Can I Win Her Back?

[Tremor]

I've just been out of a happy comitted relationship after my ex broke it off quite suddenly 3 weels ago. I take the blame for how it ended due to issues that I have left over from a past abusive relationship. I've taken steps to improve on myself and am taking therapy to help alleviate my problems (I'm basically just very insecure and require lots of reassurance that I won't get hurt. This in turn is what put pressure on her).

 

I've been compiling a beautifully made and written scrapbook full of tickets, receipts, photos and memories to send to her as a reminder of what we had and if it's really over for good, as something to remember me by.

 

I've also been going around some of the places we've been to, taking photos to include in the book. It's been a great little project to occupy my mind.

 

Many of you will probably be thinking along the lines of that I should just move on but you'll just have to take my word for it that she's worth it! I've had a few relationships but never thought I'd meet anyone who'd make me feel like teenager in love again.

 

Have you ever won someone back with a romantic gesture like this?

Have you ever been won back?

 

Would really love to hear your experiences and stories!

[AlexDream]

Have you ever won someone back with a romantic gesture like this?

Have you ever been won back?

 

Many times but not with romantic approach, indeed.

[PegNosePete]

I've been compiling a beautifully made and written scrapbook full of tickets, receipts, photos and memories to send to her as a reminder of what we had and if it's really over for good, as something to remember me by.

Sorry, but this is a horrible idea. She dumped you because of your issues. The last thing she wants is to be reminded of them (and you).

 

Many of you will probably be thinking along the lines of that I should just move on but you'll just have to take my word for it that she's worth it!

It doesn't matter whether you think she's worth it. She clearly doesn't think you are worth it otherwise she wouldn't have dumped you. So yes, you should move on.

 

Have you ever been won back?

No and I can quite categorically say that if any of my exes ever sent me a book like you describe, it would go straight in the circular file.

[keiji]

Sorry, but this is a horrible idea. She dumped you because of your issues. The last thing she wants is to be reminded of them (and you).

 

 

It doesn't matter whether you think she's worth it. She clearly doesn't think you are worth it otherwise she wouldn't have dumped you. So yes, you should move on.

 

 

No and I can quite categorically say that if any of my exes ever sent me a book like you describe, it would go straight in the circular file.

 

Jesus Christ, that's some negative attitude. He never said she dumped him because of his issues, but that he takes the blame of the breakup for certain issues. You don't know the circumstances of the breakup, the OP didn't give us enough information. Therefore, she "clearly doesn't think he's worth it" is a bit of an overstatement.

 

OP, a friend of mine sent a present like that to a girl who had recently broken up with him and it didn't work. It's the only example I know. Does it mean it won't work for you? Definitely not. Not having any more details about the breakup, I'd say follow your heart. However, be ready for a potential rejection too. That can be very painful.

[Toodaloo]

I've been compiling a beautifully made and written scrapbook full of tickets, receipts, photos and memories to send to her as a reminder of what we had and if it's really over for good, as something to remember me by.

 

I've also been going around some of the places we've been to, taking photos to include in the book. It's been a great little project to occupy my mind.

 

Many of you will probably be thinking along the lines of that I should just move on but you'll just have to take my word for it that she's worth it! I've had a few relationships but never thought I'd meet anyone who'd make me feel like teenager in love again.

 

If you want to do this for yourself as part of a remembering book and put all your memories away in there then fine. Sweet thing to go in your attic.

 

But do not give it to her unless you end up back together and get married.

 

This is an enormously needy thing to do and it was your neediness that has pushed her away.

 

Imagine she dumped you because you eat Marmite and she hates it. This is like smearing Marmite all over her face then grinning and saying so you love me now right?

 

Such a bad idea.

 

Would really love to hear your experiences and stories!

 

I am sure you would but this really is not the time or place for it. This is not going to win her back and it is not going to do you any favours.

 

By the way a "circular file" is a bin...

 

This is a sure fire way to make her think you are crazy.

 

What to do?

 

Get help with your issues and build up your confidence and self esteem. That is the route of the problem so sort it out.

[smudge21]

She left you because of your issues?.. so surely before she would even contemplate coming back she'd want to know you've dealt with those issues, otherwise she's coming back into the exact same environment. Getting a scrap book of memories, while a nice romantic gesture, is not going to change what happened. If you want her back in your life, then you need to first fix the problem that caused her to leave in the first place. Surely the better option is to write her a letter, explaining about your past, but instead of using it as a chance to beg for her back, use it as a way to tell her that you're going to fix the problems. You also have to consider that she did leave you - whatever your problems are, shouldn't she have stood beside you and helped you, rather than running away? Isn't that what love between two people supposed to be about? If the situation was reversed, would you have left her?

