ThisisIt606 Posted April 7, 2016 Posted April 7, 2016 My BF and I broke up about a month ago. I didn't feel a terrible loss at all, in fact I told him "it's no great loss" as we were breaking up. I definitely feel comfortable with myself, and my life (recently accepted a new job after a lay off) to start dating again. I met this guy off a paid dating site. We exchanged about three indepth messages before he asked me out and met for drinks. Convo flowed nicely and we had quite a bit in common. This was the first date I had in awhile where I thought to myself in the moment "wow, I really like him, we're definitely connecting". He thought so as well as he asked me out towards the end of our date 1 for date 2. He asked me my weekend availability and we agreed on a day. Told me to text when I got home safe and I did. We both said we had a great time and looking forward to seeing eachother on the weekend. 1 day passed and I texted asking how his day was. He responded and brought up our weekend date suggesting to go to the aquarium and then dinner. I said that sounded great. Through my work I was able to get discount aquarium tickets for us and told him when we got there, which he was very thankful for. We walked around the aquarium and talked.. good time. He made a dinner reservation for us across town (impressed that he made a reservation bc it shows some planning). He made a joke about us having "fishy hands" and offered me his to hold his hand as we walked around the city before dinner. He took me to his old neighborhood, showed me his old apt, park he hung out in, all his old local spots. We then got a uber to dinner and walked around some more holding hands and talking. The restaurant was nice and we both had dinner and 2 drinks. When we finished we went outside and he asked "what should we do now? I guess there really is nothing to do..." (true bc it was about 10pm and we spent later half of the day together). We kissed/made out on the street for the first time(he initiated) I enjoyed it and he said he had a nice time, I told him I did too. He said we should do this again and I told him I was busy early in the week but I could do Thursday. He agreed that worked and again told me to text when I got home safe. I texted and told him thanks for a fun day and I was looking forward to seeing him Thursday. He told me he had a great time too and was looking forward to thursday. He then said something that was confusing (seemed like a typo).I was a little tipsy and accidently took a screen shot of that convo meaning to send it to my friend, but i sent it TO HIM. I owned it and said something like "oops that's embarassing. I was just telling my friend about my date and she wanted proof I was home" He played if off " haha no worries, i was texting my friend too about tonight ( i said it was awesome btw " then he went on to say he was falling asleep watching a movie that we talked about earlier in the day. He texted me first the next day to make some small talk and then to solidify plans for Thursday. He said to meet by my T stop for a drink and gave a specific time. ^ So this is where I MAY be reading too much into it (based on warding off creepy guys in the past). Suggesting a drink close to my place for the 3rd date suggests to me he may be wanting/hoping for sex after? As in me inviting him over? Based on his profile and the guided messaging/questions I sent him before.. he states he is looking for a serious relationship. Hanging out with him, how we talked, and the thought he put into date 2 leads me to believe he is looking for a relationship and not a hookup. However his date 3 suggestion of drinks near my place throws me off... He doesn't over text between dates, just checks in here and there to see how i'm doing or to ask about how my dance class went, etc. I don't WANT to sleep with him just yet as I do like him so far. Thoughts on if i'm reading too much into it? and what is something good to say if he wants to come over after... I was thinking of " i've really enjoyed spending time with you, but I just don't move that fast".. I basically want to get that point across and also let him know I'm still interested in going out and see where things lead.
mrldii Posted April 7, 2016 Posted April 7, 2016 He may be "hoping" for it; he may not be. He may have just been being considerate when picking a place closer to your home, so if you did have too much to drink (and drive) it would be easier/cheaper for you to get home. Maybe, he's been wanting to check that place out, and thought your next date would be the perfect time. Who knows? Who cares? He can "hope for" sex all he wants and whenever he wants...it takes you agreeing to it, to actually make it happen. If you're not ready for it yet, then don't agree to it IF it comes up. Good luck to you, OP...he sounds like a nice guy who's enjoying spending time with you. Nothing wrong with that...that's how all Grand Loves start. ETA: What to say? Something like you just wrote, or even lighter and more casual, emphasizing that you DO enjoy him and DO look forward to that day when you DO want him to come up. 1
Standard-Fare Posted April 7, 2016 Posted April 7, 2016 A) Yes, you're reading too much into this. His intentions with setting up a date close to your place could be as innocent as wanting to make sure it's convenient for you. (It sounds like Date #2 was oriented toward HIS favorite spots, so he could be trying to get out of that pattern.) B) Let's say he is, at the back of his mind thinking about the possibility of sex. Would that really be the worst thing in the world? It wouldn't make him a pervert or a creep. For a lot of adults, sex on a third date would seem totally reasonable, after two solid dates before that and a clearly established attraction. C) However... if you don't want sex on the third date, by no means do you have to have it! All you have to do is politely end the date when you're ready for it to end. Don't even let the suggestion arise that the two of you will end up back at your place. And THAT'S the point where you can actually see if he's angling too hard for sex (by your standards). If he gives you any sort of hard time about not coming home with you, it will show you that that was his goal. But right now, you're inventing a problem out of nothing. 2
Author ThisisIt606 Posted April 7, 2016 Author Posted April 7, 2016 OK, I can see that. Guess what tipped me over the edge was that I was supposed to have date 2 tonight with another guy, lets call him M. After date 1 M. suggested dinner at a place near me so I named a restaurant we agreed on. M. seemed a little odd to me with this texting habits, after 1 date was already planning stuff he wanted to do together over the summer and for me to "hold him to it". He texted me at 7:45am on a Saturday saying he couldn't sleep in and asked for breakfast recommendations... Anyways, M. texted me tonight (before our date) "Hey, I want to be upfront, honest, and not a total jerk. I just got out of something long term and was hoping to find someone fun to take out, get to know with the potential for casual sex. Is that a total deal breaker?" I told him thanks for being honest and I appreciate that. But that's not something I'm looking for. Best of luck to you!" So with this happening tonight and my drinks/near me date tomorrow night.. I'm just a bit leery. M. seemed a bit off/red flags to me from the beginning with this early texting habits (saying he would get us tickets to sports games before even meeting me). Where as the guy I'm seeing tomorrow for our 3rd date has just been upbeat, friendly, in the moment, or planning the next date over text. So seems like same idea (date location near me) but possibly different intentions.
Ami1uwant Posted April 7, 2016 Posted April 7, 2016 You are overanalyzing this. What did he do on date 2???? He showed you around places where he had lived snd knows really well. It's natural to think that maybe you would want yo do that with him. Is he thinking about maybe having sex eith you---sure--/but it isn't a deal breaker if it doesn't happen. The ball is in your court on this. If you don't want to, don't go to your place. You bring him to your place, the implication is sex is a real possibility. 2
Standard-Fare Posted April 7, 2016 Posted April 7, 2016 I'll add that if it were me in your shoes I'd kinda WANT to see some effort toward sex on his part by Date 3, whether or not we went through with it. I'd just want to see that interest there and that chemistry there. So... you don't have to view that as a bad thing. However, hearing the context about the other creepy guy does help this make sense. 1
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