faithfully Posted April 9, 2016 Posted April 9, 2016 I don't know if the title is the right word to use but right now I really don't know how I feel, like ive no emotions at the minute. ok where do I start!! just lost, confused, angry, thankful. right started chatting to this guy online 33yrs old, I'm 29. clicked and thought ok he seems alright, decent, just lovely conversation. he asked for my number and I gave it out. that day he rang me and had a long hour chat, laughing just general chit chat. messages me every morning- good morning nothing special. asked how my days been. asked to meet up as he was interested so said yes why not- arranged to meet today for a few drinks, nothing special just casual. yesterday we had a nice long chat, told him about my hol, spoke about our dream destination, crazy things we have ever done, conversation was flowing. he spoke about his family and what he was doing that day. seems too good to be true, very decent. every time we spoke we never had any awkward moment, no silence just flowing great conversation. ok so today we are ment to meet up, he rang me this morning, asked about my gym, if I had gone, said he was getting his hair cut and he will see me at 5pm, actually we were meant to meet at 6 but rang and asked to change the time to 5pm. I'm getting ready, showered, make up done and ready to set off at 4:30pm, at 4:27 I got this text off him: hiya I cant make it so sorry I feel really bad x I replied with: ok no problem then 10mins later I sent this: just wanted to know you're not winding me up?? he replied: nope something come up and I'm really sorry, I feel awful. I've not replied or nothing and I don't really feel like replying, I'm just confused as he seem so nice, decent was very eager to meet, he told his parents he's going out on a date, told his sister, best mate and work colleague. and seems really excited bare in mind he hasn't re-arrange to a different day or anything so clearly he is not interested. I want to hear others view on this as I don't know how to feel, its like I've no emotions right now, maybe I'm shocked, surprised as he said he was so interested to meet, I even joked and said on Tuesday bet you don't turn up and then this happen. what do you guys think, I just need someone to please advice, talk to me, or something. ive not even told my friends ive not gone on this date.
LookAtThisPOst Posted April 9, 2016 Posted April 9, 2016 When they say, "'Somthing' came up." and they don't elaborate on what the "something" is, it means they are lying/flaking. Oh and he doesn't "feel awful" about it either. 2
katiegrl Posted April 9, 2016 Posted April 9, 2016 Anybody??? Agree with previous poster. 100%. If it were me, I would .... Block, delete, next. I wouldn't have even replied to his initial text cancelling. How freaking rude, jesus. 3
Zahara Posted April 9, 2016 Posted April 9, 2016 I'm just confused as he seem so nice, decent was very eager to meet, he told his parents he's going out on a date, told his sister, best mate and work colleague. and seems really excited Take words with a grain of salt. People will say and do all sorts to present a good first impression. You haven't even met yet and it seems like you're already somewhat shaken. You have to build thicker skin. Likely some other girl became available or there were other options at the last minute. Don't entertain him. Move on.