[kztar]

OP I think this is not a good idea, HOWEVER I think in order for us to be able to advise you better, we actually need more details on the breakup.

[Tremor]

She left you because of your issues?.. so surely before she would even contemplate coming back she'd want to know you've dealt with those issues, otherwise she's coming back into the exact same environment. Getting a scrap book of memories, while a nice romantic gesture, is not going to change what happened. If you want her back in your life, then you need to first fix the problem that caused her to leave in the first place. Surely the better option is to write her a letter, explaining about your past, but instead of using it as a chance to beg for her back, use it as a way to tell her that you're going to fix the problems. You also have to consider that she did leave you - whatever your problems are, shouldn't she have stood beside you and helped you, rather than running away? Isn't that what love between two people supposed to be about? If the situation was reversed, would you have left her?

 

That's some fantastic advice thank you.

 

She made excuses as if I wasn't the issue but I knew in my heart it was because of me and my insecurities.

 

Breaking up was the last thing I wanted. I just wish I'd tried sorting out my probled sooner than wishing they'd just go away on their own.

[Satu]

There is nothing you can do to make her come back if she doesn't of her own free will want to.

 

 

Not long letters of apology.

Not tears.

Not begging and pleading.

Not buying roses.

Not 'fighting for the relationship.'

Not writing poems.

Etc...

 

Leave her totally alone.

 

 

It is possible that she'll miss you and will want you back.

 

It is also possible that she won't.

 

Do nothing.

 

No contact.

[smudge21]

That's some fantastic advice thank you.

 

She made excuses as if I wasn't the issue but I knew in my heart it was because of me and my insecurities.

 

Breaking up was the last thing I wanted. I just wish I'd tried sorting out my probled sooner than wishing they'd just go away on their own.

 

 

This may be hard to read but keep reminding yourself that she left you. The excuses she gave may be real and it may not be down to you at all (and you may just be using your own problems as a safety blanket for the real reason she left). Sorry but I stand by my last line previously, if the situation was reversed, and she was the one with issues, would you have walked out on her? If she truly loved you, then why did she walk out and why is she dating others 3 weeks later?

[Chi townD]

I agree with everyone else. Leave her alone. The only thing you're going to accomplish is giving her a massive ego boost. "Awww....poor thing can't get over me."

 

Dude, one thing you need to learn is when a woman makes up her mind on something. It damn near takes an act of congress to change their minds. Most women will never admit that they are wrong. They might be mistaken occasionally, but NEVER wrong.

 

Her going back to you would be like she is admitting that she was wrong. And that RARELY happens. So, I wouldn't get your hopes up.

[Simon Phoenix]

The scrapbook idea is terrible. It's a manipulative pressure tactic in her mind. You're much more likely to drive her away further than to reconsider the breakup. The letter is also a bad idea, though it's not nearly as pushy as the scrapbook. She broke up with you because you put too much pressure on her, so responding by putting even more pressure on her is not a good idea.

 

What you need to do is leave her alone and work on what you need to work on while you recover. If she reconsiders, she'll let you know. If she doesn't, then you'll be well on your way towards finding a better situation.

[jen1447]

I'm on team Toodles. She broke it off, suddenly, due to being under pressure from your insecurities and need for reassurance. Ok so that means your vulnerability and tenderheartedness weren't affecting her positively. Making a cool scrapbook about how great is was to be with her and giving it to her will showcase your vulnerability and tenderheartedness, the very things that pressured her to suddenly break it off. So in essence, by doing that you'll most likely drive the last few nails into your own coffin.

 

Short answer - don't smear the marmite.

[LD1990]

My romantic gestures would get me a "thank you," maybe a really nice "you're so sweet" as if I was a puppy cute enough to pet but too annoying to take home, and then some BS about how she was still really torn and just needed time and space. I soon realized "time and space" is code for "this is never gonna happen but wait for me as long as you like."

 

No gesture is going to make someone want to be in a relationship with you. She has to want it already.

[ExpatInItaly]

Don't send her the scrapbook or letter. Despite your best intentions, it won't help. It will probably have exactly the opposite effect, unfortunately, as it will highlight that neediness and pressure that drove her away in the first place.

 

Give her time and space. If she decides to give this another shot, it will be because she's had some breathing room and misses you. 3 weeks is simply not long enough for that to have happened.

 

Can you elaborate more on what your insecurities entailed, precisely? You say you needed a lot of reassurance; can you give us an example? That will help us better understand her frame of mind in ending it, and whether or not the nails are firmly in the relationship coffin.

