Mjm1014 Posted April 9, 2016 Share Posted April 9, 2016 Okay so I've been talking to this girl I met off Tinder for about 3 weeks now, and we went on our second date last night. Great date, ended when a kiss, and she tells me she wants to see me again. No red flags, she genuinely seems to like me when we are in person. She even texted me tonight to tell me she told her mom a little about me. So even though things are going really well for the most part, there's one thing that's been bugging me...her texting habits. I remember for the first week or so she would send texts with a lot of thought, and she would try to keep the conversations going...since date number one though, her texts have been very short, and when I say short, I'm talking one word answers, all day everyday. Usually it takes her awhile to respond too. She use to want to talk on the phone, but she doesn't seem interested in that anymore. I understand if she isn't a big texter, but I feel like something is off. Example: Me-So tell me about your day? Anything exciting happen? Her- nope. Same old. Basically, im not sure what to do. She went from texting me a lot to literally one word answers but she still insists she wants to see me and talks about me, and if I don't respond to a text or don't text her, she will always send me a "what are you doing" text. Not sure how to proceed. I'm at the point maybe I shouldn't take her very serious Link to post Share on other sites
MachineGunFunk Posted April 9, 2016 Share Posted April 9, 2016 If she doesn't take you seriously. Don't take her seriously.. Just wait till she really wants to talk to you again. You gotta play that game or be mysterious. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jabron1 Posted April 9, 2016 Share Posted April 9, 2016 To be fair, sending someone 'how was your day?' puts all of the responsibility on them to come up with something interesting. Also, ask yourself 'why am I asking about her day?'. Do you really care how her day at work was? Because I honestly don't. That's why I won't ask - it's boring. You want to be an escape from the boring stuff, not remind her of it. At the very least, try to make your texts more fun for your own sake. Text her for your own amusement - not just because you feel obligated to do so. If these text convos really are the sh*ts, you should take responsibility. It's yet another thing where the burden is on the guy to make things happen. Practice, experiment, and try to improve. Also, don't text everyday. You can have too much of a good thing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ff12343 Posted April 9, 2016 Share Posted April 9, 2016 since date number one though, her texts have been very short You need to notice these things because I just did. This is all too common with online dating. You guys match up and then talk and skype and whatever else for HOURS and days until you meet up. Then things change. Am I right? You need to never text her again and see if she comes to you. But realistically, it's because you didn't fit the picture of who she thought you would be probably. Don't get offended because it's literally all too common. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Maxtor Posted April 9, 2016 Share Posted April 9, 2016 Okay so I've been talking to this girl I met off Tinder for about 3 weeks now, and we went on our second date last night. Great date, ended when a kiss, and she tells me she wants to see me again. No red flags, she genuinely seems to like me when we are in person. She even texted me tonight to tell me she told her mom a little about me. So even though things are going really well for the most part, there's one thing that's been bugging me...her texting habits. I remember for the first week or so she would send texts with a lot of thought, and she would try to keep the conversations going...since date number one though, her texts have been very short, and when I say short, I'm talking one word answers, all day everyday. Usually it takes her awhile to respond too. She use to want to talk on the phone, but she doesn't seem interested in that anymore. I understand if she isn't a big texter, but I feel like something is off. Example: Me-So tell me about your day? Anything exciting happen? Her- nope. Same old. Basically, im not sure what to do. She went from texting me a lot to literally one word answers but she still insists she wants to see me and talks about me, and if I don't respond to a text or don't text her, she will always send me a "what are you doing" text. Not sure how to proceed. I'm at the point maybe I shouldn't take her very serious Stop texting her about mundane things, like "How was your day.". What kind of answer do you want from her when you text stuff like this? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ff12343 Posted April 9, 2016 Share Posted April 9, 2016 (edited) Stop texting her about mundane things, like "How was your day.". What kind of answer do you want from her when you text stuff like this? This shouldn't matter essentially. A girl who is interested will turn the conversation around and MAKE EFFORT. Keep in mind how things changed after the first date. That is a key aspect to take note of. She isn't 100% interested and is making small talk because this is how she thinks ''being polite'' is until he fizzles away. I had a girl do the same thing. She also saw me for date 2 because she couldn't be ''sure'' of me. OP just be careful going forward about her. Edited April 9, 2016 by ff12343 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Maxtor Posted April 9, 2016 Share Posted April 9, 2016 This shouldn't matter essentially. A girl who is interested will turn the conversation around and MAKE EFFORT. Keep in mind how things changed after the first date. That is a key aspect to take note of. She isn't 100% interested and is making small talk because this is how she thinks ''being polite'' is until he fizzles away. I had a girl do the same thing. She also saw me for date 2 because she couldn't be ''sure'' of me. OP just be careful going forward about her. I can only speak for myself. From my experience, these boring questions will turn off even the most interested girl. Thats why I stopped asking them. Now I only text when I have some important things to say, or to engage in a clever conversation, not with "how was your day." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted April 9, 2016 Share Posted April 9, 2016 As guys, our main focus should be on setting up dates and not getting overly concerned with silly things like texting. If things are great in person, just focus on that. If she reaches out to see how you're doing, make plans with her and start increasing the date frequency little by little. