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Taking Her Out for Birthday But No Gift


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Posted

Hello,

Tomorrow is my girlfriend's birthday. We have been together for 6 months. I wanted to surprise her with gifts tomorrow, so I told her I don't have any gifts, but there will be many events throughout the weekend.

 

She demanded to know what the events were so I relented and told her a nice jazz restaurant, going to a late movie, and going to see a symphony play. I also had gifts planned but wanted to keep them a surprise so I said no gifts.

 

She told me to cancel all of these plans, and I finally determined that she was upset that I wouldn't have a gift.

 

I am thinking of returning the gifts and cancelling the events, our relationship has been a little rocky and she is reconfirming my suspicions that she is impossible to please. Thinking of breaking it off, but don't want to give such harsh news on her birthday. She is 30 btw.

 

Thoughts?

Thank you!

Posted
Hello,

Tomorrow is my girlfriend's birthday. We have been together for 6 months. I wanted to surprise her with gifts tomorrow, so I told her I don't have any gifts, but there will be many events throughout the weekend.

 

She demanded to know what the events were so I relented and told her a nice jazz restaurant, going to a late movie, and going to see a symphony play. I also had gifts planned but wanted to keep them a surprise so I said no gifts.

 

She told me to cancel all of these plans, and I finally determined that she was upset that I wouldn't have a gift.

 

I am thinking of returning the gifts and cancelling the events, our relationship has been a little rocky and she is reconfirming my suspicions that she is impossible to please. Thinking of breaking it off, but don't want to give such harsh news on her birthday. She is 30 btw.

 

Thoughts?

Thank you!

 

Wow! So much giving for only 6 months of dating.

 

Personally, I would have been grateful and touched and would have been excited just at the prospect of you surprising me with the events. A dinner for my birthday would have sufficed.

 

Did she tell you that it was because she was upset that you had no gifts or did she want you to cancel because you were going overboard in your spending and giving? And if your relationship is rocky, were you trying to buy her affections with all these gifts and surprises? Maybe she could sense that?

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Posted

Thank you for your reply!

 

I didn't try buying these gifts because of the Rocky Relationship, I just wanted to make her feel special. I would never try to buy someone's love, it would not be sustaining.

 

She did not want me to cancel because it was a lot, but because she was mad that I did not get her any gifts. I told her the symphony was non-refundable and she said Oh Well.

 

I am just thinking she is never going to be pleased. I bought her a used car because she didn't have a lot of money, and agreed that she could make payments for it. She is boldly demanding that I sign over the title to her. It seems like nothing is ever enough!

 

Besides all the steep requests she makes, she is a sweet and respectful woman. I am trying my best to be patient but I don't know what to do anymore and don't want to cause problems on her birthday.

Posted
She demanded to know what the events were so I relented and told her a nice jazz restaurant, going to a late movie, and going to see a symphony play. I also had gifts planned but wanted to keep them a surprise so I said no gifts.

 

She told me to cancel all of these plans, and I finally determined that she was upset that I wouldn't have a gift.

 

In what context did she tell you to cancel the events? You say you finally determined she was upset and have concluded she wants a tangible gift. If things have been rocky, she may have thought you were going overboard.

 

Just trying to figure out if you are projecting an assessment that might not be valid.

Posted

Oh wow,

 

Over the years, I've gotten tired of "gifts". Gifts are what you give to kids and/or if you really, really know what that person needs/wants.

 

I, and other people my age, it gets harder to get the right "gift". I either default to taking them out, giving them like body lotions and/or gift certificates.

 

I mean, you can continue dating her, but she sounds like she needs some maturing to do. I'd be entralled that my man put so much effort into planning this birthday celebration for me rather than get me a silly gift.

 

Actually, my most recent birthday I specifically asked the people not to get me gifts - I emphasized that them sharing this "moment" with me was my "gift".

 

Meh, but they still brought gifts :rolleyes:. But, unlike your girl, I didn't hiss, fuss, and return the gifts. I accepted them and showed gratitude...AND, I'm already in the process of re-gifting them and/or taking them back to the store(s) to be exchanged :laugh:

  • Like 1
Posted
I told her the symphony was non-refundable and she said Oh Well.

 

I am just thinking she is never going to be pleased. I bought her a used car because she didn't have a lot of money, and agreed that she could make payments for it. She is boldly demanding that I sign over the title to her. It seems like nothing is ever enough!

 

Besides all the steep requests she makes, she is a sweet and respectful woman. I am trying my best to be patient but I don't know what to do anymore and don't want to cause problems on her birthday.

 

Our posts crossed. Given her, "Oh well," response, she sounds ungrateful.

 

Has she paid for the car? If so, I could understand her wanting it signed over. If not, she may be demanding you sign the car over and cancel the events bc she plans to terminate the rocky relationship.

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Posted

Well, you bought a non refundable nice gift and she said "oh well".

