Should I just go ahead and unfriend her on Facebook?

[Versacehottie]

This is a follow-up to a thread I wrote last week.

 

Long story short — we dated three times, made out on dates two and three and nearly slept together on date No. 3. I really like her and she spoke about us in the future tense, which made me feel like I could put my emotional guard down. That's when feelings took over.

 

I don't know what the rules are about how descriptive I can be, but there was a lot of intimate contact on both our parts on Date. No. 3 (even though we kept our clothes on.....for the most part). She said she wanted to sleep with me as much as I wanted to sleep with her.

 

I sent her a couple of texts after Date No. 3. She responded within an hour or two. I asked that we talk by phone whenever she was free. She said she'd get back to me. After three days of waiting I emailed her on Facebook to tell her what I planned to tell her via phone —*that I hope us nearly sleeping together on Date No. 3 didn't scare her off.

 

I thought one way or the other that IF she responded she would give me some sort of definitive answer as to whether we'd see each other again.

 

Fortunately, she wrote back (again, within a couple of hours).

 

Unfortunately, her response was ambiguous as to what she wanted. She said she'd been terribly busy at work, which is why she never contacted me. She also said that I have been nothing but respectful to her, that I was a good guy and that I did nothing wrong.....and that was it.

 

Yes, I am aware I shouldn't invest myself emotionally into someone I've only dated three times (and I am going to try to work on that). And I am also aware that she's likely playing the field.

 

I've played it cool the past seven days and have made no attempt to contact her.

 

Is it time for me to unfriend her on Facebook?

 

Or would that be premature at this point?

 

She always responds when I contact her.......but she's not exactly initiating contact on her own, at least not since Date No. 3.

 

I don't want to appear clingy, and I want to project that I'm confident.

 

I am reaching out to other women on online dating (but I'm not getting anywhere).

 

Should I go ahead and unfriend the woman on Facebook?

 

My attraction for this woman is strong.

 

I have mixed feelings......given the fact that she has never ignored a message of mine, maybe she will contact me again on her own?

 

Maybe if I contact her again then she'll likely respond (possibly with more ambiguity)?

 

Or is it all a lost cause at this point?

 

I don't want to unfriend her and cut off contact with her and then regret it.

 

Is there anything I can do to salvage this situation?

 

If you want to project that you are confident, unfriending someone on FB is not the thing to do. All that says is that your panties are in a wad about some perceived diss (which may not even be that).

 

You may have to mentally let it go and if she contacts you again, decide at that time if she fits in your life or not. Why are you trying to jump to the end when you are at the beginning? She is figuring it out; so should you be. Your anxiety, pushing is going to get the best of you. That said, don't ignore what is in front of you right now--she sounds busy, she sounds like she is not in a serious place about dating/dating you. Only you can decide if that works for you. There is so much indecision and back and forth in your post that it seems like you have mixed feelings (like her and want to see what happens but jumping the gun with negative because you are afraid of being hurt or that she doesn't like you). It does no harm to leave the door open, if your ego can handle it. It will hurt the same whether you close the door prematurely and because of your fear or if she decisively does it later. Who's to say YOU won't decide to close the door on her later as you get to know her? Personally, I think it hurts more to be sad and have regret, especially the kind you brought on yourself.

 

But to go back and answer your original question, unfriending her on FB is dumb. I would think a guy who had time and thought process to do that would be too emotional and feminine for most girls tastes. Usually if a girl is on the fence about you, it's because of those tendencies to begin with---but if you want to put the final nail in the coffin.....

[ff12343]

I had the same situation. Girl lost 30-40 lbs and became or thought she became the next super model. Not the anorexic types. She also became weird after date 2 and things were intimate. Literally identical to you. Only this one flat out told me she was "seeing what else is out there". Keep in mind this girl made the first move on me. If you want to talk about head games and being played, this was it.

 

Regardless, I couldn't believe someone flat out told me that but it is what it is. My advice to you coming from my experience is don't text her. Let her come to you if she cares but she is probably playing the field. The weight loss gives her "options" now to deal with.

 

Show her what she lost. Unfortunately I did not do that. I also had strong feelings for this girl. A little too much I can say.

 

Good luck.

