Seriously considering breaking NC. I can't take it anymore. [updated]

April 8, 2016

It's only been 3 months since your ending. It's a common urge to want to break NC. You're detoxing from your addiction to someone. So you're going to want to get a fix.

You can break NC. But after you break it, just know that you'll go back to that same hole you came from. Only thing, the pain is going to be more painful because the outcome isn't going to be any different.

Sometimes you'll have to get beaten over the head a few times before the lesson is learned. Been there and done that.

Best to push through the urge and keep going. If you know nothing will come from it, then stay away from it.

Thank you for your response. I will keep fighting it.

April 9, 2016

I implemented no contact immediately after the break up, it's been 5 weeks now. And I'm going to break it. Probably next week.

I can't know what her response will be or if she will respond at all. But I know if there is any chance of rescuing this, it will have to start with me. And I can't live with not having tried.

From her actions while we were together to everything she said when we broke up, I do believe this can work out. But then again I'm hardly a neutral, rational observer in all this. I'm emotionally compromised, so I know there's a possibility that I'm fooling myself.

I'm thinking a lot about what to say, and trying to prepare myself for the worst possible results, but I know I have to try. I can't move on if I don't.

April 9, 2016

I implemented no contact immediately after the break up, it's been 5 weeks now. And I'm going to break it. Probably next week.

I can't know what her response will be or if she will respond at all. But I know if there is any chance of rescuing this, it will have to start with me. And I can't live with not having tried.
From her actions while we were together to everything she said when we broke up, I do believe this can work out. But then again I'm hardly a neutral, rational observer in all this. I'm emotionally compromised, so I know there's a possibility that I'm fooling myself.
I'm thinking a lot about what to say, and trying to prepare myself for the worst possible results, but I know I have to try. I can't move on if I don't.

I felt exactly the same but decided to keep NC. I don't know if it was a mistake or not but I do know that I couldn't take another rejection. I couldn't shame myself anymore running after someone that clearly did not feel I was worth being with.

Almost 4 months after breakup and NC, I'm starting to feel better. It's a huge realignment but the fact that I haven't heard a peep from her tells me I never had a shot even if I had broken NC. She dumped me and never reached out to even say 'happy birthday' to my 8 year old. They were very close and she regarded her publicly as her mom. That was more than enough to convince me that she didn't want to be in our lives.

It's a hard pill to swallow but I'd rather keep moving than lookover my shoulder and feel regrets.

April 12, 2016

My ex girlfriend of 3 plus years dumps me early January and we have been in total NC since then. She showed up at my house today with a birthday card and present for my daughter. It was her birthday last week. I was not at home as I'm traveling for work. My mom answered and she came in for a few minutes to give my little girl her present and card. They were very close.

My mom called me after she left and I sent her a Thank you text but haven't heard anything. Last month was her son's birthday but I never sent any present or wishes.

She hasn't responded to my text and its been a few hours but any ideas what she might be thinking. I'm still very vulnerable and can't thank God enough that I wasn't there to answer the door. I don't want to let my imagination run wild with ideas of reconciliation. I have really suffered and do not want to lose all my work by running into her unless we are going to give it another go

Please give me guidance on what she's thinking and where to proceed from here.

Thanks

April 12, 2016

She hasn't responded to my text and its been a few hours but any ideas what she might be thinking. I'm still very vulnerable and can't thank God enough that I wasn't there to answer the door. I don't want to let my imagination run wild with ideas of reconciliation. I have really suffered and do not want to lose all my work by running into her unless we are going to give it another go

Please give me guidance on what she's thinking and where to proceed from here.

Thanks

I can't pretend to know what she is thinking, but remember what you yourself wrote in your previous post:

I felt exactly the same but decided to keep NC. I don't know if it was a mistake or not but I do know that I couldn't take another rejection. I couldn't shame myself anymore running after someone that clearly did not feel I was worth being with.

Almost 4 months after breakup and NC, I'm starting to feel better. It's a huge realignment but the fact that I haven't heard a peep from her tells me I never had a shot even if I had broken NC. She dumped me and never reached out to even say 'happy birthday' to my 8 year old. They were very close and she regarded her publicly as her mom. That was more than enough to convince me that she didn't want to be in our lives.

