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First Date Disappointment

HopelessRomantick

By HopelessRomantick
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HopelessRomantick Established Member

HopelessRomantick

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Just wanna thank everyone for their feedback and advice. I think the topic kinda got hung up on the shoes alone rather than the whole "combined" look. Flats would have been fine as are jeans with a nice top. That's all. I'm the youngest of 4 with 3 older sisters so I appreciate the high expectation our society places on women to always look dressed to the 9's and I'm very grateful of my sisters for training me well and molding me into respectful man I am today ;) So I get it.

 

Again thanks for the input.

HR

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SugarLips72 Established Member

SugarLips72

Posted
Posted

She was dressed very casual so what. I would have probably put a little more effort in my clothes but that would not be a deal breaker for me.

 

 

After my divorce I met this guy on Match.com he had just moved out here. We met at the last minute, for lunch. Know what he wore? Cut off shorts, a tank top and flip flops. LOL. He was so cute though and we hit it off. I was a little disappointed by his clothes but still saw him again and we dated a couple months before I realized he is not long term material.

 

 

On one of our dates he pulled up wearing no shirt at all LOL he had been at the lake all day and asked to come in for a shower. Nice guy but overall just a big pot head with lifestyle issues.

 

 

If you like her, see her again.

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HopelessRomantick Established Member

HopelessRomantick

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Just wanna thank everyone for their feedback and advice. I think the topic kinda got hung up on the shoes alone rather than the whole "combined" look. Flats would have been fine as are jeans with a nice top. That's all. I'm the youngest of 4 with 3 older sisters so I appreciate the high expectation our society places on women to always look dressed to the 9's and I'm very grateful of my sisters for training me well and molding me into respectful man I am today ;) So I get it.

 

Again thanks for the input.

HR

 

Ah, I now see the usefulness of the "Preview Post" option ;) As I edited my reply above, I should have changed the word "appreciate" with the phrase " I am sympathetic & regretful of..."

Ami1uwant Established Member

Ami1uwant

Posted
Posted
Just wanna thank everyone for their feedback and advice. I think the topic kinda got hung up on the shoes alone rather than the whole "combined" look. Flats would have been fine as are jeans with a nice top. That's all. I'm the youngest of 4 with 3 older sisters so I appreciate the high expectation our society places on women to always look dressed to the 9's and I'm very grateful of my sisters for training me well and molding me into respectful man I am today ;) So I get it.

 

Again thanks for the input.

HR

 

My two cents"......

 

Don't try and do a fancy dinner on a 1st date. Even though you met already, it's still a first date.

 

You want to go to a place she feels her most comfortable. A first dates lone is filled with nervousness, to through a fancy dinner throws so much other for so to deal with.

 

On your end by going to really nice place fir a first date it will be hard to keep up with that standard. On her end...if the restaurant is expensive. ( out of her normal price range) then comes the echo pays dynamics of is dhe expected to pay her part, if she doesn't pay, then what are you going to want from her ( making out, sex)

fitnessfan365 Established Member

fitnessfan365

Posted
Posted (edited)

I had a similar situation to this years ago and it's actually what turned me off from doing dinner dates so early on.

 

Good first meet/nice kiss closing. Exchanged texts after saying we wanted to see each other again. Called her a few days later and set up a dinner date for the beginning of the following week. She wanted to meet there. So day of we touched base and I let her know I'd get there a few minutes early to check in and meet her outside. After I checked in, I waited outside and a few minutes later she walks up in....a tie-die t-shirt, ripped ratty jean shorts, and beat up sandals. She literally looked like she rolled out of bed to go to the beach. So on the spot, I faked disappointment about how they lost the reservation and said it'd take over an hour to get a table.

