Why does she keep accepting random men on facebook?

[alpo]

If a woman in her 30s is in a relationship with you and openly admits she's into you, keeps contact, and talks about how great the chemistry is between us, etc, why would she keep accepting the friend requests of random men she doesn't even know on facebook?

 

How do I know she doesn't know them? She's admitted that she's had random guys message her on there that she doesn't know and some of them are annoying. also I've looked at a couple of these profiles she adds and these are random guys that have thousands of friends added from all over the world. Some of them live in the same city as us and some are from different countries entirely.

 

It's the one's in the same location as us that bothers me because she clearly doesn't know or communicate with them yet accepts them anyway. Some have a ton of mutual friends with her and others have sexually suggestive comments and pics on their profiles.

 

Why would a grown woman with children who is in a relationship keep adding or accepting a bunch of random guys they don't know on their facebook? This is making me angry and aggressive with her. Yet I don't mention it to her because I am fairly inactive on facebook other than communicating with her.

 

I think she may be keeping other random men around so if we finish she can jump into getting to know one of them. Is that acceptable in your eyes? I have a feeling if I kept adding random attractive women to my facebook some of whom i don't even know then the female would get jealous and wouldn't be pleased?

[truth_seeker]

She likes the attention.

 

You might be right. Many women liked to keep their options open in case things fall apart with their current man. She could be lining up prospects in case you two break up.

[smackie9]

Yes her doing it for the attention is possible, or she is a social person that enjoys meeting new people and has no intention of having a "backup BF".....isn't that is what FB all about, socializing/networking? If you want this relationship or any other kind of relationship to work you need to communicate your concerns, not "assume". Assuming can destroy what you have because all it's doing is making you resent her.

 

From my perspective you are monitoring her activity....is there a possibility you have trust issues??? an ex GF cheated on you?? Are you snooping through her phone??

[Hell Yeah]

Pure attention seeking mate

 

My ex was like this when together, she would show me messages of what these guys sent her....

 

Emotionally immaturity and insecurity. I would have a think dude...

[singlelife]

Pure attention seeking mate

 

My ex was like this when together, she would show me messages of what these guys sent her....

 

Emotionally immaturity and insecurity. I would have a think dude...

 

I agree. fb friends means nothing anyway.

[alpo]

Yes her doing it for the attention is possible, or she is a social person that enjoys meeting new people and has no intention of having a "backup BF".....isn't that is what FB all about, socializing/networking? If you want this relationship or any other kind of relationship to work you need to communicate your concerns, not "assume". Assuming can destroy what you have because all it's doing is making you resent her.

 

From my perspective you are monitoring her activity....is there a possibility you have trust issues??? an ex GF cheated on you?? Are you snooping through her phone??

 

No I've never been cheated on before. All my previous relationships have ended amicably and ended by me.

 

I don't check her phone at all, I just see it when I sign into facebook on the laptop and click on her page to like something she sent me, and then it says 'became friends with' and there are like 2 or 3 random guys there.

 

Yes I suppose I am monitoring her in that respect but it's because from all the people I know who are in relationships and all the previous girls I've been involved with have taken the attitude that all other men are out of the equation as far as even meeting and talking to them goes, and the girl's focus is solely on the one she is with. She will not entertain any other men even if she finds them attractive unless she is single and available. That's the way all my friends' girlfriends are and also the one's I've dealt with personally.

 

Dealing with a girl who is so receptive to other men's attention while in a relationship setting is new to me.

 

Your other point is true too that Facebook is about socializing and networking. However, again, in my experience, women, especially grown women with kids are hesitant about adding and accepting strangers onto their Facebook. I've even seen women on this forum say it's weird when people they don't know add them and they don't accept the request.

[dreamingoftigers]

Wow.

 

No, it isn't "making you angry and aggressive" with her.

You are BEING angry and aggressive because you can't control a 30 something year old's Facebook socializing.

 

The fact that you are even monitoring her Facebook activities with such gusto is a real Red Flag.

 

Most average, normal people use Facebook as a part-time social outlet. If they game, many of the games give advantages to having "friends" to help score little advantages within the games. I have a few that I've friended etc. because we have the same political ideologies etc. Mostly memes or tidbits of news etc get shared back and forth. They are FB FRIENDS. Not "Tinder Friends" or " Boyfriends on Reserve."

