caringsister Posted April 9, 2016 Posted April 9, 2016 I set up a profile on POF and initiated contact with a man who I found interesting. We talked on via the site for about four days and then I asked for his number, called him and talked with him for about two hours. He was rather awkward in conversation, but I figured he was just nervous. A little background on him: He is widowed ... his wife passed away two years ago (they were together 37 years) He met her when she was 19 and he was 18. She had a three year old daughter from a different relationship. He married her four weeks after they met. According to him he has only had one other relationship since her passing. We talked more via text over the next couple days and he asked me to lunch about a week into talking. The night before we were going to meet we were texting and he said, I just have to ask you. Do you kiss on the first date. I said I have been know to a time or two, but that I don't make that a habit. Now it kind of bothered me that he asked me. It brought a pressure to the date with the idea through the whole thing that at the end he would be hoping for a kiss. For God's sake I hadn't even met him yet and he was already at the kissing. We met for lunch. He was definitely nervous. A little awkward (nothing bad) just obviously not smooth at dating which is totally understandable since he was with his wife for 37 years and hadn't really had experience at dating. After we ate we sat outside at the picnic table and talked for a couple hours. He held my hand, played with my hair. I talked with him about the kissing thing and told him I prefer to wait. He was fine with that (not really any other alternative) He said, When your ready your ready. We continued talking via text (he sent me pics of his grandsons and I sent him pics of my kids and grand children) and he asked me if I wanted to do something on Saturday. I accepted. A few days prior to our Saturday date I go on facebook and see that I have a new friend request. It's him! Now I thought it was kind of strange to request me so soon, but I accepted. I figured he put my phone number in and found my fb page. Right after I accept he text me and says, isn't facebook strange. He told me that one of the pictures I had sent him showed up in the people you may know on his facebook (the picture was my fb profile pic) I thought that was kind of odd, but whatever. Anyway, He is a cook so we decided he would cook at his place and we would just have a day out in the sun. We sat outside talked and ate, it was pleasant. He is real touchy feely kind of person. Nothing inappropriate. When I went to leave he walked me outside and I gave him a hug goodbye, jumped in my car and drove off. We texted later about what a nice time we had and he let me know he was interested in getting to know me. I agreed I would like to continue talking (no real deal breakers have popped up yet) All through texting he makes kissing "jokes" He got a basketball hoop so if I bring my son (12 yrs old) over he can play basket ball. He is putting in an above ground pool so if we come over the kids can have a place to stay cool. He got the basketball hoop on craigslist and the pool he is getting from his daughter in-law. He goes out of his way to make sure I'm comfortable. Very nice, but over does it. He says he wants to challenge me to a game of basketball .. I agree and he says, Stakes? I say a six pack of coke in the bottle (that is what he drinks) He says, Its killing me so I have to ask, would you wager a kiss. I tell him how kisses are very intimate to me. He says, Coke it is. Now not only does he text me. He fb messengers me too. He sends me stickers with heart eyes, snoopy holding a heart. Tells me what an amazing woman he thinks I am and how I have attributes and morals that he finds extremely attractive. How he will wait for me because good things come to those who wait and blah blah blah. All very sweet, but to much to soon. I let him know that I move at a slower pace and tend to keep people at an arms length until I am comfortable. He says he understands. Last night I get a call from one of my adult daughters and she tells me that he friend requested her and sent her a message on facebook saying, Hi my name is ____ and I am seeing your mom. I would like to send her flowers, but I don't know her address and if I ask her she will know something is up. I'll understand if you are not comfortable giving it out. Of course she didn't give it to him and when she told me about the message it freaked me out. I felt like it was just a very sneaky way to get my address. I messaged him and told him that it made me very uncomfortable and he apologized, said it would never happen again. I explained that I was a private person and I don't bring men to my home or give out my address. He said, all he wanted to do was surprise me and that all he could do now is ask my forgiveness. I said how I felt and then dropped it with some regular conversation just so he wouldn't feel like he was being scolded, but did tell him that in the future just ask me if he has any questions. I'm just not sure what to think of this man. I like him, but I don't like the fast pace he moves in. This also bothered me as well. We joke a lot and one day he was said he was going to bring me coffee the next morning I said coffee hasn't been setting right with me lately. Him: tea? Me: blah Him: Hot cocoa? Me: no thank you Him: A smoldering hot 8x10 autographed glossy of me. Then he says, work with me missy I'm trying to see you. Me: I'm tough Him: I'm tougher and persistent Him: don't make me come hunt you down - I will you know Me joking: I'm at the beach (he loves the beach) Him: you think I won't Me: No, because you don't know what beach I'm at lol Him: (my name) I'm gonna beat your a$$ Me: neener neener Him: I believe your taunting me now and I don't believe your at the beach either. Me (playfully): You said twice now today you were going to beat my ass. Don't make me run a background check on you. Like who says, I'm gonna beat your a$$? Seriously??? I don't know about this guy. I'm thinking about just ghosting him or just telling him I want to take a step back then fade out on him. Thoughts, opinions appreciated. 1
CarrieT Posted April 9, 2016 Posted April 9, 2016 I think you are overreacting. If you aren't feeling it, that is fine. But I don't see anything he has said or done that is inappropriate. Be up-front at least. I think the whole ghosting concept is for those who have no back-bone. 2
Satu Posted April 9, 2016 Posted April 9, 2016 I would certainly let him go. He sounds very childish. Irritating. 1
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