Can't tell if she's interested in me romantically . !

[BWLovesEJ]

Hello!

 

So, I've been talking to this girl I met on Tinder ( I know, but just hear me out please haha) she's great, we've hung out twice and we've both had a blast. She's told me so.

 

She told me the first day I got her number that she is a "horrible texter" and that she rarely checks her phone. This proved true and although we talk nearly everyday. It's spread out by hours most times. She's very busy not only with school, but clinicals on top of that for her major, and she works at her university and she works at the mall AND she's in a sorority. Everytime we hung out she never checked her phone so I do believe her when she doesn't text back after awhile.

 

But my question is, we've been talking for 3 months now and she hasn't flirted with me. Unless you count smiley faces. Which I don't really.

 

I really like her and I did ask her if the next time we hang out if she'd like to make it a date? This is where I'm kind of confused. She said "I'm up for it, but I'm not sure I'm ready to commit to anything yet."

 

Now I've read a ton of things saying when a girl says she's not ready to commit, that means, don't waste your time. But she said yet. And I backtracked a little after that just because I didn't want to pressure her, and I told her that.

 

She just said "I'm down for whatever, but I'm just a slow moving gal" She said just be prepared for a lot of slow stuff because I don't know what I want. She said I was fine for asking that, and when I said we can just keep getting to know each other for now if you'd rather do that, she said that would be fine and she just needs time.

 

I've been thinking about this girl a lot lately. She's already helped me through a really tough time in my life. We both got out of relationships around the same time around the beginning of fall, and we met in January. We're both 21 too, so I'm not sure if when she says she's not ready to commit, it means partying and stuff like that.

 

When she takes forever to text back, it's never just a one word reply, she always sends a paragraph or atleast something to keep the conversation going. I've never tried to kiss her or been overly obvious until I asked her on a date. He always would say goodbye to each other with a hug.

 

I was a little bit needy, or atleast excited in my last relationship and I think that was a turnoff. That's just my personality, Im a vey open person and I'm very straightforward.

 

My last and only relationship moved very fast and I'm still getting used to moving slow so I'm afraid when I bring stuff up that pertains to a relationship, she might get freaked out I'm trying to hint at sonething now, even though I want to talk about it. I would never try and pressure her.

 

So when I bring up serious stuff even though it's on my mind all day about her, I'm afraid I'm going to push her away. I have no problem at all waiting for her, but I don't know what she wants and I don't know if I'm missing something she's saying, like if she is trying to tell me nicely she just doesn't want to date me.

 

I've been in the friendzone before too, and she really hasn't hit me with any "buddie", "pal" or even the dreaded brother comparison. And the last time we hung out she was supposed to meet her friend in the same city I live in after her and I hung out (we live an hour away from each other) and she had been throwing up that morning. Then her friend cancelled on her. I thought she would cancel on me for sure, but instead she drove an hour just to meet me in my city.

 

She makes a great effort for me, and maybe I just overthink things really badly but I'd love to get a different perspective on this.

 

Please and thanks!

Edited April 9, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Paragraphs ~6

[BWLovesEJ]

Hello, I posted a little bit ago but someone complained about how long it was so ill try and keep this short.

 

Basically I've been seeing this girl I met on Tinder for about 3 months now. I usually only hear from her 3-4 times a day because she barely checks her phone, which I've found out is true, and we've hung out twice.

 

Each time he had a blast, and I'm starting to crush on this girl.

 

Here's my problem. I asked her if the next time we hangout, if she'd like to make it a date? Before hand there really wasn't much flirting on either side. I wanted her to make the first move in the beginning.

 

She responded to me asking her out with "I'm up for it, but I'm not sure I'm ready to commit to anything yet." I backed off a little and said we could just keep it the way it is for now of you like.

 

Before that she said "I'm down for whatever, but I hope your chill with slow stuff for now." "I'm just a slow moving gal" and "I don't know what I want".

