Aloysia Posted April 9, 2016 Posted April 9, 2016 I am a 20 year old female university student. I am happy with my boyfriend. He lives 700 miles away from me, but we try to text and Skype as much as possible. We can only meet a few times a year, so it is hard to tell if I am still really in love sometimes. I am going to go on a study exchange to his country this summer, so we can get together more often. In my education program we have like 60 people, so everyone knows each other. Most of my friends are not from my study program. I prefer to hang out with friends I made through sport clubs and my fraternity. Only one girl I study with I actually consider to be a friend. All people in my study program are in the 20-23 age range, but there is one guy that is 32 years old. Let's call him Andrew. I didn't realize he was that old at first. I guessed him to be 24 max, but our student registration numbers start with our birth years, so when we were on a project together I noticed. Andrew doesn't fit in as well as most other students, so I try to talk to him sometimes. Like 5 to 6 times in two years. He is really smart and is polite to everyone. He is a hardworking student with top marks. He is a bit strange sometimes, shows little emotion. But he does make jokes and never seems scared to stand out. He will step out in front of the whole lecture class to explain something, even though his body language is sometimes a bit odd. One moment he can seem arrogant or aloof, another moment he seems insecure and kind of stutters. Then, he knows the answer to the question before anyone else, and explains it to everyone in a very clear way. We did group work together last year and we got the highest mark and it was nice to teamwork with him. One day we both asked the lecturer similar questions, so I felt like talking to him after class and we discussed the subject on our way home. This was one of the first times I really talked to him. We also had lunch together once, along with another person. I sat down next to him a couple of times, but he doesn't say much and I am not always sure what to talk about with him, so during breaks I just looked at my phone, he at his notes/textbook. Last week, I saw him at fencing practice at the university sports club. That looked kind of cool so when I saw him the next day I told Andrew that I saw him and we talked about how I could join up. So this week, after class he came up to me and talked to me about some things. Then he said he would ask about beginner lessons at the fencing club for me. But after he did that, he told me that we could also meet up with just the two of us. At first, I thought he was talking about fencing, but then it hit me he was asking me out. So I asked him if he meant a date, and he said yes. So I told him I already have a boyfriend and that I am in a long distance relationship(shouldn't have said that I guess), but he didn't really seem phased with that. He said "So he wouldn't be to happy about that?" and I didn't get the meaning at first. So I told him sternly: "I am not interested." but then I added "But we can hang out and have fun sometime if you want." Not sure why I added that. Maybe because I felt like I was being too harsh. James is a lot taller than me, so I was looking up at him and he just looked me straight in the eyes. He didn't show much emotion. Maybe he was nervous. I felt a little intimidated, looking away several times. He told me that he wouldn't ask me out again and that if I changed my mind or broke up with my BF, I should ask him out instead. He had a real stern look on his face when he said that, but then again he does most of the time. So when we walked off to leave the building, he explained he thought I had been flirting with him and that he thought I was interested in him. In the last two years, I think he once complimented my hair and once told me I am really smart. James dresses really sharply, sometimes. He wears nice design shirts. So the last two weeks, I complimented him on his clothes twice. I also stuck out my tongue at him when he called me out when I was about to skip a queue he was also in. Last week, he was wearing an odd sports shirt. So while I walked past him and he was talking to some of my classmates, I tugged at his sleeve, just out of fun and made some random comment. He mentioned exactly that event as the reason why he thought I was interested in him. My response was "That's just me being silly". I honestly don't know why I did what I did. I guess it can be interpreted as being flirtatious, but I was just being me, I feel. After he asked me out, as we walked out the building and got to the bicycle rack, we talked about normal things. He followed me on my way home. He asked me about a science project I am working on. It is quite difficult stuff and I am passionate about it. So I kept talking about that to him, though he never seemed to be enthusiastic about what I said, though he did ask the right questions. I guess I kind of forgot about the events just before. Maybe this is why he didn't split off to his route home. He said he was going to the supermarket just behind my place. Maybe he felt awkward leaving after I rejected him and felt it was impolite to split off from my route while I was still talking to him. So today I kind of avoided him in the lab, as we were both busy with lab work. I don't know if he feels awkward about what happened. I probably wouldn't be able to tell if he was Was I really being too flirty with him? Should I try to be friends with him? Does he really like me? Or did he only ask me because he really thinks I liked him but I wouldn't dare to ask him out? I didn't dare to ask him if he had a crush on me. Also not sure if I should still pick up fencing. I kind of felt like it would be cool to fence together. But if I still go now he will think I like him? We have similar interests so we may have to work together in the future, as students or scientists.
