GF going away on a trip with online friends

[kismetkismet]

Also everyone keep in mind that she originally was happy with him coming as long as he had someone else there to entertain him she only suggested he didn't come when he wasn't going to have company. He would be bored and she would feel guilty about that and what is the point of that?

[ExpatInItaly]

Also everyone keep in mind that she originally was happy with him coming as long as he had someone else there to entertain him she only suggested he didn't come when he wasn't going to have company. He would be bored and she would feel guilty about that and what is the point of that?

 

But the way he phrased it, it wasn't suggested or discussed. He said she made the decision for him.

 

Had she been okay with another party attending to keep OP company, I'm not clear as to why he couldn't have, for example, invited a friend along or one of his family members along when her brother couldn't make it. But it doesn't sound as though that was up for discussion, which is what would give me pause here.

 

Maybe you can clarify how that conversation went, OP?

[AndOrchid]

I agree with those who say that this doesn't sound good at all. Just from reading the initial post I had the same impression that this last minute trip she jumped on is to get to know the other guy. Doesn't mean she is going there planning to do something about it but I think there is definitely curiosity there.

 

For those who have been in similar situations, did you share a room with a guy WHILE in a relationship? Would you still do it if you were married? I don't know about everyone else but to me sleeping in the same bed as a person of the opposite sex is completely inappropriate in a long term committed relationship.

[basil67]

Regarding her spending money on having her own room - has anyone considered how easy it would be for someone who *wanted* to cheat to just enter the other room? I don't see that separate rooms will achieve anything other than make the whole thing more expensive.

 

You say that you trust her. So, trust her.

[d0nnivain]

A few days ago she was invited by them to join them at a gaming expo in another country, as they had some spare tickets. The expo is two weeks from today, so there was no real way to plan for it. She has decided to go as it could be a great opportunity for her to network. .

 

The problem lies in the fact that she is going alone and she doesnt want me to go with her since I wouldnt know anyone and I would be bored, thus making her bored. She will instead be meeting the friends of hers that she has known for a few months, and has never actually met in person, at the expo. On top of that there is only one other girl in their group of 5 and that girl is already decided on rooming with one of the other guys. So the guy that invited my GF to come has offered my GF to share a hotel room with him, to split the cost.

 

I think she is being naive to completely trust these people, as she does. Her excuses are that I dont trust her and that we should trust her judgement on her friends, since shes an "adult".

 

Am I wrong to feel this upset? Should I try and change her mind? Is she being dumb and unreasonable? I have never been in this situation before, so I do not know how I should be feeling!

 

Naive doesn't quite cover what she is being; dumb comes closer. Let's hope she doesn't end up dead.

 

She is going to another country to share a hotel room with a man she has never met but plays video games with. I call BS.

 

There is no networking involved in this. Even if she is a game designer or somehow works in the gaming industry if this were above board, you could accompany her. You could sit by the pool or explore that city while she was at the Expo.

 

Personally if my SO wanted to do something like this, I'd change the locks

[preraph]

Whether or not the other guy can afford a room is not her, or the OP's problem.

 

However, I'm going to chime in along with the others who've said that sharing a room with a guy isn't necessarily a problem - unless he doesn't trust her, and that's a bigger problem than just this trip.

 

If she's trustworthy and sets boundaries, sharing a room with a guy shouldn't be an issue.

 

Yeah, but he doesn't have to trust the guy, and neither should she. You don't know who people are over the internet. I'd be worried if it was a friend of mine.

[preraph]

A huge part of being faithful is avoiding situations that even just LOOK really bad. Her sharing a room w a guy who isn't a blood relative looks HORRIBLE. I don't care if they don't lay a hand on each other (yeah right!), what she is doing is still cheating.

 

I actually think she is meeting this guy to see if the in-person chemistry is as strong as the online chemistry.

 

My opinion is that if this is some big scheme to cheat, she doesn't have to go out of state for it. But I wouldn't like a girl friend of mine sharing a room with a guy she has never met because he could be anyone. I wouldn't even be able to sleep if I did that. I'd have one eye open all night. But that's why I think she ought to let the BF and the people going on this thing skype. Number one, it confirms they're all going. Number 2 he might get a read on this guy. Because her having her own room is much better, but she's still out of town with strangers.

[Poutrew]

It sounds like this gaming thing is an addiction that is taking up her life. Eventually it will be a full time gig, and there isn't any room in that life for you, a non gamer - an outsider. But, you have no right to deny her her perversions. All you can do is be true to yourself, and know that things like relationships have their lifespan. They are born, live, and eventually die out. Yours just happened to be around the 5 year mark.

