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4 year relationship ended, she's dating new guy week later

Jayquet

By Jayquet
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Jayquet New Member

Jayquet

Posted
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My girlfriend of 4 years left me recently and is already dating a guy from work a week after we broke up. We still live together in the same room and I can't help noticing when she's going to hang with him. Am I wrong for thinking it's crazy that she is movin on so easily and so quickly ? She felt distant for a month then broke it off. We were very close and we both thought we would be together forever. We started dating in college and I feel like she just wanted to experience life without me. In just having a hard time coping with the fact that she has moved on so fast and I can't move on ! Please help!!! I'm in such a bad place

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PegNosePete Established Member

PegNosePete

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If you really believe she started dating him after you two broke up, then I have a bridge to sell you!

 

Time to sort out your living arrangements, Living with an ex is really not something you should ever do.

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stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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Yes she was seeing him and that's why she became distant with you in the first place. She already had him waitig when you two broke up. Why do you still have to live with her? That makes it harder for you to get over her.

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Jayquet New Member

Jayquet

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If you really believe she started dating him after you two broke up, then I have a bridge to sell you!

 

Time to sort out your living arrangements, Living with an ex is really not something you should ever do.

 

Am I crazy for thinking she's moving on why too fast ?

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Satu Established Member

Satu

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You're not crazy, but how fast is too fast?

 

You think its too fast, but she doesn't.

 

She will have been intending to break up with you for a while before she mentioned it; so she began the process earlier than might appear to be the case.

 

 

Take care.

 

PS: One of you needs to move out asap.

Edited by Satu
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AlexDream Member

AlexDream

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We still live together in the same room

 

[] Why are you living with her in the same room?? You must move away ASAP man, or you're gonna listen how she's having sex with her new BF!

 

Crazy.:eek:

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Language ~6
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LD1990 Established Member

LD1990

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Am I crazy for thinking she's moving on why too fast ?

 

No. She may be. People that move quickly from one relationship to another often do so because of unresolved issues within themselves. They can't stand the thought of being alone so instead of fixing their own issues, they use another person to fill that void. Just like putting duct tape over a hole in a boat, it's merely a temporary solution that doesn't solve the underlying problem.

 

But it doesn't matter what you think of her actions. People make many decisions that may not be the smartest, but those decisions usually aren't other people's business. She's your ex, whatever she does isn't your concern.

 

I agree with everyone who has said that someone needs to move, no matter what.

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Jayquet New Member

Jayquet

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She definitely moving out but not for another 2 months or so, and we were so good together, and this new guy isn't the reason she's leaving me, it's bc she felt distant over time and cut it off, this new guy was kind of a coincidence.

 

But I just can't come o terms with the fact that a 4 year relationship ends and a week later she's kissing a new guy! And she isn't bringing him around or anything, I just keep asking if she's going to see him which I probably shouldn't for my own good, but the wondering what she's doing is killing me, we were going to spend the rest of our lives together !

 

I can't get over it and move on! I'm just sitting in my house !! I've got out side, I've gone on walks , and can't get it out of my head !!!

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Jayquet New Member

Jayquet

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Not to mention this was her first real relationship, and it lasted 4 years ! I know she probably wants to see life without me, but I can't help but feel I could have done something to keep her, in doubting my entire life now, like what's so wrong with me that she doesn't want to stay with me

Arman1987 Member

Arman1987

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i know your pain...

The first thing you have to know, sadly its pretty frequent situation when a girl leaves, she already have someone else on the spot. Like others said earlier "often do so because of unresolved issues within themselves. They can't stand the thought of being alone so instead of fixing their own issues, they use another person to fill"

 

And she wants to go, and already have someone, there is really not much you can do for you two.

But there are things you can do to yourself.

 

First is the most important, seperate as fast as possible!

If its done and things are clear (she left you) start to take care of yourself.

Its going to be hell, but have to start. Avoid contact with her, use all your time, dont

follow or check her in personal neither on the internet.

 

i know its horrible to read, but seems like you lost her. If you have questions,

sit down, ask her one last time, and say goodbye. Start your own life, and heal.