It's a hard pill to swallow but I'd rather keep moving than lookover my shoulder and feel regrets.

If you don't feel able to handle a new rejection, staying NC is the best path.

You need to look after you. If she wants to reconcile, she'll let you know.

April 14, 2016

I can't pretend to know what she is thinking, but remember what you yourself wrote in your previous post:

If you don't feel able to handle a new rejection, staying NC is the best path.
You need to look after you. If she wants to reconcile, she'll let you know.

Thank you. I agree that staying NC certainly feels more and more like the disciplined move. Its been 3 days since I sent her a thank you text for showing up unannounced with a present for my daughter but she hasn't even bothered to send a "your welcome" text back. People tell me that the real purpose was to see me but I find it hard to believe as I haven't gotten an answer to my text.

If she really did miss my little girl then I am truly grateful for her love but I won't allow her to drift in and out of my daughters life as she pleases. Her emotional development and well being are my responsibilities and I am the one who has to explain to a 9 year old why her one time soon to be step mom is not around and can't ask her to come visit cause you miss her.

Either she comes back with the intention to reconcile or she drifts into the oblivion never to return.

April 14, 2016

Thank you. I agree that staying NC certainly feels more and more like the disciplined move. Its been 3 days since I sent her a thank you text for showing up unannounced with a present for my daughter but she hasn't even bothered to send a "your welcome" text back. People tell me that the real purpose was to see me but I find it hard to believe as I haven't gotten an answer to my text.

It certainly makes sense that she was hoping to see you, but what her motivation behind it was is hard to tell. The fact that she hasn't answered your text does make it hard to believe she's set on reconciliation.

I have to confess, I broke NC last night.

5 weeks after the break up, like I said before, I needed to try to see if there was any chance.

It was a relatively short relationship, 6 months, and I've felt a lot better in the last 2 weeks. Though I miss her, the crippling sadness isn't there anymore.

Sent her a text, she answered about an hour later. Deliberately kept it casual and superficial, so hard to gauge her replies. But we sent a few texts back and forth, she seemed happy to talk to me again. I didn't ask, but she told me she's single and not seeing/dating anyone. Which I took as good sign.

Going to try to set up a meeting next week, trying hard not to get my hopes up.

April 14, 2016

Weathers, thanks for your post. I am in the exact same boat.

three months to the day for NC and its been torture lately. She is all I think about: every where I go I see her (in my mind), I think of the fun we used to have, I hear songs and I get teary eyed, I went to a wedding recently and almost had to leave because I was so sad, I find things around my house that remind me of her...everywhere I go she is always on my mind. The other night I even dreamt that she apologized and wanted to get back together...

I am holding strong and am not giving in. I remind myself that she had a personality disorder and was very destructive in the end. You can never fix that ****. But dammit, when she was good she was amazing. I felt like the luckiest guy in the world. She was the only woman that I ever fully loved...and its challenging to get past that.

April 15, 2016

Weathers, thanks for your post. I am in the exact same boat.

three months to the day for NC and its been torture lately. She is all I think about: every where I go I see her (in my mind), I think of the fun we used to have, I hear songs and I get teary eyed, I went to a wedding recently and almost had to leave because I was so sad, I find things around my house that remind me of her...everywhere I go she is always on my mind. The other night I even dreamt that she apologized and wanted to get back together...

I am holding strong and am not giving in. I remind myself that she had a personality disorder and was very destructive in the end. You can never fix that ****. But dammit, when she was good she was amazing. I felt like the luckiest guy in the world. She was the only woman that I ever fully loved...and its challenging to get past that.

I feel the same. Breakups hurt but what hurts even more is rejection. The fact that a thank you text goes unanswered tells you that they don't even consider us worthy of a two word text.

A part of me wants to feel sad but anothe part of me says "Enough". I'm done feeling like crap and for what? An ungrateful, ignorant, manipulative woman who couldn't care less whether I live or die.

We gotta stay strong and ride this. The clouds will pass and the sun will shine again. Just gotta have faith and keep pushing through.

April 15, 2016

Thank you. I agree that staying NC certainly feels more and more like the disciplined move. Its been 3 days since I sent her a thank you text for showing up unannounced with a present for my daughter but she hasn't even bothered to send a "your welcome" text back. People tell me that the real purpose was to see me but I find it hard to believe as I haven't gotten an answer to my text.