 

Ultimately when I backed off she said she needs time but wants to keep getting to know me. I'm definitely down for waiting for her, but what I'm asking is, is she interested in me romantically based off of that? Or is she putting me down nicely?

Edited April 9, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Paragraphs ~6

[MachineGunFunk]

Have you told her how you felt about this? She kind have admitted that she likes you. She's just that type of girl that likes people subtly. Just go real slow with her and trust your gut.

[BWLovesEJ]

Hey, yeah when I brought up dating I think that's where the bubble finally busted. There hasn't been really any flirting unless you count here sending a smiley faces and stuff. So I couldn't tell how she really felt. I'm almost afraid to keep bringing up getting serious because she does want to move slow. I don't want her to think I'm trying to pressure her. Thanks for the reply!

[smackie9]

My take on this is, this is a compatibility issue. You are looking for instant attraction, flirtation, excitement, eagerness, romance blossoming, etc. Her, she feeds you some line about, not sure what she wants, not into texting, takes things slow, blah blah blah. This is the complete opposite of your expectations. It's no wonder it's killin you. IMO she's not that into you...just likes someone to chat with, and the rare occasion to hang out.

 

It's been 3 months and this is where you at....barely anywhere. I think you should stop investing in her, and date others. You can still talk to her, but you shouldn't commit.

Edited April 9, 2016 by smackie9

[BWLovesEJ]

Thanks for the reply! I've totally thought everything you've said more then once now. And I do realize I can't commit to someone who isn't willing to do so with me. Like I mentioned in one of my posts is that she is very busy and she is looking for people to get to know. She told me she tries her best and she's talked to guys before who have complained about her not seeming like she's around enough and she told me that hurts because she does try her best. She promised me she's trying her best so I give her the benefit of the doubt. There's something that brings me back to her because she really does seem to care, but her hands are tied. During spring break she texted me everyday and we had a bunch of long conversations because she wasn't as busy, even though she went home for break. She told me everything will work out in the end so that tells me she might remain hopeful for us to be closer. She's by far the coolest girl I met on that app, and we have great chemistry and we are just really goofy around each other. I don't want to give up on her yet, especially since I already hinted at dating. I don't want just leave her now that she wants to move slow.

Edited April 9, 2016 by BWLovesEJ
grammer

[SandraTempleton]

If yes, you should watch the show How I Met your Mother. Seriously go watch season 5 episode 16 right now. It's called Hooked. And in the episode the main character Ted is semi dating this girl played by Carrie Underwood. Now Carrie Underwood's character gives Ted just enough attention to keep him attracted and interested in her. But she never gives him everything that he needs and wants in a relationship because she knows that she's never planning to be in an actual relationship with him. Do you see where I'm going with this scenario?

[spriggan2]

She's told you what she wanted. You can't persuade her I don't think to commit to you. Her care or fondness of you is not enough to satisfy your reasonable desire for a committed relationship.

 

True taking it slow can possibly lead to an eventual relationship but from what you're describing, the amount of time that's passed, the lack of flirting, her busyness, it doesn't seem like she's into you enough to take that next step.

 

I'd suggest ending things and pursuing someone else, and not remaining friends for a while given how much you seem to like her.

[Jabron1]

Mate, you're making something very complicated when it doesn't need to be.

 

So, I've been talking to this girl I met on Tinder ( I know, but just hear me out please haha) she's great, we've hung out twice and we've both had a blast. She's told me so.

 

'Hung out'?

 

Take her out, flirt, touch, build to the kiss.

 

Unless you are just looking for a new friend.

 

But my question is, we've been talking for 3 months now and she hasn't flirted with me. Unless you count smiley faces. Which I don't really.

 

Have you flirted with her?

 

I get the impression that you are looking for 100% confirmation that she's into you - you're not likely to get it. Just assume that she is into you, and push things forward.

 

I really like her and I did ask her if the next time we hang out if she'd like to make it a date?

 

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

 

It's a date if you make it one. Stop asking for 'permission' and just push things forward.