Edited April 9, 2016 by ff12343

[Reltubsirch0412]

I had the same situation. Girl lost 30-40 lbs and became or thought she became the next super model. Not the anorexic types. She also became weird after date 2 and things were intimate. Literally identical to you. Only this one flat out told me she was "seeing what else is out there". Keep in mind this girl made the first move on me. If you want to talk about head games and being played, this was it.

 

Regardless, I couldn't believe someone flat out told me that but it is what it is. My advice to you coming from my experience is don't text her. Let her come to you if she cares but she is probably playing the field. The weight loss gives her "options" now to deal with.

 

Show her what she lost. Unfortunately I did not do that. I also had strong feelings for this girl. A little too much I can say.

 

Good luck.

 

And what is the best way to show her what she lost?

[Erik30]

Don't unfriend her. (Yet) You can do that when you're sure it's really over, or if she starts to ignore you. Just unfollow her so you won't be constantly reminded of her when you're on Facebook.

 

I think you could try to set another date to see if she's still interested, because if I didn't miss anything, after that third date you only contacted her to talk about what happened.

[ff12343]

And what is the best way to show her what she lost?

 

Simple. Disappear.

 

Sometimes the simplest things in life are the hardest to do.

 

You need to gauge her and see where you stand.

[Reltubsirch0412]

When I try to set another date last time she said she'd have to look at her social calendar. In my last follow-up message to her I asked her to call me sometime. I've made my position clear.

[ff12343]

When I try to set another date last time she said she'd have to look at her social calendar. In my last follow-up message to her I asked her to call me sometime. I've made my position clear.

 

Her social calendar? Are you kidding me?

 

A girl interested in you will blow off her friends and lie to her parents if she must.

 

I think you know where you stand. Keep quiet about it and don't confront her.

[Versacehottie]

Don't unfriend her. (Yet) You can do that when you're sure it's really over, or if she starts to ignore you. Just unfollow her so you won't be constantly reminded of her when you're on Facebook.

 

I think you could try to set another date to see if she's still interested, because if I didn't miss anything, after that third date you only contacted her to talk about what happened.

 

Exactly, let's call this what it really is: an attempt to get reassurance with 'reaching out to discuss the night prior'; followed by you did not get sufficient reassurance so now you are trying to provoke a reaction by unfriending her. If it isn't about trying to provoke a reaction or protect your ego, you'd have no reason to unfriend her. BTW, i think FB is a meek way to contact her anyway. You should be man-ning up and contact her via phone or at very least text. That is the confident move. And asking for another date, not pussyfooting around--that's the best way to get the answer you really seek (is she into me). Good luck

[lolablue17]

Of course you are not the only one. Otherwise she would have behaved differently.

 

Just let it go. Don't unfriend her because it could seem like a negative act just for spite. Just stop contacting her. You can unfriend her later after few month, if you'd like.

[ff12343]

Of course you are not the only one. Otherwise she would have behaved differently.

 

Just let it go. Don't unfriend her because it could seem like a negative act just for spite. Just stop contacting her. You can unfriend her later after few month, if you'd like.

 

Yes I agree. Forget about her mentally so that you actually really forget about her. Then after several months during the summer, unfriend her.

[Reltubsirch0412]

I'm active on Facebook. And my posts generate a lot of conversation among my FB friends. I post probably five times a day. I'm sure she sees a lot of my posts. I can now block individual people from seeing my posts.

 

Would it be better if I blocked her from seeing my posts (in line with the whole disappearing act)?

 

 

Or should I do nothing at all?

Edited April 9, 2016 by Reltubsirch0412

[ff12343]

Do nothing. Act like you never knew her. (Just don't post about her)

[Marc878]

IMO she may be the type that thinks the guy should lead.

 

Unless she ended it and you're interested in her I'd pursue.

 

Call her and ask for another date. That'll tell you where you're at.

 

There's no written rule that says a woman has to call and initiate that I know of.

[Reltubsirch0412]

IMO she may be the type that thinks the guy should lead.

 

Unless she ended it and you're interested in her I'd pursue.

 

Call her and ask for another date. That'll tell you where you're at.

 

There's no written rule that says a woman has to call and initiate that I know of.

 

She knows my position. I asked at the end of Date#3 to see her again and she said she'd get back to me. I told her nearly a week later that I want to see her again and she evaded saying yes OR no.

 

Do you believe me asking a third time will make a difference?

 

I think if I do she's just going to tell me about her busy social calendar and how busy she is at work and then (maybe) tell me she'll get back with me.

