How to deal with jealous girl trying to sabotage relationship with my GF.

[dannyglow]

Without tons of details, its about a jealous female friend. We will call her Amy: Ok, so Amy always wanted to be more than friends. She hated her BF. I only wanted to be friends. Amy broke up with her BF and a month later I meet an awesome girl. This was maybe 3 months ago. My GF has trust issues due to bad past relationships. Amy knows this. When my GF and I are together and hug or kiss, Amy says "don't do that" or things like "stop hugging" with look of the devil in her eyes. Now its getting worse, Amy is asking probing personal questions to my GF about us, and more importantly, Amy is saying things to suggest I slept with her or am currently sleeping with her, though I never have. She is not directly saying, but is saying suggestive things like this to bring doubt and drama into an otherwise happy relationship. Amy is trying to break us up cause she sees my GF and I are happy together. I want to know how to handle this. My GF and I have blocked her phone number, though Amy can still text.

I can easily block someone out of my life.. my GF on the other hand does not like confrontation. She would rather answer Amy's texts and give her car rides around, etc. Basically show nothing is wrong. On the inside its making her paranoid and anxious as hell. Pretty soon rumors are going to start that Im unfaithful or a bad person etc, exactly like Amy wants How to handle this? How to make Amy go her own way and stay out of our lives?? Thanks all!

Edited April 7, 2016 by dannyglow
more exact detail

[kismetkismet]

stop being friends with this person! Tell your gf to also. This girl is trying to do harm to you and make you unhappy, neither of you need that around. Does she just belligerently text the both of you if you NEVER text her? It's fairly easy to stop being friends with someone - do that.

[preraph]

I think you need to tell your GF this is your problem and that if she doesn't follow your lead and block her, she's causing you stress because you're trying to get her out of your life. Likely, she's using the girl thinking she's getting some good info, when she isn't. The girl is just going to try to blow you two up. So tell the GF you consider this a serious problem and need her to go along with your plan. If she doesn't want to and her only reason is confrontation, tell her if she doesn't go along with your plan, you being the one most affected by this, then you and her are going to have a confrontation.

[dannyglow]

stop being friends with this person! Tell your gf to also. This girl is trying to do harm to you and make you unhappy, neither of you need that around. Does she just belligerently text the both of you if you NEVER text her? It's fairly easy to stop being friends with someone - do that.

I agree. Amy is no longer a friend to us. Its not hard for me to do that. The problem is not me, the problem is more my gf. She gets anxious easily. She does not want gossip and rumars floating around cause she does not want drama. Neither do I. The phone call is blocked but the texts dont get blocked and she has a hard time knowing what to do. I say Ignore them, but thats not easy for her. Basically... my GF has a hard time abandoning someone at the drop of a hat, even if they are treating her badly.

[mortensorchid]

Amy is not your friend, nor is she a friend to anyone if she is going to treat you like this. She doesn't want you or anyone else to be happy. She is trying to ruin everything around her because she is so unhappy. It doesn't matter if she is your friend or your gf, she's a destroyer.

[MachineGunFunk]

Tell your girlfriend the situation.

 

If she doesn't believe you then like just tell her you don't like amy and never will, and that she is way worth more than Amy whom you never had feelings for.

[SammySammy]

This one is easy:

 

The next time Amy gets out of line, call her out in front of your girl. Be calm, cool and extremely chill when you do it.

 

Ask her if she's trying to sabotage your relationship. When she says no, tell her it sure seems like she's trying to plant seeds of doubt in your girlfriend's mind. Ask her why she's acting like you had sex with her when she's knows that didn't happen. So on and so forth.

 

Be calm when you do it. Smooth.

 

Let your girl watch her reaction.

 

Kill two birds with one stone.

[dannyglow]

This one is easy:

 

The next time Amy gets out of line, call her out in front of your girl. Be calm, cool and extremely chill when you do it.