truth_seeker Posted April 9, 2016 Posted April 9, 2016 I want to hear others view on this as I don't know how to feel, its like I've no emotions right now, maybe I'm shocked, surprised as he said he was so interested to meet, I even joked and said on Tuesday bet you don't turn up and then this happen. This guy either chickened out or another option he liked better came up, which is what most would say... From what you described I'm going to say he got off in canceling. He never had any intention in meeting you and wanted to be a jerk and cancel at the last minute. I wouldn't be surprised if he contacted you again, and tried to pull the same stunt. 2
Shining One Posted April 9, 2016 Posted April 9, 2016 I believe in "everybody gets one"... and this is his one. If he does it again, it's time to burn the bridge. I've had women cancel on me within the same time frame. Sometimes they are flaking, sometimes it's legitimate. One instance is insufficient to draw a conclusion. 1
katiegrl Posted April 9, 2016 Posted April 9, 2016 (edited) I believe in "everybody gets one"... and this is his one. If he does it again, it's time to burn the bridge. I've had women cancel on me within the same time frame. Sometimes they are flaking, sometimes it's legitimate. One instance is insufficient to draw a conclusion. Does *how* they flake make a difference? One half hour before meeting texting, "sorry can't make it, something came up." No reschedule. IMO, that makes a huge difference. No I would not give a second chance if a guy flaked on me in that way. If he had *called* to cancel, expressed genuine disappointment and scheduled new time, I would! Edited April 9, 2016 by katiegrl 2
Author faithfully Posted April 9, 2016 Author Posted April 9, 2016 Thanks to who replied!!! I've listened to Katie and deleted and blocked him. This is the guy who called me every night and even this morning expressing his excitement and if he was genuine he would have had the audacity to call and boy he can talk so his excuse was rat ***** He is a 33 year old manager not a little boy. 1
Shining One Posted April 9, 2016 Posted April 9, 2016 Does *how* they flake make a difference? One half hour before meeting texting, "sorry can't make it, something came up." No reschedule. IMO, that makes a huge difference.I don't focus too much on the "how" for a first / early meeting. I've experienced a cancellation within that time frame. Sometimes, it's an embarrassing situation they don't want to get into with a new person. If I dropped every woman the very first time she did something "wrong", I would never be in relationships.
Methodical Posted April 9, 2016 Posted April 9, 2016 Thanks to who replied!!! I've listened to Katie and deleted and blocked him. This is the guy who called me every night and even this morning expressing his excitement and if he was genuine he would have had the audacity to call and boy he can talk so his excuse was rat ***** He is a 33 year old manager not a little boy. Just saw your post. What a generic cancellation, literally at the last minute. Good for you!
Author faithfully Posted April 9, 2016 Author Posted April 9, 2016 I don't focus too much on the "how" for a first / early meeting. I've experienced a cancellation within that time frame. Sometimes, it's an embarrassing situation they don't want to get into with a new person. If I dropped every woman the very first time she did something "wrong", I would never be in relationships. I get what you're saying but this man rang me this morning to change the time giving me an excuse which was believable and genuine, he changed the time from 6pm to 5pm. If he had a legitimate excuse why wouldn't he rang like always and the fact he didn't rearrange only shows me he was bull shipping the whole time, faking his excitement. If he was genuine he would say can you meet tomorrow or Monday, it's not rocket science
Shining One Posted April 9, 2016 Posted April 9, 2016 I get what you're saying but this man rang me this morning to change the time giving me an excuse which was believable and genuine, he changed the time from 6pm to 5pm. If he had a legitimate excuse why wouldn't he rang like always and the fact he didn't rearrange only shows me he was bull shipping the whole time, faking his excitement. If he was genuine he would say can you meet tomorrow or Monday, it's not rocket scienceEveryone has a right to set their own thresholds. If you want to follow a zero-tolerance policy, that is your right. I know that I personally would have missed out on a few great women if I also had a zero-tolerance policy. 1
elaine567 Posted April 9, 2016 Posted April 9, 2016 He didn't want you to see his bad hair cut... No reschedule even attempted is the issue here. Anyone can have stuff happen at the last minute but no call and no reschedule are not the actions of anyone you want to be in a relationship with anyway. He's maybe married, so he couldn't call.
katiegrl Posted April 9, 2016 Posted April 9, 2016 Everyone has a right to set their own thresholds. If you want to follow a zero-tolerance policy, that is your right. I know that I personally would have missed out on a few great women if I also had a zero-tolerance policy. There is zero tolerance and there is being smart. In this case, the callous way in which he cancelled, with no offer to reschedule = zero tolerance. ..and being smart. Interested people act interested and sorry his actions in this regard don't cut it. Not to mention we teach people how to treat us, from the get go! Just curious, when these women cancelled last minute with no offer to reschedule, did they contact you ...or did you contact them ... after the blow off? Sure she could forgive it, and give him another shot. Wait for HIM to get in touch again to set another date. But why, when there are so many other men who would never dream of blowing a chick off in such a callous manner? Would you ever cancel a date with a woman you really liked in that way?