 

So we walked to the mall next door, I bought her a $5 slice of Sbarro's, and never called her again. That little amount of effort completely turned me off from ever wanting to see her again. I mean it's not like I was expecting her to be dressed to the nine's or anything. But for a dinner date you'd hope she'd at least put some effort into looking presentable. That's why I can relate to the OP's disappointment. Effort represents how much someone cares about making a good impression and her effort basically said "I could care less and just want a free meal". That's why I basically gave her one. Haha

Edited by fitnessfan365
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No_Go Established Member

No_Go

Posted
Posted

Where did you go for dinner? IMO these are suitable just for very young women (under 25) or chain restaurant... Not judging too much but what's wrong with putting on skirt or dress pants and a blouse, or a dress?

 

 

Gloria25, I love all three looks in the links you posted here. And any one of them would be perfect for a 1st date and at the place I chose for dinner.
No_Go Established Member

No_Go

Posted
Posted

I'm thinking it's similar to going on a job interview - the nice outfit won't get you the job, but the bad one will ruin your chances. It just distracts from the essence.

 

Maybe she's not seeing you as a romantic prospect? I've gone more casual (well never that casual) for guys that I saw more as friends than anything else..

 

Hi, I met a woman online, we did a casual "come as you are" meetup. It went very well, conversation flowed. We went on a 1st date the other night. I made it a point to pick a nice restaurant, one where dressing it up a bit would be totally acceptable. She showed up wearing faded jeans and a not-so-flattering top (sweater I think). Something you'd wear to run errands on a Saturday. This is a big turn-off for me as I was expecting a bit more... jeans (are fine) with a more feminine top and a pair of classy heels, etc.

 

I've had this experience in the past and never told the other person. I'm wondering if I should be honest and upfront and tell her about my disappointment. Even if it doesn't go anywhere between us, perhaps it will help her on future 1st dates?????

 

Advice?

Lady2163 Established Member

Lady2163

Posted
Posted
Where did you go for dinner? IMO these are suitable just for very young women (under 25) or chain restaurant... Not judging too much but what's wrong with putting on skirt or dress pants and a blouse, or a dress?

 

Skirts on dresses require ironing and/or dry cleaning often.

Skirts and dresses require panty hose and slips for most women

Skirts and dresses look better with high heels, which are not comfortable or healthy.

 

Again, if men want their date in a dress, then they better be wearing a tie.

 

Otherwise the dressiest I'm getting is some kind of crop pant outfit - and flats.

fitnessfan365 Established Member

fitnessfan365

Posted
Posted (edited)
Again, if men want their date in a dress, then they better be wearing a tie.

 

Otherwise the dressiest I'm getting is some kind of crop pant outfit - and flats.

 

You could wear a dress because :

 

1) You appreciate being asked out on a real date and not over to his place for a "Netflx and Chill" session. I mean if a guy is treating you to a decent dinner, how hard is it to put a bit of effort in?

 

2) You take pride in your femininity/sex appeal and want to show off your body.

 

3) His reaction/appreciation will turn you on.

 

In general though, this overly independent energy that screams "I'm doing a guy a favor by going out with him" seems to becoming more of the norm these days and it saddens me. The classic/sexy male/female dynamic where she loves to get presentable for her man and he takes pride in having her near him seems to be a thing of the past. I'm just glad that some women still appreciate dressing up and enjoy how a guy likes it.

Edited by fitnessfan365
strawberryshortstack Established Member

strawberryshortstack

Posted
Posted
You could wear a dress because :

 

1) You appreciate being asked out on a real date and not over to his place for a "Netflx and Chill" session. I mean if a guy is treating you to a decent dinner, how hard is it to put a bit of effort in?

 

2) You take pride in your femininity/sex appeal and want to show off your body.

 

3) His reaction/appreciation will turn you on.

 

In general though, this overly independent energy that screams "I'm doing a guy a favor by going out with him" seems to becoming more of the norm these days and it saddens me. The classic/sexy male/female dynamic where she loves to get presentable for her man and he takes pride in having her near him seems to be a thing of the past. I'm just glad that some women still appreciate dressing up and enjoy how a guy likes it.

 

I absolutely believe in taking the time to make myself presentable - I just have different ideas of what "presentable" means, I guess.

 

I've never been a true "girly girl". Yes, I wear makeup on occasion, and I do own dresses. I've even worn them, on dates, or to parties. But when most of my dates are coffee and a walk, or casual dinners, jeans and a nice top (no tie-dye t-shirts for me!) with a clean pair of comfortable shoes do just fine.

