serendipity90 Posted April 9, 2016 Posted April 9, 2016 I met a guy who I'd been talking to online for a month for the first time Sunday which went well. We then met up for a walk on Wednesday and a drink in town, then I went to his for dinner yesterday (Friday) and we've arranged to meet on Sunday for a walk. Although I've already agreed to the walk Sunday I'm finding it all a bit too much too soon which is a stark contrast to my ex-bf who only saw me once a week and I didn't feel it was enough. How can I let him down gently about meeting up tomorrow? He's already talking about me meeting his friends so he can show me off to them. Twice a week is enough for me, I don't want to move too fast. Plus I'm still in love with my ex which I don't know is ever going to go away..
road Posted April 9, 2016 Posted April 9, 2016 When I met my wife I wanted to see her every day and she the same. 2
Author serendipity90 Posted April 9, 2016 Author Posted April 9, 2016 I am quite a naturally introverted person who likes my own space.
Gaeta Posted April 9, 2016 Posted April 9, 2016 Plus I'm still in love with my ex which I don't know is ever going to go away.. You are wasting his time. Tell him it was nice getting to know him this past week but after reflection you are not ready to invest yourself in dating. When I was doing online dating I met tons of men like this. Just recently out of a relationship, still in love, and online just to fill a void. They were a waste of my precious time. I invested time, hope, and feelings in them while they were nowhere available to invest the same in me. People like you are the reason why online dating has such a reputation of being a time waster. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted April 9, 2016 Posted April 9, 2016 The fact that you are still in love with your ex speaks volumes. You're not ready to date other men yet and it's not fair to them either. 1
Author serendipity90 Posted April 9, 2016 Author Posted April 9, 2016 But what if I never get over my ex? We've been NC for 1 month but split in November. Maybe he will grow on me and I will learn to love him more? He has helped take my mind off my ex. I don't want to feel like I'm hanging around for him to change his mind.
Gaeta Posted April 9, 2016 Posted April 9, 2016 But what if I never get over my ex? We've been NC for 1 month but split in November. Maybe he will grow on me and I will learn to love him more? He has helped take my mind off my ex. I don't want to feel like I'm hanging around for him to change his mind. We always get over our exs. It's a matter of time. You are what we call on 'rebound'. You want to use this man as a balm on your wounds. Yes he will keep your mind off of your ex but you're only using him. Your feelings belong to someone else. How would you feel if someone used you only to stop hurting for another woman? 2
ExpatInItaly Posted April 9, 2016 Posted April 9, 2016 But what if I never get over my ex? We've been NC for 1 month but split in November. Maybe he will grow on me and I will learn to love him more? He has helped take my mind off my ex. I don't want to feel like I'm hanging around for him to change his mind. You will get over your ex. You just have to give yourself time to heal, which you really haven't if you've only been NC for a month. Learn to be on your own again without relying on a man to distract you. How would you feel if you really like a guy and came to find out he was still in love with another woman but hoping you'd be that Band-Aid until the wound healed? It's not right and it's not a healthy foundation for a relationship. 2
Author serendipity90 Posted April 9, 2016 Author Posted April 9, 2016 You will get over your ex. You just have to give yourself time to heal, which you really haven't if you've only been NC for a month. Learn to be on your own again without relying on a man to distract you. How would you feel if you really like a guy and came to find out he was still in love with another woman but hoping you'd be that Band-Aid until the wound healed? It's not right and it's not a healthy foundation for a relationship. How long should I give myself time to heal? My ex texted me today asking if I wanted to go to the theatre Monday despite agreeing that we were going to go NC until we're both over each other. I politely declined as I am doing slimming world that day anyway despite the fact I miss him loads and am internally jumping at the chance to see him again. I'm very tempted to text him how much I miss him but I know that would be a bad idea. This guy is really great, the complete opposite of my ex, he's very outgoing and talkative and puts me at ease. I just wish I could forget my ex.. My mum thinks I am doing the right thing by putting myself out there and seeing other people as I think she knows I would be pining for my ex otherwise, but maybe her advice isn't very good..
Gaeta Posted April 9, 2016 Posted April 9, 2016 My mum thinks I am doing the right thing by putting myself out there and seeing other people as I think she knows I would be pining for my ex otherwise, but maybe her advice isn't very good.. When you want to put yourself out there and keep busy, then you tell men you date that you are looking for casual dating and not ready for anything serious as you are healing from your last break up. You don't mislead people by letting them think your heart is free. This new guy is putting his best foot forward while you spend your day thinking about your ex.
