GF going away on a trip with online friends

[spriggan2]

If your GF is a streamer on Twitch that is the equivalent of being a celebrity or model. She interacts with male fans daily, spamming her with love letters, donating money, sending sexual messages, fawning over her all day. From that group she's probably recruited a couple moderators for her stream, these are dudes she chats with regularly who help keep the messages under control, she probably skypes with them sometimes (a handful of them are probaby in love with her). Then she's also colleagues with male streamers who are popular for their gaming skill as opposed to their sex appeal. These are guys on her level who also have fans and moderators. They're like fellow celebs and she has a mutual respect for them, but some of them are probably crushing on her. I've seen many of these female streamers pretend to be single to attract more viewers.

 

You have to ultimately decide if you're comfortable dating someone who adopts that lifestyle, surrounded by thirsty guys, not really talking to other girls who are her competition. If you think she's responsible, understands your concerns, will keep you in the loop and enforces boundaries with her friends, then ok. Attending a convention with an assortment of those people can be fine, safe enough. It's like a work trip kind of, promotional. It's probably better that you don't go so she can keep her implicit available persona.

 

But if you don't think she's the type who will do that, then I don't think its a good idea. I certainly wouldn't let it become a regular thing. Under no curcumstances would I let her room with a dude you dont even know. These conventions and meetups are pretty frequent. If she has a good time she'll probably want to do it again.

Edited April 8, 2016 by spriggan2

[katiegrl]

Guys, HE invited her to go and HE invited her to share a room with HIM, alone just the two of them. And she agreed!

 

She (and some others on this thread) can spin it any way she/they want, but THAT is what is at issue here.

 

And is just so wrong on so many levels.

 

Absolute dealbreaker, or should be.

[ASG]

 

 

Sharing a frickin' BED? He can't even be a gentleman and sleep in the floor?

 

This is a VERY hair raising situation!

 

The OPs GF isn't sharing a bed with anyone. *I* did. With a complete stranger. And many times after that as well, though he wasn't a stranger anymore.

[katiegrl]

The OPs GF isn't sharing a bed with anyone. *I* did. With a complete stranger. And many times after that as well, though he wasn't a stranger anymore.

 

This guy is not a stranger though.

 

Once again, she already has some sort of relationship with him, on line through gaming or whatevs.

 

And how do you know they won't be sharing a bed?

 

I understand your situation ASG, yes people go to conventions, look at boards to see who is available for room shares. Man or woman doesn't matter and in many cases, they DO end up in a friendship, just like in your case.

 

But this is sooooooo different as again they have already been communcating/gaming together, he invited her to go and he invited her to share room with him, alone.

 

And she agreed, while in an exclusive RL with OP.

 

The End.

Edited April 8, 2016 by katiegrl

[PegNosePete]

And how do you know they won't be sharing a bed?

Yeah, I can see it now.

 

"Oh I booked a twin but when I got here they gave us the wrong room and don't have any twins left"

 

"I'll take the sofa" will soon change after 8-10 beers......

[smudge21]

This guy is not a stranger though.

 

Once again, she already has some sort of relationship with him, on line through gaming or whatevs.

 

And how do you know they won't be sharing a bed?

 

I understand your situation ASG, yes people go to conventions, look at boards to see who is available for room shares. Man or woman doesn't matter and in many cases, they DO end up in a friendship, just like in your case.

 

But this is sooooooo different as again they have been communcating/gaming together, he invited her to go and he invited her to share room with him, alone.

 

 

... don't forget the not wanting loving boyfriend to come along...

[katiegrl]

Yeah, I can see it now.

 

"Oh I booked a twin but when I got here they gave us the wrong room and don't have any twins left"

 

"I'll take the sofa" will soon change after 8-10 beers......

 

Or even if there are twin beds. Nothing stopping them from sharing that single.

 

My ex and I shared a single bed during the first two years of our RL when I was living in a small studio apt in NYC.

[truth_seeker]

OP, your girlfriend has built a rapport with this guy online and now wants to see if that translates IRL. If it does, your relationship is done. If it doesn't, she'll be coming back to you. That's what's going on.

 

If I were you, accept it as an insult that she thinks you'll go along with her testing the waters with another guy.

 

She's young and has been with you for a very long time... this doesn't surprise me. If you take her back, she'll eventually do it again to you. I think it's time you two moved on from each other.

[beezlebub]

Im not totally sure on who invited her. It might have been the groups sponsor itself that did or it could have been the group. I couldnt edit the first post after.