 

If my date is taking me to a fancy restaurant, then sure, I'll dress up a bit more and that might even mean a dress. But to be comfortable on a date, I need to be physically comfortable, and I'm usually not if I'm wearing a dress.

hasaquestion Established Member

hasaquestion

Posted
Posted
I'm thinking it's similar to going on a job interview - the nice outfit won't get you the job, but the bad one will ruin your chances. It just distracts from the essence.

 

Maybe she's not seeing you as a romantic prospect? I've gone more casual (well never that casual) for guys that I saw more as friends than anything else.

 

That's the first thing that popped into my head when I was reading the OP - just not into you.

  • Like 1
Lady2163 Established Member

Lady2163

Posted
Posted
You could wear a dress because :

 

1) You appreciate being asked out on a real date and not over to his place for a "Netflx and Chill" session. I mean if a guy is treating you to a decent dinner, how hard is it to put a bit of effort in?

 

2) You take pride in your femininity/sex appeal and want to show off your body.

 

3) His reaction/appreciation will turn you on.

 

In general though, this overly independent energy that screams "I'm doing a guy a favor by going out with him" seems to becoming more of the norm these days and it saddens me. The classic/sexy male/female dynamic where she loves to get presentable for her man and he takes pride in having her near him seems to be a thing of the past. I'm just glad that some women still appreciate dressing up and enjoy how a guy likes it.

 

I'm old, I'm tubby....there's a bit too much to "show off." The best thing I have to show off is cleavage.

 

As I have said before, it looks ridiculous to see a woman perfectly coiffed, makeup, skirts and heels and the guy with stubble, blue jeans shorts, baseball cap and a t-shirt. Every time I see that, I wonder if they have a D/s dynamic. Or he just doesn't give a crap he looks like an idiot.

 

Fitness, I have dated and been in relationships with too many men who feel because they bring a penis to the relationship, it should be all about them. Why look great for them if they aren't going to bother with looking...even good?

RecentChange Established Member

RecentChange

Posted
Posted

Historically - I was never much of a "dress girl" grew up a a bit of a tom boy, and just never embraced dresses and skirts. Sure, for a special occasion etc - but they were never standard fare in my wardrobe.

 

Then I joined the corporate world - and the "skirt suit" got me used to skirts....

 

And now? I LIKE dresses. There are CASUAL dresses, just like there are formal ones, there are super comfortable dresses! And dresses that look good with flats, or boots etc.

 

I find an outfit like this, to be as comfortable and casual as jeans and a T shirt:

 

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-e0lXMJ09FU0/VCoHiOQ2yrI/AAAAAAAAERI/sLcwbwW3viI/s1600/plaiddress4.jpg

 

For me, yes, wearing a dress makes me feel feminine. There is just something about wearing a dress that makes me feel good etc.

 

As for dates - I don't know, I think it comes down to expectations. I like to look good for a date, and I expect him to put in an effort to be presentable as well. If you aren't willing to put in the effort, why should he?

 

 

In general though, this overly independent energy that screams "I'm doing a guy a favor by going out with him" seems to becoming more of the norm these days and it saddens me. The classic/sexy male/female dynamic where she loves to get presentable for her man and he takes pride in having her near him seems to be a thing of the past. I'm just glad that some women still appreciate dressing up and enjoy how a guy likes it.

 

:love: I LOVE it when I doll up, and see the look on his face, and the whisper of "you look amazing". I love seeing him beam with pride to walk into a room with me on his arm. Mmmm something about catching others looking, and then turning my attention to him, making it clear who "has this".

 

Yep, I am with you fitnessfan.

  • Like 1
hasaquestion Established Member

hasaquestion

Posted
Posted
As for dates - I don't know, I think it comes down to expectations. I like to look good for a date, and I expect him to put in an effort to be presentable as well. If you aren't willing to put in the effort, why should he?

 

Agreed with this. I think the key is reciprocity.