Author faithfully Posted April 9, 2016 Author Posted April 9, 2016 Everyone has a right to set their own thresholds. If you want to follow a zero-tolerance policy, that is your right. I know that I personally would have missed out on a few great women if I also had a zero-tolerance policy. When that did happen before this man today, A guy last year flaked on me and didn't meet up, stood me up and didn't hear from him!! He contacted me apologising, begging, crying for a second chance, I gave in to him, messed me about again and flaked, then 3rd time tried talking to me again so told him to piss off. I don't think I've missed anything great with this guy, if anything he has missed out on a good woman as its very rare to find decent people men and women nowadays
Shining One Posted April 9, 2016 Posted April 9, 2016 Just curious, when these women cancelled last minute with no offer to reschedule, did they contact you ...or did you contact them ... after the blow off?In some cases they contacted me, in others I contacted them. The slight majority would go to them contacting me.Sure she could forgive it, and give him another shot. Wait for HIM to get in touch again to set another date. But why, when there are so many other men who would never dream of blowing a chick off in such a callous manner?Why would she have to wait? They're not even dating. She's completely free to see other men.Would you ever cancel a date with a woman you really liked in that way?I can and have. When I was an on-call engineer, I had to break more than one date due to a short-notice trip to the data center. It's impossible to talk on the phone in the cage, so all she would get is a text.
katiegrl Posted April 9, 2016 Posted April 9, 2016 (edited) When that did happen before this man today, A guy last year flaked on me and didn't meet up, stood me up and didn't hear from him!! He contacted me apologising, begging, crying for a second chance, I gave in to him, messed me about again and flaked, then 3rd time tried talking to me again so told him to piss off. I don't think I've missed anything great with this guy, if anything he has missed out on a good woman as its very rare to find decent people men and women nowadays Me thinks Shining One should experience being a woman for like a month. Go on line, chat ... make dates. Get blown off, make another date, get blown off again, have sex then get blown off .... you need to experience all of it. Get back to us after a month and let us know how it went. I realize guys don't have it much better either. That is why it is so important for both men and women to pay attention to these early red flags and respond accordingly by not tolerating BS and simply moving on to the next. And I am sorry but IMO the way in which this guy cancelled was callous and BS. To each his own though, if you wish to give these chicks second chances, go for it! Edited April 9, 2016 by katiegrl 2
Shining One Posted April 9, 2016 Posted April 9, 2016 (edited) Me thinks Shining One should experience being a woman for like a month.Why are you bringing gender into this? Date cancellations are date cancellations. I'm looking at this from a purely gender-neutral standpoint. Of course, I only date women, so my experiences are with women.Go on line, chat ... make dates. Go on dates, get blow off, have sex then get blown off .... you need to experience all of it. Get back to us after a month and let us know how it went.This would be a significant improvement for me. If I'm ever single again, I would be happy to experienced the bolded. To each his own, if you wish to give these chicks second chances, go for it! Would you want a man to drop you the very first time you did something "wrong" in his eyes? Edited April 9, 2016 by Shining One
katiegrl Posted April 9, 2016 Posted April 9, 2016 (edited) Why are you bringing gender into this? Date cancellations are date cancellations. I'm looking at this from a purely gender-neutral standpoint. Of course, I only date women, so my experiences are with women.This would be a significant improvement for me. If I'm ever single again, I would be happy to experienced the bolded. ---- Would you want a man to drop you the very first time you did something "wrong" in his eyes? I would never break a date in such a callous manner, but if I did, it would be because I wasn't that into him, and didn't wish to go out with him, so yes I would absolutely expect him to drop me after that. Or for any other callous insensitive disrespectful or rude behavior I exhibited. In fact, I would respect him for it! I still would not be interested, but I would respect him at least. It shows me the guy doesn't tolerate BS and that is to be respected, man or woman. Note I am not talking about having to cancel a date, I understand shyt happens and we sometimes need to cancel a date. But there is a way to cancel respectfully without coming off like an insensitive asshat, like this guy did. I mean come on now, texting and calling ad nauseum for days prior, and even the morning of, then 30 minutes prior to meeting simply texting "sorry can't make it, I feel bad." With no reschedule? Seriously??? Really??? If you think this is an acceptable way to cancel a date with someone you have an interest in dating, so be it. As for me, I'll pass. Edited April 9, 2016 by katiegrl 1