Sparta Posted April 9, 2016 Posted April 9, 2016 Well it's more than evident that you like him. The LDR your boyfriend that's far away, is going to get Hurt over this... Situation that's developing. You could try to deny that you do not like him. The new guy in class. You should being completely honest and upfront about this to your LDR boyfriend your self and this other guy. You know you like him The new guy. because Long distance relationships they don't work. It's more than obvious that you are attracted to him. Just do the right thing break up with your boyfriend and then get with this guy. Do not cheat way out and start something with this other guy before you end it with your boyfriend...
MrMeh Posted April 9, 2016 Posted April 9, 2016 Please dump your boyfriend and go after this guy. You two fit well together. One cheats on her boyfriend while the other is indifferent to being the partner that she cheats on him with.
truth_seeker Posted April 9, 2016 Posted April 9, 2016 Just do the right thing break up with your boyfriend and then get with this guy. Do not cheat way out and start something with this other guy before you end it with your boyfriend... I agree. The problem is younger women want the sure thing before moving on. This guy isn't a new job you line up before quitting your current job... you break it off with your LDR boyfriend and go out with the new guy. If the new guy doesn't work out, you do not go back to the LDR. There are so many people out there who want their cake and eat it, too. So many stuck in relationships they do not want to be in because they are either afraid to be alone or unsure if the other person will work out or not. The fact you came here OP says you're not into your current man and have lots of interest in this lab partner.
lchf Posted April 9, 2016 Posted April 9, 2016 Do your current BF and yourself a favour: break up with him before you get more inapprpirate with this new guy, before you break a heart and get labelled a cheater. This won't end well unless you do, in my experience.
Zippy2000 Posted April 9, 2016 Posted April 9, 2016 (edited) I feel sorry for the poor boyfriend 700 miles away who is none the wiser. Id ask you to talk to your boyfriend first and give him a chance and find out where you two will end up in the future. If you don't see a future together then the best thing to do is to end it. Why break some ones heart if he finds out you are cheating on him. Talk to your boyfriend or if isn't working out then end things but make sure you do it right. Edited April 9, 2016 by Zippy2000
elaine567 Posted April 9, 2016 Posted April 9, 2016 Break ups are hard, but we mend and we carry on. Breakups with cheating are horrible and affect relationships years in the future. "I thought he/she loved me, how can I trust anyone ever again?" Break up with your LDR bf and do it soon, before he finds out what you are up to. LDRs have a poor success rate. Do not waste your time and his, tying yourself to someone 700 miles away. I am not saying Andrew/James will be the love of your life, most likely not, but texting/Skyping is not real life. YOU are 20, start enjoying it.
Author Aloysia Posted April 9, 2016 Author Posted April 9, 2016 Hey, I never said I plan to break up with my BF. We will be together again soon. It doesn't feel right to break up with him just because we can't see each other right now. When we are together, everything is perfect. As long as that is true, I don't see myself breaking up with him. Sorry for James/Andrew confusion. He is the same person. I wanted to change the name as I didn't like James for him. But I missed replacing some and then I couldn't edit the message. All I am wondering about is his intentions. I gave so much info on him to help paint an overall picture. So you think he really wants me to cheat on my BF with him? I don't think he knew that I have a BF when he asked.
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