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LD1990 Established Member

LD1990

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She definitely moving out but not for another 2 months or so, and we were so good together, and this new guy isn't the reason she's leaving me, it's bc she felt distant over time and cut it off, this new guy was kind of a coincidence.

 

Then you're gonna go through two months of hell, and when she finally does leave you're gonna wish it happened sooner. If you really can't move and she won't for another two months, I guess your hands are tied. But if you're giving her as much time as she needs in hopes of her changing her mind, you're only hurting yourself.

 

And can you really look at this situation and think the way it happened is "kind of a coincidence?" She broke up with you and hey, all of a sudden she meets a new guy who she wants to be in a relationship with? This has happened so many times, just read a couple topics and you'll see. When someone grows distant, breaks up, and is immediately in a new relationship, they were starting that relationship before the old one ended. People who always need to be in a relationship make sure to have their new one ready when they break up, because they can't stand being single.

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Satu Established Member

Satu

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It's very likely that's she's been cheating on you with this guy for a while.

 

Not certain, but very likely.

 

If you can move out, you should.

 

 

Take care.

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JustAnotherLostLove Established Member

JustAnotherLostLove

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Why the hell are you still living with her? Yes, her moving on so quickly is ****ed up. But she's just trying to fill the void you left, and this new relationship probably won't last. Either way, next step is to pack up and get out, don't even tell her, just go! And don't contact her, or sit around like a sap. Move on my friend. I know how hard it is. It's been 7 months for myself, and it doesn't seem to be getting a whole lot easier, but it has improved.

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loveweary11 Established Member

loveweary11

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Plus, now you don't owe her anything.

 

She should move in with Mr Work guy now or he can pay her rent on a studio.

 

I'd get her out of there asap because it's delaying the healing.

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mightycpa Established Member

mightycpa

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You are a little crazy. You feel, even in the face of the strongest of evidence, that it is "too soon" for her to be with someone else. It isn't. You continue to live with her, even when she blatantly goes and spends her nights with someone else. That's crazy, because you care about what she does, and you are purposefully subjecting yourself to watching it.

 

Add me to the chorus of people who think somebody's got to go without further delay, and if she won't do it, you should. Whatever obligation of consideration for her personal situation that you owed her was cancelled by the end of the relationship. The obligation of mutual decency was cancelled when she started banging this new guy before she moved out.

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Draper Established Member

Draper

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I think you've got a bit of denial going man and that's understandable but you really gotta take some time to calm down and look at the reality of things. That reality is that she 'started' dating someone a week after she left you. That's a plain fact, and for that it doesn't much matter why she left you.

 

You said you think she wanted to experience life without you. That may well be the case, but don't try to justify what she did with that. In the end she did what she did and nothing else should matter because if she's gonna do you like this, she's not worth the time spent agonizing over her.

 

Get out of that house and remove her your life. For good.

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AlexDream Member

AlexDream

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She definitely moving out but not for another 2 months or so, and we were so good together, and this new guy isn't the reason she's leaving me, it's bc she felt distant over time and cut it off, this new guy was kind of a coincidence.

 

But I just can't come o terms with the fact that a 4 year relationship ends and a week later she's kissing a new guy! And she isn't bringing him around or anything, I just keep asking if she's going to see him which I probably shouldn't for my own good, but the wondering what she's doing is killing me, we were going to spend the rest of our lives together !

 

I can't get over it and move on! I'm just sitting in my house !! I've got out side, I've gone on walks , and can't get it out of my head !!!

She isn't your property so you don't need to worry about her any longer. It's not your business how soon she kisses someone else. So keep calm and MOVE AWAY.

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Neffer Established Member

Neffer

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Its over; the rest of it, the why, when she started seeing someone doesn't matter. So, you need to accept that it's over, stop contact, and start dealing with the reality of the situation.

