Kofybean Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 I've been dating a man for about 5 months .. he travels a LOT, so I think we've been out on 8 dates in that time period. He was in Italy for two weeks, and I didn't see him for a month. He came to my house last weekend, wanting to take it to the next level. He slept with me. but I just didn't feel comfortable having sex with him. On Sunday, the I love you talk started, then the marriage talk started, the "we're a couple" talk started .. and it was all one-sided. I didn't know what to say. Now, he's pushing to see me next weekend (He lives an hour away), wants to meet my Dad and kids.... just too much. I'm getting the creepy crawly panicky feeling, and I'm not sure why. He is bombarding me with texting, FB comments - when I am at work. It's making me push him away and I just feel irritated ... what does this mean? Can we get some clarification on that statement? You mean he raped you?
Author Patrice Posted June 16, 2016 Author Posted June 16, 2016 No, I just didn't want to have sex with him. He didn't push it. I'm just glad he's gone.
Grapesofwrath Posted June 17, 2016 Posted June 17, 2016 The feeling you have is him encroaching on--and crossing--your boundaries. People should have healthy boundaries, and it sounds like you do. His sound like they are not healthy, and that is a huge red flag. Tell him you need to slow things down and see what happens. If he gets upset, pouts, or does a complete 180 on you, then I think it's best to walk away from this one. It's kind to let him know why.
Grapesofwrath Posted June 17, 2016 Posted June 17, 2016 Sorry...should have read the whole thread before commenting. You got your answer.
Yookie Posted June 17, 2016 Posted June 17, 2016 After reading this thread, I just want to point out that people can and should use technology to make it easier to handle some of these awkward dating situations. Don't want to get texts at work? Let the person know that you won't be receiving text while working and put your phone on mute. You can check your phone periodically if you think other friends may be trying to reach you but do not respond to anything they send until work day is over. They will quickly stop wasting their time trying to text you when they shouldn't be. Don't want them waking you up at the wee hours of the morning? Use that lovely mute button again or check if your phone has the feature that will Auto respond to certain people to let them know you are unavailable and will call them back later. Don't want them posting on your Facebook wall? Change your settings so that you have to approve every post before it's shown. That way you can just delete this stupid posts that you don't want to show before anyone sees them. Alternatively you could add them to your restricted list which makes them unable to post anything to your wall and they also cannot see anything that you don't make public. Bottom line is you CAN control who has access to you and your information on social media. You should never feel obligated to respond to someone who is trying to monopolize your time.
scorpiogirl Posted June 17, 2016 Posted June 17, 2016 After reading this thread, I just want to point out that people can and should use technology to make it easier to handle some of these awkward dating situations. Don't want to get texts at work? Let the person know that you won't be receiving text while working and put your phone on mute. You can check your phone periodically if you think other friends may be trying to reach you but do not respond to anything they send until work day is over. They will quickly stop wasting their time trying to text you when they shouldn't be. Don't want them waking you up at the wee hours of the morning? Use that lovely mute button again or check if your phone has the feature that will Auto respond to certain people to let them know you are unavailable and will call them back later. Don't want them posting on your Facebook wall? Change your settings so that you have to approve every post before it's shown. That way you can just delete this stupid posts that you don't want to show before anyone sees them. Alternatively you could add them to your restricted list which makes them unable to post anything to your wall and they also cannot see anything that you don't make public. Bottom line is you CAN control who has access to you and your information on social media. You should never feel obligated to respond to someone who is trying to monopolize your time. Or people can respect your boundaries. I shouldn't have to sit and push a bunch of buttons or click click click to get someone to chill out. 1
LookAtThisPOst Posted June 17, 2016 Posted June 17, 2016 He slept with me. but I just didn't feel comfortable having sex with him. Going to have to stop you right there...why did you have sex with him? That was your first mistake. An example of not following your gut.
katiegrl Posted June 17, 2016 Posted June 17, 2016 Going to have to stop you right there...why did you have sex with him? That was your first mistake. An example of not following your gut. Read her post again LATP.....she said she *didn't* have sex with him. Didn't feel comfortable having sex yet.....
Yookie Posted June 17, 2016 Posted June 17, 2016 Or people can respect your boundaries. I shouldn't have to sit and push a bunch of buttons or click click click to get someone to chill out. You can't control what other people will respect. You do have some control what you will allow. In this case she was stressed out by his actions. Clicking a button may have provided some much needed relief from this guys onslaught and saved her some embarrassment on Facebook.
Cinnamonstix Posted June 17, 2016 Posted June 17, 2016 Read her post again LATP.....she said she *didn't* have sex with him. Didn't feel comfortable having sex yet..... She said she DID have sex with him, but didn't feel comfortable while they had sex.
katiegrl Posted June 17, 2016 Posted June 17, 2016 She said she DID have sex with him, but didn't feel comfortable while they had sex. Oh did she say she did have sex in another post? Sorry missed it. I was going off her post wherein she said they *slept* together but she didn't feel comfortable having sex. Which I interpreted to mean she did not have sex as she didn't feel comfortable yet. I could be wrong! OP can you clarify? Did you have sex with him?
Cinnamonstix Posted June 17, 2016 Posted June 17, 2016 Oh did she say she did have sex in another post? Sorry missed it. I was going off her post wherein she said they *slept* together but she didn't feel comfortable having sex. Which I interpreted to mean she did not have sex as she didn't feel comfortable yet. I could be wrong! OP can you clarify? Did you have sex with him? Oh you might be right. She could've meant they just slept in the same bad. Lol. So confusing.
Author Patrice Posted June 21, 2016 Author Posted June 21, 2016 No, I did not have sex with him. Just slept in the same bed for the night. I didn't feel comfortable AT ALL, then the weird behaviors started. It's fine, I haven't heard from him, and he is blocked on everything. I haven't heard from him since early May.
spiderowl Posted June 21, 2016 Posted June 21, 2016 He travels a lot and is away most of the time. Maybe he does this with all of his dates in different countries? It does seem over the top. At the very least, he has no respect for personal boundaries.
preraph Posted June 22, 2016 Posted June 22, 2016 (edited) What about this kind of behavior raises the "suspicion" meter? Anybody that desperate, has a flaw of some sort? Pushing me like that, makes me run in the other direction. I literally felt irritated and panicky all week, with the texting. And the lack of regard, for the fact that I drove 2000 miles, and my phone kept blowing up. Added, I lost my mother last Easter, and this year has been difficult already - he knew that, and knew I needed time to relax and see friends. He just couldn't control himself, I guess. You answered your own question. You're supposed to be able to control yourself. You cross the line being a creep when you no longer care how creeped out, angry, or disrespected the object of your possession is. That is the boundary, when they no longer care if you like it or not. It's all about them. It is not at ALL about you. This is his sickness. You didn't cause it or inspire it. He was already like this. Congratulations on getting out and not taking the soft exit, because that doesn't work with this type of guy. You're free. Edited June 22, 2016 by preraph 1
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