 

She is desrespecting you and she isnt value your effort.

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Posted

Ha, ha, my exW took me out for a nice BD dinner once during our ten year M and I considered that a wonderful gift.

 

I'll add my usual advice here:

 

If it don't flow, let it go.

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Posted

Besides all the steep requests she makes, she is a sweet and respectful woman. I am trying my best to be patient but I don't know what to do anymore and don't want to cause problems on her birthday.

 

Dude, are you sure she likes you and not your money?

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Posted

My jaw dropped reading your posts!

 

She is extremely ungrateful and you consider her to be respectful? After only 6 months together you buy her a car and she wants you to transfer title to her?

 

Have enough self respect to know this woman will only get more demanding. Sheesh!

  • Like 3
Posted (edited)
Thank you for your reply!

 

I didn't try buying these gifts because of the Rocky Relationship, I just wanted to make her feel special. I would never try to buy someone's love, it would not be sustaining.

 

She did not want me to cancel because it was a lot, but because she was mad that I did not get her any gifts. I told her the symphony was non-refundable and she said Oh Well.

 

I am just thinking she is never going to be pleased. I bought her a used car because she didn't have a lot of money, and agreed that she could make payments for it. She is boldly demanding that I sign over the title to her. It seems like nothing is ever enough!

 

Besides all the steep requests she makes, she is a sweet and respectful woman. I am trying my best to be patient but I don't know what to do anymore and don't want to cause problems on her birthday.

 

OP, I have to wonder if your giving comes from a place of insecurity. Six months isn't enough time to actually know someone for you to take on the financial responsibility of buying a car, regardless of whether it is new or used.

 

Generosity is wonderful, but there are also boundaries. You have no boundaries. As much as you say your need to give so much isn't about buying affections, I don't believe it. You give and give hoping the other will like you more. Hoping they'll see what a great guy you are.

 

Sweet and respectful? It should be consistent then. If one day she's sweet and respectful and the next she's spitting in your face, don't trust it. It's not real.

 

Cancel the plans if she does not want to be a part of it or take your friend. Then end it.

Edited by Zahara
  • Like 2
Posted
In what context did she tell you to cancel the events? You say you finally determined she was upset and have concluded she wants a tangible gift. If things have been rocky, she may have thought you were going overboard.

 

Just trying to figure out if you are projecting an assessment that might not be valid.

 

Lol,

 

Thankfully I'm not her bf, I would of had some fun with this....Like one of those gameshows, I would have cancelled everything and gone to the Dollar Store and got her a "gift" and put it in a cute "mystery gift box".

 

And guess what?

 

If she complains that the gift box only had a gift from the Dollar Store then I would have been like "Yep, that's what you wanted - a "gift"....so next time don't burn your choice on the "mystery box"" :lmao:

  • Like 1
Posted (edited)
Hello,

Tomorrow is my girlfriend's birthday. We have been together for 6 months. I wanted to surprise her with gifts tomorrow, so I told her I don't have any gifts, but there will be many events throughout the weekend.

 

She demanded to know what the events were so I relented and told her a nice jazz restaurant, going to a late movie, and going to see a symphony play. I also had gifts planned but wanted to keep them a surprise so I said no gifts.

 

She told me to cancel all of these plans, and I finally determined that she was upset that I wouldn't have a gift.

 

I am thinking of returning the gifts and cancelling the events, our relationship has been a little rocky and she is reconfirming my suspicions that she is impossible to please. Thinking of breaking it off, but don't want to give such harsh news on her birthday. She is 30 btw.

 

Thoughts?

Thank you!

 

Well, I think the better way to have handled the "gift" question was to just tell her "you'll just have to wait and see". For some people, gift giving is a sign of care and love. To others it's not. It helps to find this out about a person you're developing a relationship with early on.

 

For what it's worth, I think your suggestions for celebrating her birthday were really lovely. I know I'd have a great time.

 

Having said all that, if your relationship has been rocky and has been reconfirming all your suspicions, then you should break up with her--and I'd do it sooner than later. It was her choice to act like an ingrate right before her 30th birthday. Her displace of ingratitude is really showing you who and what she is and it's not an aberration.

 

And take the car back and sell it. Let her figure out how to get where she needs to go on her own, since she's grown enough to spit on your efforts.

Edited by kendahke
  • Like 3
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Posted

Thanks for all replies! I knew things were bad, and I just wanted her to have a car because she just came to the USA last year from a poor country and at this age never had a car so I thought it would be something nice. I figured what's the harm to put it on credit card if she would make payments? But it only caused problems. Everyone here has been helpful and I thank you for your taking the time to reply. She has only paid 1% of the car back as payments have just begun. I am thinking of just taking the car and sending her on her way.

