Jadedbyluv Posted April 6, 2016 Posted April 6, 2016 I have been dating a guy on and off for about a year now. And yes, I was told I should have walked away awhile back but I didn't. I know, I know. It was quite the rollercoaster with him pushing and pulling. Every time he seemed to get closer, he would run and get distant. About three weeks ago, I told him I thought I needed a break bc I was afraid of getting hurt. He said he didn't want that and looked forward to talking to me every day and spending time with me. So I said ok. Things were really good for the next two weeks but then he canceled plans with me one night. After that he became distant and told me he needed space. Then silence. I respect his need for space and I will give him permanent space at this point. But it just sucks. I am struggling with the heartache. I tried to talk away a few weeks ago when I felt I was in a good space to but he persuaded me to stay. Then he all of sudden changes his tone and now needs space. He could have saved me some of the heartache. Mostly I feel like I've lost my best friend. Yes, I know you don't treat a friend like that but i miss going to him for advice or telling him funny things thorough out the day. I am struggling with no contact and making it through the day. Work is so difficult to remain focused and on task. I can't eat. I can't sleep.
AlexDream Posted April 7, 2016 Posted April 7, 2016 I have been dating a guy on and off for about a year now. And yes, I was told I should have walked away awhile back but I didn't. I know, I know. It was quite the rollercoaster with him pushing and pulling. Every time he seemed to get closer, he would run and get distant. About three weeks ago, I told him I thought I needed a break bc I was afraid of getting hurt. He said he didn't want that and looked forward to talking to me every day and spending time with me. So I said ok. Things were really good for the next two weeks but then he canceled plans with me one night. After that he became distant and told me he needed space. Then silence. I respect his need for space and I will give him permanent space at this point. But it just sucks. I am struggling with the heartache. I tried to talk away a few weeks ago when I felt I was in a good space to but he persuaded me to stay. Then he all of sudden changes his tone and now needs space. He could have saved me some of the heartache. Mostly I feel like I've lost my best friend. Yes, I know you don't treat a friend like that but i miss going to him for advice or telling him funny things thorough out the day. I am struggling with no contact and making it through the day. Work is so difficult to remain focused and on task. I can't eat. I can't sleep. It seems you 'crushed' him by the interest to him. He became unique for you but you lost your value at all. Try this approach: no contacts, be positive with his environment and avoid mentioning him and your relationships when you're with others. Let him see that you've changed and not interested in him any longer. Then, I am sure in that, he'll try to reconnect with you. To cope with your heartache (I guess I know what you mean by that) I advise you to date with other guys. Not for sex or something else but it'll help you to switch your mind. Though, up to you
smudge21 Posted April 7, 2016 Posted April 7, 2016 When we lose someone, whether they leave us or we leave them, we are often so emotionally screwed up that all we think about is the good them, the positive them, the them we stuck on top of that pedestal. It's often hard to see the negatives as we just want them back in our lives and because of that, they must be perfect otherwise why would we feel this way. Love makes us blind, but a broken heart does the same. Right now you are seeing him in such a way that prevents you from taking in all the negatives even though you can fully remember them. From what you said, he doesn't sound like he was perfect in any way, yet you're there saying you lost your best friend. Sadly what's more likely here is that you're missing the person you thought he was, the person you built him up to be, the person you imagined he could be, the person you wanted him to be... rather than the person he truly is. You need to take some time away from all this, proper no contact, and only when you've cleared your head will you be able to look at this with clearer thoughts. There's sadly no quick fix here, only time. 1
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