 

This is where I'm kind of confused. She said "I'm up for it, but I'm not sure I'm ready to commit to anything yet."

 

Well that's just jibber jabber.

 

Stop with these discussions. Just take her out and kiss her.

 

Now I've read a ton of things saying when a girl says she's not ready to commit, that means, don't waste your time. But she said yet. And I backtracked a little after that just because I didn't want to pressure her, and I told her that.

 

You don't want to 'pressure her'?

 

I think you are using that as an excuse for bottling out.

 

She just said "I'm down for whatever, but I'm just a slow moving gal" She said just be prepared for a lot of slow stuff because I don't know what I want. She said I was fine for asking that, and when I said we can just keep getting to know each other for now if you'd rather do that, she said that would be fine and she just needs time.

 

You are turning something that is supposed to be fun and sexy into a negotiation.

 

I was a little bit needy, or atleast excited in my last relationship and I think that was a turnoff. That's just my personality, Im a very open person and I'm very straightforward.

 

You are being needy here too. You have a real need for reassurance that you aren't going to get.

 

You are not being 'open and straightforward'. You are going around in circles and being indirect. You want this girl or not? If so, make a move, and stop messing around in the friendzone.

 

I'm afraid when I bring stuff up that pertains to a relationship, she might get freaked out I'm trying to hint at sonething now, even though I want to talk about it. I would never try and pressure her.

 

Course she will be freaked out! You haven't even kissed yet, and you keep wanting to discuss a relationship.

 

Just focus on pushing things forward physically. Let her worry about defining the relationship.

 

So when I bring up serious stuff even though it's on my mind all day about her, I'm afraid I'm going to push her away.

 

Well yeah, because you are going about this all wrong.

 

I have no problem at all waiting for her, but I don't know what she wants and I don't know if I'm missing something she's saying, like if she is trying to tell me nicely she just doesn't want to date me.

 

What are you talking about 'waiting for her'? Waiting for what?

 

Escalate! Move things forward! She will either follow, or not.

 

I've been in the friendzone before too

 

You are friendzoning yourself here too.

 

maybe I just overthink things really badly

 

Less talk, more action.

 

Stop talking about your 'feelings'. Ask her out for some drinks. Flirt, have fun, and make a move.

[ff12343]

Jabron is correct. It's simple.

 

Ask her out for drinks and kiss her at the end of the night. If you don't, then just consider it over.

[LookAtThisPOst]

She told me the first day I got her number that she is a "horrible texter" and that she rarely checks her phone.

 

Hm, I hear this a lot from women that tell me this that aren't interested in me. What a coincidence. There is no such thing as a "horrible" texture, UNLESS it's from someone who doesn't that doesn't give 2 s**ts about you.

[oldshirt]

Mate, you're making something very complicated when it doesn't need to be.

 

 

 

'Hung out'?

 

Take her out, flirt, touch, build to the kiss.

 

Unless you are just looking for a new friend.

 

 

 

Have you flirted with her?

 

I get the impression that you are looking for 100% confirmation that she's into you - you're not likely to get it. Just assume that she is into you, and push things forward.

 

 

 

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

 

It's a date if you make it one. Stop asking for 'permission' and just push things forward.

 

 

 

Well that's just jibber jabber.

 

Stop with these discussions. Just take her out and kiss her.

 

 

 

You don't want to 'pressure her'?

 

I think you are using that as an excuse for bottling out.

 

 

 

You are turning something that is supposed to be fun and sexy into a negotiation.

 

 

 

You are being needy here too. You have a real need for reassurance that you aren't going to get.

 

You are not being 'open and straightforward'. You are going around in circles and being indirect. You want this girl or not? If so, make a move, and stop messing around in the friendzone.

 

 

 

Course she will be freaked out! You haven't even kissed yet, and you keep wanting to discuss a relationship.

 

Just focus on pushing things forward physically. Let her worry about defining the relationship.

 

 

 

Well yeah, because you are going about this all wrong.

 

 

 

What are you talking about 'waiting for her'? Waiting for what?