[mightycpa]

I shook the magic 8 ball to get an answer to your question, and it came up Extremely Doubtful.

[Toodaloo]

I shook the magic 8 ball to get an answer to your question, and it came up Extremely Doubtful.

 

I am not asking your magic 8 ball anything...

[MeganSun]

Oh i totally understand your feelings about it, i did it with my ex and what he said was that it didn't feel good as it should, that after all we went through he didn't feel anything about what i gave him. It hurted me but i did it for myself too because i wanted him to show i would never hate him for what he did to me, no matter his feelings about me i will always remember him cause he was my first bf but moving on is on my book too.

[swang]

I did all the stupid things you probably plan to do to "win" her back, and obviously it didn't work. Otherwise I wouldn't be here on this forum!

 

However, if you feel like you should do it, then do it. At the beginning of my break up, a friend gave me a pretty solid advice. She said "you giving her these romantic gestures doesn't mean she will come back to you. However, if you don't do it, you'll forever live with the regret that you could have at least tried." Therefore, I gave it all I can for a month or two.

[Weathersf1]

I admire your persistence and commitment and I hope you're able to succeed. I know two other guys that did something similar but neither of them succeeded. One of them took it pretty hard but I feel its something you have to go for. Better to fail spectacularly and crash and burn than live with regret for the rest of your life that you could have done more.

[drewbee30]

Do what you think is right, but also be prepared for rejection. I was unwilling to let her just walk away from 10 years together. We spoke twice after the breakup and I asked her both times to give it another shot. She didn't want to. She said she thinks there is something else out there. Last time she reached out to me I said enough is enough and I'm now approaching 30 days of NC. I still miss her like crazy, but the days are getting easier and the void/hole in my chest is gone. I'm at peace knowing I went down with a fight. I'd never walk away from someone without giving them a chance. That's just me though. Do what you think is right. As other have said though, if she wants to be wth you she'll find you, you can't force it on her.

[ALL OR NOTHING]

I've just been out of a happy comitted relationship after my ex broke it off quite suddenly 3 weels ago. I take the blame for how it ended due to issues that I have left over from a past abusive relationship. I've taken steps to improve on myself and am taking therapy to help alleviate my problems (I'm basically just very insecure and require lots of reassurance that I won't get hurt. This in turn is what put pressure on her).

 

I've been compiling a beautifully made and written scrapbook full of tickets, receipts, photos and memories to send to her as a reminder of what we had and if it's really over for good, as something to remember me by.

 

I've also been going around some of the places we've been to, taking photos to include in the book. It's been a great little project to occupy my mind.

 

Many of you will probably be thinking along the lines of that I should just move on but you'll just have to take my word for it that she's worth it! I've had a few relationships but never thought I'd meet anyone who'd make me feel like teenager in love again.

 

Have you ever won someone back with a romantic gesture like this?

Have you ever been won back?

 

Would really love to hear your experiences and stories!

 

Seriously man do not do any of that or you will loose her!

These are the steps you need to take..

 

If you love her and want her back do this..

 

1. Throw your phone away , tie your hands and feet together and do not contact her!!!

 

2. Embrace the situation , cry that sh@t out , once you've done that remove all things that remind you of her and store it away.

 

3. Once you've ran out of tears Youl probably become delusional and believe that if you just said one more thing or baked her a cake shel run back into your arms , trust me she won't! Make your new hobby 'telling yourself never to contact her'

Practice all day everyday.

 

4. Man up quick , the sooner you do the better it will be.

Realize you don't need anyone to make you happy and begin the process of letting go right now as otherwise Youl be f@cked for months.

 

5. Fill the massive gaping hole she's left in you as quickly as possible , on a percentage measurement if she was your whole world and you had nothing else that you did to make you happy your recovery will be brutal. You should only ever give a partner no more than 30\40% max . If you have loads of hobbies and social life stuff that makes you happy then you need to fill all your happiness holes back up straight away with that.

 

6. If you truly love her and want her back let her know you do 'once'and you respect her dessision and then melt your phone with an iron and zip your self up in a suitcase and post your self to Australia , brave the storm and she's likely to contact you , if you do some fancy book with pictures and sh@t Youl blow it completely. Do not do that!

[dumbass2]

"Have you ever won someone back with a romantic gesture like this?

Have you ever been won back?"

 

You really want to win someone back? Work diligently on fixing your issues. Sounds like you are by seeing a therapist.

