Mrin Posted April 7, 2016 Posted April 7, 2016 Lol wtf I never posted this haahahah Sometimes a food analogy puts things in perspective. Stop going to Chinatown for French cuisine. Stop going to Tinder for guys who are serious about relationships and/or dating. Best of luck! Mrin
Author cookiemonster26 Posted April 7, 2016 Author Posted April 7, 2016 Sometimes a food analogy puts things in perspective. Stop going to Chinatown for French cuisine. Stop going to Tinder for guys who are serious about relationships and/or dating. Best of luck! Mrin Lol fair enough ! But ant recommendations for places to meet guys more serious about dating ? Match ?
salparadise Posted April 7, 2016 Posted April 7, 2016 Do you really have such a dim view of women?? Tinder has now evolved into a dating app. No, I do not have a dim view of women at all. But I am realistic about how women are socialized to be feel shame and construct a facade obscure their sexual urges in some contexts, particularly casual sex. Tinder is well known as a hookup app. One way to deal with being ashamed to have their face seen on such an app is to feign demure by saying "no hookups." That accomplishes two things a) side steps being publicly exposed as seeking hookups, and b) allows them to defer a final decision until they meet for a drink and see if he makes her wet.
Heloooo Posted April 7, 2016 Posted April 7, 2016 It's Tinder, a hookup app, what is it about this you don't understand? People are on there to get sex not relationships. :roll eyes: No-one is outright going to tell you they expect sex but expect it, they do. Have you been living under a rock by any chance? Not everyone is on it for sex. You come across lots of them but I'm not on it for sex. I had a 2 year relationship from a tinder match. Gone on lots of dates also and they didn't expect sex and called for another date. And one of my best friends is marrying there's. So I think you're misinformed. 1
SwordofFlame Posted April 7, 2016 Posted April 7, 2016 I use Tinder for anything from ONS to serious relationship depending on the particular woman...I'm pretty sure I'm not the only guy that thinks that way.
Emilia Posted April 7, 2016 Posted April 7, 2016 No, I do not have a dim view of women at all. But I am realistic about how women are socialized to be feel shame and construct a facade obscure their sexual urges in some contexts, particularly casual sex. Tinder is well known as a hookup app. One way to deal with being ashamed to have their face seen on such an app is to feign demure by saying "no hookups." That accomplishes two things a) side steps being publicly exposed as seeking hookups, and b) allows them to defer a final decision until they meet for a drink and see if he makes her wet. I agree on b) you don't know if you want sex until you meet. Don't agree on a) though, we had a thread up recently about women supposedly feeling shame over casual sex, that's not the case anymore at all. Most definitely not in the under 30s.
Rejected Rosebud Posted April 7, 2016 Posted April 7, 2016 Since they actually took you on traditional dates, it seems likely that they actually are looking for relationships rather than hookups. You just aren't the one for them. Keep dating! 3
kismetkismet Posted April 7, 2016 Posted April 7, 2016 They didn't lie to you or try to sleep with you and then pull away, they just didn't call after two dates. Two dates is not a commitment to continue a relationship with you, with online dating the first couple of dates are really just an audition to see if you like each other. The difference with when you meet people in real life is that in real life you've already established a connection/attraction before going on the date. But with online dating, the first two dates are barely 'dates' in the traditional sense at all - they're more like meetings. People look different on their online profile, can act differently than they message, and then there's that mysterious chemistry thing that you can ONLY gauge in real life. And in my mind it doesn't count as 'ghosting' after 2-3 dates. Because at that stage they're only just meeting you. In my mind it only counts as ghosting if you've been on several dates because prior to that I don't really feel they have an obligation to 'break up' with you since there's not really much to break up. Honest question - would you rather that they tell you 'I'm not interested' or would you rather just assume that when you get a call? 2
Mrin Posted April 7, 2016 Posted April 7, 2016 Lol fair enough ! But ant recommendations for places to meet guys more serious about dating ? Match ? I had really good luck with Match - I met my soulmate there. I also had good luck with OK Cupid - I met a lot of nice women there as well. I've had several female friends that tried eHarmony and none of them liked it. I'm sure there are some great guys on Tinder that are looking for relationships. But there are also a lot of guys just using Tinder for hookups and casual dating. The good news is that these guys seem to have gone to Tinder leaving more relationship minded folk at Match and to a less extent, OK Cupid.
hugsandkisses Posted April 7, 2016 Posted April 7, 2016 It's only 2 dates, I usually don't even save the guy's number unless I've been going out with him for like 5 or 6 dates and things are looking promising. Otherwise, they're just another no name contact in my contact list, I don't put too much expectation on anything unless the guy shows clear sign of interest (making plans with me in advance, wanting to spend time with me when he can, etc). 2 dates is nothing, especially through online dating. Don't take it personal, plenty of fish in the sea. 1
Lovelorn00 Posted April 7, 2016 Posted April 7, 2016 I agree with some of the others here. I wish people would stop bashing Tinder as a hookup site. It’s much more than that. I know PLENTY of people who have started LTRs from using Tinder. People who didn’t set out for a quick “hang n’ bang” to begin with. Tinder has a reputation for being a hookup app, because I believe it was started by the same folks who developed Grindr, which IS an app that was intended for gay men to use for quick sex. Same type of app, same creators, different purpose. Yes, many people do use Tinder for that purpose, but a lot of people don’t. 3
Jejangles Posted April 7, 2016 Posted April 7, 2016 The behaviour described by the OP is not specific to any website. It's just dating! You go on dates to get to know someone, and after each date, you decide if you want to see them again. I agree with others, I wouldn't call it ghosting after two dates, it's just lack of interest in continuing. I met my boyfriend on Tinder and neither of us was there for a hookup. We both had accounts on OkCupid as well, we just happened to meet on Tinder. Maybe it varies by geography but in my city Tinder is considered more of a dating site than a hookup site. And if guys are looking for hookups, my experience was most of them shared it right in our initial text conversation. I met at least 15 guys from Tinder over a few years and none of them tried to move things into hookup territory. 1
salparadise Posted April 7, 2016 Posted April 7, 2016 I agree on b) you don't know if you want sex until you meet. Don't agree on a) though, we had a thread up recently about women supposedly feeling shame over casual sex, that's not the case anymore at all. Most definitely not in the under 30s. Well, if you had a thread on it... who could possibly disagree with irrefutable conclusions arrived at by the ladies of LS in a thread? Y'all really took me to the woodshed on this one.
Author cookiemonster26 Posted April 7, 2016 Author Posted April 7, 2016 They didn't lie to you or try to sleep with you and then pull away, they just didn't call after two dates. Two dates is not a commitment to continue a relationship with you, with online dating the first couple of dates are really just an audition to see if you like each other. The difference with when you meet people in real life is that in real life you've already established a connection/attraction before going on the date. But with online dating, the first two dates are barely 'dates' in the traditional sense at all - they're more like meetings. People look different on their online profile, can act differently than they message, and then there's that mysterious chemistry thing that you can ONLY gauge in real life. And in my mind it doesn't count as 'ghosting' after 2-3 dates. Because at that stage they're only just meeting you. In my mind it only counts as ghosting if you've been on several dates because prior to that I don't really feel they have an obligation to 'break up' with you since there's not really much to break up. Honest question - would you rather that they tell you 'I'm not interested' or would you rather just assume that when you get a call? I love this thanks for the analogy
kismetkismet Posted April 7, 2016 Posted April 7, 2016 No worries! And ya after a couple of dates it's not even something to take personally, it's just a lack of connection that can only be established in person. Good luck!
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