 

Ask her if she's trying to sabotage your relationship. When she says no, tell her it sure seems like she's trying to plant seeds of doubt in your girlfriend's mind. Ask her why she's acting like you had sex with her when she's knows that didn't happen. So on and so forth.

 

Be calm when you do it. Smooth.

 

Let your girl watch her reaction.

 

Kill two birds with one stone.

 

I would love to. Problem is, Amy is only communicating through text at this point now. Its not really face to face. And Amy has other peoples numbers my GF and I know, so.. I dunno. Basically, Amy said she was moving for a new job out of state, her attitude tanked, we said our goodbys, blocked her number, then last minute said she texts and said she isn't moving. We don't think she ever was. So now its that awkward: ignore texts and hope to never see her again (maybe will maybe wont see her), and have her badmouth to other people we know. Or, bring her ugly witch face around again and confront her together? Tough decision.. for me anyway. Its like, wake the sleeping dog or let it sleep.

[ExpatInItaly]

I would love to. Problem is, Amy is only communicating through text at this point now. Its not really face to face. And Amy has other peoples numbers my GF and I know, so.. I dunno. Basically, Amy said she was moving for a new job out of state, her attitude tanked, we said our goodbys, blocked her number, then last minute said she texts and said she isn't moving. We don't think she ever was. So now its that awkward: ignore texts and hope to never see her again (maybe will maybe wont see her), and have her badmouth to other people we know. Or, bring her ugly witch face around again and confront her together? Tough decision.. for me anyway. Its like, wake the sleeping dog or let it sleep.

 

Look, if your girlfriend won't block her and continues to engage with her, then your girlfriend is part of the problem too.

 

Sit her down. Explain to her why this is distressing to you and ultimately, damaging to the relationship. She needs to work with you. It's too bad if she's anxious; she can't really have it both ways. What's more important to her: this Amy's precious heart, or you?

 

And yes, go ahead and ignore Amy's texts. There's no reason why you shouldn't. Stop hanging out with her. If she happens to be near you two and she says something disrespectful, tell her that her attempts to sabotage aren't welcome, you love your girlfriend and cut it out. The end.

 

This situation is becoming far more complicated than it needs to be.

[Buddhist]

Well there is a fairly easy voodoo spell you can use that's basically harmless. Write Amy's full name on a piece of paper in a jar cover it with salt and fill with water. Put it in your freezer. I've done this myself and have to attest that the individuals concerned never bothered me again from that day onwards.

 

But if you're looking for more practical advice then why not confront Amy yourself, tell her that you will never be with her, GF in the picture or not and if she breaks you and your GF up she will also trash any friendship she has with you.

 

To be honest your GF sounds like she has weak boundaries. Conflict avoidance, people pleasing and not showing anger or displeasure of real signs of having very weak boundaries. It's not just her personality this is actually a social skill issue that enables other people to take advantage of her all the time. Perhaps you could set about educating your GF that she does not need to allow anyone who asserts themselves in her life access. That it's not only okay but necessary to say no at times. That often people who enter our lives have their own motivations and self interest in mind and that she needs to learn to weed these people out.

 

Why not explain to your GF all the things you explained to us here. That Amy is a scorned woman who has her heart set on breaking your GF's. That what she says or intimates is not to be trusted and that she is actively creating anxiety in your GF's life on purpose because she has ill intentions. Why not offer to support your GF while she practises setting boundaries with this woman and assuring her that nothing bad will come of it.

 

Why don't you get your GF a new phone number and don't give it to Amy? She can't reply to texts that go off into the ether....

[d0nnivain]

Point out to your GF that she is letting Amy get between you & she not you has the power to stop it. If you have already shut Amy out of your life but your GF keeps letting her back in, your GF is the problem. Until your GF stands up for herself there isn't much you can do except continue to ignore Amy

[sandylee1]

Find out how to block texts on your GFs phone and block Amy for good. Additionally, I think your GF needs to assert herself more and would benefit from counselling.

