HopelessRomantick Posted April 7, 2016 Posted April 7, 2016 Hi, I met a woman online, we did a casual "come as you are" meetup. It went very well, conversation flowed. We went on a 1st date the other night. I made it a point to pick a nice restaurant, one where dressing it up a bit would be totally acceptable. She showed up wearing faded jeans and a not-so-flattering top (sweater I think). Something you'd wear to run errands on a Saturday. This is a big turn-off for me as I was expecting a bit more... jeans (are fine) with a more feminine top and a pair of classy heels, etc. I've had this experience in the past and never told the other person. I'm wondering if I should be honest and upfront and tell her about my disappointment. Even if it doesn't go anywhere between us, perhaps it will help her on future 1st dates????? Advice?
mrldii Posted April 7, 2016 Posted April 7, 2016 Nahhh...that's what the first (few) dates are for...to see if she/he's gonna meet our Goldilocks standards. Her Goldilocks isn't going to mind what she wears; your Goldilocks is gonna show up dressed just fiiiiiine. Let others continue to be who/how they are...if they're not your personal cup of tea, let 'em be...they'll be just perfect for someone else. No need to change 'em to what YOU like, if you're already turned off, yanno? Good luck finding your Goldilocks, OP! 9
basil67 Posted April 7, 2016 Posted April 7, 2016 You organised a 'come as you are' meeting and you're upset because she did? If you want jeans, heels and a nice top - don't suggest she dresses casual. 2
LAtoChiGuy Posted April 7, 2016 Posted April 7, 2016 I've had this experience in the past and never told the other person. I'm wondering if I should be honest and upfront and tell her about my disappointment. Even if it doesn't go anywhere between us, perhaps it will help her on future 1st dates????? Didn't even mention a thing about her personality. All looks, not even, all about her clothing. Sorry OP but you sound super shallow. You'll be doing this girl a favor by never talking to her again. I highlighted this quote. "I've had this experience in the past..." so it sounds like you make a routine of being turned off by what other people are wearing. Ever think something about you is a turn off. And no, don't tell her because then she will try to be something she's not. Some of us like cool, casual woman. It's guys like you that make dating easy for the rest of us 5
basil67 Posted April 7, 2016 Posted April 7, 2016 Oh wait - the first date was the second meeting. The first meeting was come as you are and you were OK with how she dressed for that one. Apologies for getting confused. Now I've got it sorted out in my head, I will suggest you have a very low maintenance girl on your hands. Someone who's happy in her own skin. I guess if appearance trumps personality for you, then let her go. 1
Zippy2000 Posted April 7, 2016 Posted April 7, 2016 Did she know it was a first date? I mean did you ask her out? Did you tell her i was a "posh" restaurant and to "get dressed". Your information is limited to give an informatie answer. However its obvious youre not attracted to her as a person but attracted to her the way she dreeses, Consider what you want. It sounds like you like a woman in an evening dress. This is reality. Women are just human beings with bad fashion. Gover her a chance and ask her out again but tell her its a date. If shes into you she will make an effort.
Author HopelessRomantick Posted April 8, 2016 Author Posted April 8, 2016 Nahhh...that's what the first (few) dates are for...to see if she/he's gonna meet our Goldilocks standards. Her Goldilocks isn't going to mind what she wears; your Goldilocks is gonna show up dressed just fiiiiiine. Let others continue to be who/how they are...if they're not your personal cup of tea, let 'em be...they'll be just perfect for someone else. No need to change 'em to what YOU like, if you're already turned off, yanno? Good luck finding your Goldilocks, OP! Thank you MRDLII, I appreciate your advice.
Author HopelessRomantick Posted April 8, 2016 Author Posted April 8, 2016 Oh wait - the first date was the second meeting. The first meeting was come as you are and you were OK with how she dressed for that one. Apologies for getting confused. Now I've got it sorted out in my head, I will suggest you have a very low maintenance girl on your hands. Someone who's happy in her own skin. I guess if appearance trumps personality for you, then let her go. Basil67, No problem. 'm glad you sorted out my post. Thanks for that... It's not that appearance trumps personality. Like I said, we can click & converse with no problem and she's a sweet woman for sure. I really do like her, but I'm not afraid to admit my human (shortcomings perhaps?) that physical appearance is important to me. Someone who takes the time to look their best as I always do. And I certainly don't want to insult her. Thanks for coming back and offering good advice.
