serendipity90 Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 My ex broke up with me in November because he wanted his freedom and wanted to see other people. We were still romantically involved until January when I stopped it because I didn't want sex without the commitment. We were still friends until about 3 weeks ago when he said he couldn't be friends with me as he still has feelings for me, is still in love with me and thought it best we didn't see each other to which I agreed. It's been a couple of weeks since and I really miss him. I feel I've lost my best friend as well as my lover and am counting on him getting back with me. I don't see why you would dump someone you are still in love with.
Emilia Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 Do you really want to see someone who wants their freedom and other girls? If he wanted you, he would be with you. I know that's harsh but it's not like he would have to slay dragons to see you. 3
kztar Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 Do you really want to see someone who wants their freedom and other girls? If he wanted you, he would be with you. I know that's harsh but it's not like he would have to slay dragons to see you. Sweetie, open your eyes here. If he wanted you he would be with you. This is not the case. Actions speak for themselves. 2
Author serendipity90 Posted April 9, 2016 Author Posted April 9, 2016 (edited) Me and my ex broke up in November but were still continuing to see each other until March. I've gone 1 month no contact when my ex asks if I wanted to go to the theatre with him. I had a sneaky suspicion he wanted to keep me on the backburner so I could give him a lift so I said no as I'm going out that day and I miss him too much to be in contact with him again. Now he's just text me "I want to support you/each other. Just want to talk. Would you like to meet for a coffee later tomorrow afternoon?" I am very tempted and inside I am jumping at the chance to see him again but I don't want to re-open old wounds as I have been trying very hard to forget about him going on dates with other people and going to meet ups. But I could be giving up on a chance to reunite with my soul mate if I don't go. I texted him "is that wise?" and he said as long as its in a public place not at my house or somewhere where he's probably thinking we can make out we should be ok. He wanted a fwb situation but I didn't want that without a relationship. I want him to want me, how do I make it seem like I am not just vying for his approval? Edited April 9, 2016 by serendipity90 1
266696687 Posted April 9, 2016 Posted April 9, 2016 (edited) Me and my ex broke up in November but were still continuing to see each other until March. I've gone 1 month no contact when my ex asks if I wanted to go to the theatre with him. I had a sneaky suspicion he wanted to keep me on the backburner so I could give him a lift so I said no as I'm going out that day and I miss him too much to be in contact with him again. Now he's just text me "I want to support you/each other. Just want to talk. Would you like to meet for a coffee later tomorrow afternoon?" I am very tempted and inside I am jumping at the chance to see him again but I don't want to re-open old wounds as I have been trying very hard to forget about him going on dates with other people and going to meet ups. But I could be giving up on a chance to reunite with my soul mate if I don't go. I texted him "is that wise?" and he said as long as its in a public place not at my house or somewhere where he's probably thinking we can make out we should be ok. He wanted a fwb situation but I didn't want that without a relationship. I want him to want me, how do I make it seem like I am not just vying for his approval? He has told you what he wants. FWB. If you continue to engage with him it will in all likelihood happen. The more time you spend with him the more your feelings will get the better of you. He is hoping eventually you'll give in and start sleeping with him no strings attached. If you allow yourself to see him and engage with him you are setting yourself up to be used. He has made his intentions clear. The only thing he wants from you is sex. Don't let him mislead you with garbage of supporting each other this is complete BS. He is simply trying to get into your pants. He will not respect you if you allow this to happen. If he loved you and thought you was his soul mate he would be with you. The fact that he wants to hang out is purely a tactic to eventually get what HE wants. You will not benefit from this situation at all and you will end up hurt and used. Do not allow this to happen. Tell him straight you are moving on and that means no more hang outs or friendship or contact. You are not interested in a FWB relationship so you are clearly not on the same page. Wish him luck for the future then let him go. Do not hang on to someone who so obviously wants to use you. His intentions here are crystal clear don't let your heart and him mislead you. He knows how you feel about him and is trying to use you. This isn't the behaviour of a decent person. Stay away from him. Edited April 9, 2016 by 266696687 2
Marc878 Posted April 9, 2016 Posted April 9, 2016 He's probably probing to see if you're still open to being his plan B If it were me I'd block everything and move on with my life. Why live like this? 2
dave_1966 Posted April 9, 2016 Posted April 9, 2016 Block him on your phone, email, social media, everything. Move on with your life, if he has anything of any worth to say he knows where you live. Retain your dignity and self respect. 2
Satu Posted April 9, 2016 Posted April 9, 2016 He isn't taking you seriously and thinks you're weak. This exactly what you'll get until you realise you deserve something better. Cut him loose and walk forward into the sunlight. 1
BC1980 Posted April 9, 2016 Posted April 9, 2016 You became a FWB to him, and he is hoping to resume that type of relationship. He has absolutely no intention of having a committed relationship with you. There is a zero chance that he will want to get back together with you. Once you have been downgraded to a FWB, you can kiss anything else goodbye with him. He sees you as weak, and you have cheapened yourself in his eyes by only giving him sex. Unless you can handle a FWB situation, do go there with a guy. 2
Miss.A Posted April 10, 2016 Posted April 10, 2016 (edited) Don't be fwb just because you want to be some sort of close to him. Edited April 10, 2016 by Miss.A 1
TimmyC Posted April 10, 2016 Posted April 10, 2016 My ex broke up with me in November because he wanted his freedom and wanted to see other people. Hun, read this very carefully and think, You ARE worth more than being someone second choice. You DESERVE to be happy. Coming from a guy, he IS bad news. He "wants his cake and eat it too." Type of senerio. Your so much better than that. I know it hurts, but cut him off and move forward. Go full NC, and never look back. Chalk it up as a learning experience.