 

I don't know easily half the people on my FB. how many of the "random men" are "Plan B if my marriage fails?" Exactly NONE. I don't post flashy "duck face" pics or bikini pics (ha ha, you'd need to bleach your eyes). Those women concern me. The VAST majority of my FB friends are in similar life circs as well: married, a lot have kids, their OWN LIVES. We aren't on there trolling for lust or extra-relational attention. (At least anyone who remains on my friends list does not expose me to that).

 

There has been the occasional drip that will send me an inappropriate message: he gets blocked. Same with any suspected pfishers or scammers.

 

This is the age of the internet. Here you are posting on a forum, reaching out to strangers about your relationship. Me (A FEMALE) is responding.

 

That doesn't mean there's any reason for your girlfriend to worry. I'm not on your "Girlfriend Reserve List," we aren't going to send each other inappropriate messages.

 

Either get with the times or go live in a third-world country.

 

Or frankly, if YOUR OWN INSECURITIES are too much for you to handle, BREAK UP and date some Amish girl who can't access the internet.

 

You don't have the right the bully or be aggressive with your gf (OR ANYBODY) just because you don't like how she socializes.

 

You sound like the guy at a party who sees another guy look at her, they have a 2 minute conversation and you freak out at her. That's YOUR PROBLEM. NOT HERS.

 

Frankly, you aren't going to be able to screen every social opportunity she has for the rest of her life. Either you trust her around other men, or you don't. And if you don't MOVE ON. She deserves someone that trusts her unless she SHOWS strong signs of not being able to be trusted.

 

If some dude I was dating got "angry ahd aggressive" about my FB, with NO just cause, I would let him go SO FAST because it shows how he handles conflict and insecurity. It shows me that this is the tip of a much bigger iceberg. Possibly how he even views women overall (like we just "collect men to have as backups.")

 

I don't have an issue sharing passwords etc either. But he better be willing to share his too. This isn't a one-sided thing. And probably not early on in a relationship.

 

Facebook was practically completely public a few years ago. A small billboard on the corner of the internet where you could post your thoughts and memories. Yes, people cheat on Facebook. But there are much more accessible cheater / dating options. I am guessing you didn't meet your gf on FB for instance.

 

And BTW, I am not a cheater-woman. I am STAUNCHLY anti-infidelity and have been married 10 years, together 11. One kid and one on the way.

 

But I can guarantee, if I had dated you, with the way you are acting about FB, we wouldn't have made it past 3 months because your attitude would poison an emotionally healthy relationship. I STRONGLY suggest you why examine why you think you have the prerogative to get angry and aggressive over someone's social media, instead of talking about it and setting a mutual boundary that you both could work with.

[alpo]

Yes her doing it for the attention is possible, or she is a social person that enjoys meeting new people and has no intention of having a "backup BF".....isn't that is what FB all about, socializing/networking? If you want this relationship or any other kind of relationship to work you need to communicate your concerns, not "assume". Assuming can destroy what you have because all it's doing is making you resent her.

 

From my perspective you are monitoring her activity....is there a possibility you have trust issues??? an ex GF cheated on you?? Are you snooping through her phone??

 

I guess what I'm getting at is that because of her age she is more mature with kids so I would think these type of women would find it weird to have random men they don't know looking on their facebook. If she was a younger girl like in her teens or early 20s I could understand the need for attention thing. But I've never experienced older more mature mothers doing this.

[truth_seeker]

Pure attention seeking mate

 

My ex was like this when together, she would show me messages of what these guys sent her....

 

Emotionally immaturity and insecurity. I would have a think dude...

 

Why would you want to be with a woman who gets off on this? Tells me a lot about her character.

[alpo]

Wow.

 

No, it isn't "making you angry and aggressive" with her.

You are BEING angry and aggressive because you can't control a 30 something year old's Facebook socializing.

 

The fact that you are even monitoring her Facebook activities with such gusto is a real Red Flag.

 

Most average, normal people use Facebook as a part-time social outlet. If they game, many of the games give advantages to having "friends" to help score little advantages within the games. I have a few that I've friended etc. because we have the same political ideologies etc. Mostly memes or tidbits of news etc get shared back and forth. They are FB FRIENDS. Not "Tinder Friends" or " Boyfriends on Reserve."

 

I don't know easily half the people on my FB. how many of the "random men" are "Plan B if my marriage fails?" Exactly NONE. I don't post flashy "duck face" pics or bikini pics (ha ha, you'd need to bleach your eyes). Those women concern me. The VAST majority of my FB friends are in similar life circs as well: married, a lot have kids, their OWN LIVES. We aren't on there trolling for lust or extra-relational attention. (At least anyone who remains on my friends list does not expose me to that).

