confusticated Posted April 10, 2016 Posted April 10, 2016 I just had my BF and his dad for dinner. I can’t stand that guy. He makes me so uncomfortable. I keep telling myself to give him another chance, keep an open mind, but I despise talking to him. I am so uncomfortable. Help me get to the bottom of it? My initial thoughts are that I see a lot of BF's negative qualities in the guy and seeing those solidified in an "authority" figure is repulsive. Perhaps subconsciously he represents the idea that there’s nothing I can do about those negative qualities?
scooby-philly Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 Hey OP, I agree - I'm not a shrink - but it does sound like you may be seeing in his father what you subconsciously don't like about him. "In-laws" (not sure if there's a separate term for the parents of a SO before marriage) can be a real pain. But they can also shed light on your SO's behavior and personality. I know with an ex-fiance of mine we as I look back on 3+ years later I made a lot of connections in my head between her dad's behavior and hers. I would suggest you continue to explore this feeling. While it may be just some quirks you learn to put up with, it's worth talking with a trusted friend about if you're already having a negative reaction. I mean, even if what you were seeing had no connection to your BF's behavior/personality it would still be worth talking b/c you have to put up with the guy as long as you two are together. The fact that you may be starting to notice things he does bothering you that your BF does means something's going on.
Gaeta Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 Does he lack respect toward you? If not then just accept who he is. He is your boyfriend's father, he's loud, obnoxious, and so on but you don't lay next to him at night. Just reach that place of indifference.
jcromp Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 If you really want to like him for the sake of your relationship, you've got to stop focusing on his negative personality traits. The next time you find yourself doing that, try to replace the thought with something positive about him. I know you don't like the guy, but even the worst people have some positive things about them. You're never going to be best friends with the guy, so what you're aiming for is civility. I'm sure that your boyfriend can see that you don't like his dad. You don't want to put him in the position of having to choose between you, so you want to figure our
Larryville Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 but it does sound like you may be seeing in his father what you subconsciously don't like about him. Whether we like it or not, we are indeed like our parents. The key is whether or not we have the EQ to recognize it and work to avoid those negative traits. And to me that is something your BF should address. Me personally I would never allow a parent to disrespect a significant other of mine. But the fact that you stated this thread and said: but I despise talking to him. That is significant... Is a BIG deal, don’t minimize that, a don't let other people tell you it is not a big deal. If people are stupid, or a racist, ignorant, rude or disrespectful and this messes with your perception of your BF, be careful and use your gut.
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