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted April 9, 2016 Share Posted April 9, 2016 You can hyper-analyze it from every angle but the only things that really matter are the basics - if she's not communicating, she's either socially incompetent or uninterested. When ppl are interested, they behave in ways that signal they're interested, like talking and being engaged in the interaction. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ff12343 Posted April 9, 2016 Share Posted April 9, 2016 You can hyper-analyze it from every angle but the only things that really matter are the basics - if she's not communicating, she's either socially incompetent or uninterested. When ppl are interested, they behave in ways that signal they're interested, like talking and being engaged in the interaction. Exactly. It's that simple. Best way to gauge is walk away and see if she shows interest or for crying out loud even notices/cares. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mjm1014 Posted April 9, 2016 Author Share Posted April 9, 2016 Thanks for the responses guys! I was just using that as an example-I usually try to come up with more interesting texts than that. My point is, she doesn't say anything to keep the conversations going, but when I stop texting her she starts wondering what I'm up to, then I text her back something with substance and I get a one word response back. I'm leaving to go out of town for a few days and she said she wanted to Skype to wish me off...we skyped and she seemed kind of uninterested so I got off after a min or two. Not sure about her at this point-I'm kind of losing interest since she isn't putting in much effort. It's very confusing what she's after or what her deal is with me Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mjm1014 Posted April 9, 2016 Author Share Posted April 9, 2016 Should I be direct and ask her at this point? It's going on 3 weeks, and it's very stagnant. I just don't want to waste any more time thinking about this girl or putting in effort if she isn't interested-I'm busy enough as it is Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted April 9, 2016 Share Posted April 9, 2016 Should I be direct and ask her at this point? It's going on 3 weeks, and it's very stagnant. I just don't want to waste any more time thinking about this girl or putting in effort if she isn't interested-I'm busy enough as it is Do you have a reasonable expectation that she'd answer? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mjm1014 Posted April 9, 2016 Author Share Posted April 9, 2016 Hahah no...but it's kind of pointless to drag this out if she isn't interested Link to post Share on other sites
ff12343 Posted April 9, 2016 Share Posted April 9, 2016 Hahah no...but it's kind of pointless to drag this out if she isn't interested Like i said. Disappear. Clearly she wants you as some sort of option. Sounds almost like a mind game in a sense. Just become busy. If a girl likes you, she will set up a time to attempt to see you. She will reach out "truthfully" if she cares. I think you can handle it from that point on. Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted April 9, 2016 Share Posted April 9, 2016 The good thing about being ready to lose her, is that you can stop calculating so much, and start being direct and honest. What have you got to lose? Next time she texts you, text her how you feel - that her short texts + her lack of interest to talk to you on the phone, make you feel unwanted, and you don't like that feeling. Talk about what bothers you. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted April 9, 2016 Share Posted April 9, 2016 Hahah no...but it's kind of pointless to drag this out if she isn't interested Which is precisely why you need to disappear. If she is interested, she will contact you. Which she might anyway, just for the attention so be careful about that too. If she goes back to acting apathetic ...then just move on permanently. Block delete next. Self-respect ...it really helps in situations like this. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted April 9, 2016 Share Posted April 9, 2016 Unless you're really angsty about it (doesn't sound like you are) and want answers, I'd just let it die a natural death. She's not engaging you, so let her not engage. Then if she turns it up again and starts giving you crap for being distant, just say you thought she was fading bc she never has much to say and you have more self respect than to go chase her around like a lost puppy. (But watch out bc she'll probably fall in love at that point. ) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mjm1014 Posted April 10, 2016 Author Share Posted April 10, 2016 I actually confronted her tonight because she kept giving me one word answers then when I would respond she would take an hour or two to get back to me...I'm at the point I'm kind of over it and it seems like a head game... Her response..."sorry I made you feel that way. Why don't you think I'm interested? I'm just very reserved because I've been hurt before, and I've been through a lot in the past." Doesn't make any sense to me if she is actually into me. I think it's clear I'm just an option. Moving on. Link to post Share on other sites
ff12343 Posted April 10, 2016 Share Posted April 10, 2016 I actually confronted her tonight because she kept giving me one word answers then when I would respond she would take an hour or two to get back to me...I'm at the point I'm kind of over it and it seems like a head game... Her response..."sorry I made you feel that way. Why don't you think I'm interested? I'm just very reserved because I've been hurt before, and I've been through a lot in the past." Doesn't make any sense to me if she is actually into me. I think it's clear I'm just an option. Moving on. Yes. It's a lie to keep you around. If she cared, she would make effort, not excuses. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted April 10, 2016 Share Posted April 10, 2016 I actually confronted her tonight because she kept giving me one word answers then when I would respond she would take an hour or two to get back to me...I'm at the point I'm kind of over it and it seems like a head game... Her response..."sorry I made you feel that way. Why don't you think I'm interested? I'm just very reserved because I've been hurt before, and I've been through a lot in the past." Doesn't make any sense to me if she is actually into me. I think it's clear I'm just an option. Moving on. "I'm very reserved because I've been hurt before" Be careful of someone who makes you pay for the sins of prior relationships. And we've ALL been hurt before - clamming up because of it demonstrates some lingering baggage Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mjm1014 Posted April 10, 2016 Author Share Posted April 10, 2016 Exactly...I feel anytime I hear that type of excuse (and it's quite frequent) things usually turn out badly Link to post Share on other sites
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