I Still think about my ex even now its been 14 months and its killing me!

[Conroy]

I broke up with my girlfriend about 14 months ago because she was convinced I was cheating on her with her best mate. I wasn't actually cheating on her but I did spend a lot of time with her best friend. When we broke up it all happened very suddenly. She said she still loved me but I was hurting her too much. Her best friend convinced me she was seeing someone behind my back just after we split up and also told my ex I didn't love her, but it was all lies so her friend could break us up and get with me. About 2 weeks after we split up I was feeling very depressed and lonely! One night I was with her best friend and was very drunk, so I ended up sleeping with her. My ex found out because this girl told her and my ex went made. We argued for months on end saying really nasty stuff to each other. The arguing died down and we have had no contact now for about 7 months nearly.

 

Just after we split up my ex went with this lad that was constantly trying it on with my ex girl just before the break up. She has now finished with him because apparently he does her head in! I have also found out that she is now friends again with that girl (her so called best mate) which I can not understand After will split up and started arguing all the time I tried to make peace with her and be friends but she always refused to speak to me and said we would never be good friends, but that was 7 months ago.

 

I sent her a birthday card about a month ago saying I was thinking about her and just wanted to wish her a happy birthday. Then Recently she has been turning up alot at places I go out to all the time and being very matey with all my friends that she also hasn't spoken to since then. But I have done my best to stay out of her way because it is so hard to confront her as I think if I try and talk to her she will just ignore me, which is emotionally very hard to deal with. I did kind of get over her several months ago but seeing her again brings back so many memories and now I keep on thinking about her all the time. Should I try and talk to her the next time I see her ? I don't know what to do! Its driving me crazy because I can't get her out of my head......

[sanne]

well it seems like the both of you have some unresovled feelings. if two people don't love each other anymore, anger and hatred is not the kind of emotions that linger around. if she really wasn't into you, she would be more apathetic if anything. it seems like she is still hurt over what you did, but i'd say 7 months is a long time and it seems like the opportunity is open for you to try and reconnect again. if she shoots you down then oh well, it just wasn't meant to be man.

[ReluctantRomeo]

Originally posted by sanne

it seems like she is still hurt over what you did, but i'd say 7 months is a long time and it seems like the opportunity is open for you to try and reconnect again. if she shoots you down then oh well, it just wasn't meant to be man.

 

Yep, I'd try it.

 

Btw, I'd say you should eat a little humble pie. Although technically you're not guilty of an affair - and she must know this now via her mate - in practice it is a little dodgy to make friends with the best mate and sleep with her so soon after. Be prepared to apologise profusely. Apparently this worked for the best mate, so you're in with a chance

[Conroy]

ok i'll give it a go and try and talk to her! But if she just ignores me and walks away does this mean she doesn't care anymore or is it her way of trying to get to me ?

[Conroy]

Also her best mate wants to be friends with me again! Should I make friends with her or avoid her at all costs as this could effect things with my ex ?

[Naive]

I agree with sanne, when you can't get someone off your head for so long it usually means that something was left behind that was unresolved.

[ReluctantRomeo]

Originally posted by Conroy

Also her best mate wants to be friends with me again! Should I make friends with her or avoid her at all costs as this could effect things with my ex ?

 

Don't snub her or be rude, but keep your distance. Make sure there is NO potential confusion in your ex's mind.

 

You could even say "look, you're sweet and I like you, but I don't want x to have any reason to be jealous, so I'm gonna keep my distance for the time being".

[SinceIvebeenlovingU]

I don't agree...this seems to crazy for me...

 

Everyone hear is telling this guy to go try to talk to his ex again if he is still thinking about her after 7 months of not talking...I haven't talked to mine in that exact time and can't get her out of my head even though i've been going to therapy and making other strides in my life....but I don't think i am about to contact her...I know she is isn't good for me and I know we would never get married because I just don't see that with her ever...so that's why I would never even try to make contact with her again...even though I think of her everyday...so that is all...

 

I basically think that if things didn't happen once why give it another chance to fail you again...u've been down that road before and it ended and its time to find a new road to travel on...that's all there is too it....

[whichwayisup]

Originally posted by Conroy

ok i'll give it a go and try and talk to her! But if she just ignores me and walks away does this mean she doesn't care anymore or is it her way of trying to get to me ?

 

She probably does care, but is so messed up and not fully knowing the REAL truth has confused her. I suggest the two of you set a time to TALK. I mean open up and get EVERYTHING OUT, including how her bestfriend got TOO INVOLVED in your relationship with her. **Tsk tsk, though you shouldn't have spent so much time with her b/f. Not really a cool thing to do...But you know that already.. Don't make the same mistake twice.

 

Originally posted by Conroy

Also her best mate wants to be friends with me again! Should I make friends with her or avoid her at all costs as this could effect things with my ex ?

 

AVOID HER AT ALL COSTS! Why even ask??? This "bestfriend" played the two of you against eachother!! Ofcourse it could and WILL affect things with your ex. If you are friendly with her again, you're gonna give your EX the idea that there was more between the two of you by still keeping on as friends.

 

WHY would her B/F do this to her? She's not really a good friend at all.

[ReluctantRomeo]

Originally posted by SinceIvebeenlovingU

but I don't think i am about to contact her...I know she is isn't good for me and I know we would never get married because I just don't see that with her ever...so that's why I would never even try to make contact with her again...even though I think of her everyday...so that is all...

 

Good point. But if I understand correctly, Conroy *would* like to be with her and is willing to sort out the issues which caused the break up.

 

 

why give it another chance to fail you again...

 

Some people people have this philosophy, some don't. If it works for you, fine. But I have seen 3 times with people close to me that second chances can work very well. Provided you're willing to face the issues which caused the first break up.

[Conroy]

Cheers guys thank for all the advice. At the weekend my ex turned up yet again at the place she knew i was going to be at, maybe another coincidence or maybe not. But considering I haven't seen her for 7 months then she keeps on turning up in the same places all the time is starting to make me wonder. But I kept my distance from her againg as I didn't really feel it was the right moment to talk, so maybe next time it will be right.