Author HopelessRomantick Posted April 8, 2016 Author Posted April 8, 2016 Did she know it was a first date? I mean did you ask her out? Did you tell her i was a "posh" restaurant and to "get dressed". Your information is limited to give an informatie answer. However its obvious youre not attracted to her as a person but attracted to her the way she dreeses, Consider what you want. It sounds like you like a woman in an evening dress. This is reality. Women are just human beings with bad fashion. Gover her a chance and ask her out again but tell her its a date. If shes into you she will make an effort. Hi Zippy2000, thank you for your advice. Yes I did ask her out. For sure I am attracted to her as a person, we click really well. And you're right, I do like a woman who dresses up a bit, not so much an evening dress, but "on a date" nice. I'm going to consider your advice and ask her out for a 2nd date. Thanks again for your advice.
strawberryshortstack Posted April 8, 2016 Posted April 8, 2016 Nahhh...that's what the first (few) dates are for...to see if she/he's gonna meet our Goldilocks standards. Her Goldilocks isn't going to mind what she wears; your Goldilocks is gonna show up dressed just fiiiiiine. Let others continue to be who/how they are...if they're not your personal cup of tea, let 'em be...they'll be just perfect for someone else. No need to change 'em to what YOU like, if you're already turned off, yanno? Good luck finding your Goldilocks, OP! Exactly. I show up to most of my first dates in jeans, a comfy tee, and usually sneakers, or sandals - flat, not heeled, because I can't walk in heels. Not just because I'm clumsy, but because I have low arches and weak ankles from multiple sprains. Some guys may not like this, but those guys are obviously not for me. The guy for me is one who can accept that jeans and a tee is my usual "uniform", but also knows that I can dress up as the situation requires (as long as heels don't have to be involved). 2
Author HopelessRomantick Posted April 8, 2016 Author Posted April 8, 2016 Didn't even mention a thing about her personality. All looks, not even, all about her clothing. Sorry OP but you sound super shallow. You'll be doing this girl a favor by never talking to her again. I highlighted this quote. "I've had this experience in the past..." so it sounds like you make a routine of being turned off by what other people are wearing. Ever think something about you is a turn off. And no, don't tell her because then she will try to be something she's not. Some of us like cool, casual woman. It's guys like you that make dating easy for the rest of us LatoChiGuy. Yes, you are correct "Some of us like cool, casual women". And some of us like a woman who is cool, casual yet doesn't mind dressing it up for a special occasion. There's nothing wrong with that or expecting that. Thank you for taking the time to reply to my post.
Gloria25 Posted April 8, 2016 Posted April 8, 2016 Maybe give her a 2nd date chance, But, beware... I knew a chick who was invited to an Army ball. The guy bought her the dress. She didn't even bother to get her hair done and she desperately needed a pedicure. Yes, she went to the ball in strappy shoes - showing her chippy and untrimmed toes. Geesh, she didn't even bother to take off the chippy paint and just clip her toe nails. She kept her car and condo nasty and unkept. One time I went to visit her and there was no napkins, papertowels, and/or toilet paper. And, I discovered that after sitting on her toilet (I really had to go after the 6 hour drive to her place). Oh, the condo also stunk of fish cuz she was too lazy to take the garbage bag to the dumpster outside of the condo. She was a cute girl...the guys always used to go for her. She got married and had a kid. She got divorced shortly after....gee, I wonder why. I guess she thought her cute face could make up for the sloth, nasty, and lazy she was?
lilmissjava Posted April 8, 2016 Posted April 8, 2016 You made a point of picking a nice restaurant but did you make it a point of telling her it was a nice restaurant? I would have been mortified to get there wearing what she was wearing and seeing everyone else dressed to the nines. And I would never talk to you again.
Author HopelessRomantick Posted April 8, 2016 Author Posted April 8, 2016 You made a point of picking a nice restaurant but did you make it a point of telling her it was a nice restaurant? I would have been mortified to get there wearing what she was wearing and seeing everyone else dressed to the nines. And I would never talk to you again. No I did not tell her. She was familiar with the restaurant. But you make a good point and it would have been a nice courtesy for me to have informed her in advance as to the kind of place it was, I'll do this from now on. Thank you!
Gloria25 Posted April 8, 2016 Posted April 8, 2016 Exactly. I show up to most of my first dates in jeans, a comfy tee, and usually sneakers, or sandals - flat, not heeled, because I can't walk in heels. Not just because I'm clumsy, but because I have low arches and weak ankles from multiple sprains. Some guys may not like this, but those guys are obviously not for me. The guy for me is one who can accept that jeans and a tee is my usual "uniform", but also knows that I can dress up as the situation requires (as long as heels don't have to be involved). I'm the opposite... You can pull off the jeans if you put on cute shoes and a sexy top. That combo can go to a casual or even sorta upscale place. Mind you, I have arch issues too, but I'll still break out the heels and/or sexy shoes for a date and/or to spend time with my man. Now yes, I have some heels that are thicker and don't hurt as much than thinner/higher heels; and, I'll wear those any day over showing up to a first date in a T-shirt and sneakers. I won't even wear Sketchers on a first date. I enjoy looking and feeling feminine and sexy. Maybe it's a difference in culture/race?