Author serendipity90 Posted April 9, 2016 Author Posted April 9, 2016 When you want to put yourself out there and keep busy, then you tell men you date that you are looking for casual dating and not ready for anything serious as you are healing from your last break up. You don't mislead people by letting them think your heart is free. This new guy is putting his best foot forward while you spend your day thinking about your ex. But if I say that and put it on my online dating profiles then people will just think I am looking for sex which I don't think I am at this point in time. I can only have sex in a relationship with someone who I am in love with.
ff12343 Posted April 9, 2016 Posted April 9, 2016 When you want to put yourself out there and keep busy, then you tell men you date that you are looking for casual dating and not ready for anything serious as you are healing from your last break up. You don't mislead people by letting them think your heart is free. This new guy is putting his best foot forward while you spend your day thinking about your ex. Yes. Emotionally unavailable girls who pretend they are ready to date only hurt other people. You need to tell this nice gentleman the truth and then you need to walk away from everything. An ex is an ex for a reason. The fact you are still jumping over him is something to think about. You are better than this. Get off the online dating sites. You clearly aren't ready. 2
Author serendipity90 Posted April 9, 2016 Author Posted April 9, 2016 Weirdly part of me feels like I am cheating on my ex by going out with other people which a part of me feels you dumped me so why should I feel guilty about that? It's like I am rebelling against myself. I think I can love two people anyhow, I could be throwing away a chance with a great guy.
ff12343 Posted April 9, 2016 Posted April 9, 2016 Weirdly part of me feels like I am cheating on my ex by going out with other people which a part of me feels you dumped me so why should I feel guilty about that? It's like I am rebelling against myself. I think I can love two people anyhow, I could be throwing away a chance with a great guy. Yes that you could be and most likely are. The best part is you got dumped yet you are jumping to see him. How can you respect someone like that? Learn to put your foot down when people walk all over you and you will turn out a stronger person. Once you see this, then only then, will you improve.
Author serendipity90 Posted April 9, 2016 Author Posted April 9, 2016 Yes that you could be and most likely are. The best part is you got dumped yet you are jumping to see him. How can you respect someone like that? Learn to put your foot down when people walk all over you and you will turn out a stronger person. Once you see this, then only then, will you improve. I can't help the way I feel, and I know thats wrong which is why I politely declined. I do want to be friends with him but I need time to heal first if he doesn't want to be with me.
mikeylo Posted April 9, 2016 Posted April 9, 2016 We both couldnt have enough of each other when we started going out.
katiegrl Posted April 9, 2016 Posted April 9, 2016 (edited) Yes. Emotionally unavailable girls who pretend they are ready to date only hurt other people. You need to tell this nice gentleman the truth and then you need to walk away from everything. An ex is an ex for a reason. The fact you are still jumping over him is something to think about. You are better than this. Get off the online dating sites. You clearly aren't ready. This.^^ Which is exactly what I did recently. Was dating a man who wanted a relationship ... thought I was ready for it, and did like him a lot when we first met, and it was great for a few weeks even, but ended up feeling pressured cuz realized I am not over my ex yet, which was not fair to new guy, so I broke it off. Decided not to date anyone, casually or otherwise, until I am fully over my previous relationship. Taking steps to work through that now... which may take awhile... as it was a six year relationship ...we were to be married this year. Edited April 9, 2016 by katiegrl 1
fitnessfan365 Posted April 9, 2016 Posted April 9, 2016 Plus I'm still in love with my ex which I don't know is ever going to go away.. While I agree that he's latching on a bit too tightly, you shouldn't be dating in general until you're over your ex. If there's a piece of yourself that's with another man, how are you ever supposed to become fully invested in someone else? How long ago did you break up with your ex? 2
ff12343 Posted April 9, 2016 Posted April 9, 2016 I can't help the way I feel, and I know thats wrong which is why I politely declined. I do want to be friends with him but I need time to heal first if he doesn't want to be with me. If he is smart, then he won't accept a friendship with you. Sorry but this is life. Having your cake and eating it too i believe it's called. You let him go and if and only if you are ready, then you can try messaging him. If he has moved on, then you accept that.
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