 

I found out yesterday that she was a last minute addition and that guy was the only one who hadnt booked a room yet and he offered to share a room to split the cost for her. She is going to find a cheap hotel near to the event and rent a single room. Since he hasnt booked a room yet he will also rent a single room in that hotel so they can carpool and wont have to walk back to their hotels alone when they are finished for the night.

 

She says he is a genuine guy and very nice. He has offered to help her out and has been helping to make her channel/stream get bigger and more popular. I am happy for that regard. He has also offered to help her pay for the trip as he has lots of money, if she cannot come up with all the money herself. She says he has a GF as well so I dont have to worry that he is planning to do anything with her. He hasnt allowed his GF to come either.

 

Her channel viewers actually follow her for her personality and charm and she doesnt sexualize her channel at all, like you see a lot of female streamers do (Boob cam). Im sure there are the odd ones that do follow her since she is pretty, but mostly, she has a solid fan base that is loyal to her for good reasons! Also she says if she was ever going to cheat she would have already broken up with me anyways since she wouldnt be doing that if she was in a happy relationship. Since she is happy in our relationship, the only way it will end is if I decide to end it.

[kismetkismet]

Just out of curiosity - what does he gain by helping her stream get bigger and by paying for her trip? that seems confusing to me.. Does it help to bolster his popularity/income? I find it very odd that he would help to pay for her otherwise..

[beezlebub]

Just being nice, I guess

[salparadise]

OP, your girlfriend has built a rapport with this guy online and now wants to see if that translates IRL. If it does, your relationship is done. If it doesn't, she'll be coming back to you. That's what's going on.

 

If I were you, accept it as an insult that she thinks you'll go along with her testing the waters with another guy.

 

She's young and has been with you for a very long time... this doesn't surprise me. If you take her back, she'll eventually do it again to you. I think it's time you two moved on from each other.

 

Just being nice, I guess

 

OP, read the post above. You're in denial. You're an inch from an inevitable implosion. She's packing her bags with an exit strategy, and she doesn't care how it makes you feel. People are telling you and you're choosing to ignore it. I'm sorry, but this is going to be painful for you.

[AndOrchid]

Im not totally sure on who invited her. It might have been the groups sponsor itself that did or it could have been the group. I couldnt edit the first post after.

 

I found out yesterday that she was a last minute addition and that guy was the only one who hadnt booked a room yet and he offered to share a room to split the cost for her. She is going to find a cheap hotel near to the event and rent a single room. Since he hasnt booked a room yet he will also rent a single room in that hotel so they can carpool and wont have to walk back to their hotels alone when they are finished for the night.

 

She says he is a genuine guy and very nice. He has offered to help her out and has been helping to make her channel/stream get bigger and more popular. I am happy for that regard. He has also offered to help her pay for the trip as he has lots of money, if she cannot come up with all the money herself. She says he has a GF as well so I dont have to worry that he is planning to do anything with her. He hasnt allowed his GF to come either.

 

Her channel viewers actually follow her for her personality and charm and she doesnt sexualize her channel at all, like you see a lot of female streamers do (Boob cam). Im sure there are the odd ones that do follow her since she is pretty, but mostly, she has a solid fan base that is loyal to her for good reasons! Also she says if she was ever going to cheat she would have already broken up with me anyways since she wouldnt be doing that if she was in a happy relationship. Since she is happy in our relationship, the only way it will end is if I decide to end it.

 

So he's so rich he can just afford to pay for your girlfriend's flight out of the goodness of his heart. But he also wants to share a room or (next best option) book in the same hotel as your girlfriend to try and keep costs down. And the fact that both of them have significant others who are "not allowed" to come is supposed to make things better? (Did she accept his offer for the flight btw? And is everyone else in the same hotel?)

 

How do you feel about all this OP? Weirdly, your post is only relaying information about what she has said but it does not really convey your reactions to what is happening.

 

IMO, this relationship is coming to an end. Even if you don't end it now, I suspect that she will, in the near future.

[kismetkismet]

Initially I was on the side of your girlfriend just wanting to be able to go on a trip where she doesn't need to entertain her boyfriend, but a few things pop out as very troubling to me..

 

1)You are a gamer as well, so it's not like you would be completely out of place or disinterested in it. Just because you're not one of the main players in their circle doesn't mean that being a part of the trip wouldn't be interesting to you.

 

2)He offered to pay for her trip - regardless of how much money he has, the fact that he is so invested in this girl that he hasn't met before coming on the trip is strange to me.

 

3)The one guy who 'needed to split a room with someone' is coincidentally the one who also offered to help pay for her trip, and now just the two of them are still staying together at a separate hotel from the rest of the group.