  • Like 7
Posted
Thanks for all replies! I knew things were bad, and I just wanted her to have a car because she just came to the USA last year from a poor country and at this age never had a car so I thought it would be something nice. I figured what's the harm to put it on credit card if she would make payments? But it only caused problems. Everyone here has been helpful and I thank you for your taking the time to reply. She has only paid 1% of the car back as payments have just begun. I am thinking of just taking the car and sending her on her way.

 

I came from a poor country too...and, joined the military.

 

In the military, my first few years I didn't earn enough to buy a car. I biked (even put grocery bags in my backpack, bar-handles), took shuttles/taxis/buses; and, some people were nice enough to give me rides (I didn't ask them for it). I rented cars for long drives....

 

I didn't ask and/or allow a man to get me a car; and, if a guy would ever do that for me (not) I would dare not treat him with such ingratitude.

 

It's one thing to lend a helping hand to someone in need - it's another to enable them and/or make their path "easy" cuz you feel sorry for them. When we make things "easy" for people, they take what we did for them for granted. They also feel that they're not capable of doing something without "help". There's pride in earning your own stuff, and more than likely you'll appreciate it and take better care of it, cuz you "earned" it. In this example, as you see, she doesn't appreciate you and what you've done for her...let her work three jobs, take the bus, ride a bike, and "earn" her way in life...best thing you can do for her if you love her.

  • Like 2
Posted
Lol,

 

Thankfully I'm not her bf, I would of had some fun with this....Like one of those gameshows, I would have cancelled everything and gone to the Dollar Store and got her a "gift" and put it in a cute "mystery gift box".

 

And guess what?

 

If she complains that the gift box only had a gift from the Dollar Store then I would have been like "Yep, that's what you wanted - a "gift"....so next time don't burn your choice on the "mystery box"" :lmao:

 

LMAO!!:lmao::lmao::lmao:

 

Yeah, initially I wasn't sure of the context. After his second post, I was thinking...oh hell no! The "oh well" comment concerning non-refundable tickets put it into perspective.

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Posted
I am thinking of just taking the car and sending her on her way.

 

 

Good plan. Title's in your name, right?

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Posted

Wow. A 30 year old woman acting like a child. Dump her ungrateful ass. I'm embrassed for her. A grown woman..SMH.

 

I like gifts as well but I love and appreciate effort and thoughtful consideration much much more.

 

For my last birthday, my bf took me away for the weekend to a really nice hotel and we had a fancy dinner and he took me to something he would never enjoy himself....an opera. He did it for me because he knew I would enjoy it and to make me feel special. I felt so loved and took the time to show my appreciation for him.

 

The issues in your relationship clearly run much deeper than her penchance for wanting gifts and being ungrateful. If your relationship was on solid groud, she would appreciate the plans you had made and DEFINITELY would not say, "oh well" for a non-refundable event.

 

It's time to move on, dear. It seems like she's checked out and you're just hanging on by a thread.

  • Like 1
Posted

Now you're making more sense.

 

That was very generous of you but I believe any self respecting woman would never accept such a gift at only 6 months into a new relationship regardless of whether they are new to the country.

 

Sell the car and get rid of this girl. She's not the one who deserves your generous heart!

Posted

AND you bought her car AND you've only been dating for 6 months? Please have some self respect for yourself and ditch her.

Posted

Dump her. There are otherwise lovely people who have odd quirks that may come off as unflattering (like, for instance, really liking celebrating their birthday and the act of gift-giving) but given how much you're putting into this relationship and how little you're getting back, it doesn't sound like this is the case.

Posted

My ex (who is a multimillionaire tech entrepreneur and venture capitalist) took me to a movie and dinner for my birthday after 7 of months of being together. I was more than content and was just happy spending time with him. I had no expectations for any gifts but he did surprise me when we got back home with diamond necklace and earrings set. I lost one of the earrings several months later - that was probably an omen the relationship was doomed LOL.

 

On a serious note, your girlfriend sounds like she is ungrateful and may be a gold digger. She seems to be more interested in what material items she can get from you.

Posted

I am 50 years old. I don't have 1 materialistic bone in me BUT if my boyfriend called on the eve of my birthday to tell me he's gonna take me out but he has no present for me, as if I was a little girl he needs to punish, you bet I would be offended!!

 

You did this on purpose to create drama. You wanted a reason to break up, now you have one.

  • Like 1
Posted
I am 50 years old. I don't have 1 materialistic bone in me BUT if my boyfriend called on the eve of my birthday to tell me he's gonna take me out but he has no present for me, as if I was a little girl he needs to punish, you bet I would be offended!!

 

You did this on purpose to create drama. You wanted a reason to break up, now you have one.

 

What? Planning and taking someone you've been dating for 6 months out for multiple fun events is punishment? Whoa.

  • Like 6
Posted

She's 30 years old not 8 years old. I don't think she should be expecting a gift from her boyfriend just because they are dating. I think being treated to a nice night out should be enough but hey I'm still single so maybe I'm going about this all wrong :cool: I'll work on being more demanding... Men seem to dig it.

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