mightycpa Posted April 10, 2016 Posted April 10, 2016 Just let him know that you can't be his FWB until you are an FWB for another man, and until then, you just can't meet with him. That ought to drive him nuts.
Author serendipity90 Posted April 10, 2016 Author Posted April 10, 2016 So foolish me decided to meet up with him for a coffee in the end. We ended up chatting for about 2 hours mainly about things we'd been up to, tried to keep it light although he revealed he was on eharmony and paid for the 2 year subscription () He asked me if I wanted to go to the theatre tomorrow which I initially said no to as I'm going to slimming world but if I go to the earlier one I can get away with going to both. I'm weaak.
BC1980 Posted April 10, 2016 Posted April 10, 2016 So foolish me decided to meet up with him for a coffee in the end. We ended up chatting for about 2 hours mainly about things we'd been up to, tried to keep it light although he revealed he was on eharmony and paid for the 2 year subscription () He asked me if I wanted to go to the theatre tomorrow which I initially said no to as I'm going to slimming world but if I go to the earlier one I can get away with going to both. I'm weaak. The trap was laid, and you walked right into it. He is priming you for another FWB scenario while he looks for a committed relationship. He knows you are an easy mark for sex, and he's using that to his advantage. I'm sure after the movie, he will ask you over to his place. 1
266696687 Posted April 10, 2016 Posted April 10, 2016 So foolish me decided to meet up with him for a coffee in the end. We ended up chatting for about 2 hours mainly about things we'd been up to, tried to keep it light although he revealed he was on eharmony and paid for the 2 year subscription () He asked me if I wanted to go to the theatre tomorrow which I initially said no to as I'm going to slimming world but if I go to the earlier one I can get away with going to both. I'm weaak. Yep he has certainly got you all figured out. He knows your weakness for him which is why he is contacting you as BC1980 said above you're an easy target for him. The fact that he let you know he brought a dating subscription should tell you all you need to know. He is looking for someone else and is only seeing you for sex hence the theatre set up. By all means continue if you want him to think you are weak and without any self respect. If you dont respect yourself enough to say no to him (when he has made his intentions clear) then how do you ever expect him to respect you? Being weak for someone doesn't make them respect you. It makes you a target to be used. You need to keep away from him and work on your self esteem.
Author serendipity90 Posted April 11, 2016 Author Posted April 11, 2016 I wouldn't ever be a FWB with him. Anyway last night I had a change of heart, I was feeling bad about myself being used and him not taking any notice of what I want so I texted him I still have feelings for him and am going to do the right thing and not go and to please respect my wishes, he texts me back saying "I'm disappointed now, wish you didn't tell me you were coming. I enjoyed seeing you, I want to help you but I guess I'm the one person who can't". I think he has a case of white knight syndrome when I don't want his help, I just want him!
Zahara Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 (edited) he texts me back saying "I'm disappointed now, wish you didn't tell me you were coming. I enjoyed seeing you, I want to help you but I guess I'm the one person who can't". I think he has a case of white knight syndrome when I don't want his help, I just want him! There's nothing white knight about him. He's not trying to help you. He's trying to help himself get into your pants. Don't idealize this man. The only thing he's trying to do is lay the brickwork for some easy and available sex. The only reason he said that was to guilt you and hope you change your decision. Edited April 11, 2016 by Zahara 2
Author serendipity90 Posted April 11, 2016 Author Posted April 11, 2016 I do believe he wants my friendship but I'm not ready for it yet.
Zahara Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 I do believe he wants my friendship but I'm not ready for it yet. You don't want to be friends with someone that tries to get sex from you. There is no friendship here. This is idealization in your head. A good guy will leave you be to heal and move on because he knows that any more contact would only hurt you. This is not that guy. 1
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