geronimo Posted April 7, 2016 Posted April 7, 2016 Hey guys, been on this forum for a little while now while I was dealing with a bad breakup. However I have started to date around again and need some help since I have been out of the scene for over 5 years (while I was in my relationship). Anyways long story short, I added a girl from one of my classes on fb and we really hit it off, we were sending eachother a lot of messages back and forth and they were fairly long in length aswell. So on Friday I messaged her in the morning and she didn't reply the whole day. I didn't think much of it, thought she might be busy and therefore didn't respond. She then messaged me that night around 1am saying: "I'm sorry I have just been having a really bad day, I got news that my grandfather passed away. I will eventually reply tho hahaha". To which I said "I'm sorry to hear, if there's anything I can do to help, let me know", and she just said "thankyou :)". So I haven't heard from her since Friday night, I thought she would reply by now but I understand it could be because she's dealing with the death and also we're currently in exam time. I was just wondering if I should message her seeing if she's ok or whatever. Any advice will help. Or could it be that she's not responding because she's just not into me? 1
LoveRefreshed Posted April 7, 2016 Posted April 7, 2016 I'd reach out to her again. Ask her how she is doing and wish that she is doing well. Then pick a date like next week and ask if she'd like to meet up in person then. Two weeks, for me, is plenty of time to cope with the loss of a grand parent. 3
CarrieT Posted April 7, 2016 Posted April 7, 2016 Nope. Don't reach out... The "grandfather dying" is often a version of ghosting. She said she would eventually reach out. That means the ball is in her court and if she wants to be in touch with you again, she will.
LoveRefreshed Posted April 7, 2016 Posted April 7, 2016 Nope. Don't reach out... The "grandfather dying" is often a version of ghosting. She said she would eventually reach out. That means the ball is in her court and if she wants to be in touch with you again, she will. Yeah, don't reach out. She could be ghosting! There's two options: She's ghosting, Her gpa died. Reaching out or not reaching out doesn't affect the former. Reaching out makes you seem caring and genuine for the latter. Not reaching out makes you seem like you don't really give a **** (WHICH MAY BE TO YOUR BENEFIT!) 1
jen1447 Posted April 7, 2016 Posted April 7, 2016 If you feel reasonably sure she's not lying lol, I'd text her again after a day or two, but not a text asking or requiring anything of her. Just sth like "thinking of you" or "sending good thoughts" or "hang in there" would be fine. Leave the romance/dating/expectations out of it for now, and don't try to insert yourself as the defacto BF or support guy. 2
Author geronimo Posted April 7, 2016 Author Posted April 7, 2016 Nope. Don't reach out... The "grandfather dying" is often a version of ghosting. She said she would eventually reach out. That means the ball is in her court and if she wants to be in touch with you again, she will. I agree, thats why I thought I'd post on here and get some opinions. However if you look at our messages she seems pretty responsive and she was actually the one who was keeping the conversation going for the most part ever since we started talking. She also doesn't seem like the type of girl to use a grandparents death as an excuse to ghost. But the thing that is holding me back from messaging her is the fact that she said "i'll eventually reply"
Author geronimo Posted April 7, 2016 Author Posted April 7, 2016 Yeah, don't reach out. She could be ghosting! There's two options: She's ghosting, Her gpa died. Reaching out or not reaching out doesn't affect the former. Reaching out makes you seem caring and genuine for the latter. Not reaching out makes you seem like you don't really give a **** (WHICH MAY BE TO YOUR BENEFIT!) Agreed, like i said before I dont think she's the type of girl to use grandpa dying as an excuse to ghost, but I could be wrong. Also the reason why I waited this long to contemplate messaging her was cuz I didn't want her to think that she has all the control and to give the "idgaf" vibe, but lmao doesn't look like its working since she hasn't responded and its been about 5 days. If you feel reasonably sure she's not lying lol, I'd text her again after a day or two, but not a text asking or requiring anything of her. Just sth like "thinking of you" or "sending good thoughts" or "hang in there" would be fine. Leave the romance/dating/expectations out of it for now, and don't try to insert yourself as the defacto BF or support guy. I do feel like she wouldn't lie about it, and LOL its been about 5 days since the last message. I also feel like I dont know her well enough to send her a message where I can say "hang in there.." etc. Plus its not something I want to start with if I message her again, want it to be casual but not needy and then after a couple messages back and forth I'll ask her about how she's doing/coping with the loss.
LookAtThisPOst Posted April 7, 2016 Posted April 7, 2016 Nope. Don't reach out... The "grandfather dying" is often a version of ghosting. She said she would eventually reach out. That means the ball is in her court and if she wants to be in touch with you again, she will. First the "Grand father dying" then ends the sentence with "hahahahaha! (I bet he'll believe this!)" Either she's sick in the head or lying about her grandfather's death. "hahahahaha!" 2
kendahke Posted April 7, 2016 Posted April 7, 2016 Maybe it's me... but who puts "hahaha" in the same sentence as "my grandpa died"? Laughing about anything at that time is a bit weird. I vote for ghosting, but it's easy enough to find out if he indeed died--they do print the obituaries in the local papers--and papers are online. Just sayin'. 2
Author geronimo Posted April 7, 2016 Author Posted April 7, 2016 LOOL you guys are savage. She didn't put it in the same sentence, it was the grandpa text first, and then the text after she said "I will eventually reply hahah" its a haha, like an lol, plus in most of her texts she either starts or ends with a "haha" so i think its a habit of hers, I'm also notorious for putting a billion lol's in my messages where it doesn't fit.
kendahke Posted April 7, 2016 Posted April 7, 2016 Well, you're the one asking if she was ghosting on you and to me, that along with not having gotten in contact with you since Friday would indicate ghosting. It's just strange (and a bit creepy) that the death of her own beloved grandfather doesn't pop her out of her usual habits. When my grandmother died, I didn't find much to lol about.
Erik30 Posted April 7, 2016 Posted April 7, 2016 Don't text her. Your last message was fine, and she told you that she would get back to you "eventually." Just because of that way she ended the conversation I think you should wait for her to reach out.
Author geronimo Posted April 7, 2016 Author Posted April 7, 2016 Well, you're the one asking if she was ghosting on you and to me, that along with not having gotten in contact with you since Friday would indicate ghosting. It's just strange (and a bit creepy) that the death of her own beloved grandfather doesn't pop her out of her usual habits. When my grandmother died, I didn't find much to lol about. Touché, but I honestly don't think she's ghosting, plus using a grandparents death to do it would be disgusting and she doesn't seem the type. I only brought up ghosting after it was suggested. I just don't know whether to wait till she msgs first or just msg her since its been 5 days.
kendahke Posted April 7, 2016 Posted April 7, 2016 Well, she did say: I will eventually reply tho hahaha" so wait her out. 1
Author geronimo Posted April 8, 2016 Author Posted April 8, 2016 UPDATE: so i ended up texting her because I thought there would be nothing to lose, since 1. if she's ghosting she wont reply and I'll have my confirmation. 2. if she replies we're good to go. Happy to say she responded and we're talking again. Thank you to all those who believed LOL. Appreciate all the advice given. Cheers.
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