 

There has been the occasional drip that will send me an inappropriate message: he gets blocked. Same with any suspected pfishers or scammers.

 

This is the age of the internet. Here you are posting on a forum, reaching out to strangers about your relationship. Me (A FEMALE) is responding.

 

That doesn't mean there's any reason for your girlfriend to worry. I'm not on your "Girlfriend Reserve List," we aren't going to send each other inappropriate messages.

 

Either get with the times or go live in a third-world country.

 

Or frankly, if YOUR OWN INSECURITIES are too much for you to handle, BREAK UP and date some Amish girl who can't access the internet.

 

You don't have the right the bully or be aggressive with your gf (OR ANYBODY) just because you don't like how she socializes.

 

You sound like the guy at a party who sees another guy look at her, they have a 2 minute conversation and you freak out at her. That's YOUR PROBLEM. NOT HERS.

 

Frankly, you aren't going to be able to screen every social opportunity she has for the rest of her life. Either you trust her around other men, or you don't. And if you don't MOVE ON. She deserves someone that trusts her unless she SHOWS strong signs of not being able to be trusted.

 

If some dude I was dating got "angry ahd aggressive" about my FB, with NO just cause, I would let him go SO FAST because it shows how he handles conflict and insecurity. It shows me that this is the tip of a much bigger iceberg. Possibly how he even views women overall (like we just "collect men to have as backups.")

 

I don't have an issue sharing passwords etc either. But he better be willing to share his too. This isn't a one-sided thing. And probably not early on in a relationship.

 

Facebook was practically completely public a few years ago. A small billboard on the corner of the internet where you could post your thoughts and memories. Yes, people cheat on Facebook. But there are much more accessible cheater / dating options. I am guessing you didn't meet your gf on FB for instance.

 

And BTW, I am not a cheater-woman. I am STAUNCHLY anti-infidelity and have been married 10 years, together 11. One kid and one on the way.

 

But I can guarantee, if I had dated you, with the way you are acting about FB, we wouldn't have made it past 3 months because your attitude would poison an emotionally healthy relationship. I STRONGLY suggest you why examine why you think you have the prerogative to get angry and aggressive over someone's social media, instead of talking about it and setting a mutual boundary that you both could work with.

 

Yes I DID meet her on facebook actually. Also she DOESN'T socialize with these men. That's the point. She just accepts them and then keeps them there on her friends list. For what reason? She even told me some of them are annoying because they keep messaging her, even guys from other countries. If they are annoying, why doesn't she delete them then? Because she is keeping them around for a reason.

 

She also told me herself that she has had many FWB so I'm not even sure if these guys are that are that or not and now they are added back because she still wants to be involved with them.

 

How do I know she is not messaging them when she's not with me? None of my friends girlfriends have all these random people added. They have friends, family, work people, that's it. And women themselves even admit that it's weird when they get friend requests from random guys they don't know.

 

Also, some of these guys are very young compared to her like 16 and 17 year olds which she's also told me she's slept with just for fun before so what do you expect me to think? I might start adding a bunch of attractive younger girls and liking their pics and see her reaction. I'd bet you it's not a favorable one.

[truth_seeker]

some of these guys are very young compared to her like 16 and 17 year olds which she's also told me she's slept with just for fun before so what do you expect me to think?

 

She should be in jail if she is banging 16 and 17 year olds...

[alpo]

She should be in jail if she is banging 16 and 17 year olds...

 

I'm in the UK lol. Anyway, they may be 18, 19 I'm not entirely sure but they are way younger than her anyway and she's had them as ' f buddies' before because we have laughed about it. She said that they climaxed too quickly lol. And it was basically funny because all her exes except for one have been younger while I'm into the older women

 

I just don't get why she won't make her social media convey that she is unavailable the way I can see that she is only dedicated to me when we are in person.

[smackie9]

I guess what I'm getting at is that because of her age she is more mature with kids so I would think these type of women would find it weird to have random men they don't know looking on their facebook. If she was a younger girl like in her teens or early 20s I could understand the need for attention thing. But I've never experienced older more mature mothers doing this.

I'm 52 years old and I still have younger men try to add me/ hit on me, not just random guys but also men from mutual friends....so don't kid yourself, it happens.