Edited April 9, 2016 by Reltubsirch0412

[AndOrchid]

I think she's probably still playing the field and going on other dates. Don't ask her out again. If she was interested, she would have said something by now.

 

Btw, what do you post about on Facebook? 5 times a day is quite a bit. This may be just me but I think a little mystery is good at the beginning stages of dating. Also, maybe she has seen something that has turned her off/seemed like an incompatibility.

[Reltubsirch0412]

I think she's probably still playing the field and going on other dates. Don't ask her out again. If she was interested, she would have said something by now.

 

Btw, what do you post about on Facebook? 5 times a day is quite a bit. This may be just me but I think a little mystery is good at the beginning stages of dating. Also, maybe she has seen something that has turned her off/seemed like an incompatibility.

 

I'm a professional writer. Sometimes I write sarcastic stuff (and she said she's sarcastic too) and some political stuff (but I believe we see eye-to-eye politically).

 

Like I said I'm a professional writer. The wheels are always turning in my head. When I think of something clever I write it, but I do try to pace myself (no more than once every two hours).

[Cinnamonstix]

In the future, I'd hold off on adding anyone to Facebook until you're in a relationship. It saves you the trouble of having to deal with situations like these, and as another poster says, adds a little mystery.

[Reltubsirch0412]

I'm not much of a drinker. I just don't desire it the way a lot of other people do. I never understood what the big fuss was all about.

 

She, however, enjoys drinking. She said it's no big deal to her, although she told me in a text after Date#2 that I seem so innocent to her. I had a beer on Date#3, and we had a very intense make out session. She said toward the end of the date that I was not as innocent as she originally believed.

 

Whether any of that is a factor in her not talking to me I don't know.

[Reltubsirch0412]

In the future, I'd hold off on adding anyone to Facebook until you're in a relationship. It saves you the trouble of having to deal with situations like these, and as another poster says, adds a little mystery.

 

I added her by accident.

 

I used her phone number to find her profile and I accidentally sent her a friend request. I honestly did not want to friend her so soon.

[Reltubsirch0412]

I'm going to do my best not to reach out to her, but it still gnaws at me that I don't know what's going on in her head.

 

I'm trying to talk to other women, but I generally only get about a 10 percent response rate for all the women I contact. So far, no women are responding to my emails.

 

I'll keep trying.

[ff12343]

She's playing the field. You need to try to as well. Don't contact her first.

[Raena]

I went through this same hassle with dating and fb adds. What a nightmare. Eventually I just decided that it didn't really matter who is on my friends list. I can either set their account to restricted or I can unfollow them. I never bother to delete anyone anymore. If they choose to do so, that's on them. Probably the only time I would go to that extreme is if someone is a nutcase and won't leave me alone.

 

Don't delete her, just move on. Let her choose to delete you when she sees you doing exactly that.

[Versacehottie]

I'm active on Facebook. And my posts generate a lot of conversation among my FB friends. I post probably five times a day. I'm sure she sees a lot of my posts. I can now block individual people from seeing my posts.

 

Would it be better if I blocked her from seeing my posts (in line with the whole disappearing act)?

 

 

Or should I do nothing at all?

 

I get it that you are active on FB. But wow, way way way putting too much importance on this portion of your relationship with her. As an outside observer, it frankly seems really immature and would kill any remaining attraction I had to you. If you want to do the confident thing, live your life, I guess including the social media part. You don't need to hide anything from her and neither of you has done anything that warrants unfriending. Do nothing at all--well except keep your life moving.

 

The retaliation nature of your line of thinking in response to her not being sure is not sexy at all. If you still want her in your life, move forward with that part and attempts at such confidently. If you don't find her answers/responses sufficient and it's bugging you that she is not sure about you and perhaps seeing other guys, than do what you need to do IN REAL LIFE, ie stop contacting her (which is where it sounds like you are anyway). The FB stuff is unimportant. Do you honestly think that someone deserves to be unfriended because she gave you an ambiguous answer? If you only friended her during the short 3 date period, well stop doing that with girls you date--problem solved. If you have been friends on FB before the 3 dates, you are overreacting and your ego is bruised. In any case, good luck

[Versacehottie]

I added her by accident.

 

I used her phone number to find her profile and I accidentally sent her a friend request. I honestly did not want to friend her so soon.[/quote

 

well that should be a lesson learned.