Groovy Posted June 17, 2005 Posted June 17, 2005 I had a wonderful massage by this therapist who I get an employee discount with. (Based on the fact there are 3,000 people in the company people make contracts with us). I'd seen him in the past, I feel awake, relaxed, etc. My boyfriend was bothered the therapist was a guy but didn't get too rattled. Then I came home late and he asked how much clothing I dropped to get the massage. (I lied and said I had a gown on like they have in dr's offices). He asked me if he was gay, so I laughed and said yes. Then he asked me if I tipped him for finding my G spot and taking me on the table, I told him that was actually what made me late coming home and I didn't like the joking anymore. He told me he doesn't want me seeing him anymore and I don't see how that's any different than a male doctor checking my body out for an exam....he's seen many bodies and I am sure it's not that exciting. When I mentioned that my boyfriend said I should see female doctors too. He didn't demand it but made it obvious it upset him. I feel I should see who ever is good. I don't want to lie to him and tell him I changed to a female massage therapist. I feel he is acting unreasonable. But maybe he is just being a typical guy in love with his girlfriend not liking the idea of me touched while I am scantily clad. Rather than get angry I am not sure how I feel. I want to be fair to myself and him. Any thoughts?
Artscrafter Posted June 17, 2005 Posted June 17, 2005 Although I think he's overreacting, I can see where he's coming from. Unlike a doctor, a massage therapist's job is basically to touch you in a way that makes you feel good, and massage is often used by couples on each other in particular. The clinical aspect of it may be lost on him if these massages involve you taking off your top (did I read that correctly?) but I agree with you that you shouldn't have to change people. ( Edit: ) A lot of guys have the wrong idea about massages, in part because (as above) it's something couples often do with each other and can be a prelude to sex, as well as how the concept of the "professional" massage with the "happy ending" has been popularized by Hollywood so much. It might be easier to get him to understand by showing him rather than telling him. If this massage business isn't being conducted right where you work, try scheduling him for one - and bonus points if you can get a female masseuse to work on him. If he discovers firsthand that nothing "in particular" happens during these massages, he might be a bit more relaxed about the idea - and if he isn't relaxed, at least his muscles will be. If he still complains about it after that, then he's just being unreasonable.
Cecelius Posted June 17, 2005 Posted June 17, 2005 Originally posted by Groovy But maybe he is just being a typical guy in love with his girlfriend not liking the idea of me touched while I am scantily clad. Who does like that idea? In any event, a massage is not nearly as clinical as a Dr. visit. Above poster points out that it's something couples do, it is commonly known that there can be erotic aspects to a massage, whether you're into the person doing it or not. If your b/f started getting massages from not-unattractive women, would you think the same way? You think a woman can't give as good a massage. Your b/f thinks you are working too hard to justify why you need a man to do it. If you really think a dude does a better job, and that's that, then just explain that to your b/f. Your b/f is entitled to have his views too. Or you could shop around for a woman who does as good a job. Or you could try at least. Or you could get the b/f to learn how to do it. But if you are working this minor schism too hard as a matter of principle (a la, all the posts here about hanging with opposite sex friends, etc.) then your b/f does have a point.
Author Groovy Posted June 17, 2005 Author Posted June 17, 2005 It wouldn't bother me if he wanted a massage from an attractive woman. I mean she see's 100's of people every month, big deal if she sees my boyfriend. But obviously we both have a side here, so I will try to work on it with him. I liked this guy because he was good and I had seen him in the past. He's liscensed, works at my job on campus which is convenient and I get a great discount. It wasn't because he's a guy he does better, I was looking at all the other advantages. I will see who else I can find though, or maybe ask him if he wants to choose a massage therapist for himself male or female.
Cecelius Posted June 17, 2005 Posted June 17, 2005 It's not a big issue, but in light of what some people view as intimacies related to an entirely optional activity, perhaps some inconvenience and added expense might rank behind someone else's view.
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