 

Part of me understands that when you're part of TEAM like a sports team or something, there's something to be said for having time for just the group - there's a certain camaraderie.. i don't know how gaming stuff works though so I don't know if that's the case. But then the rest of the stuff with the guy with the money and the hotel room just brings up too many questionable factors..

 

I don't know if there's anything you can do here.. you can't MAKE her not go. But I would definitely not be happy about it. She clearly doesn't really care how uncomfortable she is making you so I would tread carefully and pay attention to signals in the next while.

[elaine567]

So he's so rich he can just afford to pay for your girlfriend's flight out of the goodness of his heart. But he also wants to share a room or (next best option) book in the same hotel as your girlfriend to try and keep costs down. And the fact that both of them have significant others who are "not allowed" to come is supposed to make things better? (Did she accept his offer for the flight btw? And is everyone else in the same hotel?)

 

^^^this^^^

Wake up OP, spend some time on the cheating sections of this forum.

A guy with a gf who arranged to share a room with a young woman is NOT someone you do not need to worry about...

[seekingpeaceinlove]

I think the biggest issue I see is the gf banning bf from going. It's just odd. It's another country (adventure!) and the bf can explore on his own if he doesn't want to go to the convention and they can hang out after..with or without the online friends. What's the big deal?

 

This gf is an odd bird. The fact that she would think it was appropriate to share hotel room with strange male is bad enough..but she also initially brought up the idea to her bf..thinking he would be ok with that? She's either dumb or incredibly naive. Maybe both.

 

In any case, I hope your gf is honest, trustworth and honorable, OP. All kinds of red flags are popping up...especially this "just being nice" guy who is paying her way for the trip. Suspcious.

Edited April 8, 2016 by seekingpeaceinlove

[truth_seeker]

I think the biggest issue I see is the gf banning bf from going. It's just odd.

 

Yeah, so she can bang the other guy and see if she wants to leave OP for him, or just bang him, get it out of her system, and return to OP. Look at it like Spring Break. Why do couples not go to Spring Break together? So they can sleep with other people and then go back to their relationships without any solid proof they cheated.

 

This relationship is over. OP I know it hurts, but you need to tell her to get lost and block her for life.

[beezlebub]

 

I don't know if there's anything you can do here.. you can't MAKE her not go. But I would definitely not be happy about it. She clearly doesn't really care how uncomfortable she is making you so I would tread carefully and pay attention to signals in the next while.

 

Exactly. I am still not comfortable with the situation, and I would much much rather go with her, but there is not much I can do. I am not a fool, of course I see the whole situation as an oddity. A guy who is being overly nice to a girl always seems to have ulterior motives and can be just pretending to be nice to trick the girl. Its why girls always seem to end up falling for D-bags. And who knows, maybe she will fall for him the same. But what can I do if I cant make her not go and I cant go along myself. Relationships are built on trust, if I cant trust her word then I shouldnt be in a relationship with her. If I started doubting her word then eventually I will start doubting everything she says. If we ever do break up and im in another relationship will I ever truly trust what my new GF says as well? Its not really a good way to live. If something does happen when she is away, I will have learned she is not "the one" and will move on to someone else.

 

I have weighed the options to myself and have found that the regret of throwing her away out of distrust and finding out I was wrong to distrust in the first place, is harder on my heart then trusting her and being wronged.

[seekingpeaceinlove]

Yes, it is very suspicious that male offering to her pay her way (eg: has extra $$$) wanted to share a room to "cut costs." Now that she decided on single room..he again wants to "cut costs" and book room in same hotel so they can carpool together.

 

OP, don't be dumb.

[Emilia]

So you are staying with this chick because you don't think you can find better? Good luck OP, you will need it.

[AndOrchid]

Exactly. I am still not comfortable with the situation, and I would much much rather go with her, but there is not much I can do. I am not a fool, of course I see the whole situation as an oddity. A guy who is being overly nice to a girl always seems to have ulterior motives and can be just pretending to be nice to trick the girl. Its why girls always seem to end up falling for D-bags. And who knows, maybe she will fall for him the same. But what can I do if I cant make her not go and I cant go along myself. Relationships are built on trust, if I cant trust her word then I shouldnt be in a relationship with her. If I started doubting her word then eventually I will start doubting everything she says. If we ever do break up and im in another relationship will I ever truly trust what my new GF says as well? Its not really a good way to live. If something does happen when she is away, I will have learned she is not "the one" and will move on to someone else.

 

I have weighed the options to myself and have found that the regret of throwing her away out of distrust and finding out I was wrong to distrust in the first place, is harder on my heart then trusting her and being wronged.