 

If she's so weak, it will manifest in other areas of your relationship and cause problems for you both anyway. That kind of weakness isn't an attractive quality at all. Trying to be a people pleaser will cause issues.

 

If she can't tell Amy who is causing trouble to leave her alone, what hope would she have of rebuffing a guy who oh so nicely hits on her.....then you know where this leads.

 

I often see this type of character and their spouse attests to the fact that they never want to hurt others and go along with everything.

[LoveRefreshed]

Amy is a ****ty person. And ****ty people don't deserve respect. Let Amy come 'watch a move' once and snuggle the **** out of your gf. Hug her, kiss her, cuddle her right in front of Amy. When Amy says her comments, just tell her that It's your house and you can do what you want. If she is uncomfortable, she can leave.

 

If you don't feel being that proactive, everytime Amy is around, I would make it a point to display affection to your girlfriend and I would completely stop talking to her.

 

Also, NEVER give in to her request to stop doing anything with your gf.

[LoveRefreshed]

OR set up a canned message that says "Leave us alone Amy. I love my gf" and then every time she sends a text, respond with that. I actually made a phone app that sends a text to a number just by pressing a single button my home screen hahaha.

 

For a certain price, I could write you an App that listens for text messages from Amy's number and have it respond with a funny message. Before android build 23, you could actually listen for messages from certain numbers and delete them before they showed up in your inbox. They removed that power Well, unless the app is the default sms/mms handler. Anyway, I digress.

 

If Amy is going to be malicious, I say you show no sympathy for her emotions.

[SwordofFlame]

Tell your girlfriend to change her number.

[mikeylo]

Give this Amy the cold shoulder, right in front of your gf. The reason your gf is putting up with her is because of you. She probably doesn't want you to think that she is being bad to your friend. She is putting up with it just because she loves you. It's going to eat her up inside and destroy trust in you no matter what you say later. You don't want her to have images in her head about you and Amy !

Your gf sounds an innocent being. Nip this Amy out. You've got to be mean to her. Strike a nerve with her. Say / do something that you know is her weakness and hit it ! Sorry, to give such vindictive ideas but sometimes you've got to do what you got to do to save your girl the trauma she doesn't deserve-- just because she loves you doesn't mean she should have to put up with it. One day it will be more than she can handle.

 

Amy type girls have low self esteem. Not difficult to put her down and out of your life.

 

Once she is out, keep female company more than arms length away.

[Gaeta]

Tell your girlfriend:

 

It's Amy or me.

 

Your girlfriend and you are a team and your GF is not doing her job of protecting your relationship. Maybe point to her she might not be mature enough to be in a relationship? Tell her she is not putting in the 'togetherness' you'd expect from a gf.

[kendahke]

Without tons of details, its about a jealous female friend. We will call her Amy: Ok, so Amy always wanted to be more than friends. She hated her BF. I only wanted to be friends. Amy broke up with her BF and a month later I meet an awesome girl. This was maybe 3 months ago. My GF has trust issues due to bad past relationships. Amy knows this. When my GF and I are together and hug or kiss, Amy says "don't do that" or things like "stop hugging" with look of the devil in her eyes. Now its getting worse, Amy is asking probing personal questions to my GF about us, and more importantly, Amy is saying things to suggest I slept with her or am currently sleeping with her, though I never have. She is not directly saying, but is saying suggestive things like this to bring doubt and drama into an otherwise happy relationship. Amy is trying to break us up cause she sees my GF and I are happy together. I want to know how to handle this. My GF and I have blocked her phone number, though Amy can still text.

I can easily block someone out of my life.. my GF on the other hand does not like confrontation. She would rather answer Amy's texts and give her car rides around, etc. Basically show nothing is wrong. On the inside its making her paranoid and anxious as hell. Pretty soon rumors are going to start that Im unfaithful or a bad person etc, exactly like Amy wants How to handle this? How to make Amy go her own way and stay out of our lives?? Thanks all!

 

Leave them both alone. They are both toxic and need to work their mess out in therapy.