 

Escalate! Move things forward! She will either follow, or not.

 

 

 

You are friendzoning yourself here too.

 

 

 

Less talk, more action.

 

Stop talking about your 'feelings'. Ask her out for some drinks. Flirt, have fun, and make a move.

 

 

 

This ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Totally this ^^^^^^^

 

 

 

 

You are playing waaaaaaaayyyyyy too conservatively here and you have burned up 3 months on some chick you have met twice and have kept yourself in the friendzone.

 

 

Hate to break it to ya but assuming you guys are in your early 20s and assuming she isn't obese and gross, she has probably dated several guys and has probably gone home from the bar with a guy or two she just met that night.

 

 

......and I am sure she is texting them plenty as well. She's simply not into YOU as a romantic candidate.

 

 

You need to pump up the volume one hundred-fold and start being more sexually assertive and masculine in your approach. You need to show a lot more initiative and be more proactive.

 

 

Flirt and banter and tease ALL women. Don't be gross, don't be a creeper and don't be a masher. But bump up the lighthearted, good natured flirtation and banter.

 

 

When some gal catches your eye and makes your heart skip a beat - ask her out on a proper date. Drop all this "hang out" nonsense and don't burn up time, energy and money with anyone that just wants to be txt buddies and doesn't respond romantically/sexually to you.

 

 

Take the lead and only spend your time and energies on the ones that follow. If they don't follow your lead, leave them behind and move on to the next.

[BWLovesEJ]

Okay, wow. Thanks for all the helpful replies everyone. I can totally see what you guys are saying, and I realize I'm probably being or atleast coming off too conservatively. Here's something I left out from before. I've only ever been in one relationship. And that moved very fast, we skipped being friends and told each other the "L word" just a month into things. It was a very serious relationship for the 3 months it lasted. I was devastated when she ended things and I couldn't get over it for a few months. During that time I was getting over it, I met this girl I'm talking to now. I didn't go overboard flirting with her because I was still in love with my ex. So during the first month an a half to two months I knew this new girl, I was still confused on whether or not to try and get my ex back, or move on. I finally got over her and decided to move on because I was ready to. That's when I made the push with the new girl and asked her if she'd like to make it a date. I'm obviously not the most confident guy, hence the reason I'm posting on here. But when she told me she wants to move things slow, but she hints at getting closer when we can see each other more, like over the summer when her semester ends, I can't help but remain hopeful there may be some potential for a relationship because she really does seem to care about me. It terrifies me to just kiss someone and know there's a chance they might push me away haha. The reason I ask her all these things, I don't want that rejection. I want to make sure we're on the same page. But I will take some of your guy's advice and step up my flirting game. it's just when she said she wants to take things slow just two weeks ago, I don't want to say "hey it's been two weeks and I don't want to take things slow anymore so I'm gonna kiss you now." Haha, you know what I mean? I just want to make sure before I kiss her. Thanks again for the replies!

Edited April 9, 2016 by BWLovesEJ
Add something I forgot

[Jabron1]

Here's something I left out from before. I've only ever been in one relationship.

 

Being inexperienced isn't a crime. Look at this new girl as a chance to get even more experience.

 

Each girl is practice for the next. That's life.

 

I'm obviously not the most confident guy, hence the reason I'm posting on here

 

That's fine too. All that matters is that you are improving.

 

But when she told me she wants to move things slow, but she hints at getting closer when we can see each other more, like over the summer when her semester ends, I can't help but remain hopeful there may be some potential for a relationship because she really does seem to care about me.

 

Sex first - relationship second.

 

Having sex will bond her to you far more than 100 talks about your 'feelings' ever will. Take all of this 'talk' with a pinch of salt.

 

It terrifies me to just kiss someone and know there's a chance they might push me away haha. The reason I ask her all these things, I don't want that rejection. I want to make sure we're on the same page.

 

I'm sorry, but this just isn't how the game works. Rejection is inevitable. And putting off rejection will lead you to the freindzone (which is rejection of you as a sexual being, basically). You have to become more fearless.

