haslomaslo Posted April 7, 2016 Posted April 7, 2016 I'm really not doing so great today. I'm a male, 30, separated from an abusive female partner of 13 years, sometime near the end of the summer last year. I have never had a successful relationship. The abuse left me isolated. I wasted my university days being abused, completely missing out on having normal relationships. I have been averaging a failed relationship every three months since. There was F, a girl that liked me, but I was just a (non-sexual) rebound for her. She started becoming abusive to me, so I left. There was L, but she had severe relationship anxiety and it went nowhere. I tried personal ads, both posting and replying. Nothing. I'm in a large city, shouldn't be a problem. Nope. Two weeks ago L started talking to me again, but it turns out I misjudged her. I thought she wants to try again. Instead, today she reports being in a committed relationship when I asked her out after she approached me a few times. I won't go into the details, but she is either lying now or has lied to me in the past when she dumped me the first time. Either way, no go. Too bad for all the mixed messages that came before that! I am incredibly warm. Sweet. Kind. Caring. I treat women wonderfully. I give them gifts, physical affection, complete attention, etc... I am a university teacher, successful and well-liked. I do research. I have my degree. Extremely smart, by anyone's account. I have money in my bank account. And... Nothing. No one wants me. There is a reason why. My lifelong abuse (started way before my partner) has left a mark, I'm shy. I'm eccentric. I don't believe in superficial beauty. I'm short. This all has made relationships hell. To be honest, I cannot even make friends very well. Like, at all. I counted the number of times I reached out to someone else in the last while. Hundreds of times, literally. No one reached out to me except my abusive ex and the people I work with, for work reasons. I feel like I'm drowning. I made no (even friendly) connections in 8 months, despite trying very hard. This is slowly killing me. Today, after L gave me her second rejection, I asked for my ex to take me back. She wants to. This is awful, but for all my trying I cannot take being completely alone in this world. I just wish someone would give me a hug.
d0nnivain Posted April 8, 2016 Posted April 8, 2016 I'd give you a hug if I was there. You dated this abusive woman since you were 17 years old. That relationship unfortunately informs your knowledge of relationships. Some therapy to undo that damage is probably in order. Dating before you figure that out may not be the best idea. If it's only been 8 months since that abusive LTR ended, you may need more time.
TimmyC Posted April 10, 2016 Posted April 10, 2016 I really feel for you buddy, I'm so sorry. I was in an abusive relationship for two years which I'm still messed up for I can only imagine what your going through. Like many have told myself you will definitely need therapy, it's the only way to feel whole again. And the rest time has to sort out for you. Don't go back to your abusive Ex under any circumstances. Remember all of what you ran from will be right back. I know it's tempting because you get lonely and you just want that feeling of being wanted, but there ARE better people out there for you. I promise. Give yourself time to heal, your only 30. Still alot of life to live and time to find the next person that will love you for you.
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