 

Since my breakup I've worn the same thing on all the dates I've went on. Favorite sportcoat, monkstraps (light brown kinda hue), dressy denim, buttoned white shirt tucked.

 

The two dates that were really sterile were also the two on which she had no makeup on. I don't think that's a coincidence. I also don't think that's because not wearing makeup in itself is a bad thing - it was just symptomatic of a difference in expectations. She didn't care to be there and I did.

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No_Go Established Member

No_Go

Posted
Posted

As a woman that owns quite some dresses and skirts - I'd disagree with most

 

Skirts on dresses require ironing and/or dry cleaning often. Skirts are the least maintenance clothes IMO. Way less than dress pants for example. I don't remember the last time I ironed one - actually I do! 3 years ago :) It is about picking the right material - e.g. linen will be high maintenance but anything with some stretch in it - minimal maintenance.

 

Skirts and dresses require panty hose and slips for most women I agree if it is cold you need pantyhose. Slips - only if it is transparent or very thin material, but why pick this kind?

 

Skirts and dresses look better with high heels, which are not comfortable or healthy. That's absolutely a personal choice. It is not true high heels pair with dresses, actually depends on the length of the dress. If it is short or maxi it is recommended to avoid high heels to get the best look. Jeans look better with heels IMO. Dress flats work with everything. Low heel (up to 2 inches) is healthier than flats.

 

Otherwise the dressiest I'm getting is some kind of crop pant outfit - and flats. If you like it - why not? But the common knowledge is if you wear crop pants or midi skirt - better don't wear flat shoes (flat boots is ok) because you visually cut your leg length.

 

A nice dress or pants outfit that can pass as business casual for women should be reciprocated by the male analogue - i.e. button down shirt and trousers.

 

Suit+tie for men will correspond to evening gown or at least 3-piece suit for a woman according to most dress code books :D

 

Skirts on dresses require ironing and/or dry cleaning often.

Skirts and dresses require panty hose and slips for most women

Skirts and dresses look better with high heels, which are not comfortable or healthy.

 

Again, if men want their date in a dress, then they better be wearing a tie.

 

Otherwise the dressiest I'm getting is some kind of crop pant outfit - and flats.

Lady2163 Established Member

Lady2163

Posted
Posted

I look at the examples of clothing posted here and smile.

 

Remember, I'm around 50.

 

This is as dressed up as I'm getting for a first or second date (assuming it isn't a 5 star place)

 

https://www.countrystorecatalog.com/itemdy00.aspx?T1=CB6024+1X

 

I wouldn't wear this exact outfit, but the basic style of shirt and pants gives you the idea.

 

With that kind of cut, flats are fine.

 

I have a feeling when I said crop, you were thinking leggings and such.

No_Go Established Member

No_Go

Posted
Posted (edited)

I actually pictured something like what you showed excluding the bright color scheme

 

Actually this one Kate Stretch Cotton Cropped Pants | Ann Taylor I'd wear on a date as it is, with flats (I think narrower pant look better with flats but again, that's just my preference)

 

I look at the examples of clothing posted here and smile.

 

Remember, I'm around 50.

 

This is as dressed up as I'm getting for a first or second date (assuming it isn't a 5 star place)

 

https://www.countrystorecatalog.com/itemdy00.aspx?T1=CB6024+1X

 

I wouldn't wear this exact outfit, but the basic style of shirt and pants gives you the idea.

 

With that kind of cut, flats are fine.

 

I have a feeling when I said crop, you were thinking leggings and such.

Edited by No_Go
fitnessfan365 Established Member

fitnessfan365

Posted
Posted
:love: I LOVE it when I doll up, and see the look on his face, and the whisper of "you look amazing". I love seeing him beam with pride to walk into a room with me on his arm. Mmmm something about catching others looking, and then turning my attention to him, making it clear who "has this".

 

Yep, I am with you fitnessfan.

 

Wow..such an awesome post and you get what I mean completely. It's this type of dynamic that I feel continues to fade more and more in the dating scene. Shame because men/women that do experience it are lucky. :)

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