mrldii Posted April 8, 2016 Posted April 8, 2016 ...I enjoy looking and feeling feminine and sexy. Maybe it's a difference in culture/race? Pretty sure shystrawberry indicated the reason she doesn't wear heels is due to multiple ankle sprains. Multiple ankle sprains can happen to anybody, regardless of their culture or race. I'm sure shystrawberry enjoys - and pulls off - "feeling sexy", too, in her footwear when on her dates. 3
lilmissjava Posted April 8, 2016 Posted April 8, 2016 I'm the opposite... You can pull off the jeans if you put on cute shoes and a sexy top. That combo can go to a casual or even sorta upscale place. Mind you, I have arch issues too, but I'll still break out the heels and/or sexy shoes for a date and/or to spend time with my man. Now yes, I have some heels that are thicker and don't hurt as much than thinner/higher heels; and, I'll wear those any day over showing up to a first date in a T-shirt and sneakers. I won't even wear Sketchers on a first date. I enjoy looking and feeling feminine and sexy. Maybe it's a difference in culture/race? I don't think it's a cultural issue to not be in tune with what society sees as expressing femininity. I am 5'10" and I have worn heels maybe twice in my entire life. It is just not comfortable for me. I also don't wear dresses or skirts and maybe that is because I prefer jeans or business/casual/sports wear because I do play sports. It just depends what your prefer, your personality, the time of day, week, month - just too many variables to choose from, and none have to do woth culture or race. 1
Lady2163 Posted April 8, 2016 Posted April 8, 2016 What's funny is this is usually my problem in reverse. It took me more than two hours to get ready for my first date with my exH. Cute pants outfit, so casual, but ironing was involved. Shower, hair, makeup. He showed up in faded jeans that had holes in them. He had patched the holes with olive drab material. Grungy shirt, hadn't shaved in 24 hours. Wrinkled clothes. Anytime I'm out for supper on a weekend night and I look around, the women are usually overdressed and hair and makeup are just right. The men are wearing the same clothes they watched the game in or did yardwork in. It is always such a contrast to see the woman in a skirt and heels and the men in shorts and t shirt. Which leads me to a question....what were you wearing, OP? I do think it is unfair to expect a woman to dress any nicer than you do. If you want the skirt and heels, you better be in a suit and tie. Otherwise, you look like an idiot. I've run into a few men on OLD who set up first meetings and ask me what I'm wearing, I've told them the same thing (usually I know it isn't going to work once they ask me to wear something sexy). I'm not going to do a first meeting where I'm rocking the club gear and they are all comfy in jeans or shorts. 2
strawberryshortstack Posted April 8, 2016 Posted April 8, 2016 I'm the opposite... You can pull off the jeans if you put on cute shoes and a sexy top. That combo can go to a casual or even sorta upscale place. Mind you, I have arch issues too, but I'll still break out the heels and/or sexy shoes for a date and/or to spend time with my man. Now yes, I have some heels that are thicker and don't hurt as much than thinner/higher heels; and, I'll wear those any day over showing up to a first date in a T-shirt and sneakers. I won't even wear Sketchers on a first date. I enjoy looking and feeling feminine and sexy. Maybe it's a difference in culture/race? Perhaps. Or perhaps it's just that I feel like I can still look cute in a pair of sneakers. Most guys aren't exactly focused on my feet anyway, since i have other...attributes. Also, I don't feel cute/sexy if I'm not comfortable. So if I wear heels, I feel stupid and awkward - so very unsexy.
Gloria25 Posted April 8, 2016 Posted April 8, 2016 Perhaps. Or perhaps it's just that I feel like I can still look cute in a pair of sneakers. Most guys aren't exactly focused on my feet anyway, since i have other...attributes. Also, I don't feel cute/sexy if I'm not comfortable. So if I wear heels, I feel stupid and awkward - so very unsexy. Some flats/thick heels styles in jeans that I would probably wear to a date - ten times over sneakers and/or a Teee: http://www.glamour.com/images/fashion/2015/04/january-jones-flares-jeans-w352.jpg https://thefashiontag.files.wordpress.com/2014/03/street-style-cuffed-jeans-10.jpg https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/8f/70/a9/8f70a9c9b63ec9748f1c51813db4d7e4.jpg 1
strawberryshortstack Posted April 8, 2016 Posted April 8, 2016 Some flats/thick heels styles in jeans that I would probably wear to a date - ten times over sneakers and/or a Teee: http://www.glamour.com/images/fashion/2015/04/january-jones-flares-jeans-w352.jpg https://thefashiontag.files.wordpress.com/2014/03/street-style-cuffed-jeans-10.jpg https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/8f/70/a9/8f70a9c9b63ec9748f1c51813db4d7e4.jpg And that's great for you, but I can wear none of those. I also tend to do a fair bit of walking on my dates, so that's why I typically choose sneakers. And for the record, my current boyfriend, who dresses very fashionably himself, has never had a problem with my jeans, tees, and sneakers.
