My boyfriend gets happy when he finds my imperfections? Is this bad?

[Purple456]

We were watching an action movie and of course I was getting into it saying that If it was me I would of if shot the bad guy right between the eyes. He looks at me and said "your psycotic babe" smiled and kissed me.

 

Then we were cuddling and he was looking at my face intensly and he said, " I see pimples on your face, now I know your really imperfect." (I usually have really clear skin unless I eat a lot of chocolate and fried foods which a I did that week) this is not the first time he's done this, on occasion he will look for my imperfections and be happy he's found them and he will kiss me. I told him I am far from perfect and when I do he will kiss me. And sometimes he will say "babe, ur out of control and I love it." (Im not out of control but i will sometimes pounce him or something for fun) Like I don't know whats happening and if maybe this is a bad sign or a red flag. I need some outside perspectives of what could be going on.

[strawberryshortstack]

I don't think it's a bad thing. I think it's his way of saying he knows you're not perfect, but loves you anyway. That's a good thing!

[neowulf]

We were watching an action movie and of course I was getting into it saying that If it was me I would of if shot the bad guy right between the eyes. He looks at me and said "your psycotic babe" smiled and kissed me.

 

Then we were cuddling and he was looking at my face intensly and he said, " I see pimples on your face, now I know your really imperfect." (I usually have really clear skin unless I eat a lot of chocolate and fried foods which a I did that week) this is not the first time he's done this, on occasion he will look for my imperfections and be happy he's found them and he will kiss me. I told him I am far from perfect and when I do he will kiss me. And sometimes he will say "babe, ur out of control and I love it." (Im not out of control but i will sometimes pounce him or something for fun) Like I don't know whats happening and if maybe this is a bad sign or a red flag. I need some outside perspectives of what could be going on.

 

All relationships are ongoing negotiations between two people. It doesn't really matter what a bunch of randoms on the internet think is "normal"

 

What *is* important is that this behaviour is making you feel a bit uncertain and uncomfortable.

 

Maybe gently point that out to your boyfriend and get a bit of clarification.

 

Being able to openly communicate is hugely important in all relationships. Gets easier with practice

[Omei]

Sorry but that's really diskish to me in the kindest way possible.

[mrldii]

Could be as sweet and simple as John Legend crooning "...I love all your perfect imperfections..." or as sinister as "negging" to keep you in your place.

 

Ask him why he does it...and then listen to his answer.

 

 

That'll tell you which it is.

 

 

Good luck to you, OP...

[thecrucible]

Personally I wouldn't like to hear that kind of thing especially the "psychotic" part because it sounds like he's using the "all women are crazy" kind of cliché. Anyway I'm not sure what to make of his behaviour - it's kind of odd.

[Mrin]

I dunno OP. I think it sounds like he's saying he loves you for who you are. Imperfections and all. I'd ask him about it and truly speak your mind if it bothers you. I think you find he will be aghast at the thought of what he was saying hurting you like that.

[preraph]

People with low self-esteem are the main ones who look for flaws in others and get happy about it because it makes them feel momentarily superior. Then it doesn't last long, that feeling, so they keep doing it. I would just say if he keeps it up and actually says something hurtful or he gets worse, it's not good. But if you tell him not to insult you and he respects your wishes and stops, that's worth a shot.

[spriggan2]

I feel like this is one of those interactions that needs full context, like tone of voice, expression, build up, how it ties in to other things said by both of you, his relationship history. Or maybe I'm just overthinking. All I can say is that it seems a little forced and inauthentic based on how you're describing it and the fact that it's bothering you. That doesn't mean it's coming from a bad place though, could easily be well intended.