mcandi Posted April 9, 2016 Posted April 9, 2016 We broke up about a week ago. In hopes of distracting myself and just seeing what's out there I signed up for online dating. I only made a profile and haven't been speaking to anyone as I'm not really ready. Not sure what I'm doing. A few hours later I was browsing and saw that he had a profile. I posted on Facebook "ouch" and that's when he texted me. And yes, I know I should have removed him from Facebook but I guess I'm just not there yet. He said "I hope that status wasn't about me being on pof because I noticed you were on there so I thought I might as well add myself too". I told him that it was and that it just hurt to see him on there. I said I wasn't ready to date, that I was only trying to distract myself from what I was feeling because I missed him. He told me it hurt him as well to see me on there and that he missed me too. We continued texting and he went on to say that it wasn't that he didn't have strong enough feelings for me to make it work but that he had mixed emotions about me. That sometimes he could go a few days with only texting or talking on the phone and then sometimes he wanted to see me all the time. He said he's never felt that way with someone before and that it confuses him. I asked him to consider the fact that maybe because lately every nearly every time we got together we ended up arguing or frustrated with each other and maybe that was why. He said maybe but that he thinks it had to do with him feeling guilty over breaking up with me a month earlier. Instant confusion for me. I also said that the fact that he doesn't want to spend every moment with me may be a healthy thing. To want to have your own time to do whatever but he never replied to that. He did however say more than once that he wished things were different, that he wished we could hit a reset button and that it would be amazing if we could just start over and not have any negative feelings. In the end he ended up saying that he could sense I was getting frustrated with him and that we should end he conversation and he stopped talking. I replied once more telling him that he didn't have to contact me and end up saying all those things, especially because he knows how I feel about him. I told him it was unfair to give me any sort of hope of getting back together. He hasn't replied and I dont expect him to but now I'm feeling a new hurt and a new confusion and I don't know how to deal with it. He's reasons for why it didn't work out don't make sense to me. I don't understand how he can miss me, tell me it's not that his feelings aren't strong enough to make it work and wish things were different and act as if our issues are insurmountable. He told me that things would be too awkward and we wouldn't be able to be ourselves with each other and I don't agree. I especially dont understand how his awkwardness would come from feeling guilty and if he cared that much about me, why he would t be able to get past that...
kidm Posted April 9, 2016 Posted April 9, 2016 There is one constant in everything you've typed--- he has ended the relationship and doesn't want you back. It doesn't matter how he is feeling, it doesn't matter if he's pain or his reasons for doing it. The fact remains that it is over. To save yourself more pain and anguish, stop communicating with him. After most breakups, very few people get the real reason for the breakup. It might make no sense to you but what you need to focus on is the reality of things. You don't need to make a pitch to a guy to try to get him to be with you or see things differently. He is right where he wants to be at the moment. Focus on your well-being and moving on day by day. Best wishes. 3
TimmyC Posted April 9, 2016 Posted April 9, 2016 Seems like he is not ready to settle down and be in a committed relationship. You deserve better than to be on the sidelines. Remove him from Facebook, and go NC. Move forward and be happy. I would take down your dateing profile for now until you are completely ready to move on with someone. You have your entire life ahead of you, don't let one guy consume your happiness when there are plenty of other great people that would return your feelings. Time will heal you and you'll look back on this one day as a stronger person. 1
Heatemyheart89 Posted April 9, 2016 Posted April 9, 2016 (edited) He is flip-flapping about at your expense. I think you need to get rid. My ex says he misses me, cares about me, offered me money for therapy etc. but also says he never wants to see or speak to me again. Block on everything and n/c. Edited April 9, 2016 by Heatemyheart89
Author mcandi Posted April 10, 2016 Author Posted April 10, 2016 I know. Everything you all said is the truth. It just hurts and makes me feel so sad. I guess I just miss him, or who I thought he was and it's hard to deal with the loss of something you thought you had.
overseas2004 Posted April 10, 2016 Posted April 10, 2016 So if you want him back ..... and if that what your heart truly desires, you should really try. But not the way that most women try to get men back... crying, moping begging. What you need to do is take him off Facebook, and everything else you have and start living your life without him. When he does text or call you .. you need to either not answer or be friendly but extremely brief. This will make him i interested in you again, and he may chase you, but you still need to be nice and friendly but give him the cold shoulder and have your own life. I suspect he feels ambivalent because there is no challenge in his relationship with you. You failed to reel him in before you let down your guard. Since you are dating a man who isn't fully mature you have to play this game. It does suck that life is this way, but men are like this. If you want to get him back and keep him, you need to be a challenge. Anyone who tells you different is ignorant of reality. I read a book called The Rules many many years ago. It changed my life.
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