 

The only way to know if you are on the same page as a woman is when your d*ck is inside her. And even then, you might never hear from her again.

 

it's just she said she wants to take things slow just two weeks ago

 

That's because you were coming on strong (and weak) with all of this 'feelings' talk. You were forcing her into making a logical decision regarding you. That just isn't how women work.

 

She didn't mean 'slow' as in 'take months to kiss her'.

 

Understand that women aren't like us. You can't just meet women, and start having logical negotiations with them. You have to move her emotions instead.

 

I don't want to say "hey it's been two weeks and I don't want to take things slow anymore so I'm gonna kiss you now." Haha, you know what I mean? I just want to make sure before I kiss her.

 

No! No, no, no, no, no.

 

NO!

 

Stop being so logical! You can not negotiate desire.

 

Do not say that - ever.

 

I'm way too tired to go into every detail of moving for a first kiss. I might come back another time to help. Perhaps you could look for something online, or just use the old-school method of waiting until the end of the date (not something I like - but better than nothing).

 

Just whatever you do, don't ask for permission to kiss her.

 

You can say this:

 

I'm gonna kiss you now.

 

Only if it's coming from an aggressive place, and you are not asking it as a question - you're telling her instead.

[angel.eyes]

You've spoken to her daily for three months, and only managed to hang out twice. Three months and she still doesn't know if she wants to progress to a date? Sorry, but it doesn't take 3 months to decide if you might want to date someone! She knows she doesn't want to date you! Basically, you've been groomed as the BFF who can be on tap if she needs a male guy for a social event. That's it. She doesn't see you as a romantic option.

 

Hanging around hoping she comes around to the idea of dating you is a total waste of your time. Cut your losses and look elsewhere for a date.

[joseb]

Mate, you're making something very complicated when it doesn't need to be.

 

 

 

'Hung out'?

 

Take her out, flirt, touch, build to the kiss.

 

Unless you are just looking for a new friend.

 

 

 

Have you flirted with her?

 

I get the impression that you are looking for 100% confirmation that she's into you - you're not likely to get it. Just assume that she is into you, and push things forward.

 

 

 

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

 

It's a date if you make it one. Stop asking for 'permission' and just push things forward.

 

 

 

Well that's just jibber jabber.

 

Stop with these discussions. Just take her out and kiss her.

 

 

 

You don't want to 'pressure her'?

 

I think you are using that as an excuse for bottling out.

 

 

 

You are turning something that is supposed to be fun and sexy into a negotiation.

 

 

 

You are being needy here too. You have a real need for reassurance that you aren't going to get.

 

You are not being 'open and straightforward'. You are going around in circles and being indirect. You want this girl or not? If so, make a move, and stop messing around in the friendzone.

 

 

 

Course she will be freaked out! You haven't even kissed yet, and you keep wanting to discuss a relationship.

 

Just focus on pushing things forward physically. Let her worry about defining the relationship.

 

 

 

Well yeah, because you are going about this all wrong.

 

 

 

What are you talking about 'waiting for her'? Waiting for what?

 

Escalate! Move things forward! She will either follow, or not.

 

 

 

You are friendzoning yourself here too.

 

 

 

Less talk, more action.

 

Stop talking about your 'feelings'. Ask her out for some drinks. Flirt, have fun, and make a move.

 

This 100%.

 

Not much more I can add but reiterate that what he's saying is spot on.