 

All you can tell her is that you and her own family don't think it is a good idea to go, because they all, like you, love her. If she wants to shack up with another man and play computer games with him instead of being your RL girlfriend, then all you can say is good luck in her future adventures on the planet Relak. You are going to find another woman who wants a man to love her for real instead of living a fantasy life as as Yebula, the Amazon Princess. Then leave, and don't be sad when her name is mentioned on the 10 P.M. news as the latest victim of the 'Godzilla Murderer'...

[smudge21]

I think whatever the outcome, the trust is going to be broken and you will question her to the point of anger upon her return. You came in here with concerns and those concerns are still there, if not stronger. The one thing that keeps popping up is this whole idea that she simply doesn't want you there (or if you are there, wants you to be with someone else, and not around her). I still maintain that despite what she says, she would be unhappy about you spending time with some girls in a hotel without her. I don't envy how you're going to feel when she gets back...

[Friskyone4u]

There's a reason she does not want you to go, especially if you could get away.

 

And it has nothing to do with being bored. It has to do that she wants the freedom to do whatever she wants with these guys around without any interference from you.

 

Didn't read all the other posts. I will bet I know how this one will end

[elaine567]

I actually do get the "bored bf spoiling stuff".

Nothing worse than being anywhere when the person you are with is not into it, wants to go home, wants to do something else, arranges to meet for lunch when there is more exciting stuff going on elsewhere.. etc. etc. - it can be a nightmare.

I agree with her there, BUT whenever I have gone to events alone, I make my own way there, I book the hotel and I meet whoever I know at the venue. I have never arranged to share a room with A MAN, I ONLY KNOW FROM THE INTERNET...

 

It is madness.

At best he will just be some gaming nerd and they will be up all night gaming, but at worst he, and potentially his friends, could be anything... It is the "anything" that is the worrying part here.

[Jabron1]

As others have said, this situation is absurd. Bringing to you the suggestion that she would be sharing a bed with another man is a slap in the face.

 

This is probably indicative of other underlying problems.

 

I dont even talk to other girls

 

Just a thought, but perhaps she feels like you are such a safe bet that she has started to take you for granted.

 

All you can do is be true to yourself, and know that things like relationships have their lifespan.

 

Yep.

[LoveRefreshed]

Yeah, I would still be struggling with the compromise you found after the first suggestion of sharing a room and you're not invited. I would want to know more about the people and how she feels.

 

In some of my experience, the girls who play vids get TONS of attention from the guys. Usually it's inappropriate comments and childish and lewd passes at her. Generally, the video game world is full of 14-22 year old men who love being demeaning to women (US, maybe Europe is different).

 

I can almost guarantee she has been being flirted with and hit on and if she is still playing games with them, she is enjoying it and loves the attention. She's not worried about you coming, she's worried about having to set a different tone in person with these guys. She's worried about having to behave differently and not accept their advances.

 

Have you listened to them talk while playing? What games do they play? I play a lot of games, and most people are using ventrillo or in game voice chat. Do you hear how they speak with her? Are they all like "Kill that mother ****er! Head shot!" or are they all like "Oh, I bet you'd look hot in that in person! I'd like to see it!"

 

I am cynical of men and know how men thinks. You know they're thinking and scheming how to get one of them to go back to her room with her after a night of gaming. Exhaustion, maybe some drinks, a bit of confusion and emotional high from the adrenaline of a 14 hour gaming spree....

[elaine567]

My GF and I have been together for almost 5 years now and had been friends for years before that.

 

I see you are in your early twenties.

Have either of you dated or been in a sexual relationship with anyone else?

[LookAtThisPOst]

Hey guys,

 

Rather a long winded post! My GF and I have been together for almost 5 years now and had been friends for years before that. We have never been in a fight and rarely bicker, except over silly little things We share most of the same interests and sense of humor. Perfect match? Possibly. We are only in our early twenties, so time will tell!

 

Anyways, she plays online games a lot and has gotten into recording and streaming! She is starting to do well in it and really likes what she is doing. Im happy and proud for her. A few months ago she met some new people that are quiet popular and she has become friends with them and plays many games with them.

 

A few days ago she was invited by them to join them at a gaming expo in another country, as they had some spare tickets. The expo is two weeks from today, so there was no real way to plan for it. She has decided to go as it could be a great opportunity for her to network. I dont mind her going, since its something she really wants to do, though I do wish it wasnt such a last minute, impulse decision. There are other events she could go to during the year with better planning.