 

Now this I don't get - she left you. So why is she still living there? Two months is ridiculous. Tell her she needs to move out. It shouldn't be too hard for her - she moves on quickly after all. It is extremely thoughtless, selfish and tacky of her to remain in your home (that you had together) after breaking up with you and starting a new relationship. Where she goes is not your problem. She needs to move out asap.

 

Its on her to move, not you.

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Marc878 Established Member

Marc878

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She moved on long before she told you.

 

Go dark move on like she did. Quit living in denial of what really happened.

 

You have much to learn but you're young. File this under experience.

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MachineGunFunk Member

MachineGunFunk

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I don't want to get your hopes up, but hope it is a rebound relationship. Just move on and don't try to get her back even if it is a rebound relationship between her and this new guy.

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Toodaloo Established Member

Toodaloo

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When most women are thinking about breaking up they think long and hard about it. They will make attempts to salvage the relationship, they will try and do things first, during this time if they do not get what they need back then they slowly emotionally check out.

 

She may have made it official just a short while ago but her brain will have checked out around 6 months ago. Perhaps longer. Yes it really is that long for her. She has already mourned the loss of the relationship, she has already gone through the steps that you are only just starting now.

 

Help yourself out here. Move out. Or if its her place tell her you are sorry but 2 months is too long and she will have to go stay with friends or something while she sorts herself out.

 

Too soon? Who knows. Rebound? Who knows. Even if it is a rebound I very much doubt she will come back to you after it anyway so may as well lick your wounds, accept it is the way it is and start taking care of yourself. First step is to quit living with her.

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PegNosePete Established Member

PegNosePete

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Posted
this new guy isn't the reason she's leaving me, it's bc she felt distant over time and cut it off, this new guy was kind of a coincidence.

Says who? Her? Dude, wake up.

 

I can't get over it and move on! I'm just sitting in my house !! I've got out side, I've gone on walks , and can't get it out of my head !!!

Part of that is because you're still sharing a room with her. You haven't really given any details of why you're still sharing and what alternatives you might have. But if I were you I'd be doing everything I could to change that situation RIGHT NOW. Not in 2 months.

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elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

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Says who? Her? Dude, wake up.

 

 

Part of that is because you're still sharing a room with her. You haven't really given any details of why you're still sharing and what alternatives you might have. But if I were you I'd be doing everything I could to change that situation RIGHT NOW. Not in 2 months.

 

He doesn't want to do that as that is admitting it is all over, once she moves out he thinks he has no chance, while she is still there he thinks she may change her mind.

 

Unfortunately she is unlikely to change her mind. She is young, and in her first relationship, and SHE dumped him and has now moved swiftly on. Even if this new guy doesn't last very long she will be onto the next and the next... Few want to revisit relationships that THEY decided didn't work first time around.

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TheSwanGirl Established Member

TheSwanGirl

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I wish I wouldn't have to tell you this, but she was flirting with him before breaking up with you. So is emotional cheating. She's infatuated right now, and she may tell you she's in love and this guy is the love of her life, bla bla bla.

 

LIE!

 

Eventually, she will realize what she just lost. Right now she only remembers the bad stuff, but you only remember the good. Get the hell out of that place, move! Or stay at a friend's house, at your parents house, anywhere but there.

 

Believe me, believe me because after five years (we started dating in college) of a relationship, he broke up with me and two weeks later started dating a girl he met in his Master's Degree. It's been two months since BU and two weeks since NC, but it HURTS. I'm seeing a therapist, it may help you recover. Don't stay all by yourself in this, talk to people about this.

 

Wish you the best!!!!!!!!!

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treezy Established Member

treezy

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Err no it isn't "fast". She probably met this dude wayyy before you knew it. Sorry.

 

It happened to me too. Ex went cold on me. Hardly responded to my texts unless I sent a second or third message or if I called. Eventually found out he had someone else. Like you, I thought they only recently met and wondered how he could change his mind so quickly.

 

It was only through social media I found out they'd met long before the breakup. And thus I came to learn that it didn't happen overnight. They probably never dated while he was with me, but they flirted, alot. Oh wells, I guess that's all history now. Anyway I hope you move on soon. Try therapy or something. Stay strong.

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