard to make sure whatever you get for your girlfriend is on time.

[Satu]

Just accept that its over.

 

The three month thing was just to pacify you.

 

To be honest, it sounds like you were too complacent to be much of an active partner.

 

The birthday thing was the kiss of death for the relationship.

 

It showed how much you valued her, which was not enough. Not nearly enough.

 

Learn from this experience.

 

 

Take care.

[SammySammy]

Move on.

 

Chalk this up as a lesson learned.

 

You can't half-ass your way through anything in life and expect good results.

 

Relationships require work. If you want an outstanding relationship, be an outstanding partner.

[Toodaloo]

Oh no no no.

 

This has died a death already. She is trying to soften the blow.

 

Why did you put on weight? Are you unhappy? Sounds like it to me.

 

And the birthday thing? Kiss of death and a massive no no to forget that. If you do not see her to give her something then fine but a phone call in the morning when she wakes up and telling her when you will be giving her her gift...

 

Time to pick yourself up. Take responsibility for your actions and make sure you do not make the same mistakes again. Get back to being who you are and do the things that make you happy and try again when you are ready.

[PianoMan2016]

Listen to this thread. Everyone else is being nice, but I'm gonna be frank.

 

You're a jerk, dude. It takes probably two seconds to set a calendar reminder on an iphone or whatever phone you got to remember your girlfriend's birthday if you can't remember it yourself.

 

You made her an option when she should have been a priority. That's why she broke up with you. Move on dude, and don't make this mistake again. There is no excuse to not remember birthdays. Especially when Facebook, iphones, any cell phones, give you plenty of reminders.