 

Flowers and romantic gestures such as what you're suggesting might work in some instances, but not yours. You need to respect her wishes and stay away as suggested by the previous poster. DO NOT contact her. DO NOT send her anything. IMO, this is not the type of break up where that will work.

 

Work on yourself and by doing so you will be much more confident and successful in your next relationship and you never know, that could be her, but you have to give it time. When you feel that you have made great progress and are ready to date again and are past the emotional feelings with her, send her a message if you want. That has to be months and months down the road. She will know you couldn't have truly addressed your issues after only a few months.

 

Address your issues and it will be a win win. Either ending up with her (don't hold onto hope for that) or another great woman.

[ALL OR NOTHING]

I've just been out of a happy comitted relationship after my ex broke it off quite suddenly 3 weels ago. I take the blame for how it ended due to issues that I have left over from a past abusive relationship. I've taken steps to improve on myself and am taking therapy to help alleviate my problems (I'm basically just very insecure and require lots of reassurance that I won't get hurt. This in turn is what put pressure on her).

 

I've been compiling a beautifully made and written scrapbook full of tickets, receipts, photos and memories to send to her as a reminder of what we had and if it's really over for good, as something to remember me by.

 

I've also been going around some of the places we've been to, taking photos to include in the book. It's been a great little project to occupy my mind.

 

Many of you will probably be thinking along the lines of that I should just move on but you'll just have to take my word for it that she's worth it! I've had a few relationships but never thought I'd meet anyone who'd make me feel like teenager in love again.

 

Have you ever won someone back with a romantic gesture like this?

Have you ever been won back?

 

Would really love to hear your experiences and stories!

 

Here's some more advice , no matter how special you think you two are I bet every couple thinks the same , mine was pure saturated love the type you see in the movies , best friends , the type of love that makes your friends puke!

A true life fairy tale! I thought the same no one understands "she's my soul mate and I know she loves me"...that maybe true but nothing you do will change her mind and everything you do do will push her away further!

 

When ppl break up the trust and friendship is no more in most cases she has not got your back anymore , you need to find that lion sh@t deep inside you and let her walk away. This is the most hardcore pain Youl ever feel watching your best friend walk away and I truly feel for you man as 4 months ago I did the same.

 

You might think ATM you want her back but soon In a few months Youl realize that the ppl in life who don't give up don't belong with the ppl that do. The fact that your making scrap books and still dreaming beautiful ways to make her smile means there are plenty of women who probably dream of such a guy and you no longer need to waste your time on someone who simply has a bad day and gives up something good to find something better.

 

I felt the same I wanted to steal the stars and make her a wedding ring and now 3 months later I wouldn't take her back if she begged me. I realized I deserve a devoted wife and mother of my children not a person who gives up. No love is better or perfect it's just simply two ppl who never give up and she's already proved to you her true character.

[Jabron1]

I've just been out of a happy comitted relationship after my ex broke it off quite suddenly 3 weels ago. I take the blame for how it ended due to issues that I have left over from a past abusive relationship.

 

At least you're taking some responsibility for yourself. That's more than a lot of people do.

 

I've taken steps to improve on myself and am taking therapy to help alleviate my problems (I'm basically just very insecure and require lots of reassurance that I won't get hurt. This in turn is what put pressure on her).

 

You don't need 'therapy' and other wishy-washy feminine crap. You need game.

 

 

I've been compiling a beautifully made and written scrapbook full of tickets, receipts, photos and memories to send to her as a reminder of what we had and if it's really over for good, as something to remember me by.

 

Nice-guy game, designed to get her back.

 

Ain't gonna work, because that was probably the same game you played throughout the relationship - and it lead you to this point.

 

It's like a dog going around in circles, chasing it's tail.

 

I've also been going around some of the places we've been to, taking photos to include in the book. It's been a great little project to occupy my mind.

 

Sounds like wallowing to me.

 

There are more productive ways to occupy yourself. I would recommend exercise, other women, or focusing more on your career.

 

You should focus on getting to the point where you wouldn't have her back.

 

Miss some of the good times? Sure!

 

Want her back? Hell no!

 

Many of you will probably be thinking along the lines of that I should just move on but you'll just have to take my word for it that she's worth it!

 

There's not a woman alive that is worth more than your self-respect.

 

I've had a few relationships but never thought I'd meet anyone who'd make me feel like teenager in love again.

 

There have been a couple of times in my life where I thought that I wouldn't be able to do better - and I always have. You'll be fine.

 

Have you ever won someone back with a romantic gesture like this?

 

Even at my worst, I've never resorted to this.

 

Have you ever been won back?

 

No. I can't think of a time when I have.

 

Certainly not after any sort of formal dumping.