If she really did miss my little girl then I am truly grateful for her love but I won't allow her to drift in and out of my daughters life as she pleases. Her emotional development and well being are my responsibilities and I am the one who has to explain to a 9 year old why her one time soon to be step mom is not around and can't ask her to come visit cause you miss her.

Either she comes back with the intention to reconcile or she drifts into the oblivion never to return.

I think that interaction is indicative of someone who wants to keep you around but keep you at arm's length. From what I've read on LS, that seems to be very common with exes. My ex sent me a Happy Birthday text after we had broken up, and I responded with Thanks. He never texted me back after that. It's hurtful because you realize that your contact with only be sporadic with no emotional depth. You need to go NC and move on.

April 15, 2016

I think that interaction is indicative of someone who wants to keep you around but keep you at arm's length. From what I've read on LS, that seems to be very common with exes. My ex sent me a Happy Birthday text after we had broken up, and I responded with Thanks. He never texted me back after that. It's hurtful because you realize that your contact with only be sporadic with no emotional depth. You need to go NC and move on.

I absolutely agree. Now that you break it down, that makes perfect sense. Keep me as a backup just in case the market doesn't deliver or the new guy/guys are not up to standards.

If she ever pops in like that unannounced or contacts me again for any reason, I'll let her know there is no reason for us to ever talk or see each other. I don't want anything to do with you or anyone who's connected to you. I was just finally starting to feel better and she shows up cause she misses my daughter but doesn't even have the respect to response with a courtesy text.

April 15, 2016

So we broke up after 3 years of dating and 1 1/2 of living with each other. She said I didn't make her happy anymore. I accepted and we went our separate ways. Its been total NC since Jan 4th.

I have battled the temptation to reach out but I don't have the strength anymore. I know its over but I'm don't know why I'm so tempted to reach out to her. I can't figure what that would achieve. I just feel like I MUST do it.

Anyone ever been there?

Yes. Been there. Pretty much same stats... Dating 3 years. Living together 2.75 years. Engaged 1.5 years. Breakup and immediate recovery period were surreal and beyond painful. I was in rough shape. For months and months!!! Now, 3 years later... I'm all good. And so will you be!!!

The one favor I did myself was that after the initial groveling, explaining and pleading (about 2 or 3 weeks worth) I went 100%, full NC. Not one word. Not one check on social media. I mean not a one. Ever. This was key. I suggest you try to do the same if possible...

April 15, 2016

Yes. Been there. Pretty much same stats... Dating 3 years. Living together 2.75 years. Engaged 1.5 years. Breakup and immediate recovery period were surreal and beyond painful. I was in rough shape. For months and months!!! Now, 3 years later... I'm all good. And so will you be!!!

The one favor I did myself was that after the initial groveling, explaining and pleading (about 2 or 3 weeks worth) I went 100%, full NC. Not one word. Not one check on social media. I mean not a one. Ever. This was key. I suggest you try to do the same if possible...

Thank you. I have been total NC and it sure feels and looks like the smartest thing I did everyday. I have no control if she shows up out of the blue but I'd be fine if I never see or hear from her again.

April 24, 2016

So after 4 months of BU and NC, I sent an email to my ex letting her know how sorry I am for being an ass***e while I was with her. I had been debating myself for sometime if I should do this as I suffer from a lot of guilt.

Finally decided that its better to regret asking for forgiveness for a crime I am guilty of than let it boil up inside me. I don't expect an answer and I certainly don't expect her to return but it feels good to know that I did all I could to achieve closure so I can move on.

I was wrong and she deserves to know that I know. I don't expect her to care much less acknowledge my realization. I expect myself to be stronger now that this is out of my system.

April 24, 2016

I felt like crap after I called... regretted it so much!!!! the 20 second phone call compared to the hours and weeks of regret and anger is soo much worse!! call someone else seriously.. & then I called on private/ blocked number & he still didn't pick up! He knows it's me bcos I had changed my number and wouldn't give him the new one.. so I felt even worse! & to top it all off he hasn't even made any attempt to communicate with me! so I felt like a reject & he got with someone else literally overnight! loser

April 24, 2016

I'm ok with her not responding. I didn't honestly expect her to and I think it's for the best. I sent an email cause I have never suffered from this kind of guilt. I felt I had to ask for forgiveness so I can find peace within myself to move on.