 

I ended up blocking the details on my FB page because of an old school friend stalker, still doesn't stop them.

[smackie9]

BTW I feel you are misjudging how serious this relationship truly is....you are just another young pup she's having fun with....not as serious as you think. Sorry.

[smackie9]

BTW age and having kids doesn't make you a mature person.....and from my experience adults don't really grow up.

[alpo]

BTW I feel you are misjudging how serious this relationship truly is....you are just another young pup she's having fun with....not as serious as you think. Sorry.

 

I am not that young I'm only 2 years younger than her but the thing is If she just wanted fun I was happy with that arrangement also. We had fun the times we first met up and I just assumed it was going that way anyway only for her to tell me she respects me more than just fun and she feels a chemistry with me and she loved the way i communicated with her and that she hadn't met anyone like me before and all this stuff. I was okay with just having fun and even a FWB it was HER that pushed for a more serious arrangement.

[alpo]

BTW age and having kids doesn't make you a mature person.....and from my experience adults don't really grow up.

 

I know but I thought that older women, parents with kids would be more hesitant or cautious about allowing strangers into something personal like Facebook. Especially men from other continents and things like that. I have kids myself and I feel a bit funny about letting some random person from Brazil or South Africa or even the same country seeing personal pics of kids and some of my business and that kind of thing...

[SammySammy]

I know but I thought that older women, parents with kids would be more hesitant or cautious about allowing strangers into something personal like Facebook. Especially men from other continents and things like that. I have kids myself and I feel a bit funny about letting some random person from Brazil or South Africa or even the same country seeing personal pics of kids and some of my business and that kind of thing...

 

Sometimes the "need" for adulation can override common sense.

 

Happened to a friend of mine. Very pretty girl in her early 40s. New pictures on Facebook nearly every day. Of course, tons of praise from men and new adds seemingly daily. Found a guy. Claimed he was the best thing in the world. Wanted their wedding to be a huge affair. It was. Largely through all of these fake friends from FB. The marriage lasted a little more than a year. Much to her embarrassment.

 

She closed that FB account. Opened another one. Much more circumspect on her new account. A lot fewer people. Though she still loves random men telling her she's pretty. Every day. In her 40s. It's kinda sad to watch.

[dreamingoftigers]

Yes I DID meet her on facebook actually. Also she DOESN'T socialize with these men. That's the point. She just accepts them and then keeps them there on her friends list. For what reason? She even told me some of them are annoying because they keep messaging her, even guys from other countries. If they are annoying, why doesn't she delete them then? Because she is keeping them around for a reason.

 

She also told me herself that she has had many FWB so I'm not even sure if these guys are that are that or not and now they are added back because she still wants to be involved with them.

 

How do I know she is not messaging them when she's not with me? None of my friends girlfriends have all these random people added. They have friends, family, work people, that's it. And women themselves even admit that it's weird when they get friend requests from random guys they don't know.

 

Also, some of these guys are very young compared to her like 16 and 17 year olds which she's also told me she's slept with just for fun before so what do you expect me to think? I might start adding a bunch of attractive younger girls and liking their pics and see her reaction. I'd bet you it's not a favorable one.

 

It's this simple: you AREN'T going to know. You can't know unless you are policing her.

 

If that's the case, no point continuing with her anyway. And frankly, sleeping with 16 and 17 year olds?

 

That's beyond high-risk and practically pedo. What the heck are you with someone like that for? That's way more serious then "she adds guys on FB."

 

Dump dump dump.

[dreamingoftigers]

BTW age and having kids doesn't make you a mature person.....and from my experience adults don't really grow up.

 

Some people take age and kids seriously, even go through sort of a personality metamorphosis. They become more "Mommy and Daddy" and other parts of their personality and expression are subverted.

 

Some just live like teens and the kids just get plopped put her and there and everywhere with this "oh they'll figure it out."

 

Most people are in the middle. They have there own interests, and their kids interests at heart.

 

Age and children are often NOT a defining factor of maturity. Everyone is an individual with their own weird programming.

[smackie9]

I know but I thought that older women, parents with kids would be more hesitant or cautious about allowing strangers into something personal like Facebook. Especially men from other continents and things like that. I have kids myself and I feel a bit funny about letting some random person from Brazil or South Africa or even the same country seeing personal pics of kids and some of my business and that kind of thing...

It's not rl it's on a computer screen.... it's not like she is inviting them in her flat.