Gloria25 Posted April 8, 2016 Posted April 8, 2016 What's funny is this is usually my problem in reverse. It took me more than two hours to get ready for my first date with my exH. Cute pants outfit, so casual, but ironing was involved. Shower, hair, makeup. He showed up in faded jeans that had holes in them. He had patched the holes with olive drab material. Grungy shirt, hadn't shaved in 24 hours. Wrinkled clothes. Anytime I'm out for supper on a weekend night and I look around, the women are usually overdressed and hair and makeup are just right. The men are wearing the same clothes they watched the game in or did yardwork in. It is always such a contrast to see the woman in a skirt and heels and the men in shorts and t shirt. Which leads me to a question....what were you wearing, OP? I do think it is unfair to expect a woman to dress any nicer than you do. If you want the skirt and heels, you better be in a suit and tie. Otherwise, you look like an idiot. I've run into a few men on OLD who set up first meetings and ask me what I'm wearing, I've told them the same thing (usually I know it isn't going to work once they ask me to wear something sexy). I'm not going to do a first meeting where I'm rocking the club gear and they are all comfy in jeans or shorts. Yea, but my FWB, on our first date/meet he showed up in jeans, but like a white blouse (like Aidan wore on Sex and the city), with some brown dressy kind a shoes...it was simple yet fashionable. Now, can anyone see how I got hooked on him from day one? http://i.lv3.hbo.com/assets/images/series/sex-and-the-city/character/aidan-shaw-1024.jpg Eh, but the last date I went on? The guy just came from work and OMG, he didn't even seem to know and/or care to adopt at least a "business casual" style of dress to work http://www.dhresource.com/albu_1114454654_00/1.260x260.jpg
mrldii Posted April 8, 2016 Posted April 8, 2016 And that's great for you, but I can wear none of those. I also tend to do a fair bit of walking on my dates, so that's why I typically choose sneakers. And for the record, my current boyfriend, who dresses very fashionably himself, has never had a problem with my jeans, tees, and sneakers. Awwww...you found your Goldilocks!!! I'm happy for you. And, for him!!! 2
Author HopelessRomantick Posted April 14, 2016 Author Posted April 14, 2016 What's funny is this is usually my problem in reverse. It took me more than two hours to get ready for my first date with my exH. Cute pants outfit, so casual, but ironing was involved. Shower, hair, makeup. He showed up in faded jeans that had holes in them. He had patched the holes with olive drab material. Grungy shirt, hadn't shaved in 24 hours. Wrinkled clothes. Anytime I'm out for supper on a weekend night and I look around, the women are usually overdressed and hair and makeup are just right. The men are wearing the same clothes they watched the game in or did yardwork in. It is always such a contrast to see the woman in a skirt and heels and the men in shorts and t shirt. Which leads me to a question....what were you wearing, OP? I do think it is unfair to expect a woman to dress any nicer than you do. If you want the skirt and heels, you better be in a suit and tie. Otherwise, you look like an idiot. I've run into a few men on OLD who set up first meetings and ask me what I'm wearing, I've told them the same thing (usually I know it isn't going to work once they ask me to wear something sexy). I'm not going to do a first meeting where I'm rocking the club gear and they are all comfy in jeans or shorts. Hi Lady2163, I was not wearing a tie - but I think my look was polished. I was wearing dress slacks with a fitted button down shirt, belt, black dress shoes and a sports jacket.
Author HopelessRomantick Posted April 14, 2016 Author Posted April 14, 2016 Some flats/thick heels styles in jeans that I would probably wear to a date - ten times over sneakers and/or a Teee: http://www.glamour.com/images/fashion/2015/04/january-jones-flares-jeans-w352.jpg https://thefashiontag.files.wordpress.com/2014/03/street-style-cuffed-jeans-10.jpg https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/8f/70/a9/8f70a9c9b63ec9748f1c51813db4d7e4.jpg Gloria25, I love all three looks in the links you posted here. And any one of them would be perfect for a 1st date and at the place I chose for dinner.
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