Now that's it's done hopefully I'll move on for good and not constantly ponder what ifs or mights. I learned a lot from this failure and I hope to do much better in the future

April 24, 2016

So after 4 months of BU and NC, I sent an email to my ex letting her know how sorry I am for being an ass***e while I was with her. I had been debating myself for sometime if I should do this as I suffer from a lot of guilt.

--- You're doing this to yourself

Finally decided that its better to regret asking for forgiveness for a crime I am guilty of than let it boil up inside me. I don't expect an answer and I certainly don't expect her to return but it feels good to know that I did all I could to achieve closure so I can move on.

---- But you do expect an answer . You're only fooling yourself buddy

I was wrong and she deserves to know that I know. I don't expect her to care much less acknowledge my realization. I expect myself to be stronger now that this is out of my system.

---- No she doesnt . Your back to square one buddy .

Let me tell you something . Ive been in no contact with my now Ex since january 4 and i am F-in proud of myself . No temptaations whatsoever . I dont owe her nothing ( even tho she dumped ME )

You had 4 months and you caved -- why ?

Wanna know how to get over this situation > remember this quote :

" You must participate in your own rescue "

honestly man , in the end no one , no forum post , NO BOOK , no therapist will change your destiny but YOU .

so if you want to not feel like this no more , take action and man up

April 24, 2016

" You must participate in your own rescue "

anyone else in denial about their situation . KEEP THAT IN YOUR HEAD .

Only YOU will solve this problem . IN the end youre only doing it to yourself

April 25, 2016

---- No she doesnt . Your back to square one buddy .

Let me tell you something . Ive been in no contact with my now Ex since january 4 and i am F-in proud of myself . No temptaations whatsoever . I dont owe her nothing ( even tho she dumped ME )

You had 4 months and you caved -- why ?

Wanna know how to get over this situation > remember this quote :

" You must participate in your own rescue "

honestly man , in the end no one , no forum post , NO BOOK , no therapist will change your destiny but YOU .

so if you want to not feel like this no more , take action and man up

No, I'm not. I'm standing at the same square I was standing yesterday and will be standing at tomorrow morning. I do not expect an answer. I don't want her back. I just want her to know that I know I deserved what I got.

Let me tell you something . Ive been in no contact with my now Ex since january 4 and i am F-in proud of myself . No temptaations whatsoever . I dont owe her nothing ( even tho she dumped ME )

You had 4 months and you caved -- why ?

* I didn't cave. I made a calculated decision. There was going to be regret either way. I decided to do what I felt and regret it than not do it and regret that. She's gone and I accept that.

April 25, 2016

Something just occurred to me about this 3 month mark that you'e struggling with.

About 6 weeks to 3 months in a new relationship is when the representatives get sent home and the real you comes to the fore. I wonder if the struggle at this point is that the one who got left has re-summoned his representative and the person who did the dumping is still the "real " them--and the one who was left is thinking "it worked once, it might work again"?

Just a thought.

April 27, 2016

I was dumped for the second time almost 3 months ago now. At first all I wanted to do was get her back, I begged for the first day and then went NC. Messaged her a month later, she replied instantly but I could tell she had no romantic interest left and pitied me, so I quickly ended the conversation. I've been NC since then. Honestly, with us men we have this inner need to fix things and fight rather than give up. The truth of the matter is, the power is in their hands on this one and we have to accept that. The damage is done, all we can do is improve ourselves and get on with life, if they come back then you can decide if you want to give THEM another chance because they left you. The urge to fix things and fight does slowly fade after a while, I've noticed over the past 2 days she's not been on my mind as much and I'm not dreaming about her that much anymore (I was dreaming of her every night). What you did with contacting her is what I did, whether you admit it or not there was a tiny part of you somewhere in your mind that hoped she'd come back after you sent it and it probably hurt a lot that she didn't. Don't contact her again, eventually the pain goes and eventually you'll get to that point emotionally where she probably was when she left you. I don't consider myself an emotionally strong guy, so if I can stick with NC apart from that one time which consisted of a 1 minute text conversation on one random day, then you can do it too.

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Seriously considering breaking NC. I can't take it anymore. [updated]

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