 

The problem lies in the fact that she is going alone and she doesnt want me to go with her since I wouldnt know anyone and I would be bored, thus making her bored. She will instead be meeting the friends of hers that she has known for a few months, and has never actually met in person, at the expo. On top of that there is only one other girl in their group of 5 and that girl is already decided on rooming with one of the other guys. So the guy that invited my GF to come has offered my GF to share a hotel room with him, to split the cost. Just the fact that she is going there with people she barely knows and has never met, makes me very uncomfortable and worried. The fact that she would be sharing a hotel room with this guy on top of that, is making me very anxious and nervous. As a guy, I think I know what will be going through his mind the entire time, though I think my GF is oblivious to the idea. I trust my girlfriend I most definitely do not trust these people. Also there will be lots of drinking going on during the night times of the event.

 

Honestly I dont know what to do. I dont think it would be right for me to get her to skip the event (I doubt I could get her to skip it, even if I tried anyways). But she also wont see reason in having me come along either. Her family as well as I, really do not want her to go alone. Its a foolish thing to do and I think she is being naive to completely trust these people, as she does. Her excuses are that I dont trust her and that we should trust her judgement on her friends, since shes an "adult".

 

Am I wrong to feel this upset? Should I try and change her mind? Is she being dumb and unreasonable? I have never been in this situation before, so I do not know how I should be feeling!

 

Thanks!

 

I know a lot of boyfriend/girlfriends OF convention go-ers that tag along anyways as support. THey are kind of low profile.

 

I remember taking a picture with a hot cosplay woman...and she pointed out her husband sitting behind the vendor table. He wasn't wearing any costumes or nothing, he was just helping her out with her supplies....so yes, it would be incredibly odd that you weren't allowed to come.

 

There are boundaries that are being crossed here and a lot of women tend to kind of be naive about these arrangements, and you may want to make her aware of your concern that certain lines are being crossed.

 

Either way, I'd nudge her to join with her anyways, as her support. The "boredom" part of it is rather irrelevant. There are friggin' husbands that hold purses as their wives try on clothes. DUH! LOL The whole premise of being a couple is just THAT!

 

Yeah, I would still be struggling with the compromise you found after the first suggestion of sharing a room and you're not invited. I would want to know more about the people and how she feels.

 

Yeah, BIG red flag!

[LookAtThisPOst]

WTF?!?!?! This says a lot more about you than it does about the OPs GF. Seriously, the fact that you can't even comprehend that people DO share rooms without any ulterior motives is, frankly, quite baffling.

 

Then you'd probably be baffled with me, because I am in the same wheelhouse of the poster you quoted.

 

The last girlfriend I dated was even pro-active in asking me if I was comfortable in having a male friend stay at her place for a temporary place to stay.

 

She had a house and a separate room for him by the way, so no sharing of room or bed.

 

And she was STILL thoughtful in making sure if I was okay with it, otherwise, she said she'd ask him to find a hotel room if her boyfriend (me) wasn't comfortable with it.

 

Considering this was an arrangement made several months before even having met me (me and her dated a a few months)...as this was something he did annually. He was a traveler for his job.

 

I was cool with it, considering this was already pre-ordained awhile ago/ pre-planned and not in the moment or last minute like with the OP.

 

Her asking me if I was okay with this is very respectful....but your g/f may realize she's not being respectful.

 

Sharing a frickin' BED? He can't even be a gentleman and sleep in the floor?

 

This is a VERY hair raising situation!

[LookAtThisPOst]

I go to A LOT of conventions. Like.. a LOT. A fe years ago, I was going to one suh con, on my own, and needed a room share. I saw on the boards for the event a guy advertising a room share. It would be to share a doible bed, not twin beds.

I accepted. We spoke and added eaxh other on FB. We didn't meet until the actual con, when we were to share not just a room, but a bed as well.

 

This was 6 years ago. This guy is now one of my best friends. Nothing untoward EVER happened. EVER. He never even hinted at making a move on me. We have since shared many many times.

 

And my friends have many similar stories. So while I understand your worry, know that most of the time, it is absolutely fine and a great way to reduce costs! And make awesome friends.

 

For the record, I have never hooked up with anyone I've shared a room with at a con, unless it was already hppenig before.

 

Yeah but...did you have a significant other that you left behind? You didn't mention that.

[PegNosePete]

We didn't meet until the actual con, when we were to share not just a room, but a bed as well.

 

This was 6 years ago. This guy is now one of my best friends. Nothing untoward EVER happened. EVER. He never even hinted at making a move on me. We have since shared many many times.

 

And my friends have many similar stories. So while I understand your worry, know that most of the time, it is absolutely fine and a great way to reduce costs!

Right. And with that mentality I guess you also advocate unprotected sex (you'll be fine most of the time), not getting vaccinations (most of the time you won't catch typhoid or hepatitis A), never wearing a car seatbelt (you won't get in an accident most of the time) and that hitch-hiking is a perfectly safe way to get around the country (most of the time).