[BWLovesEJ]

Okay, I get it haha. And I know how to initiate a first kiss, I've done it before so don't worry. Maybe I'm just too old fashioned. I see what you mean though by getting intimate with her and letting that do all the work for me. And I'm not trying to use my inexperience as an excuse. Since my breakup I've gone out with a couple different girls after my breakup, and if sex was all I was looking for, they made it very easy to get it. I'm 21. I've never been a guy who could just sleep around, and I've never even tried to have a one night stand. My last ex, we took things slow, got to know each other and after a month or so we had gotten to know each other so well, that we were attracted to each other inside and out and that's what led to us dating. That's my philosophy. The difference is my ex was much more vocal when it came to flirting and was very straightforward with what she wanted. The reason I posted in the first place was, I'm used to someone telling me exactly what they want and she isn't like that, and I realize most girls are like that too. And for everyone saying "you've only gone out with her twice in three months? Let her go." I mentioned before that I've only known her for three months, but I've just started trying to get closer to her in the last month, because I was still hung up on my ex. She has plans nearly every weekend, whether she's working, or doing homework or having plans with her sorority. But she has been making time just for me, and she drives 45 mins to my town just to meet me. I don't think there's a question with her effort. Thanks again for all the replies everyone, I really do appreciate them and I'm looking through each one and taking something from it.

Edited April 11, 2016 by BWLovesEJ

[smackie9]

Ok see you in a month........

[angel.eyes]

So three months after meeting you, two hang outs, and one month after trying to get to know her, she still "doesn't know" whether she might want to date you? Moreover, she's too busy with homework and sorority activities to find time to date you, but if it's just hanging out, she was able to make the time twice? Again, you aren't relationship material to her, just friendship material.

 

We all make an effort to see our friends. We like to spend time with our friends. Don't hang your hat on the fact that she drove to see you when it wasn't a date. Focus instead on the excuses when you push to make it a date...then she's too busy with homework, not sure if you should date, etc. Unfortunately, you're an orbiter stuck in her friend zone.

 

Feel free to chase down empty rabbit holes for the next 3-6 months, maybe even longer, if that's your thing. But this will go nowhere!

[BWLovesEJ]

So three months after meeting you, two hang outs, and one month after trying to get to know her, she still "doesn't know" whether she might want to date you? Moreover, she's too busy with homework and sorority activities to find time to date you, but if it's just hanging out, she was able to make the time twice? Again, you aren't relationship material to her, just friendship material.

 

We all make an effort to see our friends. We like to spend time with our friends. Don't hang your hat on the fact that she drove to see you when it wasn't a date. Focus instead on the excuses when you push to make it a date...then she's too busy with homework, not sure if you should date, etc. Unfortunately, you're an orbiter stuck in her friend zone.

 

Feel free to chase down empty rabbit holes for the next 3-6 months, maybe even longer, if that's your thing. But this will go nowhere!

 

 

 

I know how this looks when I explain it, but I can't detail this to the fullest extent. I've been friendzoned before and I can tell when I am. We met on Tinder, so there was a reason she matched with me in the first place and actually kept talking to me. She told me the first day we talked that she isn't good at replying right away and just doesn't like always having her phone in her face, and I've found this is true. She doesn't even respond to her own sister within a few hours. I see her tagged in pics on Facebook with her sorority every other night so I know she isn't dipping me. And everytime I make plans with her she does what she can to meet, whether or not that's driving 45 mins while sick. Why would you go through all the trouble for a guy in the friendzone when you have tons of sorority sisters to hangout with, or countless guys around the large university she goes to? She's told me before she has a blast hanging out with me and she set up getting breakfast with me last time we hung out. I get what you're saying and really appreciate you taking the time to help me out, but I really don't think she's just using me. That doesn't make much sense because she could have her pick of any of these guys around her school. The thing that makes me overthink this is because of how pretty she is haha. I've never talked to a girl that has every guy doin a double take like her. When I hung out with her every guy was looking at her. She works out and runs just like I do. We have a lot in common and we're both just really goofy, and when we hang out we just feed off of each other. I can make her laugh, and she really keeps a conversation going and asks me stuff all the time. When your in the friendzone, the only things a girl tells you is stuff about her day and uses you as just someone to talk to and doesnt care about your opinion. I think she's just sick of guys all wanting one thing from her and wants to get to know someone before she jumps into a relationship. Just my thought. Thanks for the reply though!

Edited April 12, 2016 by BWLovesEJ