xingyi Posted April 9, 2016 Posted April 9, 2016 At least he cancelled it. I have met jerks who didn't even text or call to cancel. This happened to me again today This morning someone flaked on me, and he didn't even tell me he wouldn't come. He emailed me that he wanted to come over to see me, but I said no at the beginning, eventually I agreed to meet him and he told me he was leaving his place and coming to see me around 10am. I waited him for three hours but he still didn't show up(normally he would arrive in half an hour). This afternoon he messaged me again(5 hours later) but nothing related, and I just ignored him. I am completely done with him this time
Lovelorn00 Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 At least he cancelled it. I have met jerks who didn't even text or call to cancel. This happened to me again today This morning someone flaked on me, and he didn't even tell me he wouldn't come. He emailed me that he wanted to come over to see me, but I said no at the beginning, eventually I agreed to meet him and he told me he was leaving his place and coming to see me around 10am. I waited him for three hours but he still didn't show up(normally he would arrive in half an hour). This afternoon he messaged me again(5 hours later) but nothing related, and I just ignored him. I am completely done with him this time Glad I'm not the only one who has experienced this. More times than I can remember. People are awful.
Eighty_nine Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 Everyone has a right to set their own thresholds. If you want to follow a zero-tolerance policy, that is your right. I know that I personally would have missed out on a few great women if I also had a zero-tolerance policy. Right. The advice on this board can be very rigid. In life, things come up. It's life. In reality, sometimes people don't follow- or don't KNOW- what we here on Loveshack have deemed the 'correct' protocol- call to cancel and reschedule right away. I don't want others to have zero-tolerance for me (I'm out of the dating world, but I mean in general) and I don't believe in having zero tolerance for others. I have boundaries and everyone should (like, a second cancellation and forget it), but I think people can be too set on this is how things should be, this is how people should act, and if not block delete next. 2
Author faithfully Posted April 12, 2016 Author Posted April 12, 2016 So after that guy flaked on me for our Saturday date, not heard a word from him and tidY I'm sat with my friend and all of a sudden I got this msg from him- sorry about saturday i wasnt makng any bull**** up, it was a genuine excuse. My heads been all over because of sumat that happend saturday day. Anyway sorry again (my name) you was a really sound girl x This msg was sent to my online profile inbox and my phone but blocked his number but I can still receive msges that has been blocked. What dyou guys think??
katiegrl Posted April 12, 2016 Posted April 12, 2016 (edited) So after that guy flaked on me for our Saturday date, not heard a word from him and tidY I'm sat with my friend and all of a sudden I got this msg from him- sorry about saturday i wasnt makng any bull**** up, it was a genuine excuse. My heads been all over because of sumat that happend saturday day. Anyway sorry again (my name) you was a really sound girl x This msg was sent to my online profile inbox and my phone but blocked his number but I can still receive msges that has been blocked. What do you guys think?? This sounds like a goodbye message of sorts. I presume he STILL has not rescheduled? If it were me I would respond back, "hey no worries, take care." Then block, delete, next. ETA: And Shining One, don't even start. I (and others) called this one very early on. The guy isn't interested, may never have been interested and is a flake. Edited April 12, 2016 by katiegrl
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