Guys --> Stick Girls into Different Categories --> Possible Girlfriend or Just Ass

[rossi_girl]

my question is: why do guys stick girls into different categories, as far as possible girlfriend or just ass?? it seems incredibly simplistic, but i just gotta know if every guy does this with girls???

 

see i've got this guy friend and he and i dated for about a month and a half, after knowing each other for a year. he broke up with me, because of the distance or so he says. however, we have remained phone friends or to be more accurate phone shag friends. anyway, he tells me all the stuff that is going on in his life and i do the same. and then we shag via ma bell and get some zzz's. well, this was our pattern until i got a bf about two months ago. all phone shagging has since stopped.

 

but he called the other night and was talking about this friend of his that he is in love with. it seems he is always in love with someone who is unavailable to him in some way. this girl is recovering from cancer and another girl had a boyfriend for a number of years. even though he has been friends with these girls for years, they do not want to date him and have made that clear, yet still he pursues them.

 

so the other night while talking about his new car, he asks if we can phone shag for old times sake and tell him no. i rather go see my bf. i mean no offense, but the real thing is so much better, right? i told him to call, his girl...the one recovering from cancer and do it with her. he just laughed in an embrassed sort of way.

 

now this is the part i do not get: he is friends with this girl who is recovering from cancer and won't ask her to shag with him over the phone, but the girl that plays with him, he won't date because of distance.

 

i feel like he is sticking me in the "bad girl, i.e. undatable girl category because i am sexual" and leaving her in the "good girl, i.e. datable category because they have not been intimate".

 

why do guys do this???

 

oh and don't get me started on guys that are emotionally unavailable and will never allow themselves to be!!!

 

but serioulsy, do all guys pull this?????????????

[crazy_grl]

Your friend just wants what he can't have. And what he can't have, he puts up on a pedastal.

 

If he were to mess around with the girls he's "in love with", he'd have to take them down off their pedastal. Before you started dating, you were probably on a pedastal too. Then after he got with you, the fantasy was over, and he has to face the real you. That's why he dumped you after a month. He doesn't want a real girl. He wants a fantasy.

[Artscrafter]

I actually tend to file girls I meet according to datability and screw-potential under different categories for the most part. A woman I see for the first time is, at least subconsciously, either someone I'd really want to sleep with if given the opportunity, someone I would vaguely like to sleep with, and someone I'd just rather not. It takes me a while to get to know them before I get the second category, datability - again, someone I'd really want to date, someone I wouldn't mind dating, and someone I don't want to date.

 

I'm sure most guys use a similar system. We'll pick which ones we want to get to know better with dating in mind out of our "really want to sleep with" and "would kind of like to sleep with" groups and pick the "want to date"s out of that. You're confusing our systems. The concept of the "undatable sexual girl" as you describe it isn't part of the attraction category at all. It's more of a personality trait - to the guy's perception, a woman who is very openly sexual gets subconsciously labelled "easy," whether or not this is a fair assessment (and whether or not he ever actually thinks of calling her that.) And a girl who is "easy" is not one guys would want to date because what's to keep her from sleeping around?

 

It's not all that fair a system, I know, but a lot of it's subconscious so it's hard to do anything about it.

[Cecelius]

Originally posted by Artscrafter

And a girl who is "easy" is not one guys would want to date because what's to keep her from sleeping around?

 

It's not all that fair a system, I know, but a lot of it's subconscious so it's hard to do anything about it.

 

People will always want something that is comparatively rare MORE than they want something that is comparatively common. Girls don't go crazy over dudes who promise hearts and flowers and start pledging their undying love after the first date. Men don't go crazy over girls who put out too fast -- in both cases, what is there to go crazy over? The more things happen inappropriately quickly or without any other apparent attraction, the less uncommon they are. No one wants to find romance in a less uncommon situation.

 

The dynamic of your relationship with him is that he knows you'll "shag" (no matter how tame the phone is) without any other mental involvement, and he was probably not that into you in a romantic manner originally. So, he's probably not inclined to see you as dating material.

 

That said, he may never have been attracted to you that way to begin with and all you ever would have been was friends. The other thing is just something that you happen to be willing to do.

[Lights]

Why do guys stick girls into categories?

 

Same reason every human almost always sticks other humans into categories in any situation.

 

"First impression" is just a euphemism for "stereotype".

[Curt]

Why is it that a number of women tend to define what a certain guy is all about, assumedly based only on what one friend or the other thinks about him?

 

Why will they not use independent thought, instead of a type of "groupthink" mentality to get a read on a guy, whether it be good or bad, even before they get to know him as a person individually?

 

It seems very "pack mentality" and simplistic at first blush ... Just because a friend of yours likes the way you and a certain guy might get on, has really little to do with what you really WOULD get on like. Character traits that they like and dislike, will not necessarily obviate whether or not you would like or dislike them.

 

Where is the independent thinking woman these days?

[d'Arthez]

Originally posted by Curt

Where is the independent thinking woman these days?

 

Curt, in response to your question, we can also wonder what happened with independent thought itself. But indeed a very thought-inspiring response.

 

Does it really make a difference to you in what category, by twisted logic or not, he has put you? It should not.