 

Fair enough. I know it is not easy to throw away a 5 year relationship and hope all turns out for the best for you.

 

You sound like a nice reasonable guy. I just hope you don't stay in a relationship where you are not treated like a priority and where your feelings are not taken into consideration out of fear. Good luck!

[Timshel]

I have weighed the options to myself and have found that the regret of throwing her away out of distrust and finding out I was wrong to distrust in the first place, is harder on my heart then trusting her and being wronged.

 

Five years? A mistake beezlebub, would be to conclude that your work here is done. Relationships require consistent communication and renegotiation. You seem at a point of passiveness....five years, oh well, if she messes up....toss. If not, ooookay.

 

My first assumption would be that if in five years time a decision toward future goals has not been explored and established, it is indeed time to take a walk.

 

You seem malleable regarding the outcome of this situation and the general outcome of your relationship.

 

So...lucks.

[d0nnivain]

Exactly. I am still not comfortable with the situation, and I would much much rather go with her, but there is not much I can do. I am not a fool, of course I see the whole situation as an oddity. A guy who is being overly nice to a girl always seems to have ulterior motives and can be just pretending to be nice to trick the girl. Its why girls always seem to end up falling for D-bags. And who knows, maybe she will fall for him the same. But what can I do if I cant make her not go and I cant go along myself. Relationships are built on trust, if I cant trust her word then I shouldnt be in a relationship with her. If I started doubting her word then eventually I will start doubting everything she says. If we ever do break up and im in another relationship will I ever truly trust what my new GF says as well? Its not really a good way to live. If something does happen when she is away, I will have learned she is not "the one" and will move on to someone else.

 

I have weighed the options to myself and have found that the regret of throwing her away out of distrust and finding out I was wrong to distrust in the first place, is harder on my heart then trusting her and being wronged.

 

Trust is earned. I don't see her doing much to keep yours. Even if she is now getting a single room at a cheap hotel, the guy is still going to be with her carpooling etc. If he can afford to pay for her room then he can afford to stay in a better hotel so ask yourself why would he downgrade his own accommodations for her? What does he get out of the deal? Nobody is that nice.

 

I agree with you that a relationship needs trust but it also needs people who nurture the relationship. What is she doing to allay your fears? Not much.

 

You're solution seems to be to give her enough rope to hang herself. While that is a strategy, it's a fairly destructive one. Then again there doesn't seem to be much worth saving from where I sit.

[kendahke]

At the 5 year mark for me, I wouldn't be accepting plane fare from someone I wasn't in a relationship with for 5 years--I don't care what I was into, unless I was looking to leave him and was setting up my next landing strip. I also wouldn't be telling him not to come with me unless I knew I was going to be doing something I didn't want him to either see me doing or know about. Her reasons for saying this being "you'll be bored" or "I don't want to entertain you" are BS. That's just being deceitful right there. Like I said earlier, I don't see why you can't go and share the room with her, but go off and do other things while she's at the convention.

 

Is the reason why you're not going because you can't afford to go or can't get the time off work or is it that you are acquiescing to your girlfriend's demands that you don't go? (Sorry, I didn't read every single post here)

 

While yeah, you should be able to trust your girlfriend to go to a convention *IF* she

1. was paying for her airfare and accommodations herself

2. didn't even draw breath and form her mouth to say she was sharing her accommodations with some guy she's never laid eyes on in person

3. extended the invite to you and would be flexible with you being there.

 

Those 3 things haven't happened in your case, which IMO would have buttressed your trust in her. In fact, she's gone out of her way to engage in behavior that would make a reasonable person feel that she was being uber-shady in her whole demeanor and approach. That is what the majority of people here are fearful about here.

[beezlebub]

 

My first assumption would be that if in five years time a decision toward future goals has not been explored and established, it is indeed time to take a walk.

 

I am passive, I will admit to that I like to think things through and figure out all the options and the pros and cons before acting on things. Hence why I am here on this site asking for input! It would not be such an easy decision to end the relationship as I made it sound in my reply. Definitely not. It was more that I feel it would be better to find out sooner in my life that I have picked the wrong person than much later.

 

We have discussed our future together, manys of times. We would get married except for the fact that we are still young (23) and are both still in university. We would prefer to have good jobs secured and lots of money for a solid base, before starting down that road. She said that she would accept if I did actually decide to propose now, though we would just stay engaged and wait until much later for the actual wedding and such.

 

And she is paying for everything herself, the guy just offered to help should she not be able to get the money.

Edited April 8, 2016 by beezlebub