 

Sure, you'll get away with taking these huge risks most of the time, just like you got away with taking the huge risk of sharing a room and a bed with a total stranger. But the 1 in 100 time that is not most of the time, you could end up in a gutter.

[beezlebub]

I am actually a gamer as well, so I would enjoy the convention. The reason she says I would be bored is because they wont be spending a lot of time at the convention, they will be going around doing other things and events and trying to network and promote themselves, and a few of them will be trying to promote their sponsors I believe. Like I said, they are relatively popular. If I tagged along with that, I would be bored and she says that when they are out drinking and going to dinners and such they will be mostly talking about their channels and streams and I wouldnt really fit into the conversations.

 

They do all play together for long hours, most every day. When they stream, they have webcams showing their faces so I do know what they all look like.

 

They werent going to be sharing a bed, if they had the same room, they would have separate beds. That is still creepy for me. Its not just my GF, if I had a daughter I wouldnt want her to share a room with a guy I dont know and trust either. I was in the military for a few years and have been away in barracks filled with other men. There are a lot of creepy and disgusting men out there, even when they dont look it on the outside. The things they will talk and think about girls they were just being friendly with, as soon as their back is turned, makes me rarely trust any guys true intentions that I dont know well.

[katiegrl]

From what I am understanding, she and this guy have been gaming together on line and HE invited her to join HIM (and others) at this a gaming event and share a room with HIM.

 

Alone just the two of them.

 

Correct?

 

ASG, this is quite different from going to a convention, looking at the board for room shares, and YOU choosing to share a room with a guy to save money.

 

There is so much wrong with OP's scenario.

 

I agree with Expat and others who say, she is going to meet this guy, have fun gaming or whatever they do at these events, to see if there is as much in person chemistry as on line chemistry.

 

This would be a total dealbreaker for me.

 

I would tell her to go, have fun, but would not be around when she retuned.

 

DONE. Next.

 

Some may think that is harsh, but just the fact she would consider this absurd invitation from this guy she obviously has some sort of relationship with ....while she is in a romantic exclusive relationship with someone else (the OP), is absolutely ridiculous!

 

Dealbreaker!

[LoveRefreshed]

Exactly Katie. This dude wants to bang your gf, and she's going to see if she wants it too.

[d0nnivain]

I am actually a gamer as well, so I would enjoy the convention. The reason she says I would be bored is because they wont be spending a lot of time at the convention, they will be going around doing other things and events and trying to network and promote themselves, and a few of them will be trying to promote their sponsors I believe. Like I said, they are relatively popular. If I tagged along with that, I would be bored and she says that when they are out drinking and going to dinners and such they will be mostly talking about their channels and streams and I wouldnt really fit into the conversations..

 

 

More BS. Sponsors care about cash flow and image. The like Stability, not drama. They understand that the talent may often be flakey & unreliable so the folks with the money get happier & more likely to cough of cash if they see a stable "normal" person with a level head such as yourself in the mix. Your GF's decision to freeze you out of this is therefore shortsighted & bad for business. It also further evidences the idea that this is not a business trip but a pleasure trip.

 

 

While I'm not a big believer in ultimatums in this case I think one would be appropriate. If you are not welcome at this adventure, she is no longer welcome in your life.

 

 

If you don't have the self respect to be that forthright about it & would prefer to remain a doormat, at least wear a condom when she comes home & make her get tested for STDs before you have sex with her again.

[Jabron1]

I was in the military for a few years and have been away in barracks filled with other men. There are a lot of creepy and disgusting men out there, even when they dont look it on the outside.

 

We're all 'disgusting and creepy'; that's a given.

 

What I don't like is the lack of accountability for your girlfriends actions. The excuse that she's 'naive' wouldn't rub with me (unless she's 14 years old or something).

[katiegrl]

Exactly Katie. This dude wants to bang your gf, and she's going to see if she wants it too.

 

Of course he does, and so does she. Come on now isn't it obvious? It is to me anyway and to LR and others.

 

Also want to say to OP that becoming pissed off and demanding she get a single room, serves no purpose whatsoever.

 

Her *desire* to go and meet/share a room with this guy, who again she already has some sort of relationship with, through gaming or whatevs, while in a relationship with you, is what is at issue here.

 

Single room will not change that!

 

She could easily just go into his room or vice versa.

 

Please don't be blinded (and frankly foolish) OP.

 

See it for what it is, not what she is *telling* you it is or what you hope it to be.

 

Good luck.

[SwordofFlame]

It sounds like your GF is a pro-gamer and this is a business trip in some regards? Is she going to be there with her team or is it just her and this guy? If it's the team than it doesn't look all that shady. I still wouldn't be comfortable with her sharing a room with this guy.